I'm lacking motivation in college, in every aspect. Help me get back in the game.

September 9, 2010 8:33 AM

I'm lacking motivation in college academically, and nearly everything else.

First and foremost, I'm an 18 year-old male freshman in college. I did pretty great in high school in terms of academics and happiness in general after my sophomore year (I had a lot of issues during freshman and half of sophomore year). I had a 3.8 GPA. I had a lot of friends, everyone was friendly towards me, I even participated in my school's "Mr. (high school name)" contest during my senior year. I had a great time.

In addition, I've never changed schools: I went to the same middle-school all my life, and then the same high school for 4 years. So, I've never been put into a position where literally don't know anyone. All of my friends and girlfriend are far away from me, though I recently got back together with my girlfriend after we had a communication problem (I see her ~once a week now).

It's almost as if I've lost the ability and the enthusiasm to make new friends. I haven't exercised in weeks, and have no ambition to make progress in some of my classes. I'm not acting like myself. I'm not sad, I'm just being really lazy. I've missed my Microeconomics class twice this week, and my English class once (along with not turning in a paper).

I'm attending LSU, which has an egregiously big population, so it's hard to get a sense of closeness to people. In retrospect, I probably should have attended a smaller school.

Please, I need some sort of advice to help me get back on my A-game, and maybe how to adapt to this foreign situation of me not knowing anyone to begin with.

posted by Evernix to Human Relations (16 answers total)

It sounds like your situation is causing a bit of depression. You don't have to be "sad", but your overall tone of hopelessness definitely fits the bill.

Try joining a club or speaking to a counselor/therapist at the school. I'm sure they deal with this type of situation all the time, and they'd have many resources to help you.

Are there any rituals you had at home that you've stopped doing at school, like running first thing in the morning? Try to return to that ritual; it may inspire you to get back on track.

Good luck!
posted by two lights above the sea at 8:41 AM on September 9, 2010

Your student health center provides Mental Health Counseling- you should go and try to talk to someone. Going to college is a new big thing and it takes times to get assimilated.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:41 AM on September 9, 2010

All lives are driven by a purpose of some kind, although the purpose is not necessarily religious (contrary to "The Purpose-Driven Life"). When I was in university in New York some 40 years ago, the greatest motive of the male students was that if we flunked out of university we would lose our student draft deferments and could wind up being drafted and sent to Vietnam. You probably do not have any such strong incentive, however, you presumably enrolled in college for some reason more importnat than the fact that you got tired of playing video games all day long. Chances are, you imagine a career of some kind. When you don't bother to go to some of your classes, and don't bother to turn in a paper, you place your objective at risk. Getting a college education is a long, complicated process, so it is hard to remain focused, but then, that's one of the main reasons why people go to college, to demonstrate that they do have the ability to remain focused on long complicated projects. Employers value that ability, even aside from the specific inforamtion and skills which you may acquire in the course of your studies. So first and foremost I would urge you to remember why you are there. If the time should come when you remember why you are there but that motive doesn't seem very convincing anymore, then perhaps there is something else you should be doing other than going to college.

As for your problem in making friends, you should always be aware of what kind of people are in your environment, fellow classmates, neighbors, or whomever, and if you happen to notice someone who seems particularly worth knowing, then you should make an effort to socialize with that person. These efforts are not guaranteed to succeed in every case, but if some some of them succeed, you will wind up with friends. This also requires patience. There is no telling how long it will take, but there is no reason why you should not eventually succeed. You can increase your chances by meeting larger numbers of people; various clubs and social organizations can help you to do that. Find other people who share your love for whatever it is that you love, pizza, let us say. Why eat pizza alone when there are others who also love pizza?
posted by grizzled at 8:50 AM on September 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

You have resources availible at your school, and I would strongly suggest as other have, that you look into them.

That being said you ought to consider taking a semester or a year off, talk with your parents, and if they are alright talk with your school about withdrawing and coming back next fall. In the meantime you find a nice shitty job, or travel, or volunteer, and figure out why you want to actually go to college in the first place. It made a HUGE HUGE difference for me, and I strongly suggest it.
posted by BobbyDigital at 8:55 AM on September 9, 2010

Go meet with your professors and explain to them that you need an extension. Or drop the English class because getting a bad grade is not worth it. Take some kind of late starting class. Secondly, go to the doctor, and if you have depression, go to the disability services office and see if they can get you special accommodations for extensions and stuff.
posted by anniecat at 9:11 AM on September 9, 2010

Do you know why you're in college? Do you really know? Very often, as others have suggested, students in college face this problem of motivation, and it stems from not knowing why they're there. Your external sources of motivation are gone. Nobody is telling you "You have to do this" anymore! And so you need internal motivation. For many, that is found by leaving college for a while.

