No No Reservations
July 21, 2010 8:32 PM Subscribe
I don't want to travel or go on vacation. Does that make me anti-social? If it does, what should I do to change?
Despite my youth and (relative) resources, I feel little to no desire to travel, experience new places or go on vacation. Reasons for this feeling include:
1) In general, I get more enjoyment out of ideas than experiences or meeting people. Ideas, even art, seems best explored in my home, or at least my hometown, in my comfy chair where I have access to a library and the Internet. While I could potentially travel for the sake of visiting museums and what have you, my taste hardly feels refined enough at 21 to appreciate many of the Great Works or even the lesser ones enough to justify traveling to see them, especially when I'm already in a big city with lots of those institutions to enjoy.
2) I tend to think of travel as a kind of privilege and, hence, associate it with guilt (previously). Just by living in the US and even without trying, at a very young age I've already traveled more often and seen more places than most people throughout world history would see in their entire lives, and more than many in the developing world do now.
3) I like my job / local extracurriculars, and anticipate liking them for a long time. Additionally, both are really important to me. Given that, it seems silly to step away from them, even for a week or a month. The one international trip I have taken, through a volunteer program three years ago, caused me great frustration because the directors just didn't give me enough stuff to do and expected I'd be more interested in doing touristy things instead.
4) I'm a generally introverted, home-body sort of person.
I'd think this was just one of many personal preferences every person has, but I have yet to meet anyone who feels the same way I do. When friends find out I feel this way, their reaction ranges from perplexed to saddened. As a single guy, it's very difficult to talk to other young single people, all of whom seem to care about traveling to near-obsession.
So, hive mind, I leave it to you: Do I need to change this about myself? If I need to change it, how would I even go about changing it?
Despite my youth and (relative) resources, I feel little to no desire to travel, experience new places or go on vacation. Reasons for this feeling include:
1) In general, I get more enjoyment out of ideas than experiences or meeting people. Ideas, even art, seems best explored in my home, or at least my hometown, in my comfy chair where I have access to a library and the Internet. While I could potentially travel for the sake of visiting museums and what have you, my taste hardly feels refined enough at 21 to appreciate many of the Great Works or even the lesser ones enough to justify traveling to see them, especially when I'm already in a big city with lots of those institutions to enjoy.
2) I tend to think of travel as a kind of privilege and, hence, associate it with guilt (previously). Just by living in the US and even without trying, at a very young age I've already traveled more often and seen more places than most people throughout world history would see in their entire lives, and more than many in the developing world do now.
3) I like my job / local extracurriculars, and anticipate liking them for a long time. Additionally, both are really important to me. Given that, it seems silly to step away from them, even for a week or a month. The one international trip I have taken, through a volunteer program three years ago, caused me great frustration because the directors just didn't give me enough stuff to do and expected I'd be more interested in doing touristy things instead.
4) I'm a generally introverted, home-body sort of person.
I'd think this was just one of many personal preferences every person has, but I have yet to meet anyone who feels the same way I do. When friends find out I feel this way, their reaction ranges from perplexed to saddened. As a single guy, it's very difficult to talk to other young single people, all of whom seem to care about traveling to near-obsession.
So, hive mind, I leave it to you: Do I need to change this about myself? If I need to change it, how would I even go about changing it?
Travel is something you do because it's fun. If you don't think it's fun then why do it?
Personally for me travel is useless unless it involves roller coasters or a water park. I know, it makes me feel like a luddite too sometimes because I realized that I just can't do one more museum or architectural tour or nature hike or outlet mall full of cheap tacky souvenirs. Those things just bore me right to death. Everyone has their own taste.
I don't see why you would need to change something about yourself when to change would mean to add a dangerous, expensive, time-consuming hobby to a life that sounds comfortable and happy as it is.
But if you feel like you're missing out, why not plan another trip somewhere with someone who really loves to travel?
posted by amethysts at 8:39 PM on July 21, 2010
Personally for me travel is useless unless it involves roller coasters or a water park. I know, it makes me feel like a luddite too sometimes because I realized that I just can't do one more museum or architectural tour or nature hike or outlet mall full of cheap tacky souvenirs. Those things just bore me right to death. Everyone has their own taste.
I don't see why you would need to change something about yourself when to change would mean to add a dangerous, expensive, time-consuming hobby to a life that sounds comfortable and happy as it is.
But if you feel like you're missing out, why not plan another trip somewhere with someone who really loves to travel?
posted by amethysts at 8:39 PM on July 21, 2010
4) I'm a generally introverted, home-body sort of person.
I'd think this was just one of many personal preferences every person has, but I have yet to meet anyone who feels the same way I do.
You haven't met anyone who feels the same way yet cus well, they're all at home. ;-) Trust me there are a lot of us out there who feel like you do.
You seem to have a lot of expectations for yourself based on what 'other people' do. Try to worry less about this and more about what makes you happy. It's ok to be happy doing what you like, and if you don't like traveling, that's ok!
posted by NoraCharles at 8:41 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
I'd think this was just one of many personal preferences every person has, but I have yet to meet anyone who feels the same way I do.
You haven't met anyone who feels the same way yet cus well, they're all at home. ;-) Trust me there are a lot of us out there who feel like you do.
You seem to have a lot of expectations for yourself based on what 'other people' do. Try to worry less about this and more about what makes you happy. It's ok to be happy doing what you like, and if you don't like traveling, that's ok!
posted by NoraCharles at 8:41 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
It's totally OK to be a homebody. You do not need to go out and see the world just because you can. It's a great world, and you might find experiences or thoughts of value from going out to see it, but you don't have to. You do not need to change.
Having said that, you might. I mean, you're 21 so you have a lot of living left and some things will change over the course of that living. Your desire to travel may or may not be one of them. If the bigger world seems more tempting to you later on, you might look into slow travel. You do not need to do 21 cities in 14 days, go to a single museum, or enter a single tourist site at all. You can park yourself in a town or a city and live your life as a local citizen for a few weeks doing whatever it is that appeals (reading books, cooking, knitting) and have a very rich and interesting experience if you want to do that.
Or not. Not is okay too.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:41 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Having said that, you might. I mean, you're 21 so you have a lot of living left and some things will change over the course of that living. Your desire to travel may or may not be one of them. If the bigger world seems more tempting to you later on, you might look into slow travel. You do not need to do 21 cities in 14 days, go to a single museum, or enter a single tourist site at all. You can park yourself in a town or a city and live your life as a local citizen for a few weeks doing whatever it is that appeals (reading books, cooking, knitting) and have a very rich and interesting experience if you want to do that.
