Is My New BF a Sleazeball?
March 9, 2010 11:09 AM Subscribe
Older Single Parents Dating Filter: Staying Friends with Exes???
posted by anonymous to human relations (33 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a single mom of three kids, have been dating (now considered serious and committed) to a single dad (his kid is 11 and has high-functioning autism---this matters). This guy is great but he really struggles with being a single dad of a disabled kid. He needs all the help he can get and he has no family support where he lives.
Geographical note: We live about 3 hours apart: me in a small suburb, he lives in NYC.
A few months into dating, both being glowy and happy with where things were going, we had the "let's agree to be exclusive" talk. I also asked if he had recently been involved with anyone and there were some sticky unfinished issues. He said no.
However, every few weeks his daughter (her mom isn't in the picture) would mention another woman's name in a manner that sure as hell sounded like she was a recent ex-gf . In fact, once when I was at their house, this other woman called and new BF told her that I was hanging out there. I got a little thoughtful, asked again, what's the deal with her, he says they're just friends.
This past weekend he told me that actually, they had dated before he met me (for about 6 months...he knew from the get-go he didn't feel intimate or too connected with her and it took him 3 months to break it off) and that he had broken up with her about a month before he and I connected.
However, she occasionally babysits his daughter and he does consider her to be a friend. He doesn't go out with her.
He then went on to explain that he's friends with quite a few of his exes, some are now married and he's friends with their husbands as well, and some are single.
For some reason, this sits fine with me and I totally get it. I trust him and I get that he needs some positive women around his daughter and a free babysitter. I definitely think this ex-gf is babysitting, though, as part of a plan to keep her foot in the door. But it's her free time.
But I was telling my best friend about this whole thing, and she said to post it all out here and see what you all thought.
So what do we think?
Is this guy, to use my friend's terminology, "a total freakin' sleazeball who is searching for a new mommy for his messed up kid" or is it possible that I'm right and he's a struggling single father who is kind enough to stay friends with exes who are willing to help him out sometimes by babysitting?
What am I not seeing?