See this question for a similar situation and a lot of responses that will be very relevant to your own.

In the short term, join groups. College is full of them. I was bored and lonely in college at one point, so I got some silly non-speaking role in a student theater production. It was awesome. I met great people, and I continued in theater until I graduated. To meet people, you have to go where there are people and interact with them in some way. Simple as that. Groups, clubs, and organizations do most of the hard work of making that happen for you.
posted by whatnotever at 9:19 AM on September 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Huh, just snuck over to MeFi on my lunch break. I’m working on my first lecture for a course aimed at students in exactly your position – except maybe a semester later, when they’ve done poorly and have been forced to take a class with me!

Here’s a few suggestions:

Make an appointment with one of the school’s psychologists. They are there for students in exactly your situation.

See an academic advisor, and preferably not one in the faculty/discipline where you study. Does your school have an area for extended learning, or general advisors? You want an advisor who is familiar with all of the programs in the school, just to make sure you are in the right place. You probably are, but it doesn’t hurt to make sure. Do this well before the final drop date.

Meet with your professors, especially the English prof. Explain the situation (without going into a big sob story), ask for an extension. S/he might say no, but it doesn't hurt to ask

You need to set yourself some short term goals. They don’t have to be big. Try and make one that relates to academics (i.e. I will attend all of my classes for the next month, I will visit all of my professors in their office hours) and one that relates to personal/social stuff (i.e. I will wake up at 7am and run for ½ hour every day, I will join that discussion group I saw and attend every meeting for the next two months…). When you do this also make a list of strategies/activities you will use to meet your goals (i.e. loud alarm on my iPod ½ hour before every class, no TV/computer after 10pm) and a list of punishments/price tags/rewards (If I don’t make it to class I have to limit my phone conversation with my girlfriend to 10 minutes. If I do make it to class I am allowed to spend an hour talking on the phone with my girlfriend). Your goals, strategies, punishments etc need to be realistic and attainable. We’re not aiming for the moon here, you just need to get back on track. Motivation starts with small steps that help you to remember how to believe in yourself.

Being in this situation stinks. I know - when I was 18 I moved across continents to go to a school where I knew no one and I studying in a program that was not a good fit. I was absolutely miserable. I got some good advice then – keep moving forward, and give it six months. If you aren’t comfortable at the end of that time – or if things really nose dive in the mean while, maybe it’s time to consider more drastic changes.

Feel free to MeFi mail me if you want some exercises to work thorough.
posted by Cuke at 9:25 AM on September 9, 2010 [5 favorites]

On campus housing can help with meeting people, too. Yes, it's dorky, but you're surrounded by other incoming students. You will also probably meet people in class as the academics kick in... See if people are forming study groups as finals/midterms approach. I went to the U of MN, which is also a huge school, and I stayed on top of things by keeping busy with work and school and also studying with others. The more time I had to think about how I felt or what I was worried about, the worse things became. I'm not saying ignore how you feel, but try fill in your schedule so you can't isolate. Good luck!
posted by ShadePlant at 9:37 AM on September 9, 2010

Also, volunteer work. Not a lot of pressure, a good way to meet people and can help with that "do I matter/have a purpose?" feeling.
posted by ShadePlant at 9:39 AM on September 9, 2010

Response by poster: Thanks for the advice guys. Also, Cuke, setting the short-term goals seems like a great idea - I'll try that one out. I might take a visit to the counselor if things get worse.
posted by Evernix at 10:05 AM on September 9, 2010

Wait, so you just started college like a month ago at most? I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's a huge transition, especially to a big school. Definitely take the advice about getting involved in clubs and communities at school, as well as seeing a counselor. I went to a huge school as well, and I think the secret is to find your community within the campus. You're not going to know everyone like in high school, so embrace it and find activities you enjoy, and you'll naturally find yourself among people of similar interests and make friends. Don't compare your popularity at high school to college. It's a different world (and a potentially more exciting one!). The great thing is that nobody knows each other, so you're all in the same boat. Everyone around you is dying to make friends, too. Do you live in a dorm? Can you also make friends with your floormates?

Additionally, not being motivated in school can be a symptom of the onset of depression, which is why seeing a counselor at school is good in order to nip this in the bud, before it gets worse. It's very common for freshman to be less motivated in school, because it's a huge change from high school. There are less rules and nobody taking attendance, and nobody to watch over you. I went from a top student in high school to going to barely 1 class a week in college my freshman year and turning all my assignments late or not at all. Don't let yourself slip, because it'll be more difficult to pull yourself back up the farther down you go. It's so great you're realizing this now so you can get help early.