Or not. Not is okay too.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:41 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
While I could potentially travel for the sake of visiting museums and what have you, my taste hardly feels refined enough at 21 to appreciate many of the Great Works or even the lesser ones enough to justify traveling to see them,
This seems a bit too idealistic, as if you should first become super-sophisticated before doing any traveling. Why not reverse the order? Travel to become more refined in your taste of art.
Or travel without focusing on art. You have a good point that there are museums all around you, and I do think it's silly how people suddenly become much more interested in museums when they travel. But there are many things to do in foreign countries aside from going to museums.
2) I tend to think of travel as a kind of privilege and, hence, associate it with guilt (previously). Just by living in the US and even without trying, at a very young age I've already traveled more often and seen more places than most people throughout world history would see in their entire lives, and more than many in the developing world do now.
This doesn't really make sense to me. Especially considering your previous question, I think you're going overboard with the idea that you're too "privileged" and should therefore hold back from fully enjoying life, as if this would be some kind of grand corrective against unfairness. This kind of thing isn't really helping people. In fact, being a tourist in a less affluent country could help them by transferring your money from the United States to their country.
That said, you're not under an obligation to travel. It's just something a lot of people like to do. If you don't like it, don't do it -- you don't even have to rationalize it.
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:42 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
This seems a bit too idealistic, as if you should first become super-sophisticated before doing any traveling. Why not reverse the order? Travel to become more refined in your taste of art.
Or travel without focusing on art. You have a good point that there are museums all around you, and I do think it's silly how people suddenly become much more interested in museums when they travel. But there are many things to do in foreign countries aside from going to museums.
2) I tend to think of travel as a kind of privilege and, hence, associate it with guilt (previously). Just by living in the US and even without trying, at a very young age I've already traveled more often and seen more places than most people throughout world history would see in their entire lives, and more than many in the developing world do now.
This doesn't really make sense to me. Especially considering your previous question, I think you're going overboard with the idea that you're too "privileged" and should therefore hold back from fully enjoying life, as if this would be some kind of grand corrective against unfairness. This kind of thing isn't really helping people. In fact, being a tourist in a less affluent country could help them by transferring your money from the United States to their country.
That said, you're not under an obligation to travel. It's just something a lot of people like to do. If you don't like it, don't do it -- you don't even have to rationalize it.
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:42 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Some people go for bragging rights. "Oh, I just went to Tibet." Try dropping that into conversation. Tibet. And then people say, "Yeah, but there's all of these new things to do and eat and see there!" Sure. Same as in my town — like I have exhausted the possibilities. I haven't even gone to the City Museum in St. Louis; traveling hundreds of miles to experience new things when I cannot be bothered to experience new things within ten miles is a little ridiculous.
Paris? Just another bull shit town.
Travel if there is something specific there which you cannot have here, but you badly want to experience. That is mostly concerts and friends, for me.
posted by adipocere at 8:43 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Paris? Just another bull shit town.
Travel if there is something specific there which you cannot have here, but you badly want to experience. That is mostly concerts and friends, for me.
posted by adipocere at 8:43 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't think you need to worry. I'm 24 and while travel seems like a nice idea (I'd love to tour Europe and Asia someday), I'm in no hurry to pack my bags and embark on a Great World Adventure. I don't feel like I'm ready for it.
Do things at your own pace. Just because it seems like your peers are obsessed about it, doesn't mean you have to be. You make a good point about the Internet and libraries, both of which have brought things previously inaccessible to the common individual into easy reach. And it sounds like you have plenty of things to enjoy in your city.
So don't feel like you need to change yourself. You know best how you'd like to experience the world, so stick to it. Who knows -- someday you might wake up and decide you want to hop on a plane to somewhere cool. But until then, just do whatever you're comfortable with.
posted by joyeuxamelie at 8:46 PM on July 21, 2010
Do things at your own pace. Just because it seems like your peers are obsessed about it, doesn't mean you have to be. You make a good point about the Internet and libraries, both of which have brought things previously inaccessible to the common individual into easy reach. And it sounds like you have plenty of things to enjoy in your city.
So don't feel like you need to change yourself. You know best how you'd like to experience the world, so stick to it. Who knows -- someday you might wake up and decide you want to hop on a plane to somewhere cool. But until then, just do whatever you're comfortable with.
posted by joyeuxamelie at 8:46 PM on July 21, 2010
Response by poster: Jaltcoh: "I think you're going overboard with the idea that you're too "privileged" and should therefore hold back from fully enjoying life, as if this would be some kind of grand corrective against unfairness. "
Functionally, the argument in my mind works like this: traveling costs money, often a lot of money. If you really have that money just left over, you should be giving it to somebody(ies) who don't have any money left over. Ergo, you should travel. Granted, of course, this argument is fairly illogical unless you take it to the Singerian extent of buying only what you absolutely need and giving away everything else. Still, it's how my mind works.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:46 PM on July 21, 2010
Functionally, the argument in my mind works like this: traveling costs money, often a lot of money. If you really have that money just left over, you should be giving it to somebody(ies) who don't have any money left over. Ergo, you should travel. Granted, of course, this argument is fairly illogical unless you take it to the Singerian extent of buying only what you absolutely need and giving away everything else. Still, it's how my mind works.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:46 PM on July 21, 2010
Ideas, even art, seems best explored in my home, or at least my hometown, in my comfy chair where I have access to a library and the Internet.
I don't by any means want to tell you Ur Doin It Rong, and I think you should follow your heart and do what you want to do, not what others expect of you.
But I'm also of the opinion that a lot of art cannot be properly experienced on the internet, or from a coffee table book. You need to go to a place and physically see the thing. This isn't some snobby True Art Lover deal, either - often the quality of the images of art just doesn't do justice to the real thing.
As for ideas in general, it probably depends on what you mean. But, yeah, sometimes you can't really have a full understanding unless you go to a place and actually experience it for yourself.
If you don't want to, that's fine. But I'm not going to lie and say you aren't missing out.
posted by Sara C. at 8:49 PM on July 21, 2010
I don't by any means want to tell you Ur Doin It Rong, and I think you should follow your heart and do what you want to do, not what others expect of you.
But I'm also of the opinion that a lot of art cannot be properly experienced on the internet, or from a coffee table book. You need to go to a place and physically see the thing. This isn't some snobby True Art Lover deal, either - often the quality of the images of art just doesn't do justice to the real thing.
As for ideas in general, it probably depends on what you mean. But, yeah, sometimes you can't really have a full understanding unless you go to a place and actually experience it for yourself.
If you don't want to, that's fine. But I'm not going to lie and say you aren't missing out.
posted by Sara C. at 8:49 PM on July 21, 2010
Best answer: Functionally, the argument in my mind works like this: traveling costs money, often a lot of money. If you really have that money just left over, you should be giving it to somebody(ies) who don't have any money left over. Ergo, you should travel. Granted, of course, this argument is fairly illogical unless you take it to the Singerian extent of buying only what you absolutely need and giving away everything else. Still, it's how my mind works.
