Makeing allowances

May 28, 2009 11:52 AM

How much allowance should I be giving my kids and for what?

My wife and I have two daughters; ages 13 and 15. We have a very happy little family going on, lots of helping each other and working together. I would like to give them an allowance and structure it to some of the chores around the house. Problem is, I think it might be a little late to start (?) and they've already been helping around the house since they were wee nippers. Please Hive, share with me your experience with instituting allowances. Rates and chores done would also be a help. I want to start this and be consistent so any input will be welcome.

posted by Mr.Me to work & money (29 comments total)

Fifteen's kind of old for an allowance: She should start thinking about a real part-time job if possible. This isn't to say you shouldn't help her out if she's in a pinch or needs something- but earning your own cash can be very satisfying.

When I was thirteen, ten bucks or so a week would have blown my mind.
posted by dunkadunc at 11:58 AM on May 28 [1 favorite]

Parents I have known (not limited to, but including my own) have tied allowance roughly to age (a six year old kid gets six dollars, etc). If kids are close in age, the allowance can be the same for both kids—like your daughters, my sister and I are two years apart, so our allowance was the same.

In my family's case, allowance was not tied to specific chores, but it was clear that if we didn't help out around the house, we wouldn't be getting any. As our allowance went up, our parents paid for fewer unnecessary things, as we were getting enough money to save for them ourselves.
posted by ocherdraco at 11:59 AM on May 28

We do this on an occasional basis with our older two. There's in a regular allowance per se, but there is a semi-regular list of chores that they need to get done per week. Stuff above and beyond that might be worth a few bucks depending on how badly we need it done.

Example: company is coming, vacuum your room. Vacuum the whole upstairs (well) and I'll give you $5. We keep a running tab on the side of the fridge and they can use it when we go out to do stuff or when they want to feed their Webkinz addiction.

FWIW, 15 is about the time I started mowing lawns around the neighborhood for money and I made enough in a summer or two to buy my first car (actually, pay my dad back for it). $20 per yard with the occasional tip.
posted by jquinby at 12:00 PM on May 28

...should read "There isn't a regular allowance..."
posted by jquinby at 12:01 PM on May 28

When I was 11, I got $10 a month, when I was 12 I got $20 a month, when I was 13 I got $30 a month. That continued until I reached high school then my allowance became $10 a week for school lunch. It was a pretty good plan at the time, and when I got to high school I had the choice to make a (balanced) lunch and keep the money or use the money for food at school.
posted by lilkeith07 at 12:02 PM on May 28 [1 favorite]

I didn't start getting an allowance until I was in middle school, so I don't think it's unreasonable to start late.

When my parents started I got $20/month, which was a lot for little non-driving sixth grade me back in 1995 or whatever but where and when I live now, that's like one trip to the movies with food, so I'd suggest a little more.

What is it you're hoping to have them buy with it? Clothes? Food out with their friends? Gas (for the 15 year old who I assume will be driving soon)? School supplies? Save up for/contribute to sports, school clubs, etc? Are they allowed to have after school jobs (babysitting or whatever), or will this be their sole source of income? Answering those questions first may help you frame how much is reasonable. And actually, regarding that last question, once I had a stable summer job (I taught at a summer camp), I stopped getting an allowance.

Don't be afraid to include them in the discussion of "how much", too. I actually lowballed my parents when they asked me how much I thought was reasonable and they doubled what I was expecting.
posted by olinerd at 12:03 PM on May 28

The rule of thumb I hear most is one dollar per year of age, per week.

I wouldn't necessarily tie it directly to their household responsibilities, especially since they've already got a history of being helpful around the house and your expectations of them will probably not change once you're giving them a set amount of spending money. Rather, I'd think of it as a dividend they're getting simply for being a contributing member of the family.

You could, perhaps, also offer additional chores outside their normal realm of responsibility, at an appropriate rate of pay. Being able to earn extra money is hard for teenagers in some places, and this is a nice way for them to boost their savings for purchases or events they want to attend.

