How can me and my girlfriend successfully live together in a small place?

April 23, 2009 9:41 AM

Help me and my girlfriend combine our two lives into one small apartment (mine)!

My girlfriend will be moving in with me at the end of the summer (September 1st or thereabouts), and though we are both extremely excited, we are concerned about the space. I live in a one-bedroom apartment, where I have lived alone for the past two years. It's a great size for one person, but will be challenging for two. I don't have the square footage, but it consists of a smallish living room, tiny kitchen, a medium-sized bedroom, and a bathroom. We will eventually move to a bigger place when we can afford it, but for now, that's not an option.

I'm looking for tips and advice on how to do this successfully, on how to physically combine our things and live together in a way that will maximize our chances of making it work in a small space. We'd love creative storage ideas (especially for clothes), suggestions for products that could help, etc.

Some deets:

- I have a small closet filled with junk... at her place, she has a closet maybe three times the size of mine, also filled. I can get rid of some stuff, and so can she, but not a ton. I don't have any other storage to speak of, at least in the conventional sense.
- I have several musical instruments lying around.
- Not much space under the bed, but a little.
- Her dresser, which is beautiful and is something she's attached to, is very large.
- This is in Berkeley, California.

Thanks! Please ask if I left out any important details. Also, I tried as best I could to search for a question like this but came up empty. If you know of one please link to it!

posted by ORthey to home & garden (31 answers total)

Well, to start, lower your tolerance for 'junk' and think about what you have that you'll actually need or use.
posted by setanor at 9:44 AM on April 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Could you use the dresser in the living room as a TV stand (or, if there's no tv, how about for extra storage or a sound system stand)?

How about you get a new bed, one with PLENTY of storage room underneath? Or use the space underneath creatively, like with pullout "drawers" for shoes.

You can get storage systems for the closet at places like Target and Ikea for not much money that will maximize the space. Just make sure you measure really well before you go shopping.

Could you put the musical instruments on the wall? You can with guitars, but I don't know what kind of instruments you're dealing with.
posted by cooker girl at 9:47 AM on April 23, 2009

You can hang instruments on the wall and get a lot of hooks for a lot of other things. For clothes you can get stackable plastic drawers. They're sturdy and give you a lot of arranging options.

However, I think you're simply going to have to get rid of more stuff. The dresser sounds like it's just a bad idea. Maybe she can ship it to her parents and get reunited with it when you can afford a bigger place?
posted by ignignokt at 9:49 AM on April 23, 2009

- I have several musical instruments lying around.

Those can take up a lot of space. I know you like all of these instruments, but do you really need all of them? Do you have three guitar and always seem to play your favorite one? Rank them in order of how much you care about having them around on a day-to-day basis. Get rid of the lower-ranked ones somehow: give them away, sell them, etc.
posted by Jaltcoh at 9:52 AM on April 23, 2009

Or temporarily store them in a trusted friend or family member's residence.
posted by Jaltcoh at 9:52 AM on April 23, 2009

Get bed lifters to increase space underneath.

Other than that, maybe you could both go in on a small storage space?
posted by The Light Fantastic at 9:54 AM on April 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yeah, it may be time to do some triage on the guitars, and keep one or two around and hang them up.

Getting rid of junk is definitely going to be a necessity... we may just have to bite the bullet and get rid of a lot of stuff.

Thanks so far for great suggestions!
posted by ORthey at 9:55 AM on April 23, 2009

lower your tolerance for 'junk' and think about what you have that you'll actually need or use.