That leaves out the fact that your money doesn't disappear into thin air. It goes to someone else. Why would you think the money is better off staying with you than going to that other person? (This is a general problem I have with Singer's economics/ethics.)
For instance, I traveled to Morocco. I spent money on Moroccan restaurants, Moroccan hotels, Moroccan taxis, Moroccan trains. Morocco now has a whole bunch of extra money it didn't used to have, and the United States has less. Morocco isn't a country in abject poverty, but it's a developing, Islamic country that's far less wealthy than mine. So I would say traveling is actually a relatively effective way to give your excess money to people who don't have much money, whether or not that's your goal.
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:56 PM on July 21, 2010
That leaves out the fact that your money doesn't disappear into thin air. It goes to someone else. Why would you think the money is better off staying with you than going to that other person? (This is a general problem I have with Singer's economics/ethics.)
For instance, I traveled to Morocco. I spent money on Moroccan restaurants, Moroccan hotels, Moroccan taxis, Moroccan trains. Morocco now has a whole bunch of extra money it didn't used to have, and the United States has less. Morocco isn't a country in abject poverty, but it's a developing, Islamic country that's far less wealthy than mine. So I would say traveling is actually a relatively effective way to give your excess money to people who don't have much money, whether or not that's your goal.
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:56 PM on July 21, 2010
Best answer: Forests are totally better than pictures of forests. Beaches are totally better than pictures of beaches. However, the beach/forest 10 miles away is likely just as good as the one 1000+ miles away.
I like travel, but it does get to be kind of a hassle and you wear yourself out trying to make sure you see everything and go to all of the right spots. Vacations are a lot better when you don't have to worry about those things.
But I don't think you have to change, and I don't even necessarily believe that you're missing out. A lot of those big amazing sights I get to and end up thinking "so what?". I am not particularly affected by the things that a lot of people seem to get affected by, and I prefer small and intimate things to the large overwhelming things. Maybe you just need to figure out what sorts of things really appeal to you, and not what you think is supposed to appeal to you. Maybe you don't like museums, but you like architecture. Maybe you're not interested in art, but are interested in historical artifacts (I particularly like seeing clothing and toys and furniture). Maybe you'd be better off with a lazy B&B weekend than a hectic museum trip. Or maybe you'd really just be happier at home. I know I am, sometimes.
posted by that girl at 9:05 PM on July 21, 2010
I like travel, but it does get to be kind of a hassle and you wear yourself out trying to make sure you see everything and go to all of the right spots. Vacations are a lot better when you don't have to worry about those things.
But I don't think you have to change, and I don't even necessarily believe that you're missing out. A lot of those big amazing sights I get to and end up thinking "so what?". I am not particularly affected by the things that a lot of people seem to get affected by, and I prefer small and intimate things to the large overwhelming things. Maybe you just need to figure out what sorts of things really appeal to you, and not what you think is supposed to appeal to you. Maybe you don't like museums, but you like architecture. Maybe you're not interested in art, but are interested in historical artifacts (I particularly like seeing clothing and toys and furniture). Maybe you'd be better off with a lazy B&B weekend than a hectic museum trip. Or maybe you'd really just be happier at home. I know I am, sometimes.
posted by that girl at 9:05 PM on July 21, 2010
Response by poster: Chocolate Pickle: "Are you unhappy?"
I am not unhappy with my life circumstances as they are. I am unhappy in as much as my inability to explain my lack of desire to friends and family has, particularly recently, put real strains on our relationship. Absent getting new friends, I would like to be able to explain myself in a way that at least allows us to move on.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:06 PM on July 21, 2010
I am not unhappy with my life circumstances as they are. I am unhappy in as much as my inability to explain my lack of desire to friends and family has, particularly recently, put real strains on our relationship. Absent getting new friends, I would like to be able to explain myself in a way that at least allows us to move on.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:06 PM on July 21, 2010
If you don't want to travel, but all means, don't.
But, I will say there are some things in life you don't really "want" to do, that you have to push yourself into, but that doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile. Like, if I had never done anything that felt awkward or uncomfortable, I would have never asked a girl on a date.
Travel is like that for me- I always have a lot of anxiety, about going alone, not speaking the language, whatever. So I usually don't actually "want" to go. But I'm always glad I did.
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:12 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
But, I will say there are some things in life you don't really "want" to do, that you have to push yourself into, but that doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile. Like, if I had never done anything that felt awkward or uncomfortable, I would have never asked a girl on a date.
Travel is like that for me- I always have a lot of anxiety, about going alone, not speaking the language, whatever. So I usually don't actually "want" to go. But I'm always glad I did.
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:12 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
How do you handle this conversation?
Does it go like this:
Friend: I just booked a ticket to Morocco for vacation time in the spring. So excited!
l33tpolicywonk: Travel sucks. I prefer to stay at home and look at pictures of things on the internet. Besides, everyone knows that travel is only for rich white people with too much privilege. Staying home and depriving myself of things means I'm a better person than you.
[radio silence]
or like this?
Friend: I'm thinking about going to Morocco when I get some vacation time in the spring. Want to come along?
l33tpolicywonk: Nah, I'm not really that interested in international travel right now, to be honest. I feel like there's so much to see and do around here that it would be a shame to waste the time on a big overseas flight and all that when I could have just as much fun going to the Smithsonian or hiking sections of the Appalachian Trail.
Friend: Boo! Hiss! How dare you not have something in common with me!
~~~
Another angle: I see you live in DC. Are you originally from there? Have you moved there sort of recently and are maybe still crossing local stuff off your list? That can be a huge difference from somebody who grew up in that area and has done all the local stuff a million times. I waited several years after moving to New York to do any serious international travel because there are so many things to do around here that, honestly, I didn't really crave it the way I do now.
posted by Sara C. at 9:19 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Does it go like this:
Friend: I just booked a ticket to Morocco for vacation time in the spring. So excited!
l33tpolicywonk: Travel sucks. I prefer to stay at home and look at pictures of things on the internet. Besides, everyone knows that travel is only for rich white people with too much privilege. Staying home and depriving myself of things means I'm a better person than you.
[radio silence]
or like this?
Friend: I'm thinking about going to Morocco when I get some vacation time in the spring. Want to come along?
l33tpolicywonk: Nah, I'm not really that interested in international travel right now, to be honest. I feel like there's so much to see and do around here that it would be a shame to waste the time on a big overseas flight and all that when I could have just as much fun going to the Smithsonian or hiking sections of the Appalachian Trail.
