How do I tell my long term boyfriend what I like in bed?
January 16, 2011 7:51 AM Subscribe
How do I learn to be more sexually communicative/assertive about what I like?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I have been together two years. I am female and pretty much anorgasmic. Basically at the start of the relationship he would always try really hard to arouse me. But now that we've been together a while things are getting a bit routine (and not so hot for me).
But, in addition to that, I really want to start trying to figure out more things that work well to get me aroused and what doesn't and have my boyfriend implement these strategies. I have things in my head that I would like him to try (some of these things have been there for like, a year. Terrible on my end, I know) but I just can't say them. I'm worried about bruising his ego. He's a really sensitive person too so I'm worried about criticizing him. Sometimes he does things that are uncomfortable or even hurt and I just don't tell him.
Weirdly enough, I am TOO assertive/open/whatever about everything else in the relationship. It's just difficult for me to say oh move your tongue like this, or arouse me more before penetration. I'm usually fine with being anorgasmic but that's because before I felt more satisfied.
Masturbation isn't really my thing. I find it reaaaaaaallllllllly inhibitingly difficult to get aroused without a partner. And, being female, just because my bits are engorged (as just idly touching myself or a sex toy would do) doesn't mean I feel aroused mentally.
So, how do I tell my boyfriend what I want? Especially since recently I've felt I've spent a lot of time pleasuring him, we have sex (which sometimes hurts but I don't want to make him feel bad), then he falls asleep. We recently moved in together and living together sex is much different than what we used to do, which generally had at least an hour of foreplay. I kinda feel like he's given up on me coming which is fine to me but I feel like it means to him, well no point in getting her super worked up or anything for no good reason, when I quite like being super worked up.