My general rule is that if it's been unused, in the closet or under the bed or otherwise out-of-usage for a year or more, you don't need it. Sell it, give it away, trash it. Get rid of it, even if you think you "might" need it someday. You won't. We just moved--to a bigger place, but moving is a great time to get rid of stuff--and I got rid of hundreds of cubic feet of stuff I didn't need. It was awesome.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:58 AM on April 23, 2009

Depending on your parents' location, willingness to store things, etc, they can be really helpful for this kind of thing: I currently live in a small place (albeit by myself) and I use their attic and my old bedroom as a kind of medium-term Stuff archive: Textbooks, electronics, etc, that I don't need and can anticipate needing with enough time in advance to be able to retrieve them, but don't need around day-to-day, and don't want to shove into a storage locker somewhere. This is especially true if you're planning on getting a newer bigger place when possible; it's a temporary parting, not a permanent one.

Definitely echoing the suggestions to be ruthless with getting rid of stuff, making sure you use every inch of under the bed and the closet, and using wall space if lease terms permit.

Try getting vacuum bags (I forget the brand names, but those storage bags that suck the air out so you're left with your clothing and nothing else inside) for out-of season clothing.

If at all possible, park the dresser somewhere until you can actually have room for it. You're sharing a small space; huge dressers aren't really compatible with that.

Also, take a look at Apartment Therapy for ideas, in particular their going-on-right-now Small Cool contest. Lots of very small places, many of them shared by couples - it may give you ideas both for storage, and how much it's really possible to eliminate.
posted by Tomorrowful at 10:00 AM on April 23, 2009

Yes, buy a bedframe that raises your box spring and mattress at least 8 inches. You can buy long, flat storage containers in which you can keep all clothing you don't use on a daily basis. Be strict with your criteria. Work clothes should stay out along with bras, underwear, socks, undershirts and blouses.

EVERYTHING ELSE (including "weekend clothing" like t-shirts and jeans and "occasional clothing" like swim suits and jackets) should be folded and put away under the bed or in the dresser.

Ask her, if she brings the dresser, to fit ALL of her stuff into it.

Make use of cupboards in the kitchen. STUFF them with pet supplies, toilet paper, kleenex, paper towels, linens (maybe) and any necessary "junk" that you have.

Finally, if you haven't used it in 6 months, toss it out.
posted by cranberrymonger at 10:02 AM on April 23, 2009

Apartment Therapy can help you with ideas. Especially now... check out their Small Cool Home contest.

I live in 380 sq ft. My advise, look up. I don't know how high your ceilings are, but get as much leverage as you can out of vertical space. Do you have a hallwayof some sort? Think about converting the top couple of feet into a storage loft. It can be do ne on the cheap, not cause much permanent damage, and will give an amazing amount of storage..

I second the use of bed lifters, and for more closet space... IKEA has great solutions. Again, get the tallest unit that will fit in your place.
posted by kimdog at 10:05 AM on April 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

First, get rid of everything that isn't very useful or otherwise doesn't add considerable value to your life. This is the perfect time to let go of all that extra stuff that has accumulated over the years. Even if you don't consider yourself a pack rat, you'll be amazed how much extra space you can make with a thorough decluttering. Make sure your girlfriend does this too.

Just last fall I helped my girlfriend carry out four large garbage bags full of old clothes, paper archives and assorted junk from her small studio apartment, and the place looked by no means cramped to begin with. It's just so deceptively easy to hang onto things you don't really need.

Read plenty of Unclutterer for inspiration and remember that the fewer possessions you have initially, the easier time you will have with all this. Have fun!
posted by Orchestra at 10:06 AM on April 23, 2009

Put shelves in all the hallways between rooms and move anything non-private into them. Hanging instruments effectively gets them out of the way, so I wouldn't worry about them too much. The big thing you're going to have to watch out for is keeping stuff picked up, though. When I lived on my own, I kind of sprawled out over my entire apartment. I didn't care if 2 boxes worth of books were spread out over the bedroom floor, because I knew where they were. You can't do that any more. Make sure you have enough places you want to sit in in the living room so you don't get caught thinking, "gah, I really just want to sit with a book right now but she's in the spot I like!" (the generalization of this is, set up the apartment so you never have to compete for space -- e.g., if you both use desks, you probably shouldn't combine your desks, and likewise for computers).
posted by devilsbrigade at 10:06 AM on April 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

we may just have to bite the bullet and get rid of a lot of stuff.