Friend: Boo! Hiss! How dare you not have something in common with me!
~~~
Another angle: I see you live in DC. Are you originally from there? Have you moved there sort of recently and are maybe still crossing local stuff off your list? That can be a huge difference from somebody who grew up in that area and has done all the local stuff a million times. I waited several years after moving to New York to do any serious international travel because there are so many things to do around here that, honestly, I didn't really crave it the way I do now.
posted by Sara C. at 9:19 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Sara C.: "How do you handle this conversation? "
The second one.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:24 PM on July 21, 2010
The second one.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:24 PM on July 21, 2010
I am exactly the same!
posted by onegoodthing at 9:25 PM on July 21, 2010
posted by onegoodthing at 9:25 PM on July 21, 2010
The best thing about travel is what it does to people like you. (And me).
I was the same as you at your age, and I know others too. We changed our tune (often in a BIG way) for various reasons, but one of the most important is this:
Travel, especially challenging travel (language barriers, different ways of living) can be a way to end up trapped outside your comfort zone for an extended period of time. This isn't fun to people like us, and that is part of why it does not appeal to you (admit it :-) and did not appeal to me), but the results of this are astounding - it makes people bloom. It's often the difference between someone a little in their shell, and James Bond.
It's those movies where the character starts out dorky, and by the end of their adventures, they have blossomed into the confident hottie that gets the guy/girl.
Travel (that is a little bit challenging) isn't the only way to do this, but it's one of the best.
And your point 4 is why you need it. Not because there is anything wrong with being those things, but because those things put you at higher risk of so so easily ending up just another stunted person who never bloomed to their full potential.
(As regards point 1, you're only off the hook because you're near the Smithsonian. Any other city, and that reason wouldn't hold :))
I've had friends leave to travel for a year, and when they came back - wow. They've become something magnificent in comparison to what they were - and they were pretty good to begin with! My own story is similar.
Others I know bitterly regret having our attitude when they were your age, wishing with 20/20 hindsight they had taken advantage of the opportunities of youth.
The international trip you took - it sounds like the frustration was because a lot of it was out of your hands (directors?!). That means you don't get the above benefits, AND you didn't get to enjoy it. So don't put too much stock in it.
posted by -harlequin- at 9:38 PM on July 21, 2010 [6 favorites]
I was the same as you at your age, and I know others too. We changed our tune (often in a BIG way) for various reasons, but one of the most important is this:
Travel, especially challenging travel (language barriers, different ways of living) can be a way to end up trapped outside your comfort zone for an extended period of time. This isn't fun to people like us, and that is part of why it does not appeal to you (admit it :-) and did not appeal to me), but the results of this are astounding - it makes people bloom. It's often the difference between someone a little in their shell, and James Bond.
It's those movies where the character starts out dorky, and by the end of their adventures, they have blossomed into the confident hottie that gets the guy/girl.
Travel (that is a little bit challenging) isn't the only way to do this, but it's one of the best.
And your point 4 is why you need it. Not because there is anything wrong with being those things, but because those things put you at higher risk of so so easily ending up just another stunted person who never bloomed to their full potential.
(As regards point 1, you're only off the hook because you're near the Smithsonian. Any other city, and that reason wouldn't hold :))
I've had friends leave to travel for a year, and when they came back - wow. They've become something magnificent in comparison to what they were - and they were pretty good to begin with! My own story is similar.
Others I know bitterly regret having our attitude when they were your age, wishing with 20/20 hindsight they had taken advantage of the opportunities of youth.
The international trip you took - it sounds like the frustration was because a lot of it was out of your hands (directors?!). That means you don't get the above benefits, AND you didn't get to enjoy it. So don't put too much stock in it.
posted by -harlequin- at 9:38 PM on July 21, 2010 [6 favorites]
If that's true, and you find that this is truly creating hostility between you and your friends, there have got to be deeper issues at play here. Either your friends are assholes or you're misjudging the situation.
Anecdote time: In college, several of my friends had the money, time, and inclination to go backpacking through Europe (this was different trips with different people at different times). I was never able to go along, and honestly I was way too busy with other more locally centric stuff that I felt was more important at the time. I always sort of felt left out of the Woo Yeah Goin To Europe chatter, especially after my friends would come back - they'd had this amazing bonding experience that I'd missed out on, and I felt that I wasn't as much a part of the group because of it.
You know what? My perceptions meant shit. My friends loved me just as much as they loved their travel buddies, and nobody thought it was weird that I wasn't doing the same stuff. I'm still really close friends with most of those people, and it's just not an issue, at all. You're probably overestimating the presence of a wedge between you and your traveling friends.
posted by Sara C. at 9:40 PM on July 21, 2010
Anecdote time: In college, several of my friends had the money, time, and inclination to go backpacking through Europe (this was different trips with different people at different times). I was never able to go along, and honestly I was way too busy with other more locally centric stuff that I felt was more important at the time. I always sort of felt left out of the Woo Yeah Goin To Europe chatter, especially after my friends would come back - they'd had this amazing bonding experience that I'd missed out on, and I felt that I wasn't as much a part of the group because of it.
You know what? My perceptions meant shit. My friends loved me just as much as they loved their travel buddies, and nobody thought it was weird that I wasn't doing the same stuff. I'm still really close friends with most of those people, and it's just not an issue, at all. You're probably overestimating the presence of a wedge between you and your traveling friends.
posted by Sara C. at 9:40 PM on July 21, 2010
You can spend your leisure time and spare money doing whatever the hell you want. This is one of the great things about being a grownup. Other people don't understand what you want to do? You don't understand what they want to do, so that makes sense. Other people give you shit about your choices? You've got a big pile of money and free time they don't have, and you get to spend it on stuff that actually makes you happy. Depending on where you live, you could put together a pretty nifty little down payment with the dough you're saving being a homebody.
You don't owe any explanations to anyone, and you don't have to go new places if you don't want to.
Your question reminds me a lot of this one which really stuck with me for some reason. It was the same sort of "I feel guilty that I don't want to travel" question except that it seems like you have vastly more of an idea what you actually want out of life. Do what you like, and if other people don't respect your choices, just keep telling yourself - that reflects badly on *them*, not on you.
posted by little light-giver at 11:01 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
You don't owe any explanations to anyone, and you don't have to go new places if you don't want to.
Your question reminds me a lot of this one which really stuck with me for some reason. It was the same sort of "I feel guilty that I don't want to travel" question except that it seems like you have vastly more of an idea what you actually want out of life. Do what you like, and if other people don't respect your choices, just keep telling yourself - that reflects badly on *them*, not on you.
posted by little light-giver at 11:01 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Being a (sometimes) travel writer, I feel it would be helpful for me to link to a blog entry I wrote a few weeks ago that touches on a lot of the ideas in this question - and maybe answers it for the OP?
