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Teach me the art of seduction
March 13, 2009 4:55 AM   Subscribe

Ladies, tell me how you seduced a man. Gentlemen, tell me how you were seduced.

In both cases, preferably the seductress or the object of seduction was not someone you knew well, but an acquaintance or a near stranger.

Ladies: How did you work up the guts to do it? How did he react initially? Want to share the juicy details?

Gentlemen: How did she go about it? What did or did not get your heart pounding? Did you melt like butter? In your opinion, how would most guys react when sex is being served to them on a platter?

Why do I ask? I'm trying to figure out if the reward of getting this man into bed will be worth the risk of rejection, and I'm turning to you for inspiration or words of caution.

Here are the details: I'm 25 and have plenty of sexual experience - I definitely know my way around a man. Just take my word for it that I'm attractive and fit. At the risk of sounding extremely full of myself, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't turn me down if we were complete strangers.

He's in his late thirties. Both girl and guy friends of mine have seen him (either in person or in a picture) and they've all teased me about his appearance. So what if he's no Adonis, he's brilliant and I have an absolutely magnetic attraction to him. He’s the quiet, thoughtful, academic type, but certain clues have me convinced he has a fun, rebellious streak that he keeps carefully tucked away. I want so damn badly to bring that out of him.

The complicating factor is that he was my professor. Let me stress that he's not my professor anymore and I'm graduating in a couple of months, so there is no chance of me ever being in his class again. I'm also moving away right after graduation, probably never to return, so this is my only chance. I don’t want a relationship and a fairy tale ending, I just want to jump his bones. The times that we’ve spoken one-on-one, I definitely sensed sparks flying.

I’m well aware that his professional obligations will factor into his reaction if I do try to make a move. I have a couple of male friends who also teach at this university and I have picked their brains for their experiences with students hitting on them. If you’re going to tell me it’s a bad idea, don’t tell me that it’s a bad idea because it’s just “wrong” to hit on a professor, tell me it’s because I have no chance with him. If you think I should go for it, tell me how - I have three ways of contacting him: phone, email, or marching right into his office.

So in summary, stories of your own experiences or suggestions for my situation are all welcome and appreciated. Outrageous stories and suggestions are especially welcome! This is meant to be a fun thread, so please, no preaching. If you want to contact me privately (you don't want your story of seduction posted up where anyone can see, or you want more details), email me at metataka@gmail.com

Thanks!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (45 answers total) 36 users marked this as a favorite
 
One rather important piece of information that you seem to have left out: whether he is currently married/otherwise attached. It would also be useful to know that he is not, in fact, gay. Barking up the wrong tree, etc.

Those would seem to need to enter the calculation as to whether or not you've got a chance, no?
posted by valkyryn at 5:06 AM on March 13, 2009


What Valkyryn said.

This isn't complex. If you've felt sparks when dealing with him one on one, then create some one on one time with him. Do not ask him out at this point. Talk about school, life whatever, but mention that you're graduating and moving away. Mention it a lot. A whole lot. Mention a specific time frame, say a week after graduating, when you'll be free and looking to wind down, relax and have some fun.

Then ask him out. Nature should take it's course from there.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:23 AM on March 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


Show up naked.

Bring beer.
posted by koolkat at 5:24 AM on March 13, 2009 [10 favorites]


Two stories:

1) When I was a senior in college, I was in a similar situation with a grad student who lived in my dormitory (and who, because of school regulations, was, like a professor, prohibited from having a relationship with a student). With him, I just kept nudging, bit by bit. First, I made an appointment to have lunch with him in his official capacity (fellowships advisor) and dispensed with the "official" conversation as quickly as possible. Then, I took advantage of the fact that my (male) best friend lived in the part of the dormitory the grad student was responsible for, and accompanied my friend to study breaks in the grad student's suite, being sure that we were the last to arrive, and the last to leave (it should be noted that our presence was obviously welcome--if we'd been a nuisance for staying longer, this wouldn't have worked). Eventually, Mr. Grad Student would invite the two of us over for whiskey, and, soon, just me. Finally, two weeks before I graduated, we got together (though it didn't last long).