My girlfriend and I moved in a year ago, and both went through a serious purge before doing so--and we moved into a two bedroom with lots of space, so we didn't really have to. But it was one of the best things we could do for a couple reasons:

1. Most of the stuff that we purged was purgeworthy, in hindsight. We shed a lot of stuff-weight, and haven't missed it at all.

2. It was an opportunity to upgrade old stuff together.

3. Most subtly, we avoided a certain level of stuff-hostility due to large amounts of stuff belonging to one or the other. We purchased some stuff together, which makes it ours rather than mine or hers.

4. Rather than move into a new, larger space that immediately got crowded with double the stuff, our two bedroom is open and airy and we have no problems with current storage space. Our bed has nothing under it but cats, and we don't have dressers in the living room holding up our TV. Every apartment feels smaller when it's crowded. Ours feel larger because it's not.

So: PURGE! Do it yourself, and then do it again. If you haven't taken it out of a box in six months, get rid of it. If you haven't used it in six months, get rid of it. If you can't pick it up and know immediately why you still have it, get rid of it. If you both do it, you won't have any problems fitting into a small space together, and it'll be an enlightening experience to see how little stuff you actually need.

If it seems wasteful to get rid of a bunch of stuff, do it anyway and remember how you felt about it the next time you're thinking of getting something. Beyond freedom from the tyranny of stuff, the angst you suffer is an excellent antidote to standing in a store thinking how cool it would be to have this thing that you don't need. The thought that you'll just throw it away unused in a couple years is a good reason not to get it.
posted by fatbird at 10:09 AM on April 23, 2009 [3 favorites]

You guys are all awesome. Best answers all. Seriously, this is great advice and it sounds like a major purge is in order before all else.
posted by ORthey at 10:12 AM on April 23, 2009

My wife and I started with 650sqft. Bed risers and being scrupulous about what you buy will be key. It saves money, which is nice. The great purge became a yearly event we still do and look forward to, five years after getting a much larger place. Don't be afraid to buy cabinet organizers. Some designs waste a ton of space, under the sinks especially. Over the microwave and fridge too.

Buy furniture, if you need it, that can contain things. I have two toyboxes, actually. One doubles as a hutch under a window for sitting on. Coffee tables and lamp stands are possibilities too. We hit a mill store to buy it all unfinished and save money.

The other thing that helped was simply reducing our perception of clutter. Hide cables. Get tall furniture so you don't need photos crowding the walls. You'll keep some of course, but don't need one on every wall. Use a bed skirt to hide the stuff hidden under there. Etc. It helps.

I'm not sure if you're looking for this type of advice, but just in case - be careful not to crowd each other. It's very easy to do and can get on nerves quickly. The other thing that hurt us was the kitchen was just sort of a half kitchen attached to a hallway. Having a division there was important mentally, for some reason. Look for little things like that. They will creep up. Turning them into a discussion point turns it into a common problem to be addressed, rather than a little hidden stressor to antagonize you two. Our first purchase was a cat though. She helped defuse the stress very often.
posted by jwells at 10:32 AM on April 23, 2009

I moved from having an entire 2-bedroom bungalow with basement and attic into one TEENSY bedroom in a multi-roommate situation. This bedroom used to be a porch, and it was L-shaped. So, discounting the fact I left a ton of books and stuff in storage at my parents', going vertical was just about the best possible solution I found for fitting in more stuff. Raising the bed, yes, but also tall bookshelves (and stuff on top of the bookshelves) -- remember that you can put a lot of things in a bookshelf, including clothes -- and the storage containers referenced above for under the bed. I put bookshelves on top of my big dresser, even! Ottomans with built in storage are good for living room spaces but they generally can't hide away THAT much.

