Wedding Officiant for Atheists
October 5, 2010 12:54 PM Subscribe
What options do we have for a wedding officiant in Chicago?
We're planning a really small wedding cocktail party next fall. We'd like to do something to mark the occasion with our families and friends and expect to have a ring/vow exchange. However, the groom is not remotely religious and the setting will not be solemn. Therefore, we are unsure what options we have for an officiant. We don't a ceremony lasting more than 10-15 minutes.
Short list of venues are Prairie Productions, Salvage One and Atrium Events. It will be a cocktail party without all the wedding trappings (no attendants, no bouquet-tossing, no first dance). We do want to exchange rings and mark the marriage at the reception, but we don't want a complicated ceremony.
We really don't want much more than a 5-10 minute declaration, exchange of rings and someone to sign the form to make it real, but we do want to do all that at the event, with our friends and family around us. We don't want to go to the courthouse and then just have a party. We're in our 40's and perfectly comfortable with the fact that he is atheist and occasionally hostile toward organized religion and that she is uninterested in organized religion and generally okay with vague conceptions of faith, but hostile toward new age philosophies.
What are our options? Are we best off just getting married and then preparing some sort of vows and officiating ourselves? Would it be totally bizarre to have a non-ordained friend handle the ceremony, even though he or she would not be authorized to solemnize and file the certificate?
Unfortunately we don't know any judges or "public officials whose powers include solemnizing marriages" well enough to ask them! We have looked through the lists at theknot.com, but that list is rather limited.
Short list of venues are Prairie Productions, Salvage One and Atrium Events. It will be a cocktail party without all the wedding trappings (no attendants, no bouquet-tossing, no first dance). We do want to exchange rings and mark the marriage at the reception, but we don't want a complicated ceremony.
We really don't want much more than a 5-10 minute declaration, exchange of rings and someone to sign the form to make it real, but we do want to do all that at the event, with our friends and family around us. We don't want to go to the courthouse and then just have a party. We're in our 40's and perfectly comfortable with the fact that he is atheist and occasionally hostile toward organized religion and that she is uninterested in organized religion and generally okay with vague conceptions of faith, but hostile toward new age philosophies.
What are our options? Are we best off just getting married and then preparing some sort of vows and officiating ourselves? Would it be totally bizarre to have a non-ordained friend handle the ceremony, even though he or she would not be authorized to solemnize and file the certificate?
Unfortunately we don't know any judges or "public officials whose powers include solemnizing marriages" well enough to ask them! We have looked through the lists at theknot.com, but that list is rather limited.
Would it be totally bizarre to have a non-ordained friend handle the ceremony, even though he or she would not be authorized to solemnize and file the certificate?
No, this would not be bizarre. There are plenty of officiants for hire on wedding sites, e.g. this one. Many are non-denominational. We just chose one based on (1) their speaking ability and charisma and (2) the fact that they were older and "elder" looking enough to lend solemnity to the proceedings. Officiants usually book in hour long blocks but you can probably come to some arrangement on the price due to the short ceremony.
You can do all the courthouse stuff later to make it legit.
posted by benzenedream at 1:02 PM on October 5, 2010 [1 favorite]
No, this would not be bizarre. There are plenty of officiants for hire on wedding sites, e.g. this one. Many are non-denominational. We just chose one based on (1) their speaking ability and charisma and (2) the fact that they were older and "elder" looking enough to lend solemnity to the proceedings. Officiants usually book in hour long blocks but you can probably come to some arrangement on the price due to the short ceremony.
You can do all the courthouse stuff later to make it legit.
posted by benzenedream at 1:02 PM on October 5, 2010 [1 favorite]
Would it be totally bizarre to have a non-ordained friend handle the ceremony, even though he or she would not be authorized to solemnize and file the certificate?That's exactly how I got started. Some friends wanted me to perform their wedding; I didn't have any intention for it to morph into something else.
I did have to get "ordained" in an online church, and DC's officiant registration procedures are byzantine, but that's pretty much how it happened, and I've ushered a dozen or so others through the process.
