BUILD PRISONS ON THE MOON
October 4, 2010 3:44 PM   Subscribe

I need ridiculous protest sign ideas! Westboro Baptist Church (the "God Hates Fags" people) are protesting outside of a local high school tomorrow morning. I've organized an absurdist counter-protest, in the vein of the ones staged at Comic-Con and Twitter (more). Give us your most LOL-tastic slogan ideas!
posted by ixohoxi to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (80 answers total) 21 users marked this as a favorite
 
God hates Leno
posted by found missing at 3:58 PM on October 4, 2010


Previously and previously.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 3:59 PM on October 4, 2010


GOD HATES TRANSFATS!
GOD HATES PASTA E FAGIOLI!
GOD HATES PROTESTS!
GOD HATES SIGNS!
posted by jeoc at 4:04 PM on October 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


IN SOVIET RUSSIA
YOU HATE GOD
posted by The White Hat at 4:05 PM on October 4, 2010 [15 favorites]


Here are some random ideas:

I am the walrus!

Your fly is unzipped.

2 4 6 8!

God hates flags

God hates fags but apparently is powerless to do anything about it

God likes lads

Dog hates cats

God hates fagots (play the oboe instead)

God is a big meanie

SOCKS SHOULD MATCH THE PANTS, NOT THE SHOES!

That's all I've got for now.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:09 PM on October 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


GOD HATES HATE
posted by Postroad at 4:11 PM on October 4, 2010 [24 favorites]


Best answer: Of course,

I HAVE A SIGN

is an absolute classic, and needs to be included in any ironic counterprotest.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:11 PM on October 4, 2010 [19 favorites]


I HATE MAYONNAISE!

WELCOME TO THE KU KLUX KLOWNS.
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:14 PM on October 4, 2010


Best answer: WHO WANTS PIE
posted by JohnFredra at 4:15 PM on October 4, 2010


HATERS GONNA HATE

on one side and on the other

GOD HATES HATERS
posted by saul wright at 4:16 PM on October 4, 2010


Their current schtick is parodies of pop songs. Something like "God Hates Copyright Infringement" might be fun. Among the craziest covers our Lennon's Imagine and Guthrie's This Land is Your Land.
posted by hworth at 4:18 PM on October 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


Get a
BRAIN!
MORANS
posted by christopherious at 4:19 PM on October 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BAPTIST
SERIOUS BUSINESS
LEGALIZE MARRIAGE
PAY NO ATTENTION
NOTHING TO SEE HERE
MOVE ALONG
posted by flabdablet at 4:28 PM on October 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


BIG SALE AT
BULK SIGN OUTLET
posted by chairface at 4:28 PM on October 4, 2010 [7 favorites]


EAT MOR CHIKIN
DON'T FORGET TO DRINK YOUR OVALTINE
LARGE SIGNS DEMONSTRATE MY OPINION WITHOUT YELLING
I AM NEUTRAL ON THE MATTER AT HAND
DO SOMETHING OR NOT
9 x 6 = 42
posted by Mister Fabulous at 4:35 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


HAS ANYONE SEEN AN OLIVE GREEN 1998 TOYOTA TERCEL
posted by Sticherbeast at 4:36 PM on October 4, 2010 [12 favorites]


"God hates clams"

"Rotate your tires"
posted by schrodycat at 4:36 PM on October 4, 2010


Maybe not LOL-tastic, but there's nothing more entertaining than fucking with someone who cares...I like to fight fire with fire:


Matthew 6:5
The hypocrites ... love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men.


John 8:7
Let he who has never sinned cast the first stone

1 Corinthians 13
So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love

(And I like the bassoon joke, Salvor Hardin. Oboes rock!)
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 4:37 PM on October 4, 2010 [11 favorites]


Best answer: Two of my favorites:

THIS SIGN IS HEAVY

and

I WAS PROMISED DONUTS
posted by AzraelBrown at 4:37 PM on October 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


Best answer: LOOKING AT THIS SIGN TURNS YOU GAY
posted by Sticherbeast at 4:40 PM on October 4, 2010 [21 favorites]


ASK ME ABOUT AMWAY
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:40 PM on October 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


Fags love Westboro Baptists!

