House of (hopefully not) Jealous Lovers
August 21, 2009 7:52 AM Subscribe
Polyamory: What now?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (38 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I am currently in a long term relationship with someone who I love very much. We have been together for 4 years and I guess that polyamory is always something that my partner has wanted to explore but has been comfortable not pursuing actively until now. While I can find no rational reason to be against the practice (in fact I can only see upsides) I am feeling a bit bewildered and lost. There are few tiers of questions that rise out of this.
What I need to know are the logistics of moving from a monogamous to polyamorous relationship. How do I go about finding like-minded people? How do I broach the topic of whatever I have with a new person either being secondary or a part of my primary relationship? How do I adjust my primary relationship to accommodate whatever might come up for either of us? We have already discussed ground rules re: communication, our apartment, what is off-limits, practicing safe sex and so on.
The next tier of questions has to do with emotional coping. To be honest I am feeling a little blindsided by this sudden shift in the dynamics of our partnership. I don't want to be a jealous partner and I want for my other half to explore without feeling like I am losing some part of what we have now. I feel like these are murky, treacherous waters and any advice on how to make it out for the better would be appreciated.
The last tier I guess is communication. How do you share this with friends/family? Do you share it?
Right now all of this is very seat of the pants and I am having trouble shifting gears. I am all for this experiment because no matter what our configuration the relationship will last or it won't. If it's something my partner needs to feel like a whole, honest person then I would be out of line to ask them not to walk this road. I guess I could just use a primer.
Follow-up questions can go to email@example.com