Are there dating websites that disregard gender?

March 15, 2009 3:41 PM

Are there dating websites out there (other than OkCupid - the only one that seems to work) that allow one to search for people without declaring which gender you're searching for?

As a queer who dates around the gender spectrum, limiting my searches to just "me seeking men" or "me seeking women" seems unnecessary.

Follow up -- what do those who don't identify as either "Women" or "Men" tend to do in this situation? I'd like to date you too.

posted by salem to human relations (5 comments total)

Guardian Soulmates seems to fit the bill, though if the location in your profile is correct it might not help you.
posted by sueinnyc at 3:45 PM on March 15

Can't you just pick both?
posted by majikstreet at 4:34 PM on March 15

There are a lot of people on OKCupid too who want there to be a catchall "queer" option for people who don't fit neatly into one category. Most get around this by setting themselves to "bisexual" and stating in their profile where they fit into their gender (if at all).

Queerdating.net seems to have a pretty good range of options for who you are and what you're seeking. But, like the Guardian one, it's mainly a British site. Speaking of the Guardian site, it does indeed let you search for both men and women but it seems to be lacking settings for your own gender besides man or woman.

I would definitely stay away from sites like plentyoffish.com, match.com and (ugh!) eharmony.com. (I really wish consumating.com hadn't died, that site was the shizz.)
posted by runcibleshaw at 5:26 PM on March 15

Apparently chemistry.com works for gay folks too - haven't even seen it. And superdyke.com works for a variety of gender identities but not really for cis-guys. Is Nerve just dead now?

Or maybe have two profiles if that helps in some way? If there are tags, is queer an option?
posted by barnone at 6:25 PM on March 15

Thanks, all!

Majikstreet: the problem is that when you do searches in a lot of these sites, they have their search engines programmed so you can only look for one gender at a time. In my experience (not vast, but yeah, i've been doing the online dating thing for a while, gulp), this results in missing out on a bunch of people - esp. FTMs and MTFs and others who self-categorize differently.

barnone: Chemistry does work for gay folk, but for women seeking women or men seeking men, not for me seeking anybody. thanks for the superdyke tip, though!

The best course of action is to just keep looking -- and runcibleshaw's suggestion - yes, of course! Just tell 'em what I want! Duh. Guess that's why I'm still on the sites. Ugh.
posted by salem at 12:26 PM on March 16