Please hope me
April 30, 2009 2:08 PM Subscribe
How can I work on mental health issues without costly therapy? Lengthy details inside.
After attempting suicide a few years ago, I was treated for depression, saw several therapists and took medication for a brief time. I did not like the way medication affected me, and I found it impossible to open up to a therapist. Still, I managed to work thorough my day-to-day depressive nature and am, for the most part, a happy, well-adjusted person, and no longer have active plans to kill myself.
Issues that were never resolved in therapy include sexual abuse as a child within my family (I could not bring myself to talk about it). Three times now in the last year, all when drinking, I had huge emotional breakdowns that confuse me and scare the people around me. I ended up cutting myself once about a year ago, the other two times I just melted down, became incredibly insecure for a couple hours, talked about wanting to die, and talked about the abuse I went through. These are the only times in the last few years I've actively thought about wanting to die, and the only time that I obsessed over the abuse. Mostly I just went back (in my mind) to a time and place where I was extremely depressed and insecure and no longer wanted to live. This is not who I am, and not part of my daily life, but knowing that these aspects of who I was are still there is worrisome for me.
Okay, now that you have the back story, I need advice. I would really like to feel better about myself without seeing a therapist.
Have any of you worked through emotional problems without talk therapy? How?
If you insist a therapist is the only option for me, do you have advice for free, or very affordable therapists in or around Madison, WI, and how can I be even remotely comfortable talking to one?
Thanks all. anonymous email is askmejohndoe@gmail.com
After attempting suicide a few years ago, I was treated for depression, saw several therapists and took medication for a brief time. I did not like the way medication affected me, and I found it impossible to open up to a therapist. Still, I managed to work thorough my day-to-day depressive nature and am, for the most part, a happy, well-adjusted person, and no longer have active plans to kill myself.
Issues that were never resolved in therapy include sexual abuse as a child within my family (I could not bring myself to talk about it). Three times now in the last year, all when drinking, I had huge emotional breakdowns that confuse me and scare the people around me. I ended up cutting myself once about a year ago, the other two times I just melted down, became incredibly insecure for a couple hours, talked about wanting to die, and talked about the abuse I went through. These are the only times in the last few years I've actively thought about wanting to die, and the only time that I obsessed over the abuse. Mostly I just went back (in my mind) to a time and place where I was extremely depressed and insecure and no longer wanted to live. This is not who I am, and not part of my daily life, but knowing that these aspects of who I was are still there is worrisome for me.
Okay, now that you have the back story, I need advice. I would really like to feel better about myself without seeing a therapist.
Have any of you worked through emotional problems without talk therapy? How?
If you insist a therapist is the only option for me, do you have advice for free, or very affordable therapists in or around Madison, WI, and how can I be even remotely comfortable talking to one?
Thanks all. anonymous email is askmejohndoe@gmail.com
I find it really strange how many askme questions consist of "I'm basically well-adjusted except for these major emotional crises I keep having; I need help but I refuse to let anyone help me. What should I do?"
It's possible to work through stuff on your own, I guess, but it's definitely doing it the hard way. And it's hard enough so why make it even harder? For the expense: you've only got one brain, maybe its health is worth a few bucks? Just about all therapists work on a sliding scale, etc etc blah blah, see literally every AskMe ever posted about this subject.
As for feeling comfortable talking to therapists, a) it's not supposed to be comfortable, b) it's their job to help you talk through uncomfortable issues, they've heard much worse for sure, and c) you could start by talking about the fact that you feel uncomfortable talking and see where they go with that.
That said, since all your breakdowns lately have been while drinking, an obvious place to start is by quitting drinking.
posted by ook at 2:28 PM on April 30, 2009 [6 favorites]
It's possible to work through stuff on your own, I guess, but it's definitely doing it the hard way. And it's hard enough so why make it even harder? For the expense: you've only got one brain, maybe its health is worth a few bucks? Just about all therapists work on a sliding scale, etc etc blah blah, see literally every AskMe ever posted about this subject.
As for feeling comfortable talking to therapists, a) it's not supposed to be comfortable, b) it's their job to help you talk through uncomfortable issues, they've heard much worse for sure, and c) you could start by talking about the fact that you feel uncomfortable talking and see where they go with that.