2) My other seduction story was much faster. I decided it had been too long since I'd hooked up with anyone, but had no prospects for a real relationship on the horizon. I decided I'd go after a guy in a group I belonged to who was nice and good looking, but who I'd never actually date because political and other personality differences would preclude it. So, unlike story #1, here my goal was purely physical. I knew we'd be going to the same party, so as soon as I arrived I made a beeline for him, and listened to him for a while as he bemoaned his inability to attract a mutual friend of ours (one who was known as a bit of a maneater). After a short time of this, I said, "Let's stop talking about her, and let's start talking about me." He said, "What do you mean?" and then I told him, more or less, my intentions (leaving out the bits about "I wouldn't actually want to date you, but..." and focusing on the "you're hot; I want to hook up" part). It seemed to work very well.
posted by ocherdraco at 5:30 AM on March 13, 2009


I basically tore down the exterior false ego macho image this guy had up thinking he was all that and could catch women with bravado, not relenting until until he spoke the absolute, hard-core Truth from his heart and starting getting real, honest and heart-centered.

Worked like a charm.
posted by watercarrier at 5:32 AM on March 13, 2009 [2 favorites]


She leaned in to whisper something while I talked with some friends, and nibbled on my ear. Instant blush from me, and the night was set. <:)
posted by teresci at 5:55 AM on March 13, 2009 [2 favorites]


We went out to dinner and when he said "would you like dessert?" I said "I am dessert. Get the check."
posted by DarlingBri at 5:59 AM on March 13, 2009 [26 favorites]


You need to consider the fact that he might be prohibited from having a relationship with ANY student attending the college, regardless of whether you were his student previously and that you won't be his student again before you graduate...but you haven't graduated YET. If he likes his job and hasn't indicated any particular interest in you personally, I wouldn't risk it until you'd know that a possible rejection wasn't coming simply out of the self-protection zone.

I don't have a problem with professors and former students hooking it up (some of my friends are in that exact situation) but I would hope that you'd respect the possible reprisals that could be made against him if you try to seduce him while you're still enrolled in the school.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 6:18 AM on March 13, 2009 [5 favorites]


You tell him what you want and he either forgoes his professional responsibilities or he doesn't. How much harder does it have to be?
posted by David Fleming at 6:28 AM on March 13, 2009


After talking for a couple of hours, she said my accent was cute. Something clicked, and I thought oh.
posted by asuprenant at 6:34 AM on March 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


Went out to a bar with a group of people where I only knew two of them. After some time, one of the girls who I had not previously known grabbed my hand/arm and put it around her waist.

Yes, it was that easy.
posted by eas98 at 6:34 AM on March 13, 2009 [2 favorites]


I would just dress smartly (sexy but not slutty, you know), walk into his office, and say something like "John, I'm graduating in a few months. Before I move away, I'd like to go out to dinner with you. This Friday, at ABC Restaurant, 8pm."

Make it more of a declarative statement... this usually always works. His response will either be "Sounds great" or "I'm busy on Friday, but what about Saturday?" Unless he's married, he will not want to say no to a smart, attractive woman.

You have nothing to lose. If he does say no, so what? You'll never know if you didn't try.

PS: Don't use email or phone, it's not as serious.
posted by bengarland at 6:42 AM on March 13, 2009 [4 favorites]


Once I introduced myself to a friend-of-a-friend with "Hi! You're hot and I'd totally do you." I generally recommend a more subtle approach, but hey, it worked.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:44 AM on March 13, 2009 [5 favorites]


I like bengarland's approach. As a guy, I love the directness of that statement, but I'd suggest leaving anything sexual to the imagination at that point.

I don't know about most guys, but I don't like being beat over the head with obvious "i want to do it" statements. Be direct about wanting to go out, but keep the sexuality of it ambiguous and see how he responds.

Since you're on a limited time frame, you may have to "make the move" yourself if he isn't forward or catching the subtlety.

