Bringing sexy forward
July 19, 2009 6:47 PM Subscribe
Help me be more comfortable with my (straight, female) sexuality and be more sexy
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (52 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
Several well-meaning friends have told me in my single phases over the years that I dress too much like a priss and should try to look and act a bit more sexy, and just well, lighten up and not take things so seriously. I've realised I actually have little idea of what to do/wear and moreso, feel uncomfortable with the idea. I would like to feel natural and confident and comfortable with playing up my sexuality (being flirty and dressing in an attractive way) and I'm not sure why I don't (was not raised religious or anything).
I take part in a lot of male dominated activities and have always had this perhaps misguided idea that not playing up my sexuality when mixing with the guys was a matter of integrity and a way to be taken seriously. I'm also pretty uncomfortable with unwanted sexual attention and feel anxious when someone hits on me and I'm not interested because I worry that I won't get the balance of kind and assertive right and I tend to feel guilty for not reciprocating. I'm not sure if this is part of it.
I dress very femininely, but more along the lines of "girly" than "womanly" - pretty but definately not sexy. It probably doesn't help that I also look much younger than I am.
I'm not a prude but I think I might come across like one because I feel so uncomfortable with being "sexy" until I actually get in the bedroom - and this is obviously limiting my opportunities to do so! When I go out to clubs with other single girls they're just so much more confident and out there than I am, and I feel kind of awkward. I still want to be me but would also like to be a bit more sexy and womanly without feeling ridiculous or like a piece of meat.
I always feel uncomfortable when I get attention for my appearance, so I try to underplay it and cover up, but then get frustrated when someone I find attractive doesn't notice me.
Help me shake out of this please!