Is that OK? I know self-promotional linking is generally frowned upon, but in this case what I wrote seems particularly apt.
posted by Sara C. at 11:40 PM on July 21, 2010
Is that OK? I know self-promotional linking is generally frowned upon, but in this case what I wrote seems particularly apt.
posted by Sara C. at 11:40 PM on July 21, 2010
I'm a bit like you when it comes to travel. I don't have much particular desire to travel just because it's an option that exists.
I have traveled and enjoyed it though, but I almost always travel to visit people. Seeing an old castle or church? Eh. Seeing the home one of my best friends grew up in that just so happens to be in another country? Cool! I'm an introvert too, but I do get a decent kick out of tagging along with friends or relatives in a new country, eating new foods and enjoying a new flavor of people watching.
But I don't expect I'll ever really do much traveling not of this sort, because I just don't want to, and that's okay. I lucked out and grew up not in the country I live in, and I tend to have other international friends. My family is spread out in the US too so to see them, I need to see more cities than I otherwise would. But without those factors, I would be happily not traveling very much.
You don't need to force yourself to like traveling, and you don't need to make yourself try it again. But I think that if someday, you have a chance to travel somewhere new for a week or two to visit someone you like spending a lot of one on one time with and who shares your taste in activities, you might be pleasantly surprised.
posted by quirks at 1:19 AM on July 22, 2010
I have traveled and enjoyed it though, but I almost always travel to visit people. Seeing an old castle or church? Eh. Seeing the home one of my best friends grew up in that just so happens to be in another country? Cool! I'm an introvert too, but I do get a decent kick out of tagging along with friends or relatives in a new country, eating new foods and enjoying a new flavor of people watching.
But I don't expect I'll ever really do much traveling not of this sort, because I just don't want to, and that's okay. I lucked out and grew up not in the country I live in, and I tend to have other international friends. My family is spread out in the US too so to see them, I need to see more cities than I otherwise would. But without those factors, I would be happily not traveling very much.
You don't need to force yourself to like traveling, and you don't need to make yourself try it again. But I think that if someday, you have a chance to travel somewhere new for a week or two to visit someone you like spending a lot of one on one time with and who shares your taste in activities, you might be pleasantly surprised.
posted by quirks at 1:19 AM on July 22, 2010
Is that OK? I know self-promotional linking is generally frowned upon, but in this case what I wrote seems particularly apt.
From the FAQ Sara: Linking to your own site in an Ask MetaFilter question is only okay if it has something specific to do with the question being asked and is necessary for people to provide an answer, for example "Can you look at my logo and tell me why everyone thinks it looks like a devil?" or "What else do I need to do to this website to make it ADA compliant?" Other self-links will be removed. Linking to your own content in answers is okay to do occasionally; people who seem to be self-linking continually, or seemingly with spammy intent may have their content removed and their account banned.
posted by ellieBOA at 1:23 AM on July 22, 2010
From the FAQ Sara: Linking to your own site in an Ask MetaFilter question is only okay if it has something specific to do with the question being asked and is necessary for people to provide an answer, for example "Can you look at my logo and tell me why everyone thinks it looks like a devil?" or "What else do I need to do to this website to make it ADA compliant?" Other self-links will be removed. Linking to your own content in answers is okay to do occasionally; people who seem to be self-linking continually, or seemingly with spammy intent may have their content removed and their account banned.
posted by ellieBOA at 1:23 AM on July 22, 2010
I would like to be able to explain myself in a way that at least allows us to move on.
How about this: "I'm a young man who is really into exactly what he's doing right now, and, at this point in my life, I just want to do what I'm doing all the live-long day. Maybe at some other point in my life traveling will seem like a good idea, and if that day comes I won't hesitate to jump on a plane (okay I'll probably hesitate a little), but until then please just be cool with me doing what I do."
I am in a similarish position as you. I am really into what I'm doing right now, and lately I've found that my happiness increases with my industriousness and not with the amount of time I spend "hanging out and doing fun stuff". I also get small (not so much to encroach on my happiness but enough to be a little annoying) amounts of flak for not, e.g., drinking anymore. Now that I think of it, drinking is a lot like traveling: in many social circles there's a lot of pressure to do them for whatever reasons, but if you happen to be very into what you're doing at the moment, both can seem like pointless fritterings away of life. I still drink occasionally, and I'll probably drink more again at some point in the future; likewise, I've traveled in the past and now can't imagine not having done it when I did it, but I now tend to dislike "traveling" for short periods of time (less than half a year or so). For me it's not about the principles involved in either, it's about being lucky enough to be happy enough with the projects in my life to not have any desire to seek out distractions.
It sounds like you're in a good place where you know what you're doing. That's great. Go with it. Maybe one day traveling will seem like what you should be doing. From reading this one and your "(previously)", maybe an opportunity will arise for you to do aid work of some kind, instead of merely touristing. Maybe at that point traveling will seem like a good idea.
Here's a little story: I traveled around the world for three years in my early twenties. For a lot of it I wasn't actually enjoying myself a lot of the time, in part because I was doing it the way I thought I was "supposed" to be doing it: backpackers' hostels, going out and getting drunk with other travelers, etc. It took me till the very tail end of those three years to summon the courage to travel the way I actually wanted to travel, and, one day in Cambodia, when everyone else was sipping mai-tais in the internet cafe, I sought out a "landmine museum/orphanage" that I had heard existed just outside the town. The rest is history and probably the most meaningful experience of those three years. There are different ways of traveling. Don't feel pressure to do it when and in ways you're not interested in.
(And Sara C., go ahead. In-thread, relevant self-linking is fine.)
posted by skwt at 1:58 AM on July 22, 2010
How about this: "I'm a young man who is really into exactly what he's doing right now, and, at this point in my life, I just want to do what I'm doing all the live-long day. Maybe at some other point in my life traveling will seem like a good idea, and if that day comes I won't hesitate to jump on a plane (okay I'll probably hesitate a little), but until then please just be cool with me doing what I do."
I am in a similarish position as you. I am really into what I'm doing right now, and lately I've found that my happiness increases with my industriousness and not with the amount of time I spend "hanging out and doing fun stuff". I also get small (not so much to encroach on my happiness but enough to be a little annoying) amounts of flak for not, e.g., drinking anymore. Now that I think of it, drinking is a lot like traveling: in many social circles there's a lot of pressure to do them for whatever reasons, but if you happen to be very into what you're doing at the moment, both can seem like pointless fritterings away of life. I still drink occasionally, and I'll probably drink more again at some point in the future; likewise, I've traveled in the past and now can't imagine not having done it when I did it, but I now tend to dislike "traveling" for short periods of time (less than half a year or so). For me it's not about the principles involved in either, it's about being lucky enough to be happy enough with the projects in my life to not have any desire to seek out distractions.
