Westboro: what the radical christian right logically leads to

September 24, 2009 9:58 AM

The homophobic looney tunes are protesting this weekend. What's the funniest sign I could possible have?

The Westboro church, those of the God Hates Gay People signs, are coming to protest down the street from my house. In the past, I've seen hilarious signs that people have mocked them with. What is the funniest possible sign I could carry? Links to previous signs encouraged.

Note: I am not interested in ignoring them or trying to reason with them. I totally want to mock them.

posted by history is a weapon to society & culture (95 comments total)

I've always been a fan of "God Hates Figs."
posted by arcticwoman at 9:58 AM on September 24, 2009 [7 favorites]

Mary was a single unwed mother.
posted by sio42 at 9:59 AM on September 24, 2009

God Hates Shrimp. They've got a website and everything.
posted by adipocere at 10:01 AM on September 24, 2009

You can't go wrong with GOD HATES SHRIMP.
posted by cmonkey at 10:01 AM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Cthulhu hates chordates
posted by canine epigram at 10:06 AM on September 24, 2009

As a Christian who is completely disgusted by people running around saying that God flat out hates people, I always thought it would be amazing for someone to make a "God hates people who say God hates fags."

Unfortunately, it's a bit long to be witty, and I'm not sure if waving that sign would make me a giant hypocrite.

Maybe "Every time you say God hates someone, an angel looses its wings"?
posted by niles at 10:06 AM on September 24, 2009 [5 favorites]

JESUS LOVES YOU; EVERYBODY ELSE THINKS YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 10:07 AM on September 24, 2009 [29 favorites]

My favorite from this gallery of amusing protest signs.
posted by jamaro at 10:08 AM on September 24, 2009 [15 favorites]

God hates hate.
posted by The Deej at 10:09 AM on September 24, 2009 [23 favorites]

Maybe "Every time you say God hates someone, an angel looses its wings"?

Made me think of Sarah Silverman... totally tasteless, but "Every time you [something], God gives an angel AIDS."

I said it was tasteless, I'm sorry.
posted by arcticwoman at 10:09 AM on September 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

2nding Guy_Inamonkeysuit
posted by kthxbi at 10:10 AM on September 24, 2009

Maybe it's not as funny as others, but it's true nonetheless that GOD CREATES FAGS.
posted by katillathehun at 10:10 AM on September 24, 2009 [16 favorites]

Dress up like an off-duty Miami crossdresser and carry a sign that says, "Freedom," a la Arrested Development?
posted by oinopaponton at 10:10 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

GOD HATES SIGNS.

HOMOSEXUALS ARE GAY.
posted by ericb at 10:13 AM on September 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

I've always liked the "These people don't know what they're talking about" or "These people are crazy" style of sign (e.g.).
posted by LolaGeek at 10:13 AM on September 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

MATTHEW SHEPARD DIED FOR YOUR SINS
posted by hermitosis at 10:14 AM on September 24, 2009 [8 favorites]

I HATE PROTESTERS
posted by arcticwoman at 10:15 AM on September 24, 2009

I Shaved My Balls for This!?
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:16 AM on September 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

PROJECT RUNWAY IS PRETTY POPULAR
posted by Skot at 10:18 AM on September 24, 2009 [8 favorites]

GAYS LOVE YOU.

REALLY, REALLY LOVE YOU.

JUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE.
posted by adamrice at 10:18 AM on September 24, 2009

"God is Pretend!"
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 10:19 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

1 John 4:20

(If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?)
posted by The World Famous at 10:21 AM on September 24, 2009 [67 favorites]

Engaging them at this level, IMO, won't accomplish anything- they're angling for confrontation, which generates more publicity. The best thing to do in my book would be to get a Planned Parenthood t-shirt, bake some cookies, and start handing them out to the protesters (the cookies, not the t-shirt- wear that). Be incredibly nice to a fault, but not obsequious. Don't engage them in debate, just offer cookies.

You'll do far more to knock them off their guard than you would by carrying a sign.

The editorializing in your title is really unnecessary
posted by mkultra at 10:24 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

"I DON'T KNOW WHY WE'RE YELLING"
"BAN DIVORCE"
"GOD HATES SHRIMP"
"BAN CHRISTMAS"
"MY PANTS ARE TIGHT"
"DELTA BURKE LOOKED BETTER AS A BLONDE"
"HELP: FAT"
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:26 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

"Pay down your credit card debt"
posted by KokuRyu at 10:29 AM on September 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

YOU
NEED
P(rofessional) HELP S(oon)

I imagine it'd be all in the formatting.
posted by kittyprecious at 10:30 AM on September 24, 2009

IT'S ADAM AND FRED PHELPS.
posted by box at 10:30 AM on September 24, 2009

"Jesus had 2 Dads"
posted by KokuRyu at 10:31 AM on September 24, 2009 [78 favorites]

Don't engage them in debate, just offer cookies.

