I'm sure I'm being unreasonable, but...
November 17, 2009 2:38 PM Subscribe
What can I do to get along with my husband's family?
posted by anonymous to human relations (43 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My husband and I have been married 12 years, the last several of which have been somewhat rocky. He "met up" with a high school crush on Facebook and began an online emotional affair with her (she is married as well and lives in another state). After a couple months of high drama, that relationship ended and we are both working together on repairing our marriage. We feel pretty solid and have come quite a long way and I don't feel that this woman is a threat at all. The sticking point is that she is Facebook friends with my husband's brother and his wife, along with a few other mutual friends. My in laws know the entire story of their relationship and they know that it dredges up all sorts of memories of a particularly horrible time whenever I see her name, much less cheery messages back and forth between them. I've asked them once to please respect my feelings and to be supportive of what my husband and I are going through and to "unfriend" this woman, which ended in them giving me blank looks and vague "we'll think about it" answers and of course, they are still friends.
I'm really really trying to be the bigger person here and not let this bother me, however I agreed to watch their child while they go on a vacation next month-it was only after I said that I would that I found out that they are going on vacation with this woman. For some reason, this has me really angry. I feel as if the friendship with her is more important to them than my feelings and how seeing them make plans together and be all buddy-ish might be hurtful to me isn't a concern of theirs at all.
I realize I have no right to tell them who they can be friends with and I really should be the bigger person and go about my life, but it's difficult since my husband and his brother are close and my son loves his cousin. How can I spend time with these people who I feel are disrespectful of my feelings and still act like none of this bothers me? I'm trying to keep a friendly relationship for my husband and son's sake, but it's very difficult some days.