It sounds like you're in a good place where you know what you're doing. That's great. Go with it. Maybe one day traveling will seem like what you should be doing. From reading this one and your "(previously)", maybe an opportunity will arise for you to do aid work of some kind, instead of merely touristing. Maybe at that point traveling will seem like a good idea.
Here's a little story: I traveled around the world for three years in my early twenties. For a lot of it I wasn't actually enjoying myself a lot of the time, in part because I was doing it the way I thought I was "supposed" to be doing it: backpackers' hostels, going out and getting drunk with other travelers, etc. It took me till the very tail end of those three years to summon the courage to travel the way I actually wanted to travel, and, one day in Cambodia, when everyone else was sipping mai-tais in the internet cafe, I sought out a "landmine museum/orphanage" that I had heard existed just outside the town. The rest is history and probably the most meaningful experience of those three years. There are different ways of traveling. Don't feel pressure to do it when and in ways you're not interested in.
(And Sara C., go ahead. In-thread, relevant self-linking is fine.)
posted by skwt at 1:58 AM on July 22, 2010
This previous comment of mine about traveling is also relevant in that it talks about traveling sucking and grounding yourself in a big city being good.
posted by skwt at 2:13 AM on July 22, 2010
posted by skwt at 2:13 AM on July 22, 2010
I am not unhappy with my life circumstances as they are. I am unhappy in as much as my inability to explain my lack of desire to friends and family has, particularly recently, put real strains on our relationship. Absent getting new friends, I would like to be able to explain myself in a way that at least allows us to move on.
You are in a common-or-garden different choices situation. Sometimes it's explaining to greying relatives why you're not married yet. Sometimes it's explaining to freshly babyed-up friends why you're not immediately thinking of having a sprog of your own. Sometimes it's explaining to your accountant father or lawyer sister or doctor best friend why you're really not interested in doing the same job as them or going to the same college as them. Sometimes it's telling your friends why you're not all that interested in travelling right now.
There is, however, a reason that your friends are mystified by your personal choice, which is that travelling and the idea of travel is heavily slanted in Western culture as an activity for the young. This is partly backed up in infrastructure, costs and travel links that are actually easier to use if you're young (student round-the-world flight tickets, hostel networks, backpacker bars) and easier to deal with if you're penniless (scummy hostels, interesting experiences on post-Soviet train networks).
The world is a stupefyingly large and variety-filled place. You may or may not at some point wish to explore it. I would caution you, however, against being the 'never going travelling' guy in your friendship group, and to apply the same courtesy to your friends that you seem to want from them? What does that mean? Listen to their stories of travelling without grimacing and groaning. Ask them questions the way you would if they were describing a visit to Baltimore or a shitty day at the office. It's all just experience, and it's polite and bond-strengthening to listen to and explore your friend's experiences.
Otherwise, you risk becoming a 'project' to them, with every travel anecdote becoming an opportunity for them to convince you of the awesomeness of travel.
So, let's replay the exchange from upthread:
Friend: I'm thinking about going to Morocco when I get some vacation time in the spring. Want to come along?
l33tpolicywonk: No, I won't be able to - but what are you thinking of doing? I remember last week you told me about your experiences in the souks in Egypt, will that be the focus of your trip this time? Or are you going out into the desert?
Friend: Oh! Yeah, I'm really interested in starting in Tangiers, I've heard it's beautiful and the markets are amazing, but I was going to skip Casablanca, apparently it's a bit of an unremarkable dump these days....
Point 1 - Stop trying to justify your choices to your friends. They have made different choices to you and will refuse to believe your choices are valid or good for you. You're the only once who can know that, so just don't engage in this futile exercise.
Point 2 - Don't deny their choices either - listen to them, ask them questions, hell, help them research their trip if you like. If they become complete travelbug bores and won't talk about anything else (alarmingly common among younger folk who often have foreign travel as the only real differentiating or defining point of their lives) gently steer the conversation a bit, but don't get defensive and dickish about it.
You might spend a lifetime completely happy with your current stance, occasionally hearing stories from your travelling friends. But don't close yourself off to the idea of travel now and forever after because you think you must stay true to choices made at 21, or indeed any age. Keep an open mind and try not to overthink this. It's just a choice. Choices can change or stay the same, it's up to you.
posted by Happy Dave at 2:17 AM on July 22, 2010
You are in a common-or-garden different choices situation. Sometimes it's explaining to greying relatives why you're not married yet. Sometimes it's explaining to freshly babyed-up friends why you're not immediately thinking of having a sprog of your own. Sometimes it's explaining to your accountant father or lawyer sister or doctor best friend why you're really not interested in doing the same job as them or going to the same college as them. Sometimes it's telling your friends why you're not all that interested in travelling right now.
There is, however, a reason that your friends are mystified by your personal choice, which is that travelling and the idea of travel is heavily slanted in Western culture as an activity for the young. This is partly backed up in infrastructure, costs and travel links that are actually easier to use if you're young (student round-the-world flight tickets, hostel networks, backpacker bars) and easier to deal with if you're penniless (scummy hostels, interesting experiences on post-Soviet train networks).
The world is a stupefyingly large and variety-filled place. You may or may not at some point wish to explore it. I would caution you, however, against being the 'never going travelling' guy in your friendship group, and to apply the same courtesy to your friends that you seem to want from them? What does that mean? Listen to their stories of travelling without grimacing and groaning. Ask them questions the way you would if they were describing a visit to Baltimore or a shitty day at the office. It's all just experience, and it's polite and bond-strengthening to listen to and explore your friend's experiences.
Otherwise, you risk becoming a 'project' to them, with every travel anecdote becoming an opportunity for them to convince you of the awesomeness of travel.
So, let's replay the exchange from upthread:
Friend: I'm thinking about going to Morocco when I get some vacation time in the spring. Want to come along?
l33tpolicywonk: No, I won't be able to - but what are you thinking of doing? I remember last week you told me about your experiences in the souks in Egypt, will that be the focus of your trip this time? Or are you going out into the desert?
Friend: Oh! Yeah, I'm really interested in starting in Tangiers, I've heard it's beautiful and the markets are amazing, but I was going to skip Casablanca, apparently it's a bit of an unremarkable dump these days....
Point 1 - Stop trying to justify your choices to your friends. They have made different choices to you and will refuse to believe your choices are valid or good for you. You're the only once who can know that, so just don't engage in this futile exercise.
