Unhealthily jealous of the attention my girlfriend gets from guys
August 31, 2009 9:51 AM Subscribe
Guys are always hitting on my girlfriend and making it clear that she is out of my league, how do I stop being jealous MeFi?
posted by plechazunga to Human Relations (70 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
(possibly useful background - those who have read my previous questions will know that I have just come out of a very long term relationship)
So I am now seeing a fantastic girl who - without meaning to sound massively insecure - is someone who I have known for just over a year and have always considered to be WAY out of my league. She is beautiful and more like the cheerleader type you always secretly had a crush on in school while I am a rather more scruffy ex skateboarder and I am completely aware that she fell for my personality before my looks. Her longest relationship so far has been two years while mine is eleven.
My biggest problem is that whenever we go out, prior to her introducing me as her boyfriend, guys are always hitting on her. She has done so much to reassure me that she isn't interested but I am having a hard time getting over it. Additionally there are a couple of her exes in her large circle of friends, which makes me slightly uneasy.
Eg one time this guy comes over (friend of a friend of a friend of hers, jock type who is more like the person people would imagine her with) and starts talking directly to her, within a few seconds he is putting his arm around her. She says "by the way this is my boyfriend", he looks at me disbelievingly (a very typical reaction from people who hear the news), and I turn it into a joke ("yeah, she's still recovering from the eye surgery" - true story) and secretly want to punch the guy's face off. Conversation goes stale after this and he moves over to another girl. Another night, her very drunk ex turns up, again not realising that she is with me, grabs her ass and leans in for a kiss. She walked away from him.
On top of this (sorry it's so long) she gets drunk. Like really drunk. I am worried that one day she won't have the strength to resist if I am not there, but at the same time I don't want to tell her not to get drunk as it is issues of control like this that lead me to break up with my ex.
Like i said, she has gone to great lengths to reassure me that I am the only one she wants and that she doesn't perceive a difference in our levels of attractiveness but I can't stop worrying.
I guess there are four problems: 1 my jealousy. 2 her drinking. 3 the way other guys see her. 4 my feelings that I am punching above my weight and that genuinely one day she will get over her eye surgery and leave me. Am I being a crazy jealous freak?