You will want to discuss what your children will be expected to pay for out of pocket. Their own makeup? Movies? School lunches? Clothes? This should probably be a family meeting, and you will probably come up with compromises like agreeing to pay for drugstore shampoo but not salon products, or paying for a certain amount of school clothing but not luxury items beyond that budget.

My kids are younger, and we have started them with a required savings and charity program just to get them used to thinking about those things. You should discuss with your children whether they will be saving or donating their money (or donating time in lieu of money), as part of a comprehensive approach to financial management.
posted by padraigin at 12:03 PM on May 28

When I was in high school, I got $20 a week. High, yes, but part of the theory was to give me decision-making power: I could pack a lunch for free, or buy lunch out of my $20. It wasn't payment for chores per se, but when I started getting that much, my chore load also went up (notably to include mowing the lawn.)

Part-time jobs are a nice idea, but at least where I lived, there were very few options - and all of them unavailable to me because I didn't have a car and public transit didn't actually work for it. My sister was in a similar position, plus her school workload definitely kept her from having the time to work. The usual system was that we'd work over the summer, and not get any allowance at that time.
posted by Tomorrowful at 12:06 PM on May 28

In our teens, my older brother made more allowance than me, and that was because he had more responsibilities, went out more often, and had to pay for more of his own stuff. I'd give the 13 year old $10-15 and the 15 year old $15-20.

One other thing you might consider: My parents would double my allowance the next week if I'd saved it. Helluva rate! So if I got $5 a week, and I still had that $5 the next week, then they'd give me $10. (Saving the $10 did not turn it into $20 the next week; I'd still get $10.) I'm not the best saver in the world, but it did teach me to consider whether I wanted to spend or save my money each day.

You don't want to be handing your 15 year old $40 each week, of course, but maybe you can tack on an extra $5 each if they save it?
posted by juliplease at 12:14 PM on May 28 [2 favorites]

Whatever you give them, make them responsible for buying something of their own with it.

What we do is give them a certain amount for allowance, we calculated it based on how much it costs to buy lunch at school, plus some and then they're responsible for their own lunch. They can buy, bag it or bring leftovers, whatever, but it's up to the them. That and few school functions and dues are up to them to pay.

Tying it to chores can be messy, as they'll tend to think of every chore as money. They do chores because they live there and are also responsible, along with us, for the upkeep of the house.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:17 PM on May 28 [2 favorites]

I have a 13 and 15 year old too. They both get $10 a week. No specific chores are tied to it beyond the usual keep your room picked up and all that. It sounds like I'm getting off cheap. I hope the kids aren't MeFites :)
posted by COD at 12:18 PM on May 28

Recent college grad... while in high school, I got something like $100/month. However, this was for lunch, toiletries and clothes (although my parents would buy large items like shoes, jackets, and dresses for dances). Then I got a part time job and, while this was never formally cut off, it stopped being once a month-- more like an occasional boost. This was probably loosely tied to expenses I whined about, but I never drew the connection.
posted by samthemander at 12:20 PM on May 28

It seems my mom was generous. I generally got about $15-$20 a week in middle school and more like $25 in high school. It wasn't really an allowance so much as "here's all the money you get for a social life, use it as you will" cash. If I spent it early and my friends were going out on Friday, I didn't go and I didn't bug her for more money. My mom wanted me to be able to buy cds and go to movies with my friends, and at that time, you could have a fun night out once a week for $20. I'm not sure how far that amount would go now.

I cooked dinner most nights at that age and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher. I didn't have a job then, but I did have a high GPA with a very demanding class load and a lot of extra curricular stuff. My mom figured that I was basically working to earn the academic scholarships that would let me go to college. She didn't want a job to interfere with that. My less academically inclined brothers, however, both did work.
posted by mostlymartha at 12:21 PM on May 28

My boy just said he also got about $20 a week in high school for all his errands, social life, and extraneous (not food) expenses. For perspective, we were in high school 1996-2000.
posted by mostlymartha at 12:25 PM on May 28

Between the ages of 7 and 12, I got $2 a week for allowance plus money for each quarterly reportcard. $20 for all A's and $15 for A's and B's. Nothing if I had a grade below a B.

