How do I say no without being mean?
June 24, 2007 1:07 PM Subscribe
I have problems saying "no thanks" on dates. Help me be honest without being mean.
posted by BuddhaBelly to Human Relations (95 answers total) 23 users marked this as a favorite
I've been on a few dates from Match.com. I have a problem when I reach the end of the date, I know I'm not interested, and he asks to see me again. I end up saying sure, why not! AND, EVEN WORSE, I end up kissing him because I feel guilty! Unfortunately, I think it's just that I am trying too hard to be nice. If I'm not interested, I have a hard time saying so, and then I end up just not answering subsequent calls, or even going out on a worthless second date and then doing the same thing.
To be clear, I know this is WRONG. I shouldn't be doing this and I am sure I am hurting feelings too, probably even more so than if I just said I wasn't interested.
What can I do to help myself to be honest, but not mean? Is there a sort of "script" I can follow? I've tried to convey things properly with body language (leaning back instead of forward, crossing my arms, not returning those gentle romantic touches, etc.). Is there some way I can do this without feeling uncomfortable? Or is everyone just as uncomfortable?