Point 2 - Don't deny their choices either - listen to them, ask them questions, hell, help them research their trip if you like. If they become complete travelbug bores and won't talk about anything else (alarmingly common among younger folk who often have foreign travel as the only real differentiating or defining point of their lives) gently steer the conversation a bit, but don't get defensive and dickish about it.
You might spend a lifetime completely happy with your current stance, occasionally hearing stories from your travelling friends. But don't close yourself off to the idea of travel now and forever after because you think you must stay true to choices made at 21, or indeed any age. Keep an open mind and try not to overthink this. It's just a choice. Choices can change or stay the same, it's up to you.
posted by Happy Dave at 2:17 AM on July 22, 2010
Just don't marry someone who likes to travel. It will be very frustrating for everyone.
posted by Lucinda at 4:18 AM on July 22, 2010
posted by Lucinda at 4:18 AM on July 22, 2010
Best answer: To answer your original question:
I don't want to travel or go on vacation. Does that make me anti-social?
No, it doesn't, and I offer myself as a counterexample. I love to travel. Mainly, I love to travel alone. Because I'm somewhat introverted, and I can indulge my introversion even more when I travel alone than I can in my ordinary day-to-day life. In other words, one of the reasons I travel is to be anti-social.
Enjoyment of travel and introversion/extroversion are two separate dimensions. There are extroverts who love to travel, and extroverts who hate it; there are introverts who love to travel, and introverts who hate it. You happen to be an introvert who doesn't like to travel (which is fine), but those two qualities aren't necessarily related.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 5:19 AM on July 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't want to travel or go on vacation. Does that make me anti-social?
No, it doesn't, and I offer myself as a counterexample. I love to travel. Mainly, I love to travel alone. Because I'm somewhat introverted, and I can indulge my introversion even more when I travel alone than I can in my ordinary day-to-day life. In other words, one of the reasons I travel is to be anti-social.
Enjoyment of travel and introversion/extroversion are two separate dimensions. There are extroverts who love to travel, and extroverts who hate it; there are introverts who love to travel, and introverts who hate it. You happen to be an introvert who doesn't like to travel (which is fine), but those two qualities aren't necessarily related.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 5:19 AM on July 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think you're okay. You do not need to change this about yourself.
I realized in my teens that I don't really like to travel either. I tend to get sick. I am a bad sleeper. I like routine. Without routine, I get stressed out. I don't like flying. And I get itchy around people who use copious travel experience as a substitute for a personality.
However, when I was 23, I realized something else: I do like to move places and live there for awhile. Backpacking around Europe: No. Studying abroad in the Czech Republic and living there for a semester: Yes. Living in a place for half a year or so (or more) lets you establish routine and get to know and understand the place on a deeper level that a cursory visit does not. Maybe I like to move places because I moved a lot as a kid and that feels normal to me and thus that no one else hates travel but likes to move, but I don't know. Anyway, when people talk about travel and how much they loooove to travel and don't I looooooove to travel, I tell them I don't but I like to move places and live, and that seems to appease them and then we can talk about other things.
posted by millipede at 6:05 AM on July 22, 2010
I realized in my teens that I don't really like to travel either. I tend to get sick. I am a bad sleeper. I like routine. Without routine, I get stressed out. I don't like flying. And I get itchy around people who use copious travel experience as a substitute for a personality.
However, when I was 23, I realized something else: I do like to move places and live there for awhile. Backpacking around Europe: No. Studying abroad in the Czech Republic and living there for a semester: Yes. Living in a place for half a year or so (or more) lets you establish routine and get to know and understand the place on a deeper level that a cursory visit does not. Maybe I like to move places because I moved a lot as a kid and that feels normal to me and thus that no one else hates travel but likes to move, but I don't know. Anyway, when people talk about travel and how much they loooove to travel and don't I looooooove to travel, I tell them I don't but I like to move places and live, and that seems to appease them and then we can talk about other things.
posted by millipede at 6:05 AM on July 22, 2010
Don't worry - soon they'll stop hassling you/trying to fix your life in this way and move on to 'why haven't you got a girlfriend/ got married / had a baby/ bought a house yet?' If you don't fit into the standard mould, some people will always find this threatening and want to try to fix you.
By the way I have absolutely no desire to travel for fun either, which is think is due to having had severe travel sickness on almost all forms on transport since I was a babe in arms - it seems to have just emotionally coloured my whole attitude to travel. But I will travel for a purpose - found great satisfaction in spending most of the last decade working as a missionary in various parts of Eastern Europe.
posted by alicegoldie at 6:32 AM on July 22, 2010
By the way I have absolutely no desire to travel for fun either, which is think is due to having had severe travel sickness on almost all forms on transport since I was a babe in arms - it seems to have just emotionally coloured my whole attitude to travel. But I will travel for a purpose - found great satisfaction in spending most of the last decade working as a missionary in various parts of Eastern Europe.
posted by alicegoldie at 6:32 AM on July 22, 2010
Response by poster: Sara C, if you decide against posting the link in the thread, you can MeMail it to me and I can link it.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 7:25 AM on July 22, 2010
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 7:25 AM on July 22, 2010
I don't think you need to change it yourself deliberately, but I think you might consider the possibility that you might not always be this way.
I spent a long time not really seeing the point of travelling. But then I realised that books and the Internet can't replicate everything. I went to Pompeii a few years ago, for instance, and however much you read about it and however many pictures you see, nothing can give you the feeling of actually being there - knowing that you are looking at and standing on the remains of a civilisation that existed an almost unimaginably long time before you did - apart from, well, being there. I felt a similar way but for different reasons when I visited Yellowstone last year - parts of it (like the travertine terraces) were so alien they really felt like being on another planet, and however many photos I took and however much I told people about it afterwards, I just couldn't recreate the experience for them.
I give you these two examples because appreciating them had very little to do with taste or prior knowledge. But there are plenty of other places that, one day, you might decide you need to go and be a part of, rather than looking at or reading about from a distance. (Or you might not - and that's okay too!)
posted by raspberry-ripple at 8:45 AM on July 22, 2010
I spent a long time not really seeing the point of travelling. But then I realised that books and the Internet can't replicate everything. I went to Pompeii a few years ago, for instance, and however much you read about it and however many pictures you see, nothing can give you the feeling of actually being there - knowing that you are looking at and standing on the remains of a civilisation that existed an almost unimaginably long time before you did - apart from, well, being there. I felt a similar way but for different reasons when I visited Yellowstone last year - parts of it (like the travertine terraces) were so alien they really felt like being on another planet, and however many photos I took and however much I told people about it afterwards, I just couldn't recreate the experience for them.
