Tactfully breaking off casual dating
July 12, 2009 4:11 PM Subscribe
How to tactfully break things off with a woman I just started dating?
posted by anonymous to human relations (45 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
I’m a late 20s guy with fairly limited dating experience. I’ve been in two long-term relationships thus far (both ended very amicably) and in several short term ones. My short term relationships mostly fizzled out without any formal break up. The few that ended formally, my girlfriend was the one to break it off (“we should just be friends”) but this was after 2-6 months of dating.
After many years of not being able to land a date, I gave up and now seem to be going on dates all the time (women I meet offline and online). Although I am having a good time, I have no idea how to end these casual dating relationships when I am no longer interested. Example: I recently met a girl at my coffee shop (we’re both regulars there). We chatted a couple of times, I asked her out, and went on a date. A week later we had a second date. After both dates, she wrote me a nice email saying how much she enjoyed it and that she was looking forward to seeing me again. She seems like a nice person but after two long conversations with her, I realized that I don’t enjoy being around her. My usual response to a situation like this is to not return the email and hope that she doesn’t contact me again. I would probably also avoid that coffee shop for a little while. But clearly this is not the adult thing to do.
Writing her an email saying “Hey, I’m not interested in dating you anymore” sounds weird and formal (because we are not in a relationship). But then I don’t want to leave her hanging. What is the graceful, adult thing to do here?
PS: I have been on the other side of this too. A few weeks ago I went on a date with someone I met on okc. I wrote her an email and called a few days after the date. We played text tag for a couple of days but then she stopped responding and deleted her profile. So that was the end of that. Is that the way to go? Stop responding and the other person just takes the hint?