Also, if you think a wall of bookcases filled with general STUFF stuff looks bad (i.e. it looks visually incoherent and unappealing), you can easily make curtain-type drapes to hide it (or buy cheapy curtain panels from IKEA), which will also bring some nice color / pattern into the room.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 10:33 AM on April 23, 2009

My husband and I live in a 350 sq ft studio.
Two tips:
1) loft the bed
2) nail everything else to the wall.
posted by ladypants at 10:34 AM on April 23, 2009

I think it will also help both of you if you stop thinking in terms of "my apartment" and start thinking "our apartment." It's always a little frustrating on both ends when someone moves into someone else's established space, so make sure she really has a say in how the apartment is set up (furniture kept, arrangement, decoration, etc).
posted by 6550 at 10:36 AM on April 23, 2009

Seconding both Unclutterer and 6550's advice, among others. I always felt like I was usurping on someone else's space when I started shacking up or spending extra time at someone's house. Now I'm in the host position most of the time, and it's tough. No matter how long you've been a couple, you really need to make this "our" place. Even if you can't compromise on the ginormous dresser (and I agree, that sounds like the kind of thing that would best be sent on semipermanent loan to the parents if possible), please let her decorate the bedroom and/or change the way the furniture is placed. Give her some major choices so that you show her you're happy she's SHARING the space, not just coming to live in your man-cave.

Also, another tip from personal experience: please don't put one of your computers, or equivalent "main hobbies," in the bedroom. I felt like I wasn't allowed in there, and for pete's sake, it was my own bedroom! Make sure that the bedroom is used for just sleeping (and storage) if possible, or at the very least is divided equally.
posted by Madamina at 10:44 AM on April 23, 2009

Though I do joke with her about this being "MY place," we are definitely doing this together and every step of the way, from planning to moving in to living together, will be done jointly, for sure!
posted by ORthey at 10:47 AM on April 23, 2009

i wouldn't necessarily throw everything out immediately. Make a pile or area of everything that's gotta go- and then take pictures of anything remotely valuable and post like crazy on craigslist. you won't sell everything, but you might as well give yourself a week to turn some of your junk into cash. plus, this saves you the work of having to haul it out. i'm amazed at what I've sold on CL. a drafting table that cost me like, 125$ went for $80. An ikea mattress that was about $180 went for $100. I've sold dresses for $20 (well, thats more for your girlfriend.) Post everything up for a week for sale, then repost whatever doesn't sell for cheaper or free for another week, then take what's left to salvation army or the dumpster. part of the reason i hate getting rid of stuff myself is that i feel even though it may not be useful to me anymore, it seems a shame for it not to be useful for ANYONE. You'd be amazed what kind of stuff will sell, seriously. also, i think the leaning desk from Crate and Barrel looks like an amazing space saver- I already have a desk, but next time I move I'm planning to unload my current huge desk and buy one of these instead.
posted by lblair at 11:14 AM on April 23, 2009

then take what's left to salvation army or the dumpster.

Or if you have time, post to freecycle.
posted by inigo2 at 11:40 AM on April 23, 2009

If the purge, purge and purge again method doesn't work, and there are things (like the dresser) you don't want to get rid of, a storage unit might be a low cost option to hold on to things you can't bear to part with until you have more space.
posted by slateyness at 11:52 AM on April 23, 2009

My boyfriend is a guitar addict (okay to be fair one of them is mine) and he put the guitars up on the wall. He got the hooks from Guitar Center. It actually looks really cool and saves a lot of space.

You are lucky to live very close to an Ikea and several Container Store locations. You can probably find a lot of creative ideas there.