Uh, sorry, no. These people are insane.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:32 AM on September 24, 2009 [7 favorites]

"JESUS HAS BETTER THINGS TO DO"
posted by kittyprecious at 10:33 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

PAUL WAS GAY
posted by jbickers at 10:36 AM on September 24, 2009

I like this sign.
posted by special-k at 10:37 AM on September 24, 2009 [5 favorites]

GOD HATES HATE
posted by philip-random at 10:38 AM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

some riff on.. YO WESTBORO IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT __[idk, whatever you want here]__ WAS THE WORST HATE GROUP OF ALL TIME
posted by citron at 10:39 AM on September 24, 2009 [10 favorites]

I don't know how much you've read up on Fred Phelps's bizarre biography, but: "HEY, REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE FOR CIVIL RIGHTS?"
posted by kittyprecious at 10:45 AM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

I LOWERED MY CHOLESTEROL

or

SO WHO IS STEVE SUPPOSED TO MARRY, THEN?
posted by The World Famous at 10:46 AM on September 24, 2009 [5 favorites]

OAK TAG AND MARKERS $2

Donate proceeds to worthy outreach program etc
posted by poppo at 10:49 AM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

yo westboro, imma let you finish but m night shamaylan made the best "signs" of all time. of all time!
posted by mlo at 10:54 AM on September 24, 2009

I've always wanted to show up at a protest with a sign reading WHERE'S MY BURRITO?
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:57 AM on September 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

This sign is making my arms tired
posted by sacrifix at 10:57 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

"Jesus had 2 Dads"

My favorite!
posted by torquemaniac at 10:59 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

THE LAST SUPPER WAS A SAUSAGE FEST
posted by The Straightener at 11:05 AM on September 24, 2009 [7 favorites]

We did a counter protest here when they came to my university, both times.

We took every single ethnic minority we could find and gave them signs that said "God hates X" where X was their own racial group. Some random people here and there had signs that said "Your words don't hurt."

The second time they came, we surrounded them in a sort of hand-holding sway, and sang songs about love and peace...quite loudly. That and we also had people on the ground near them praying/meditating. They were not amused.
posted by TomMelee at 11:10 AM on September 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

GOD LOVES YOU!
some restrictions may apply
posted by hortense at 11:10 AM on September 24, 2009 [9 favorites]

(Well, it's not exactly mocking them, but it does sort of rise above their level of discourse...) At some point I saw a guy with a sign that said
"GOD LOVES FAGS. GOD EVEN LOVES FRED PHELPS"
posted by BundleOfHers at 11:13 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

BREATHE IF YOU SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 11:13 AM on September 24, 2009 [33 favorites]

At a peace demonstration in Los Angeles, right before the Iraq war began, Two guys had a banner that read "SADDAM=PANCAKES."

I think that message is as poignant in this context as it was then. The people must never forget.
posted by reverend cuttle at 11:20 AM on September 24, 2009

8th Grade Reading Level!
posted by Askr at 11:22 AM on September 24, 2009

Quote anything from Voltaire's song "God Thinks"

My personal favorite? "God thinks you're an idiot" or "God prefers a heretic" or "Never trust a man who puts his words in the mouth of god"
posted by strixus at 11:26 AM on September 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

GOD IS A FAG.

In rainbow colors.
posted by Dixon Ticonderoga at 11:30 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

Signs don't work. Stink bombs work. Just pour it on the ground and walk away.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:41 AM on September 24, 2009 [5 favorites]

"Hatred demonstrates your own lack of faith."
posted by empyrean at 11:48 AM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

ZOD HATES KAL-EL
posted by Askr at 11:52 AM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

The school yardish "Takes One To Know One" or "I Know You Are But What Am I"?

Or "Fags Love You -- Call me, Freddy."
posted by motsque at 11:53 AM on September 24, 2009

I'm gay for God!
posted by chairface at 11:53 AM on September 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

BRAIN
WASHING
WORKS
posted by mephron at 11:54 AM on September 24, 2009

Dress up as Darth Vader with a sign reading "Your lack of faith disturbs me"
posted by Gungho at 11:56 AM on September 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

Obliquely related.
posted by chairface at 11:56 AM on September 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

I've found this one amusing.
posted by fuse theorem at 12:02 PM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

FOR EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU UTTER, $0.10 WILL BE
DONATED TO INT'L GAY & LESBIAN ASSOC.
posted by WCityMike at 12:02 PM on September 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