I give you these two examples because appreciating them had very little to do with taste or prior knowledge. But there are plenty of other places that, one day, you might decide you need to go and be a part of, rather than looking at or reading about from a distance. (Or you might not - and that's okay too!)
posted by raspberry-ripple at 8:45 AM on July 22, 2010
I think travel can be really important for people who are born and raised in one small area of the world to get out and experience what life can be like for people outside of their social and economic world.
I think travel and the experience of other cultures can help a person be open minded. When a kid from America can see that people in other cultures are really living and enjoying their lives, they might see that the American way of life is not the best or only way to live. I think a lot of US kids are raised to believe that we are the best and that we should be trying to 'convert' the rest of the world to our way of thinking. By getting out and seeing how differences can be beautiful and awe inspiring maybe we can learn to think for ourselves.
At least that's what I learned from traveling a lot at a young age.
You can do the same kind of thing from home. Get out and explore your own city. Volunteer with a local youth center or homeless shelter. I think as long as you are willing to get out of your comfort zone you can learn the same lessons as you would travelling. Just without the expense or jet lag.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:52 AM on July 22, 2010
I think travel and the experience of other cultures can help a person be open minded. When a kid from America can see that people in other cultures are really living and enjoying their lives, they might see that the American way of life is not the best or only way to live. I think a lot of US kids are raised to believe that we are the best and that we should be trying to 'convert' the rest of the world to our way of thinking. By getting out and seeing how differences can be beautiful and awe inspiring maybe we can learn to think for ourselves.
At least that's what I learned from traveling a lot at a young age.
You can do the same kind of thing from home. Get out and explore your own city. Volunteer with a local youth center or homeless shelter. I think as long as you are willing to get out of your comfort zone you can learn the same lessons as you would travelling. Just without the expense or jet lag.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:52 AM on July 22, 2010
Hooray! Here I am, back again to get my self-linking mojo on:
Five Reasons I'm Glad I Waited To Travel
It's really a post about whether it's better to travel during your teens and college years vs. waiting till you've figured the world out a bit more. But since OP is 24 and is having this conversation a lot with his peers, I figured it might have some insight into that.
posted by Sara C. at 8:57 AM on July 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Five Reasons I'm Glad I Waited To Travel
It's really a post about whether it's better to travel during your teens and college years vs. waiting till you've figured the world out a bit more. But since OP is 24 and is having this conversation a lot with his peers, I figured it might have some insight into that.
posted by Sara C. at 8:57 AM on July 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
There is, however, a reason that your friends are mystified by your personal choice, which is that travelling and the idea of travel is heavily slanted in Western culture as an activity for the young. This is partly backed up in infrastructure, costs and travel links that are actually easier to use if you're young (student round-the-world flight tickets, hostel networks, backpacker bars) and easier to deal with if you're penniless (scummy hostels, interesting experiences on post-Soviet train networks).
This is by and large NOT seen to be true among Americans. Very few Americans do the gap year thing as compared to Brits, Aussies, and other Western Europeans. I have a few friends who've traveled, but most people I know think that traveling is either something you do for a week to Jamaica or something you wait till you're retired to really apply yourself to.
Of course, this might be a reason that the OP's friends are acting the way they are - because travel is so rare among young Americans, they might think that having backpacked through eastern Europe makes them more "cultured" or whatever than the OP, and they might express that in snide ways even towards supposed friends. Constructing what I think OP's life is like based on his age, screen-name, and city, and applying things I've been told by a friend in a similar position, young ambitious folks in DC can be competitive in ways that seem odd even to a young ambitious New Yorker like me.
posted by Sara C. at 9:17 AM on July 22, 2010
This is by and large NOT seen to be true among Americans. Very few Americans do the gap year thing as compared to Brits, Aussies, and other Western Europeans. I have a few friends who've traveled, but most people I know think that traveling is either something you do for a week to Jamaica or something you wait till you're retired to really apply yourself to.
Of course, this might be a reason that the OP's friends are acting the way they are - because travel is so rare among young Americans, they might think that having backpacked through eastern Europe makes them more "cultured" or whatever than the OP, and they might express that in snide ways even towards supposed friends. Constructing what I think OP's life is like based on his age, screen-name, and city, and applying things I've been told by a friend in a similar position, young ambitious folks in DC can be competitive in ways that seem odd even to a young ambitious New Yorker like me.
posted by Sara C. at 9:17 AM on July 22, 2010
I didn't start traveling until I was 24. So you may change your mind. Or not. But just be open minded. This goes for anything in life.
As I began to travel more, sure the sights are wonderful, but what I have enjoyed the most is meeting people from so many different places, seeing their cities with them, discussing anything and everything about life.
I was once an introvert, and would go to places and see the museums and the parks and whatnot. But not until traveling became about meeting people did it really mean so much to me.
It is very different from meeting immigrants in your home town, or tourists and asking about their country. I really do believe that seeing a few other places in the world can help improve your understanding of it. Right now I'm in Central Africa, and what I see on the street and from talking to people, you can't get from the net.
posted by wingless_angel at 12:21 PM on July 22, 2010
As I began to travel more, sure the sights are wonderful, but what I have enjoyed the most is meeting people from so many different places, seeing their cities with them, discussing anything and everything about life.
I was once an introvert, and would go to places and see the museums and the parks and whatnot. But not until traveling became about meeting people did it really mean so much to me.
It is very different from meeting immigrants in your home town, or tourists and asking about their country. I really do believe that seeing a few other places in the world can help improve your understanding of it. Right now I'm in Central Africa, and what I see on the street and from talking to people, you can't get from the net.
posted by wingless_angel at 12:21 PM on July 22, 2010
Response by poster: When a kid from America can see that people in other cultures are really living and enjoying their lives, they might see that the American way of life is not the best or only way to live. I think a lot of US kids are raised to believe that we are the best and that we should be trying to 'convert' the rest of the world to our way of thinking. By getting out and seeing how differences can be beautiful and awe inspiring maybe we can learn to think for ourselves.
Here's the thing, though: I don't think any of those things. It didn't take traveling to do that for me, it took reading enough to learn the country I live in is, well, pretty much average as quality of life goes. Part of what disappointed me about my own international trip, quite frankly, was the extent to which Americanism had permeated mainstream Ecuadoran culture: I wanted a unique, traditional and less commercialized environment, and instead got something basically like an urban environment in the US.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 1:14 PM on July 22, 2010
Here's the thing, though: I don't think any of those things. It didn't take traveling to do that for me, it took reading enough to learn the country I live in is, well, pretty much average as quality of life goes. Part of what disappointed me about my own international trip, quite frankly, was the extent to which Americanism had permeated mainstream Ecuadoran culture: I wanted a unique, traditional and less commercialized environment, and instead got something basically like an urban environment in the US.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 1:14 PM on July 22, 2010
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If you're happy, there's no reason to change anything.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:33 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]