Also, screw being afraid of rejection. YMMV but I always feel worse when I don't put myself out there to be rejected. You have to go for it.
posted by PFL at 6:49 AM on March 13, 2009


Girl walks into room. Dude is sitting on couch watching sports. Girl takes off shirt and bra:

Option 1:

Girl - "Hun I think the left is bigger than the right. Can you help me measure them?"

Option 2:

Girl - "GRRR my clothes don't fit right! I just want to walk around naked and have sex all day!"

Option 3:

Girl - "Do I really need to say anything here?"

Option 4:

Girl - "Wanna wrestle?"

TADA! That is how you seduce a guy. Easy huh?
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:56 AM on March 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


I met a really hot guy at a student dorm but never thought he'd be interested in me. So, going for broke, I just took the opportunity to talk with him and spend time with him whenever I could - he'd go out for a cigarette, I'd join him; he'd walk to the store, I'd go too. Also made a point of wearing very cute outfits whenever possible. So when we'd talk, I'd be fairly flirty, all smiles and laughter - 'i really love this new skirt I'm wearing, I just got it. Do you think it's cute? :show off, show off:' Fortunately the conversations were actually pretty good, and he never got tired of talking with me. About a week after we first met, after a night out with a bunch of friends, he walked me to my door and I was pleasantly surprised when he followed me right in.
posted by lizbunny at 7:17 AM on March 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


Good luck, girl! I'm hoping you get your teacher in the sack. I've got my fingers cross for you.

My shameless tale of stalking and seduction:

I saw a hot boy with a hilariously old-fashioned mustache at a local show at a bar. I took a secretive blurry picture of him, silently mocked his mustache in my head, and thought, that hipster is way too cool for me. He silently thought, that girl is way too hot for me; she probably is one of those girls who only dates assholes who treat her like shit.*

Weeks later he saw me walking across the street from him on my lunch break. He waved at me (he claims he didn't recognize me, that he simply was waving at a girl he found attractive). I screamed I KNOW YOU FROM SKULLY'S!!!! across the traffic, and he didn't understand. I dejectedly trudged back to my job at the bank....

...where he had an account. When he came in, I introduced myself, shook his hand, marveled at how he traveled with an entourage of art school kids. When he left I shly asked my coworker for his last name off his deposit slip, and endured her teasing (it was painfully obvious I had a crush on him). Then I did something which is kind of embarrassing, and I am glad I am no longer working that job, because also kinda not allowed.

I looked his address up in the computer, got some stationary, and sent him a card he almost threw out because he thought it was just junk mail from the bank. It was completely unsolicited, he hadn't given me his address, and man, I came on strong. I gave him my number and email. He says he was impressed by the fact I used words he didn't know ("you look like an anachronistic admiral, quite admirable) and drew a picture of him from memory. He claims he called me once but didn't leave a message, and since we were both kind of seeing other people it got forgotten until...

I ran into him at a Matmos show, and I could barely drag my eyes off him. I ignored everyone I was with, I begged him to call me. He says he wasn't sure about me until then, but obviously I must have been awesome because I was at a Matmos show. Do you know who Matmos is, kids? Do you go to their shows? That's why my boyfriend isn't dating you. Not because you're not wicked in your own right, but man, not everyone knows that the rose has teeth in the mouth of the beast.

Anyway, he called me again, and got ahold of me, and invited me to a noise show, where I further impressed him by being the kind of gal who will not only go to a Matmos show, but also attempt dancing at a underground show full of discordant arrhythmic ambient noise.

I discreetly inquired if he had a girlfriend, and when he said no I fiendishly plotted how to kiss him all night. A alternative dance troupe (oh god so cheesy) had an interpretive dance where they broke into a bank and threw xeroxed million dollar bills into the crowd. I tucked one into the rolled up cuff of his pants, and said, "you owe me for that."

He asked me what I wanted, and, playing it smooth but nervous as Woody Allen, I leaned in and kissed him. Oh yes. He kissed me back, and took me back to his apartment for "sweet tea," and yeah, that whole "rest is history" thing.