A tiny URL going to this thread of win.
posted by mimi at 12:12 PM on September 24, 2009

"Never trust a man who puts his words in the mouth of god"
Brilliant.
posted by purpletangerine at 12:14 PM on September 24, 2009

BABY PHAT
posted by Greg Nog at 12:21 PM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

I like this sign.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:22 PM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

RICK SANTORUM NEEDS TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET
posted by netbros at 12:30 PM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Can you stage a kiss-in? Basically, just a bunch of couples of all orientations kissing right in front of them. A powerful demonstration of love in the face of hatred and bigotry.
posted by muddgirl at 12:40 PM on September 24, 2009 [5 favorites]

Wanted: 12 good men


Turn the other cheek. I can't get my cock in from here.
posted by biffa at 12:44 PM on September 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

GOD LOVES HUGS

and then go around hugging everyone. If the ask why, point to the sign, and say "I'm doing the work of God"
posted by filthy light thief at 12:47 PM on September 24, 2009

IF YOU MASTURBATE, YOU'RE GAY
posted by Acacia at 1:14 PM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

THIS IS REALLY HELPING TO CHANGE MY MIND
posted by shakespeherian at 1:19 PM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

GOD DOESN'T HATE
posted by nushustu at 1:20 PM on September 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

FAGS LOVE HOLDING UP SIGNS AND YELLING
posted by ignignokt at 1:43 PM on September 24, 2009 [5 favorites]

DARE TO BE STUPID
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 1:44 PM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

one mode of protest
posted by dizziest at 1:45 PM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Seconding WCityMike. Here in PA, some local Planned Parenthoods have "Pledge A Picketer" programs where people pledge to donate some amount of money for each picketer that shows up in front of a clinic. If you make it clear via signage that the Westboro presence translates to tangible and immediate benefits to people and organizations they hate, well, then, that's got to be a bit frustrating for them, I would think.
posted by tss at 2:17 PM on September 24, 2009 [4 favorites]

"I know what you did and I'm going to tell your family about it."
posted by The World Famous at 2:20 PM on September 24, 2009

Can't believe nobody's suggested the classic church sign in the vampire series True Blood: God Hates Fangs!
posted by Mngo at 2:23 PM on September 24, 2009

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE LOVED STANDING ON THE STREET CORNERS TO BE SEEN BY MEN?
posted by Zed at 2:59 PM on September 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

"GOD HATES CIGARETTES
(translated from the British)"

"GOD IS TOTALLY GAY"

or, next to a "God Hates Fags"
"...WHICH MEANS FRED PHELPS IS THE BIGGEST FAG"
posted by wendell at 4:45 PM on September 24, 2009

"I'M WITH STUPID" (arrow)
posted by bunji at 5:10 PM on September 24, 2009

THESE PEOPLE PICKETED MR. ROGERS' FUNERAL.
posted by box at 5:14 PM on September 24, 2009 [9 favorites]

YOU AREN'T PRAYING HARD ENOUGH!
posted by Grlnxtdr at 5:16 PM on September 24, 2009

There is a button on Sticker Giant that says "Stop using Jesus as an excuse for being a narrow-minded, bigoted asshole." I always liked that one.
posted by IndigoRain at 6:40 PM on September 24, 2009 [5 favorites]

Only works if you stand with the protestors, but:

WE THINK A LOT ABOUT WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR PENIS
posted by LionIndex at 7:54 PM on September 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

JESUS AND HIS EXCLUSIVE TWELVE MEN RETINUE ALL HAD PENISES!
posted by ericb at 8:00 PM on September 24, 2009

I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus would slap the shit out of you."
posted by artychoke at 9:49 PM on September 24, 2009

MY CAPS LOCK KEY WAS STUCK WHEN I MADE THIS SIGN
posted by armage at 10:23 PM on September 24, 2009

BRING BACK ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
posted by chalbe at 6:14 AM on September 25, 2009

nushustu, that's what i was going to suggest. Man these people bug me, and I bet they really disappoint my Christian God.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:41 AM on September 25, 2009

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. (Luke 16:18)

"SAVE THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE: STOP SINNING Luke 16:18"
posted by olaguera at 12:05 PM on September 25, 2009

I JUST SAVED A BUNDLE ON MY CAR INSURANCE
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 6:07 PM on September 25, 2009

FRED PHELPS DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH, METHINKS.
posted by ericb at 8:11 AM on September 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

TAX
CHURCHES
posted by maggieb at 2:47 PM on September 27, 2009

Time for an update with pictures!
posted by lodev at 2:34 AM on September 28, 2009

Was the protest this one in Brooklyn this past weekend (w/ video)?
posted by ericb at 7:46 AM on September 29, 2009