That said, since all your breakdowns lately have been while drinking, an obvious place to start is by quitting drinking.
posted by ook at 2:28 PM on April 30, 2009 [6 favorites]
I found it impossible to open up to a therapist
Every therapist is different. Finding one you can talk to takes time, and requires as much trial and error as finding a good girlfriend or boyfriend. Be honest and upfront about your discomfort with whoever you meet, they won't take it personally. Also, if you decide someone's not working for you, tell them and ask them if they can refer you to someone else. They might have interesting suggestions based on their observation of you.
posted by hermitosis at 2:47 PM on April 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
Every therapist is different. Finding one you can talk to takes time, and requires as much trial and error as finding a good girlfriend or boyfriend. Be honest and upfront about your discomfort with whoever you meet, they won't take it personally. Also, if you decide someone's not working for you, tell them and ask them if they can refer you to someone else. They might have interesting suggestions based on their observation of you.
posted by hermitosis at 2:47 PM on April 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
Read How Not to Commit Suicide. Look in the deadtree phonebook and find a crisis center with a 24 hour hot line. Put their number in your wallet or cell phone. If you melt down, call them. Call a Mental Health center and ask to be referred to a sexual abuse survivor group.
There are a lot of adequate therapists, pretty great if you just need somebody to talk to about daily stress. But you are experiencing what sounds like PTSD, and you need a highly qualified therapist or psychologist. You need someone who will probe a little more, and recognize your symptoms. Get better referrals. Work with someone who has a lot of experience with trauma survivors. Good luck.
posted by theora55 at 3:20 PM on April 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
There are a lot of adequate therapists, pretty great if you just need somebody to talk to about daily stress. But you are experiencing what sounds like PTSD, and you need a highly qualified therapist or psychologist. You need someone who will probe a little more, and recognize your symptoms. Get better referrals. Work with someone who has a lot of experience with trauma survivors. Good luck.
posted by theora55 at 3:20 PM on April 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
A friend who was sexually abused as a child within the family says that the book Toxic Parents was helpful. It may or may not be relevant to your situation. I'm just putting it out there in case.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 3:20 PM on April 30, 2009
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 3:20 PM on April 30, 2009
Most rape centers (surely there is one in or near your town) operate 24 hour hotlines that you can call to discuss what you're going through. It is anonymous and their goal is to both listen and offer tips for dealing with your emotional energy. Additionally, they generally offer counseling services that are cheap or free, though there is usually a long waiting list. The people that work in these places go through required training on sexual abuse/rape (not a little training - many many classes) and understand the issues involved.
I suggest also trying a book such as The Feeling Good Handbook. This is not a book on dealing with sexual abuse, but is rather a guide on how to use cognitive behavioral therapy to retrain your thought patterns. Interspersed with the reading are numerous exercises designed to help you evaluate when you are having irrational/troublesome thoughts, why they are that way, and how to retrain yourself to overcome them. Obviously this will never beat doing CBT with a trained therapist to guide you, but it is an option.
There are many online support groups for adults that were sexually abused as children. Research them and find one that appeals to you.
Finally, figure out some hobbies that you do simply to make yourself happy and ideally to ease your mind. Things like yoga, jogging, gardening, etc. These create a happy space for you to go to, and you may find that once you quiet your mind on a regular basis you will be more able to work through troubling emotions in a detached and rational way.
posted by sickinthehead at 3:34 PM on April 30, 2009
I suggest also trying a book such as The Feeling Good Handbook. This is not a book on dealing with sexual abuse, but is rather a guide on how to use cognitive behavioral therapy to retrain your thought patterns. Interspersed with the reading are numerous exercises designed to help you evaluate when you are having irrational/troublesome thoughts, why they are that way, and how to retrain yourself to overcome them. Obviously this will never beat doing CBT with a trained therapist to guide you, but it is an option.
There are many online support groups for adults that were sexually abused as children. Research them and find one that appeals to you.
Finally, figure out some hobbies that you do simply to make yourself happy and ideally to ease your mind. Things like yoga, jogging, gardening, etc. These create a happy space for you to go to, and you may find that once you quiet your mind on a regular basis you will be more able to work through troubling emotions in a detached and rational way.
posted by sickinthehead at 3:34 PM on April 30, 2009
You really, really need to see someone to help you through this. Now, I know you can't talk about the abuse you suffered through yet, and that's okay. It's too traumatic, you break down and it's just hard.
Could you maybe sit down and write out what happened, a little at a time though? Take your time, you don't have to do it all in one setting. When you find a counselor or therapist, think of how much easier it will be to just hand over that note. You are carrying so much weight around on your shoulders right now, and you don't have to be. Think of how that will make you feel, just to know that someone else understands why you get so depressed sometimes.
