How do I go about moving on from this?
June 6, 2010 3:32 PM Subscribe
How can I begin taking steps to get past this heartache that I've been hanging onto after falling in love with my best friend and move on to find someone who is actually emotionally available?
posted by dorothyrose to human relations (5 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a mid-thirties mom, twice divorced, each marriage very short and each marriage resulted in a child, and near the end of the second marriage he was physically abusive. I've suffered from depression for about 15 years, currently on good meds. Divorced 2 years ago and had already started developing a close friendship with a work colleague. Him: early 40s and has always lived with his mother. He is her support in every way and they will never live apart. We slept together several times but he never spent the night; he couldn't let her know he was involved with someone. We never called it 'dating' though I wanted to. I fell in love.
A year and a few months later, I'm coming out of this sort of haze and seeing him for what he is: really a sad guy in a difficult situation. I want to keep the friendship but I can't stop the fantasizing, as it's something that's become such a strong habit in the last couple years (my marriage dissolving had nothing to do with him, but I did find him attractive the day I met him). I've told him I love him, he says he "cares" for me. I am well aware that I've clung to this false hope of a relationship because of my fears of being in a real one; this one was safe in that he wouldn't turn around and say he wanted me, too. Just saying this makes me feel ill with thinking about the wasted love and time in the past year. Time thinking of him, hoping for him, but also knowing I wasn't ready. Is that f'ed up, or what?
How can I move on from this recent pain and face the issues of my two failed marriages, my depression and anxiety, and everything else? I'm terrified to let go of thought of us together. I don't know where to start.