How does your comfort level in relationships show?
November 22, 2009 7:46 PM Subscribe
This is REALLY not about the toilet seat...or is it?!? Men, I need your advice!! Women, there is a question inside for you too!
posted by hollygirl to Human Relations (73 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Help! My wonderful boyfriend of 2+ years has ALWAYS been considerate and has put the toilet seat down when he is done. I've never asked him to do this; he just did, which I really appreciated and expressed to him in the past.
We are very close. Have a solid relationship and have learned to adjust to each other.
Here is the weird part: All of the sudden, out of nowhere, he starts leaving the toilet seat up. All. The. Time. I've fallen in. I've shrieked in the middle of the night. I've asked nicely. It still stays up. AND AFTER TWO YEARS OF ALWAYS PUTTING IT DOWN!!!!!!
I've always believed that a change in behavior signifies something....I'm just not sure what in this case!
So I asked him about it in a relaxed, "Hey honey, I've always appreciated how you've been so thoughtful about this. Can you please make the effort again?" kinda way.
His response is that he is now comfortable with me to a degee that he was not before. I appreciate this and I want him to feel comfortable, but to me I feel like I'm being taken for granted. (GF has been around 2 years...no longer need to make the effort. That's how I see it.)
This issue of asking him to try and he saying he will and then doesn't has been going on for over two months now.
FWIW, I've been wanting to get married. He is completely committed to me but needs small steps to get there so part of me thinks that there is truth to his new level of comfort...and he DOES act as if he is more comfortable too. He is 43; I am 38.
My questions: Men, I want to know from you: is this REALLY an issue of comfort? Do men really get to a plateau that is truly indicitive of a level of comfort--that shows in an overt way?? Is this a passive-aggressive way to piss me off (ha ha)? For women: When do my feelings factor in? How do you factor comfort with the courtesies of keeping a relationship alive? And yes... I even told him I'd be willing to leave the seat up for him when I was done.
I HAVE seen all the other posts about the toilet seat, but my question is really one of reaching comfort levels in relationships without turning in to roommates....this just happens to be coming through in way of a plastic toilet seat.
Any advice and personal experience will be most helpful. Thanks everyone!