You'll need to check your local regulations, as they vary widely among jurisdictions. Don't follow the advice of anyone who's not registered to officiate in Chicago (hey, including me, I guess).
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:02 PM on October 5, 2010 [1 favorite]
What's wrong with looking up a Justice of the Peace in the phonebook? That's what my partner and I did. The man asked us a few questions about what we wanted in our service (also whether we wanted a religious slant to it or not) and we had a lovely, short service!
posted by Hanuman1960 at 1:02 PM on October 5, 2010
posted by Hanuman1960 at 1:02 PM on October 5, 2010
second paragraph that i accidentally deleted:
he met with us in advance, we told him what we wanted, and on the day-of, he wore his black robe, came to the ceremony, did his thing, collected his $150, took off. I don't remember how we found him because the Internet barely existed 16 yrs ago :-) We were also married in Chicago, btw.
posted by ChefJoAnna at 1:04 PM on October 5, 2010
he met with us in advance, we told him what we wanted, and on the day-of, he wore his black robe, came to the ceremony, did his thing, collected his $150, took off. I don't remember how we found him because the Internet barely existed 16 yrs ago :-) We were also married in Chicago, btw.
posted by ChefJoAnna at 1:04 PM on October 5, 2010
Would it be totally bizarre to have a non-ordained friend handle the ceremony, even though he or she would not be authorized to solemnize and file the certificate?
Why would it be bizarre? How would anyone know? Why would they care?
Another option would be for a friend to become ordained through the ULC. This should be legal according to the officiant laws I can find for Illinois:
posted by muddgirl at 1:05 PM on October 5, 2010
Why would it be bizarre? How would anyone know? Why would they care?
Another option would be for a friend to become ordained through the ULC. This should be legal according to the officiant laws I can find for Illinois:
To be valid, a marriage must be performed by one of the following individuals:I suppose your fiance might object even to this, though.
* a judge of a court of record or a retired judge of a court of record;
* a judge of the Court of Claims;
* the county clerk in counties having 2 million or more inhabitants (Cook County);
* a public official whose powers include solemnizing marriages; or
* an officiant performing the marriage in accordance with the principles of any religious denomination, Indian nation or tribe or native group provided that when such principles require an officiant, the officiant be in good standing with his religious denomination, Indian nation or tribe or native group.
More than one officiant can perform the marriage. Officiants do not have to reside in Illinois.
posted by muddgirl at 1:05 PM on October 5, 2010
Oh, wait, I guess I misread--you're asking about going through the motions with your friend, but doing the legal stuff at the courthouse, right? I've helped several couples do that, too, helped them with the paperwork, but didn't even go to the actual wedding. My brother got married that way, himself. Happens all the time.
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:05 PM on October 5, 2010
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:05 PM on October 5, 2010
Do not assume ULC is recognized by your jurisdiction; it is expressly not in DC.
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:06 PM on October 5, 2010
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:06 PM on October 5, 2010
You can have a friend officiate and file the certificate if he/she takes a relatively easy online class. A friend of mine did this exact thing in Chicago recently for a couple in a similar situation.
If you are interested in the online class that he used, shoot me a message and I'll ask him.
posted by dgc at 1:07 PM on October 5, 2010
If you are interested in the online class that he used, shoot me a message and I'll ask him.
posted by dgc at 1:07 PM on October 5, 2010
That's good to know, dgc - if your friend doesn't mind, could you post the details here for other people who are seeking a secular wedding ceremony in the Chicago area?
posted by muddgirl at 1:08 PM on October 5, 2010
posted by muddgirl at 1:08 PM on October 5, 2010
My friend married two good friends of his here in Chicago by doing an online church thing like MrMoonPie mentions. I don't know all the details - but I do know it was relatively easy and he was able to "officiate" the ceremony in Illinois fairly easily.