Fags want to kiss you

Kiss a fag for Christ
posted by mareli at 4:51 PM on October 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


How much are they paying you to stand there with your sign?

(I got asked that at a Joe Wilson Town Hall Meeting)
posted by mareli at 4:52 PM on October 4, 2010


"God hates fags but apparently is powerless to do anything about it" via Salvor Hardin is absolute genius.

I liked one shown in the Comic Con video that read, "IS THIS THING ON?"

Personal suggestions -

GOD HATES FAX

BRAINS! (held by a zombie, of course)

THIS AIN'T NO DISCO!

I'M REALLY DRUNK!

CERTIFIED PROTESTER (with an arrow pointing down)

I'M WITH STUPID (with an arrow pointing left or right)

HELL IS FULL. PLEASE TAKE A NUMBER.

FRED PHELPS NEEDS A HUG.

WATERMELON!
posted by Pecinpah at 4:56 PM on October 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


FAGS CREATED GOD
FRED PHELPS, MAN LOVE WARRIOR
I'M INBRED TOO
posted by nj_subgenius at 5:00 PM on October 4, 2010


EAT A GAY FETUS FOR JESUS
posted by pecanpies at 5:08 PM on October 4, 2010


YOUR HATE SMELLS LIKE ASS VICTORY
PIZZA IS BETTER THAN GOD
FISH IN MY PANTS: FREE WESTBORO SLAVES
posted by nj_subgenius at 5:09 PM on October 4, 2010


Best answer: (Holding large sign over head)

MY ARMS ARE TIRED
posted by donovan at 5:12 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING!
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 5:16 PM on October 4, 2010


GOD HATES FIGS!
posted by Alt F4 at 5:22 PM on October 4, 2010


(prior art on the figs)
posted by Alt F4 at 5:23 PM on October 4, 2010


THE DUKE'S NAME WAS MARION
posted by Bigfoot Mandala at 5:25 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


FOR THE HORDE
posted by baf at 5:37 PM on October 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


I tend to think that anything from Invader Zim would work. For example,

"YOUR HEAD SMELLS LIKE A PUPPY"

"YOUR INTELLIGENCE IS STUPID"

"THE PANTS COMMAND ME."

and, my personal favorite, "WE ARE THE RESISTY" (note: you might want to wear a button that says "Pirate Monkeys" with this one.)

Please do post pictures!
posted by miss-lapin at 5:39 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Get an older marker that is drying a bit and write

I NEED A NEW MARKER

On your sign
posted by MustardTent at 5:39 PM on October 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


GOD HATES YOUR ROBOT BEE
posted by bakerina at 5:44 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


FRED PHELPS NEEDS A LOVING HUSBAND
posted by elsietheeel at 5:48 PM on October 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


HONK IF YOU DRIVE A CAR
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 6:10 PM on October 4, 2010


For absurdist counter-protest, I'm fond of

GOOGLE RuPAUL
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 6:10 PM on October 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


Where are my keys?
I love you, man.
I hate eukaryotes.
Was Jesus diploid or haploid?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I do not like green eggs and ham
How much is that doggy in the window?
Who farted?
$20, just like in town.
This sign comes in four different colorways.
Ay, macarena.
Freebird!
Line starts here
It's not you, it's me. I just don't like you.
I like you, I'm just not in like with you.
Purple monkey dishwasher
Does this sign make my ass look fat?
Judas was framed
Resistance is futile.
Double rainbow!
I went to [insert name of location] and all I got was this stupid sign.
Time to make the donuts.
Are we there yet?
posted by sciencegeek at 6:14 PM on October 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


My new favorite:

Militant Agnostic:
I don't know, and you don't either!