Being ballsy can pay off. Doing things that other people might judge as creepy can pay off. I chased this fucker around for months, and we waited while we sorted out prior entanglements, and it's worth it, because he's mine, all mine. And I got laid. Yes I did.

*I can't read minds, but he claims this was his first impression of me.
posted by Juliet Banana at 7:21 AM on March 13, 2009 [16 favorites]


the two times its happened to me - once was somewhat expected, the 2nd time was not.

First girl was a waitress I worked with in a small restaurant and there were some sparks flying but we weren't dating yet. There was a particular day when we exchanged glances and various other small flirty exchanges all day (such as: "meet me in the back storage room for a hot kiss") At the end of the I distinctly remember her saying "I thought about this all day long" and then we f'ed like crazy.

2nd time was much more straightforward (and unexpected). My best friends girlfriend (who eventually left him for me) was drinking at my house and said: "I'm staying here tonight." Message received.
posted by jmnugent at 7:45 AM on March 13, 2009


I've found that straight up confidence worked for me. I met a friend of a friend briefly when I was leaving a party one night, but at the time, I was in a relationship.

Fast forward several months, now single and was invited to a party being thrown by him via a friend.

I dressed in a way to give just enough of the impression that I was trying, but not trying too hard.

A few drinks to loosen things up, I just went straight for the kill. I went up to him and said quietly "you know, I noticed you the first time we met" and that's all it took. Next thing I knew, we were making out and eventually one thing led to another...

I'm not sure if you want alcohol to be in the picture, but if the object is to sleep with him, than a little something to take the edge off shouldn't hurt.

But I really believe the key is "knowing" that you're hot and letting that really shine through. Not in a showing off sort of way, but in a "I'm really comfortable being who I am", which includes some playful flirting, some meaningful eye contact and even throwing a little attention at other guys to see how he reacts. Maybe if you could get him to meet up in a group situation, you could feel things out.
posted by patientpatient at 8:09 AM on March 13, 2009 [2 favorites]


even throwing a little attention at other guys to see how he reacts.


Not recommended....everytime someone does that to me even though I am conscious of what they are doing I cant shake off the feeling of "awwww not only she is trying to get with me but also with the other 100 dudes in here"...

So yes I might get jealous but also afraid of getting some sort of STD.....
posted by The1andonly at 8:36 AM on March 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'll second bengarland; be direct and confident! Confidence is sexy in its own right and the clarity will probably be a refreshing change from the drama-soaked lives of students that he's probably used to seeing. I'll bet good money that no guy invited out by a hot younger woman turned her own because "she wasn't being ambiguous enough for me."

My advice would be to start off by stressing that you've waited until he can't possibly influence your grade any more, because that'll automatically be his first thought:
"John, I've been waiting until I'm not one of your students anymore and now I'm graduating in a few months. Before I move away, I'd like to go out to dinner with you. This Friday, at ABC Restaurant, 8pm."

Bear in mind that just being accused of a sex-for-grades transaction could seriously damage this guy's career. Even now he can't change your grade, people could think you're settling a debt from months ago or continuing a previously secret relationship. So go for it, but be prepared for him to refuse you pretty bluntly and report your invitation to some sort of internal register, just in case an unfriendly colleague heard it too.

There's also a good chance that he's contractually forbidden from dating any university student. If you can possibly wait until after graduation -- or invite him now with "Can I take you out the week after I graduate?" -- I reckon your chances of hot professor action will go up dramatically.
posted by metaBugs at 8:37 AM on March 13, 2009 [3 favorites]


even throwing a little attention at other guys to see how he reacts.

Wow...my single hetero bitter dude friends were right. Way to show your interest in someone by...manipulation. Good luck with that.
posted by hal_c_on at 8:52 AM on March 13, 2009


Second the waiting until slightly after graduation thing if possible, if only because the guilt/social disapproval factor will go down some then, and so he might be less likely to resist. (And it strikes me as kind of hot to be able to say "I waited till the moment after graduation, now do me." On the other hand, if he's into the whole transgressive thing, it might be easier beforehand...)

