I've discovered my boyfriend looks at girls on webcams.. How do I deal with it?
April 18, 2010 4:01 PM Subscribe
I'm not usually paranoid but recently I have been - not because I've thought my boyfriend has been cheating, maybe it's been low self-esteem, but whatever, I've checked his phone messages a couple of times and it's all innocent. Today I looked on his laptop and I got my fingers burned.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (21 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
There were a few links in the history for a website called cam4.com. At first I thought it was probably pop-ups but I realised he has been looking at girls on there - a few in a day, every few days or about 20 in a week (I'm not suggesting he goes there 20 times, presumably he's browsing!). I realised that my boyfriend signed up to this website 2 days after buying his laptop! I found his profile, which has no picture, has a fairly sexual name, but no messages or anything so it doesn't look like he's interacting with people, although he has a dozen 'favourites' listed. He signed up 6 months ago - we've been together about 18 months.
I'm not completely innocent, I have looked at porn occasionally, for kicks, but I feel like looking at videos is different from a webcam, plus he seems to be doing it regularly for the past 6 months. And he's looking for girls he likes whereas if I'm looking at porn I'm not looking specifically for attractive men. I don't know if he's using his webcam or just looking at girls. Our sex life isn't brilliant. It was amazing for the 1st 3-6 months and it's great when we still do it, but it's less than once a week now. We moved in together after 3 months, so perhaps we got too serious too quickly. We've had our fair share of stress, especially over the last 6 months, and he works unsociable hours, so it's not easy to find time when we're both home and horny! I think I've probably stopped making enough effort to turn him on, he's obviously not getting satisfied by me (although I know he finds me sexy), but how worried should I be about this? I don't know whether to admit I've looked, which could break all trust between us, or try to fix it by trying harder to turn him on, or whether to just let it go (if I can) as something that's not so unusual. Help!
One more thing.. I have a webcam, I used to talk to people online, but he has always said that people only use webcams for sex and he would jokingly accuse me of showing my tits on it. He is fairly paranoid and insecure, but I never thought he would be watching girls on their webcams, so I'm quite shocked and a little worried. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a relationship with someone that needs to supplement their sex life with webcam girls.