A lot of the organizations to do this online called themselves churches, but I know that whichever one he used was, I believe, completely non-spiritual. If you have any questions, let me know if you're interested or need more info and I can get the details.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:09 PM on October 5, 2010
A lot of the organizations to do this online called themselves churches, but I know that whichever one he used was, I believe, completely non-spiritual. If you have any questions, let me know if you're interested or need more info and I can get the details.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:09 PM on October 5, 2010
Do not assume ULC is recognized by your jurisdiction; it is expressly not in DC.
No one has to assume - it's right here:
No one has to assume - it's right here:
* an officiant performing the marriage in accordance with the principles of any religious denomination, Indian nation or tribe or native group provided that when such principles require an officiant, the officiant be in good standing with his religious denomination, Indian nation or tribe or native group.posted by muddgirl at 1:10 PM on October 5, 2010
What you're likely looking for then is a Celebrant. Someone who will mold the ceremony to your beliefs or non-beliefs.
Here's a list of some in your area that you can contact.
posted by inturnaround at 1:13 PM on October 5, 2010
Here's a list of some in your area that you can contact.
posted by inturnaround at 1:13 PM on October 5, 2010
If a friend or whomever is going the ULC (or similar) ordination route please be aware that in many states the "officiant be in good standing" means a notarized document provided by the church/ministry etc in addition to filing your ordination papers with the county clerk. That can take several days in addition to snail mail each direction. Dont wait til the last minute. Start AT LEAST two-three weeks beforehand.
I've performed a marriage ceremony with my ULC ordination that was totally non-religious and lasted a record 3 minutes. The rabid atheists present didnt complain.
posted by elendil71 at 1:51 PM on October 5, 2010
I've performed a marriage ceremony with my ULC ordination that was totally non-religious and lasted a record 3 minutes. The rabid atheists present didnt complain.
posted by elendil71 at 1:51 PM on October 5, 2010
I had a small wedding and my husband is also pretty atheist so we just found an officiant on-line who had a variety of different ceremonies to choose from (religious and non). The service was a little longer than what you're talking about but I'm sure you could always ask them to make it shorter. We really liked her and she did a great job (and not very expensive either!) I'd recommend her but she wasn't in your area.
Another great thing was she handled all of the filing and everything as well.
posted by trinkatot at 1:59 PM on October 5, 2010
Another great thing was she handled all of the filing and everything as well.
posted by trinkatot at 1:59 PM on October 5, 2010
I don't know what they are for Chicago, but there are (likely/possibly) rules as to what phrase(s) need to be spoken and documents that need to be signed to officially marry a couple. Everything else? You can write yourself so long as you have a judge/ULC ordained officiant who will use a ceremony written by you and your fiance.
I know it's not Chicago, but my husband and I wrote our entire ceremony which took place in Canada. We found out what things were required by law to be said and made sure to include those. The ceremony lasted literally 5 minutes, and we mentioned not even one deity. Our vows even included the question "In the presence of these people here staring at you, do you take as your husband/wife, forever and ever, until you die to death?" We also had no readings.
posted by kirstk at 2:07 PM on October 5, 2010
I know it's not Chicago, but my husband and I wrote our entire ceremony which took place in Canada. We found out what things were required by law to be said and made sure to include those. The ceremony lasted literally 5 minutes, and we mentioned not even one deity. Our vows even included the question "In the presence of these people here staring at you, do you take
posted by kirstk at 2:07 PM on October 5, 2010
You could get a leader from the Ethical Humanist Society of Chicago.
posted by sulaine at 2:38 PM on October 5, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by sulaine at 2:38 PM on October 5, 2010 [1 favorite]
I was just coming in to say what sulaine did--we got married by an officiant from the Ethical Society in St. Louis. They are a secular humanist organization. We met with our officiant in advance and she basically had a bunch of different options for what we could say, and we picked the ones we liked. I don't remember how long the ceremony was, but it was pretty short and to the point.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 4:07 PM on October 5, 2010
posted by DiscourseMarker at 4:07 PM on October 5, 2010
My husband's & my wedding was exactly what you describe: a trappingsless cocktail party that happened to include us getting married. I felt that the best way to emphasize and honor the magnitude of the decision we were making was to remove the authority of any third party entirely, so we led our own ceremony and married ourselves to each other.