Do not try the jealousy thing. Many guys do not respond well to it. (I, for example, tend to walk off in a huff.)

Other than that, honestly, just do what you normally do. Men are easy.
posted by paultopia at 8:59 AM on March 13, 2009


I can think of three off the top of my head. Two turned out to be one-nighters, one a relationship.

1. "Hi, remember how I promised I'd make you dinner for helping me out with something".

2. I sit next to her at a bar. We chat. She tells me she's not wearing panties, puts my hand on her thigh.

3. We're at a group function, she tells me I'm really smart and so is she, invites me to go to a lesbian bar with her.
posted by orthogonality at 9:01 AM on March 13, 2009 [4 favorites]


Remember that just because your 'attractive' doesn't mean he will be attracted to you. If you took ten supposedly attractive women, I would most likely be attracted to 1 or 2. Angelina Jolie is attractive, but she doesn't do it for me at all. And I could say the same for some of my friends. They are good looking guys, but I know for a fact that not every women wants to jump them. For some people, no amount of seduction can overcome this. If you want some good reading, check out Seduction, by the same guy that wrote 48 Laws of Power.
posted by jasondigitized at 9:06 AM on March 13, 2009


A gal I worked with at the time, almost half my age, invited me to a a Frank Black show and showed up wearing this crazy beautiful Japanese gown/kimono thing. Stopped off at my apartment on the way back and she said something like "Whew, this dress is really kind of tight, can you help with that?"

"Yes. Yes I can."

That was pretty much all it took.
posted by elendil71 at 9:14 AM on March 13, 2009 [2 favorites]


When I was a professor, I, uhh, broke the rules a few times with former students and was propositioned a few other times that didn't happen for various reasons. If this professor is remotely attractive (even though your friends are teasing you about him), there's a pretty good chance this won't be the first time he's been approached. If you invite him out for coffee, particularly if you use words like "after I graduate" or "before I leave town forever," he's probably going to know what's up. Two examples of how students hit on me (for exemplary purposes, but also because it makes me feel awesome to remember now that I'm older, fatter, and balder): one student left her phone number in tiny writing on her course evaluation and asked me to call. Risky, since they're sometimes read by office staff for record keeping. Another student sent me an e-mail asking what university policy was regarding students dating their former professors. Not a direct proposition, but close enough that I knew what was up and could choose to either play dumb or pursue things. However, in this instance, I was already engaged and what would have been thrilling and racy turned awkward and embarrassing for us both...

Moral of the story: make sure he's not married or in a committed relationship. Also bear in mind that a lot of professors, regardless of what their institution's policy is, have a personal policy of not getting involved with students because of all the potential emotional and professional fallout. Don't be surprised if it goes nowhere, or just hope that he's an amoral slut like I was.
posted by ga$money at 9:43 AM on March 13, 2009 [6 favorites]


Wow, I hate to be a Debbie Downer here, but if you walked into my office, in possible earshot of my colleagues, and came on to me I would not be receptive to it at all. In that setting the professional implications would be extremely salient. Maybe if you could arrange to bump into him as he's walking to his car, or something, you'd have a better chance.

But don't get your hopes up. Many professors just will not do this. For you it's a fun little fling, quickly forgotten about. For him, if anyone finds out, at best he's looking at having a reputation of "guy who fucks his students" with his departmental colleagues for the next 20 years.
posted by shadow vector at 9:50 AM on March 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'll ignore all the heteronormative stuff in here, since I'm a boy who seduces boys and is in turn seduced by them.

Vintage: Pass him a note that says, "Do you like me? Circle one: Yes. No."

Most Typical: Invite him over for a low-key evening to do something that you both have in common, that you will then ignore in favor of slowly and awkwardly sliding closer to one another on the couch until you finally feel that tingle of first contact and your breathing becomes rapid and shallow and you commit to doing something BOLD which typically involves moving your arm a few inches to touch his hand, at which point you will become comfortable enough with that touch and even more desirous of more touch that you'll begin to sit closer, and then you'll kiss.