I saw it on metafilter somewhere but liked the bumper sticker too.
posted by patheral at 6:16 PM on October 4, 2010


METHINKS THOU DOST PROTEST TOO MUCH!
(In other words: Call me Westboro Baptist Church. You're gay.)
posted by Surinam Toad at 6:32 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


DON'T BATTER BABIES-
FRY THEM IN BREAD CRUMBS INSTEAD!

THE CAKE IS A LIE!

Ceci n'est pas une pipe (below a picture of Jesus)

GAY ZIONISM NOW!
SODOM FOR SODOMITES!
posted by KingEdRa at 6:37 PM on October 4, 2010


God hates Frags.
posted by schyler523 at 6:47 PM on October 4, 2010


If I ever get a chance to go, mine will say GOD HATES GAFFES
posted by raisingsand at 6:48 PM on October 4, 2010


Overheard in the line waiting for admittance to Jerry Springer The Opera, I submit:

SPICY MAYONAISE IS AN ODD DIPPING SAUCE
posted by desl at 6:58 PM on October 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


For He IS the Kwisazt Haderach, Bitches!
posted by dragonplayer at 6:59 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


LOST CAT
REWARD $50
CALL (785) ___-____


Note that Fred Phelps' cell number seems to be available online.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:05 PM on October 4, 2010


Best answer: I really want to go (so jealous!) and just carry a sign that says I HAVE EXCEPTIONAL RECIPES.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 7:07 PM on October 4, 2010


And the pig...it is unclean for you. 8 You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you. Leviticus 11:7-8

God hates football!

But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water—you are to detest. Leviticus 11:11

God hates shellfish!

And then he changed his mind. See: "Acts of the Apostles"

You'd probably have to paraphrase, use both sides, pick just one, use it as a series of signs with some friends, or something. I like that it uses the actual words of the bible rather than forcing the people reading the sign to take your word for it.

Or maybe something like:

God hated fags

And then he changed his mind around 75 A.D. Acts 1-14

I'm basing most of this on this article from this mefi post.
posted by VTX at 7:09 PM on October 4, 2010


NINJAS > PIRATES
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:16 PM on October 4, 2010


From XKCD - THINGS ARE PRETTY OK, and ANYONE FOR SCRABBLE LATER?

SO. DO YOU LIKE... STUFF?

TO THE DRIVER OF THE WHITE COROLLA, LICENCE No. APA537: YOUR LIGHTS ARE ON.

ROBOT WANTS KITTY
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:24 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best answer: CAUTION! This sign has sharp edges.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY.
posted by wansac at 7:36 PM on October 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


Wish I could be more helpful here, but a quick thought is to find the names & dates of all the anti-gay preachers & evangelists who have been outed, then:
name 1 -- Outed 199x
name 2 -- Outed 200x
name 3 -- Outed 2009
Fred Phelps in 2012!
posted by Lukenlogs at 8:04 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


King Kong died for our sins!
posted by Midnight Skulker at 8:21 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


FRANKIE SAY RELAX
posted by MegoSteve at 8:41 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Second idea: Get a bunch of people together and go in on a spoiler sign festival:

ROSEBUD WAS THE SLED
VADER IS LUKE FATHER
TYLER DURDEN WASN'T REAL

And maybe for good measure:

AVATAR IS AWFUL
posted by chairface at 9:00 PM on October 4, 2010 [1 favorite]




MALE ESCORT SERVICE
CALL: FRED PHELPS AT 785....
posted by InterestedInKnowing at 9:33 PM on October 4, 2010


Best answer: GOD SEES ME ROLLIN'
posted by signalnine at 9:55 PM on October 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


I like this one from the recent anti-pope demonstration in London: IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR BELIEFS BEING LAUGHED AT, THEN DON'T HAVE SUCH FUNNY BELIEFS
posted by hot soup girl at 10:03 PM on October 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


Probably too short of a notice, but it would be great if counter-protesters tried to make their signs in the same garish stripey style as the actual protesters' and picked phrases which were just shy of the real deal, like "GOD BLEW UP HELL", "HATE DOOM HATE", "THANK GOD FOR THE FLU", "USA = AMERICA NATION", etc.