I don't know what your girlfriend's morning routine is like, but if she has a "vanity" where she gets ready, could she ditch that and use the top of her dresser as her vanity? That's what I do.
posted by radioamy at 12:31 PM on April 23, 2009

Over the door hooks! I use them for sweatshirts, belts, and occasionally for jeans (hanging by the belt loop). You can find some attractive ones online. They're nice because they get stuff up off the floor and onto the doors, which are generally big masses of unused space.
posted by meggan at 1:44 PM on April 23, 2009

Have a garage sale before you move and sell stuff that you're not sure whether it's junk or not. You either get some $$ from it, or get to keep it, and don't have to make the decision whether you get to keep it.

Raise the bed. Get a coffee table with drawers in it. Guitars on walls sound pretty damn cool. And yes, those vacuum bags are pretty amazing for stuff you only use for half a year (beach towels, bathing suits, shorts) and (pouffy winter jackets, scarves, hats, warm socks).

Get rid of clothes you haven't worn in a year and donate it to charity. Salvation army and thrift stores also take other stuff - shelves, bookcases, books, CD's, etc, as well as clothes. Tax deductible!
posted by KateHasQuestions at 3:42 PM on April 23, 2009

Just go through your stuff. I moved into an appartment and moved from my parents house.

If you havent used something for months you probably wont miss it. I threw out a lot of stuff and havent missed any of it.
posted by majortom1981 at 5:02 PM on April 23, 2009

Try to clean out enough space so that she can have her own part of the apartment. This would also be a good time to completely rearrange everything so it feels like a new space for both of you. It might also help you find some new ways to store things.
posted by lilac girl at 8:27 PM on April 23, 2009

Everyone's suggestions are right on, so I don't have much to add.
- if she loves that dresser, please find a spot for it and get a piece of glass or plexiglass cut for the top so it won't get damaged accidentally. It will help make the space hers, too.
- I covered every free space on one wall of our teensie bathroom with shallow Ikea cupboards with mirrored doors to store extra supplies and (mostly) DH's stuff. The mirrored doors make the cupboards sort of disappear.
- shallow wire baskets that fit on the inside of doors, like the broom cupboard, can hold extra cleaning supplies and things like shoe cleaner in the linen cupboard.
- if you do store things in boxes, label them as I'll guarantee you won't remember exactly where you hid what you're looking for.
- let her add colours/fabrics/pictures she likes and move the furniture if you want to avoid some of the arguments that got DH a few cold suppers in the beginning. Don't greet every suggestion with "but I don't do that" as it won't be "I" but "we" once she move in. Just be open to change.
posted by x46 at 11:57 PM on April 23, 2009

My wife and I live in a one-room studio flat in London that you can walk across in two and a half strides. Here's how we've managed:

- We have a lofted bed, where everything we don't access daily (and my bike) go. This takes some getting used to, but is the one thing that makes our living space habitable.

- We use an Ikea Expedit bookcase to split the room into 'sleeping' and 'living' spaces. As it's freestanding, sticking out into the room like a giant wall, we can access both sides and keep our combined book, CD and DVD collections in it.

- Purge and keep on purging. Two people pile up random doodads much faster than one, so it takes a fair bit of effort to keep the place tidy. Get rid of magazines, newspapers, random junk mail, old VHS tapes you'll never watch again, that kind of thing, and keep getting rid of them. Ruthlessly prune your clothes every six months, because clothing storage space is always at a massive premium in small places.

- The stuff you do keep, find a place for. When everything has a place and you know what that place is, it makes it infinitely easier to keep the place tidy. If something doesn't have a place, think creatively about storage. For example, my printer, which was kind of sitting on the floor by the bed, now has a spot on top of the bookshelves (I use it rarely).

- Clean and keep everything tidy. Seriously, it makes such a difference.

- Get out of the house regularly, go to stuff together, if you have a shared outdoor space, use it. Small flats can become really claustrophobic, especially in the winter time, and getting out and about makes it a cosy refuge to come back to rather than cabin-fever central.

Good luck. Small scale living like this can be great, and it's a pretty quick way to find out just how well-suited you are as a couple!
posted by Happy Dave at 2:56 AM on April 24, 2009