Modern: Check for him on dating sites. Not only will that tell you a little more about him (since there seems to be some concern that he's not into chicks), but it gives you a great opportunity to send him a note saying, "Howdy pardner, didn't rightly expect to see a hot many like you around these parts. Whatddaya say we head out to the saloon?" Or something equally cheesy and disarming - because someone you know finding you on dating sites can be a little awkward unless it is instantly diffused.

Least smooth: College roommate who asked, "Would you be offended if I asked to see your penis?" Seriously. The answer was "no," but still...
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:52 AM on March 13, 2009 [7 favorites]


Last winter, I had a case in Las Vegas. I was counting on forcing the other side to show up in DC for depositions as a bargaining chip in negotiations. Instead, the judge called me on the phone outside my doctor's office and forced me to argue a motion I had never seen with opposing counsel on the line. I lost and was forced to fly to Vegas to take three depositions the day after next.

Even worse, I had an investigatory interview in front of federal agents the next day in Baltimore, so I 'd have to fly out of Baltimore and take a connecting flight. But I did learn that a friend from DC was going to be in Vegas for a conference, so we could hang out.

Anyway, my bad luck turned. The interview got cancelled because I called and sent a letter to some other agency and got them to put pressure on the interviewers. When I reached the interview site, my client was gushing, telling me I was the greatest lawyer ever, etc. He drove me to the airport, where I waited in my suit for my flight.

I changed planes in Minneapolis. I called my friend and said I'd be getting in at 11:30 pm Vegas time and he said it was too late to hang out. I was P.O.d.

Anyway I got on the plane and it was nearly empty. I was in an aisle seat and up one row on the other side was a guy in his early sixties and a young woman. They were wondering out loud about the NFL playoffs and who was playing who. I gently interrupted and told them who was playing whom. Me and the young lady struck up a conversation. In the middle of the conversation, I mentioned that I was disappointed that my friend was bailing on me. She mentioned that she was the only one from her company going to their convention a day early and suggested we hang out when we get there. I felt this strange, but said yes. She asked for my phone number and said she'd call me because her phone was broken. Eventually I got to work on my case and we ocassionally talked. At some point she got up to go to the bathroom. I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She was very attractive.

So we got off the plane and chatted as we went to the little train car thing that takes you to the main terminal. She made an off-hand comment that was off-color and seemed out of place. I started to think that maybe this was going to be interesting. (important for you to remember--give out those little hints.) We chatted to the baggage claim and she looked me in the eye and asked me if I really did want to get together and I said of course. She smiled and I started to get really, really nervous. We headed off to separate hotels. I was staying at the MGM Grand.

So I got there and when they took my ID they asked me if my address was correct. I said, uh no. A few managers were called over and they talked amongst themselves. I got worried and mad and thought they were going to deny me my room. I was about to rev up the ol' lawyer bit when the lady said that I was getting an upgrade and she thought I would be "very pleased." I was told a concierge would be coming down to get my bags.

I was led to an elevator by the concierge. There was only one button in it that said "Sky Lofts." I got up there and my room turned out to be a three-bed, three-bath, two floor, marble suite with giant TV's and a sound system to kill for. The Mini-bar included a whole bottle of Grey Goose along with other stuff. Wow. (I asked the person later how much my upgrade went for and he said $1,400 a night.)

Lo and behold the woman calls me. I thought about pretending like this was my normal suite but thought that would be stupid, especially as this was the beginning of my own law firm and I didn't have much money on me. So I told her she had to see my upgraded room.

I had to go and get her, because nobody's keys could activate the elevator. She wore some kind of shiny top that was off the shoulder and had heels on and looked very sexy. I worried what the people at the desk thought, as it was Vegas.

Anyway, I was still nervous so after I gave her the grand tour we sat next to each other and looked at the expensive coffee table fashion book. She complimented me because I seemed to know all the famous personalities in the book. I wasn't really making a move because I couldn't imagine things would just go this fantastically well. Finally she got a little frustrated I think and just swung her legs across my lap. Things progressed from that point on.