Then stood nearby and just drowned them out in the visual noise.
posted by Durhey at 10:30 PM on October 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


LOST MARBLES
REWARD $50
CALL (785) ___-____

Note, as Ricochet Biscuit points out, that Fred Phelps' cell number seems to be available online.

Also:

GOD HATES FANGS [insert picture of Taz or similar]

And my all time personal favorite:

GOD HATES FIGS
Matthew 21:18-22
Mark 11:12-25
posted by MuffinMan at 12:29 AM on October 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


GOD HATES FAGS, ESPECIALLY MARLBOROS ...wait, God's British, right?

HATERS GONNA HATE, SIGN-HOLDERS GONNA CELEBRATE!

How 'bout a series of hackneyed pop culture references?

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? (Subsequent signs: WHO? WHO? WHO?)
WHERE'S THE BEEF?
WHATCHO TALKING BOUT WILLIS?
DID I DO THAT?
HOW MANY LICKS *DOES* IT TAKE?
WHERE'S WALDO?
THEY'RE REAL AND THEY'RE SPECTACULAR
FREE WINONA/PARIS/LINDSEY ETC
PLUTO: NEVER FORGET
GOD: NOW WITH 68% LESS HATE
posted by Bella Sebastian at 12:47 AM on October 5, 2010


The best parody is one that leaves people scratching their heads as to whether it's a parody or not.

So how about "GOD HATES US"? Or "GOD HATES FAG NABLERS"?
posted by Mike1024 at 2:21 AM on October 5, 2010


SHAG DAFT EGOS
HEAT FAGS DOGS
FEDS SHAG GOAT
FAT ASS HOGGED
posted by flabdablet at 3:10 AM on October 5, 2010


Carry a Tea Party sign and stand right to the Westboro goons when TV cameras are around.
posted by LarryC at 3:32 AM on October 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


GOLF SALE!
GOLF SALE!
GOLF SALE!
---------->
posted by jonesor at 5:37 AM on October 5, 2010


IT WON'T HEAL IF YOU PICKET
posted by flabdablet at 5:50 AM on October 5, 2010 [5 favorites]


I especially like the the idea of slightly random, left field ones which leave some confusion and (hopefully) puncture some of the hate...
What if the hokey cokey IS what it's all about?
Preserve Wildlife
Is this seat taken?
Smile, you're on candid camera
Seasons of mist and mellow fruitfulness
Do you come here often?
That is SO your colour
Everytime I lay an egg I think of you

etc
posted by Marzipan at 6:11 AM on October 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


(Phone Number)
Call me, Freddie!!
posted by motsque at 6:47 AM on October 5, 2010


Best answer: MILK
DOZ. EGSS
LOAF BREAD
SYRUP


(who doesn't like French toast?!)
posted by wenestvedt at 8:55 AM on October 5, 2010


GOD HATES FRED PHELPS
posted by Ouisch at 9:50 AM on October 5, 2010


Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Amen.

THIS IS SERIOUS!

TUO EDIS SIHT

GOD HATES SLOGANS

COD HATE NETS
posted by genesta at 10:58 AM on October 5, 2010


God hates that not-so-fresh feeling
posted by found missing at 2:32 PM on October 5, 2010


EARTH HAS 4 CORNER
SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY
TIME CUBE
posted by Zaximus at 2:38 PM on October 5, 2010


Make it all official looking like we did when he came to SF. Use the Westboro Baptist Sign generator
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 3:34 PM on October 5, 2010


Response by poster: Awesome, guys—thank you! I used several of these.

Here are the photos (you have to be logged into Facebook to see them).

A good video overview of the counter-protest, and the awesomest biker dudes ever.
posted by ixohoxi at 3:45 PM on October 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Sometimes I sits and I thinks, and sometimes I just sits"
posted by jasondigitized at 5:07 PM on October 5, 2010


so how went the protest? Those people are evil
posted by patnok at 5:32 PM on October 5, 2010


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