I have pictures and video of a sexual nature of a couple of my exes. While I would never show them to anyone else and am careful to make sure they remain confidential, I don't plan on getting rid of them.
Since I still find my exes very physically attractive, and I'm not very turned on by most pornography I can find, I tend to make use of these materials for personal satisfaction. I don't think there's anything wrong with this.
What I am wondering about, is whether it is wrong to do this when I'm in a monogamous relationship. I've never had problems being faithful, and I would never date anyone who expected me not to masturbate, or who had a problem with me looking at pornography, but I'm not sure this is the same.
If it makes any difference, one of the exes I don't expect to ever be in contact with again and have no desire to reunite with. Another, I am good friends with and could imagine getting back together if the timing and geography were right, but we're currently platonic and respect those boundaries.
I don't feel that looking at this material changes my feelings towards these people; it just gets me off. But, I could see where if my SO knew, it might be upsetting. Since starting a committed relationship, I haven't been looking at these things because of my uncertainty. I have two basic questions:
- Is using these materials for self satisfaction wrong when I'm in a relationship?
- Should I talk to my SO about this? I'm not sure I really want to ask permission, since I don't think anyone has a right to tell you how to masturbate, but I really prefer to be open and honest about things. However, I wonder if this is one of those situations where it's better to just keep it to myself.