Added to that, a therapist can help you find strategies to deal with these depressive episodes. Your friends, while meaning well and wanting to help, don't know what to do, but a good therapist has training in just this kind of thing. They won't be shocked or judgmental because they've seen and heard this kind of thing before. And, even though you didn't like the medication you took before, there are so many great meds for depression now that you might want to re-think the "no meds" policy. The right medication will still let you feel everything you do now, without allowing your emotions to spin into that self-destructive, downward spiral.
posted by misha at 5:39 PM on April 30, 2009
Could you maybe sit down and write out what happened, a little at a time though? Take your time, you don't have to do it all in one setting. When you find a counselor or therapist, think of how much easier it will be to just hand over that note. You are carrying so much weight around on your shoulders right now, and you don't have to be. Think of how that will make you feel, just to know that someone else understands why you get so depressed sometimes.
Added to that, a therapist can help you find strategies to deal with these depressive episodes. Your friends, while meaning well and wanting to help, don't know what to do, but a good therapist has training in just this kind of thing. They won't be shocked or judgmental because they've seen and heard this kind of thing before. And, even though you didn't like the medication you took before, there are so many great meds for depression now that you might want to re-think the "no meds" policy. The right medication will still let you feel everything you do now, without allowing your emotions to spin into that self-destructive, downward spiral.
posted by misha at 5:39 PM on April 30, 2009
follow-up from the OP
Thanks for all your responses thus far, some were quite helpful. I've honestly tried therapy multiple times with several different therapists (12, I think) and none of them worked, nor did the medications I've tried. This is why I was seeking out other methods, even though I've seen AskMe recommend therapy every time someone asks a question like this. Now, I know it works for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean that it works for everyone.posted by jessamyn at 8:52 PM on April 30, 2009
That said, I'm listening, and am willing to re-consider.
For those of you recommending therapy (nearly all of you, I know), do you have any recommendations for finding a therapist who will operate on a sliding scale? I am un-affiliated with the UW. Does anybody know of any good free clinics that offer non-emergency mental health assistance in/around Madison? All of the advice about therapy is useless if I cannot afford one.
A lot of you singled in on the sexual abuse I mentioned. I hesitated to mention it, because it may or not be relevant, as it is only one aspect of the state of my mental health, and my overall well-being is my real goal.
Thanks for your advice on therapy and anything else. I truly appreciate it.
Free or low-cost mental health care can be found through the Department of Mental Health in your county: http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/
Sexual abuse is a serious part of the puzzle for any person who has had to go through it, whether it seems like it or not. I would not even be surprised if it's part of the reason it's difficult for you to open up to therapists. That said, therapy with these types of issues can take some time to "work". I'm not sure how long you have tried seeing each of the therapists you mention, but no one's problem gets solved the first day (well, maybe some people's do--but this is not all that common), and if you only go a few times, you're not going to see any results. My hypothesis is that once you find a therapist who you can really feel comfortable with, you will be able to open up more, and you will be able to talk more about the things that are contributing to your general lack of well-being, and then you will be able to work on them together with that therapist.
posted by so_gracefully at 10:50 PM on April 30, 2009
Sexual abuse is a serious part of the puzzle for any person who has had to go through it, whether it seems like it or not. I would not even be surprised if it's part of the reason it's difficult for you to open up to therapists. That said, therapy with these types of issues can take some time to "work". I'm not sure how long you have tried seeing each of the therapists you mention, but no one's problem gets solved the first day (well, maybe some people's do--but this is not all that common), and if you only go a few times, you're not going to see any results. My hypothesis is that once you find a therapist who you can really feel comfortable with, you will be able to open up more, and you will be able to talk more about the things that are contributing to your general lack of well-being, and then you will be able to work on them together with that therapist.
posted by so_gracefully at 10:50 PM on April 30, 2009
Hi -- I find it interesting that you mentioned your major melt-downs occurred while drinking. Alcohol can exacerbate mental health issues. A great free resource if your drinking is causing problems in your life is Alcoholics Anonymous. I encourage you to give it a try if you believe that alcohol may be part of your problem.
posted by hilaryjade at 8:10 AM on May 1, 2009
posted by hilaryjade at 8:10 AM on May 1, 2009
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posted by kldickson at 2:12 PM on April 30, 2009