Needless to say, I was a very good student, so as to not live below the candystore poverty line.

When I was 12 I started babysitting children around the neighborhood (and my main competition was actually a boy that was a year older) by putting homemade flyers in mailboxes. The first time I babysat I got $30 or something and was floored. Soon after that I secured a regular position with a family with 3 young children where I could walk them home from school and help them with homework and snacks until mom got home around 5:30 (about 2-3 hours a day for me at the time) and I got 50$ a week. I thought I was rich.

I got my first legit job at 14 with school working papers. I do not recall my parents ever giving me money for movies or the mall. I got $10 a weel for school lunch because lunch was $2 for the regular meal. I used to eat only poptarts and a milk (75 cents) so that I could save up money.

Having to be so careful with money actually caused me to approach it with great anxiety and I still feel weird to this day if someone pays for me when I don't feel I've earned it.

You should give your kids _just enough_ allowance to learn how to budget without making them need to skip a full lunch in favor of junkfood to save a buck. Figure out how much it costs in your area to go to the movies once a month and maybe get ice cream or something, add a couple bucks for incidentals then divide that amongst the four weeks (so they learn to save up). Pay both kids the same amount but strongly encourage the 15 year old to get a job.
I would say about $8 a week is good (for my suburban area), not including money for school lunch. If you feel thats on the cheap side, give them the $8 in cash then match it in a savings account that you turn over to each of them once they're 18. Then they'll have over 1k in an emergency fund, which can come in handy with car care and other adult expenses they'll have by then.
posted by WeekendJen at 12:33 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

I think that since you're starting them so late with the allowance that whatever you do, it should be tied to some bigger lessons about personal finances and financial responsibility. There's was some tv show (probably Oprah) that had one family sit down with their young teen kids and basically hand them a huge pile of cash. This represented the family money for the month. Then the whole family sat down and went through the family bills and the kids "paid" the bills. With the leftover money they talked about groceries (laying down more bills), lunches, etc. They also talked about big things that they were saving for (more money gets put aside) until there was a rather small pile on the table. (If you guys are the kind of family that always has a huge pile on the table left over then maybe artificially shorten it -- this is just an exercise.) The kids eyes were just HUGE when they saw how little was left over for frivolous stuff. I think that would have made an impact on me as a kid. Naturally, I think you can decide which bills make the biggest impact and are the easiest to understand -- you can have quick discussions about mortgages, interest-bearing accounts, saving for a "rainy day" and also about why people think money is a private topic (you may not want your kids talking to their friends at school about how rich or poor they think you are). Don't forget the topic of charitable donations!

That would have made a big impact on me as a kid -- as opposed to the almost no knowledge my parents imparted to me other than to balance my checkbook.

Having said that, I had an allowance up until my mid-teens, maybe even up till college. It was not tied to chores though could be taken away if I was being particularly terrible about getting them done. I was also paid to babysit my 8-years-younger brother since asking a 16-year-old to stay in on Friday night is not nice.

I think you should discuss the allowance with your kids -- especially if you do it along with a bigger explanation of finances -- and have them help you decide what it should cover and how much it should be.
posted by amanda at 12:37 PM on May 28 [2 favorites]

Give their age and that they haven't had an allowance prior to this... perhaps rather than going with the simplistic X amount of spending money per week or month arrangement, you might consider this an opportunity to teach them about budgeting, savings, household expenses and so forth.

Search online for articles about children and household budgets and you'll see what I mean. Essentially I'm suggesting that instead of just giving them cash to spend on whatever (although kids certainly need a lil money to have fun with), use this as a chance to show them how a budget works and let them start to have more power in how the money you spend on them is spent. For example if you spend $500 every fall on school clothing but your daughter really wants a laptop for her school work, she may want to get a few more miles out of her shoes and clothes if she could funnel some of that "school" money towards a laptop. You get the idea =)
posted by JFitzpatrick at 12:41 PM on May 28 [1 favorite]

When I was a in my early teens and a few years before (15 years ago), my parents gave me $10/week and left it there. They left it to my sister and I to ask for an increase, and then to explain why it was needed. This was likely due both to their lawyer backgrounds, and the fact they wanted to have me learn how to assert myself to authority figures, and argue for my position. It was a lesson well learned. (I got an increase to $15 around the age of 13). Stopped getting allowance and started working doing odds and ends, inc. summer job at 16 - not that they stopped offering, I just stopped taking.