The long and short of it-- what you're experiencing is notoriously common among college freshman. There's nothing wrong with you, but definitely get help and make positive changes NOW, before it gets worse. The fact that you are aware of this is a great first step.
posted by lacedcoffee at 10:52 AM on September 9, 2010

I think you should think very carefully about the role that your relationship with your girlfriend is playing in your life right now. Are you staying in at night to call her instead of finding something else to do? When you see her once a week is she coming to visit you on campus, or do you usually leave and go to where she is? Does she want you to make friends, or does she seem anxious about you building a life that doesn't include her?

I'm not going to tell you to break up with your girlfriend, because I have very little information about your relationship. But I have seen lots of people lose a year of college trying to maintain a relationship that later ended anyway. It's best to try to build a social life at college, not maintain one far away.
posted by Ragged Richard at 10:56 AM on September 9, 2010

If, after talking about this with a therapist/counselor, you still think a smaller school with a more hands on approach is the way to go, you can easily transfer. (I would go for a few sessions before making a snap decision.) I would discuss this with a counselor or therapist to make sure that you aren't just avoiding the problem. (Most transfers find themselves happily transplanted into a better environment, but there are students who jump from school to school to school without addressing the underlying issues.) Your academic adviser should be able to discuss this move with you and what it would entail.

As a prof myself, I have to echo that Cuke's suggestion that you go visit the professor IN PERSON during office hours to explain the issue is key. If a student shows that kind of initiative, I'm generally happy to work with them.

I worked for a VERY LARGE university for five years and very small one for the last 5, and both have a lot of events (festivals, coffee houses, open mics, movie nights) to help students socialize. They also have an obscene about of clubs for just about every and any interest you can imagine. I would go to campus bulletin boards or online to the university calendar and mark down events. Make yourself go. If you're feeling lazy, you may make up excuses. Just tell yourself "It's just for an hour" and see what happens. Also check out free weeklies for events. You might even consider trying to organize a group of fellow students to go with you or if you are in a dorm, bring it up to your RA.

One thing you don't say explicitly in your post is whether or not this is a "weekend" school or not (and I'm not familiar enough with LSU's student culture to know offhand). If it's not a weekend school and you're using that time to visit with your gf, you may be missing out on events and gatherings where you could meet some new friends. I know you want to spend time with her, especially feeling the way you do now, but in the long term it may be better to balance meeting new people on campus with hanging out with her.

Please realize A LOT of freshmen feel this way. It takes some time to feel comfortable enough to venture out and meet people. You may have a very different feeling in a month. Good luck!
posted by miss-lapin at 11:22 AM on September 9, 2010

Slow down!

You've been at LSU for, what, two weeks? A month? (I know classes usually start sometime in August, though I forget what the Freshman orientation setup is like.)

This is a big transition. Like any serious life change there are going to be parts of it where you are feeling completely overwhelmed and unsure of yourself. You have to just soldier through it

At this point, I would say just try to stay motivated. Go to all your classes and keep your head above water with schoolwork. Even if it's just going through the motions. And by the way - try not to take up with too many people who see classes as an obstacle to be avoided at all costs. In my experience that's the quickest route to flunking out of school.

Get involved in some campus activities - the majority of my high school friends went to LSU, and the ones who were happiest there were the ones who were involved on campus.

If you live in the dorms, I wouldn't worry so much about meeting people and making friends - you will have a cohesive social circle, primarily made up of dorm people (for better or worse!) by Thanksgiving. If you are not living in the dorms now, I would do the best you can this semester, take my above advice and get involved with campus activities, and try to get a spot in the dorms for the spring. They might be smelly, but it's an automatic social life.
posted by Sara C. at 11:28 AM on September 9, 2010

Meet with your professors, especially the English prof. Explain the situation (without going into a big sob story), ask for an extension.

LSU is a big school, but it's also a relatively rural school which sees a lot of freshman who are away from home for the first time ever, who've never been put into a social situation where they've had to meet new people, who might be the first person in their family to go to college. Many of your classmates come from towns with populations smaller than LSU's student body.

Your professors, especially the ones you have this semester, will be used to dealing with students who are going through exactly what you're going through. Be open with them. Talk to them about what you're going through. They will understand. Depending on the course, there's a strong chance that many of your professors are grad students who were in your exact same position not all that long ago. I don't know if that'll rate you an extension, but it's worth remembering.
posted by Sara C. at 11:35 AM on September 9, 2010

Join some clubs
Start study groups in your classes
Get a part-time job, paid or volunteer
Participate in your campus's student activities

There are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of other students at your school who feel the same way you do and would love it if you befriended them.
posted by Jacqueline at 4:01 PM on September 12, 2010