Ashamed of my thoughts during sex
August 12, 2010 9:51 AM Subscribe
I keep thinking about porn when I have sex with my wife. NSFW.
posted by anonymous to human relations (31 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
All those years of jerking off to porn are coming back to haunt me. Even though I love my wife and I love sex with her, I can't climax unless I focus on the women in the videos that are burned in my memory. Those women are hyper-sexualized, objectified fantasies; my imperfect but human wife is infinitely more desirable to me in real life. It's just that in the bedroom, my libido expects the fantasy. I've trained it that way.
I feel guilty for replaying the porn videos in my mind when I should be wholly focused on my wife. I'm ashamed that sometimes I pretend I'm having sex with porn people instead of her. How can I shut off that part of my brain and learn to orgasm without it? How can I look at my wife and consider her as smoking hot as these women whose entire
lives careers revolve around sexuality? She's the love of my life but I feel that, physically, I have to compare her to the impossibly high standards I've conditioned myself to. It's not fair to her and it's leaving me frustrated when I try to think only about her, and then can't get off.
My wife is very attractive too, inside and out. But in the real world everybody falls short of airbrushing and studio lighting and toned model/pornstar bodies. I feel like a jerk for thinking my wife's not beautiful, even for a moment. I just can't stop that voice in my mind from saying "eh, she's okay but nothing like [insert name here]." It's driving me crazy.