However, the best thing they did was, despite helping with purchases and being generous when warranted, was telling my sister and I that if we ever wanted to buy ANY books they would pay for them. Not magazines, but kiddy sports books when I was 8, nerdy D+D-like books by Scott Livingstone when I was 11, Stephen King when I was 13, and capital L-Literature thereafter (I stopped taking them up on it at 16). This really instilled a love of reading for me that I hold to this day. I plan on doing the same for my kids with things I love and hope they will love as well (books whenever they want; 1 or 2 CDs a month, etc.).
posted by evadery at 12:50 PM on May 28 [1 favorite]

Why not scale it so that they can transition into buying their own stuff? Rather than starting an allowance now, give the 15 year old just enough money per week to manage covering her own montly make-up or shampoo needs or whatever. You can still get her the big things, like back to school clothes, but if she wants something small but unnecessary, she can manage her money for it. You could give the 13 year old a little less, but she could manage it the same way for lip gloss or something. I recall being really fond of lip gloss at 13, but you know, whatever they're in to. My parents transitioned me to buying my own things in high school, though my mom kept veto power (don't do that!).
posted by motsque at 12:54 PM on May 28

I wouldn't pay them more for doing some chores - if they are good members of the family and willingly contribute, let them keep doing so. However, if they stop helping out, the allowance stops. And also, if you normally pay someone to mow or weed the lawn, ask them first if they would want to be paid the same amount that you would normally pay.

I would give them both about the same amount - give the 15 year old one a little more, but let the 15 year old one know that she should start looking for jobs pretty soon, and you'll be cutting out allowance at around 16-17 or whatever age you choose. Suggest tutoring, babysitting, dog-walking, retail job at a supermarket/clothing/accessories store.

I suggest still paying for their clothes, school supplies, necessary toiletries, and giving a small allowance for just weekly entertainment and social life, and grabbing a snack after school if they have soccer practice or something. Maybe $20-$30 dollars/week. Decide what's reasonable for them to be doing every week - movies once a week is too much? Then make it less, if going to the movies and dinner once a week is OK, and it's OK for them to get snacks every other day then make it more. If you want them out riding their bikes instead of going to the mall every saturday, then make it less. Then, let them know if they want to go to the prom, or Six Flags, a concert, or anything that won't be covered by that ~$20/week, they can ask you for the money, and you'll decide if they can go. This way they're not making their own plans for being away all day at an amusement park, or being out all night at a concer and saying "but this is my allowance money that I used!"

This worked well in my family, and it should work well if everyone is honest, trustworthy, and unselfish.
posted by KateHasQuestions at 1:28 PM on May 28

Thank you very much for all the thoughtful posts! My family and I will, no doubt, be drawing from your experiences! Thanks again.
posted by Mr.Me at 1:55 PM on May 28

My kids are younger than yours so we haven't done allowances. Remembering my own conflicts with my parents about money in middle school and high school, what I wish we had done (instead of my dad just picking an arbitrary number, or scaling it to age) was talk about what we expected me to do with my allowance and how much that cost. Was I expected to pay for my own lunches? Did we think it as reasonable for me to be able to go roller-skating or to a movie on Saturday if I had paid to go to a dance and out for pizza on Friday, or was one outing-for-money a week reasonable? If at a movie, is it reasonable to have enough to buy a soda? How often did we think it was reasonable for me to be able to buy a record, or a book, from my allowance? Should i have been able to have enough money to buy more lipstick than my parents thought I "needed," or to buy an occasional item of clothing outside of shopping trips with my mom?
posted by not that girl at 3:07 PM on May 28

