Am I depressed or just unlucky?
May 27, 2010 1:07 PM Subscribe
I have had a rough year and my husband thinks I may be depressed, but I think it may just be a rough patch. There are a few things that have happened in my life over the past year or so that are making me bummed out and exhausted almost constantly. What does your experience with depression tell you about my situation?
posted by anonymous to human relations (22 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My husband started AA after losing about $25,000 in online poker over the course of a year because of his drinking problem. His parents gave us a loan to pay off the credit card, and we're slowly paying them back. He was very inconsistent in his sobriety during the first six months, going to meetings but drinking secretly and continuing the poker habit. He now has 3 weeks sober, and on the right track. He has started studying Buddhism and meditating daily, which seems to have helped tremendously. He also sees a therapist weekly and is taking antidepressants, which have also helped a great deal. To complicate things, my father was an alcoholic who died 11 years ago after many stints of recovery and relapse.
In the meantime, my job (which I previously loved) has become stagnant and frustrating. I have been here for 5 years, been promoted twice and have been very successful in my current role. Unfortunately, office politics have become increasingly negative and I feel overwhelmed by the complaining, arguing and backstabbing that happens around me daily. I also have a one hour commute each way (to travel less than 20 miles), that seems to be getting longer every day. There are still some things that I like about working here, and I have some really great friends that I would feel horrible leaving, but I think it is time to move on. I started sending out resumes about a month ago, looking for something closer to home. I realize that it may be a long haul given the current economy. Even if I could leave tomorrow, it would make the most financial sense for me to stay through the end of July because of vesting of my 401k.
We also started trying to conceive last May and it hasn't happened. We have put our plans on hold for the foreseeable future because it will take us a while to recover financially and emotionally from my husband's drinking problem. I want to have a baby more than anything else in the world and I feel disappointed that it didn't happen right away and frustrated with having to wait. I have a niece and nephew that are the highlight of my life, but they live 3 hours away and I only see them once a month.
I dream about opening my own restaurant or being a wedding planner, but I don't know to get from where I am now to where I want to be. I come home from work exhausted and just feel like sitting on the couch and playing computer games. I tried therapy, but I have trouble talking about my feelings, so it didn't work out. After three visits, the therapist asked me if I had feelings, and I was unable to name any. When my husband and I have discussions about our relationship and future together, I often can't find the words to express myself and end up writing him a long email the next day with how I feel. I realize that this is not ideal, but I have trouble saying what I need/want.
So, I guess I have 3 questions:
1. How do you deal with getting through tough times without completely retreating within yourself?
2. Are anti-depressants the answer?
3. Is there such a thing as correspondence therapy, since I am much more comfortable writing about my feelings than talking about them?
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