A friend who already owned a ULC certificate generously offered to sign the papers for us, but that was all the involvement he had, or that the state (Oregon, in our case) required. A quick Google search seems to indicate that there's nothing preventing you from doing your ceremony this way, which may save you from having to figure out who you would be comfortable inviting into one of the most important and intimate discussions of your life. A stranger? The best friend who set you up but who happens to get stage fright? Separating the "officiant" from the duty of actually conducting the ceremony can free you up to choose the person whose acknowledgement of your marriage would mean the most to you, or just the most convenient person!
posted by hyperfascinated at 5:04 PM on October 5, 2010
A friend who already owned a ULC certificate generously offered to sign the papers for us, but that was all the involvement he had, or that the state (Oregon, in our case) required. A quick Google search seems to indicate that there's nothing preventing you from doing your ceremony this way, which may save you from having to figure out who you would be comfortable inviting into one of the most important and intimate discussions of your life. A stranger? The best friend who set you up but who happens to get stage fright? Separating the "officiant" from the duty of actually conducting the ceremony can free you up to choose the person whose acknowledgement of your marriage would mean the most to you, or just the most convenient person!
posted by hyperfascinated at 5:04 PM on October 5, 2010
Chiming in to nth that nothing about your plans is bizarre. Once you decide whether you'd like to hire a third party, have a friend become ordained, or do the courthouse-then-nonlegal-but-lovely-ceremony/party, it's all cool! It will be very intimate. We're also in our 40s and are having a cocktail party with a brief wedding ceremony in December. We're in Maryland and a friend is officiating after having been ordained via the ULC.
Don't buy into the Wedding Industrial Complex (which sites and publications like The Knot are in business to perpetuate). This is your day, and however you envision it as perfect for you two, that's exactly how it should be.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 5:12 AM on October 6, 2010
Don't buy into the Wedding Industrial Complex (which sites and publications like The Knot are in business to perpetuate). This is your day, and however you envision it as perfect for you two, that's exactly how it should be.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 5:12 AM on October 6, 2010
Following up with my earlier answer, here is some useful information for performing a wedding in Chicago (Cook County):
Getting Ordained
The option that my friend used was the Universal Life Church (ULC). Apparently it is free and quick --- all you need to do is fill out your address and general information. However, after your ordination, you will need a few documents that prove to the Clerk of Court that you are in good standing with the ULC. These documents are the ordination certificate ($6.99) and the letter of good standing ($18.00), which take a few weeks to receive in the mail.
The ULC's website
The ULC's Wikipedia Page
Marriage License
Up to 60 days before the wedding, the couple getting married needs to fill out a marriage license application with the Clerk of Court. After the wedding, the officiant has 10 days to drop off the completed marriage license to the Clerk of Court.
Additional Cook County Information
Additional Illinois Information
Best of luck!
posted by dgc at 8:01 AM on October 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Getting Ordained
The option that my friend used was the Universal Life Church (ULC). Apparently it is free and quick --- all you need to do is fill out your address and general information. However, after your ordination, you will need a few documents that prove to the Clerk of Court that you are in good standing with the ULC. These documents are the ordination certificate ($6.99) and the letter of good standing ($18.00), which take a few weeks to receive in the mail.
The ULC's website
The ULC's Wikipedia Page
Marriage License
Up to 60 days before the wedding, the couple getting married needs to fill out a marriage license application with the Clerk of Court. After the wedding, the officiant has 10 days to drop off the completed marriage license to the Clerk of Court.
Additional Cook County Information
Additional Illinois Information
Best of luck!
posted by dgc at 8:01 AM on October 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
We found ours through our local Humanist Association.
posted by heatherann at 5:31 AM on October 7, 2010
posted by heatherann at 5:31 AM on October 7, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ChefJoAnna at 12:58 PM on October 5, 2010