I kind of vaguely remember that we had allowances, but they must have been sporadic, because I can't recall any amounts. I do know my parents were generous (but not overly generous) when I was a teenager in response to the question: "Can I have some money to go to a movie, please?"
posted by purpletangerine at 3:14 PM on May 28

However, the best thing they did was, despite helping with purchases and being generous when warranted, was telling my sister and I that if we ever wanted to buy ANY books they would pay for them. (evadery)

Yes! My parents did this, too! Oh my goodness it was the best thing ever.
posted by ocherdraco at 5:46 PM on May 28

Problem is, I think it might be a little late to start (?) and they've already been helping around the house since they were wee nippers.

Caution. Do not tie allowances to chores if they are already doing chores regularly. Instead, tie it to extra chores or some other activity. Currently chores are probably associated with a sense of "duty" and family reponsibility, but if you tie them to money, they become something that can be paid away (e.g. "oh, don't give me my allowance this week as I don't feel like doing any chores").

I'd love to cite the study I've read on this, but basically people who do things for intrinsic reasons can be "ruined" by newly supplied extrinsic factors. Instead, find new things to peg it to or existing activities that are already powered by extrinsic motivation.
posted by wackybrit at 6:07 PM on May 28

However, the best thing they did was, despite helping with purchases and being generous when warranted, was telling my sister and I that if we ever wanted to buy ANY books they would pay for them.

Thanks for bringing this up. I'm having my first shortly and I'd like to steal this as a cardinal rule :-)
posted by wackybrit at 6:10 PM on May 28

You might want to put a limit on the books. I was reading a book every couple of days at that age, and would have quite happily bankrupted my parents if they had offered to buy them.

We also got a clothing allowance - can't remember how much it was, but it gave us freedom to buy the clothes we wanted to, as opposed to what Mum wanted to buy us.
posted by kjs4 at 6:53 PM on May 28

I have a range for my kids 13, 14 and 15. There is a max if they are particularly helpful without much asking and a minimum that they get just for being part of the family and to help them learn about saving and money etc. I also will match certain earnings and will pay them extra for non regular chores such as washing my car. The range is $2-$10. One child maxes almost every week. Another is in the upper range and the other has no desire to help and gets the $2. The helping two have purchased iPods and other items like that with their money. The older one uses the money for going to the diner with friends or the mall. Part of the learning experience for me and the kids is the meeting we have each week to discuss what they are getting. They have learned to advocate for themselves, learned what is important to me and what I think is bs. They also negotiate higher rates for higher savings rates. They have a vesting system that they track that is a great incentive. Such things as get the max 5 weeks in a row and you get a $10 bonus. In a departure from the real world, if they do charity work such as sorting clothes at the shelter or serving meals, I pay way more of a bonus than I would if they simply cleaned something they didn't have to. I have also given a bonus to them for arranging their own rides to and from practice or setting up a carpool for a baseball team. My guess is that I am a little odd about how my system works, but the kids love it and learn all sorts of valuable lessons about what is important and what the value of a $1 is. They are very quick to make decisions on purchases based on is it worth it. Also, I have them bid for chores and allow them to pay their siblings to do things for them.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:32 PM on May 28

I'd love to cite the study I've read on this, but basically people who do things for intrinsic reasons can be "ruined" by newly supplied extrinsic factors. Instead, find new things to peg it to or existing activities that are already powered by extrinsic motivation.

This is very true. My parents did what some others above are suggesting and provided money calculated generously to cover some expenses that I was expected to pay for: lunch, gasoline, school supplies, haircuts, shoes, camping supplies (I guess you could substitute in other encouraged activity supplies). I had to make a budget and think about where money would go. My parents were open to me proving that they had underestimated how much something should cost. This required real evidence.

For a long-term saving project, I had to pay for summer camp for my main activity (debate), so the amount of money I saved and earned mowing lawns, tutoring, etc was part of my being able to go where I wanted.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:46 AM on May 29 [2 favorites]