I went to the depositions without sleep. I never heard from her again.

The key to take from all of this is that sometimes it is hard for the guy to really take all of this at face value, as the social norm is that we are supposed to do a lot of the work.

The other important thing is don't make him jealous. Seduction is about making him feel good, important, exciting to you. Only then is he going to think that this is just going to happen. Plus it would not be fun if it was just "OKAY LET'S HAVE SEX!" It sounds like you want the fun of the whole thing, the buildup, all of that.

he's brilliant and I have an absolutely magnetic attraction to him. He’s the quiet, thoughtful, academic type, but certain clues have me convinced he has a fun, rebellious streak that he keeps carefully tucked away. I want so damn badly to bring that out of him.

I have a rule about complimenting the opposite sex that works well for me. I think about exactly what it is that I really like about them and then just tell them. If you tell him directly what you are telling us it will go well. If you say OMG YOU'RE SO HOT, maybe not. But I don't see how any single guy could resist being told that they appear to be the quiet, thoughtful, academic type but that they are brilliant and that they have a fun rebellious side that you are dying to see. I would be unable to resist such words.

I suggest that you go to dinner, flirt all night, near the end tell him exactly what you wrote about him here, then excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and as you are getting up put your hand on his shoulder and whisper in his ear and say "I think you should ask the waiter to bring us the check."

That will do it.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:14 AM on March 13, 2009 [10 favorites]


Since I see failures here, I will indicate that a roommate tried to get me into bed with her 9 years ago by discussing a FWB relationship another roommate was having with somebody we both knew and then suggesting that maybe we could have the same kind of roommate. I was not turned on by this or her.

When I told a third dude roommate about this he said "you said no?" I couldn't resist and regretted it.

It remains the only time I have turned down a direct request for sex from a woman.

Make him feel the center of the planet for one night and he will be eternally greatful.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:23 AM on March 13, 2009


Sorry, same kind of arrangement not roommate.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:23 AM on March 13, 2009


Look, it's not "wrong" to hit on a professor, but it is tricky. Even if universities are technically cool with teachers dating former students, old-school colleagues often frown on that breach of propriety and it can actually put both of you in a minefield. I've even just asked professors out to lunch--my university covered one lunch a semester between a student and a teacher of her choice--that became problematic when some colleagues saw us sitting next to each other at a cafe. Two years later, when I was dating a TA in the same program, he told me that innocent coffee date as a month-long source of feather-ruffling and gossipmongering. Come to think of it, I actually had to do a little sneaking around with the TA, even though our class had long past. Academia is like any hierarchy in that people who overstep the boundaries of rank are often punished socially if not professionally. Really, proceed with caution, and if he seems aware of your flirtations but not receptive, let it go.
posted by zoomorphic at 10:42 AM on March 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


Wow, it seems my suggestion of showing attention to other guys is taking some heat.

In my own defense, I'd like to point out that seduction is the art of manipulation. I don't get the notion that she is asking how to become this person's partner for life.

Showing attention to someone else could simply be talking with another guy or laughing at another guy's jokes. I didn't say "flirt with other men". Sure, it could potentially be a turn off, but sometimes it works. If anything, I'm suggesting that by not focusing all her attention on him if in a group situation, she won't come off looking desperate or clingy, but just there to have fun.
posted by patientpatient at 10:59 AM on March 13, 2009


We were in a bar with friends, doing tequila shots.
Sitting next to me, she put her hand on my thigh, leaned over and said, "Are you staying with me tonight?"
posted by Drasher at 10:59 AM on March 13, 2009


I'd like to point out that seduction is the art of manipulation.

Being manipulated makes me feel small and used.

Being seduced makes me think I'm the greatest guy on earth.

I'll take greatest guy on earth, thanks.
posted by Ironmouth at 11:26 AM on March 13, 2009 [7 favorites]


"I'm pretty sure he wouldn't turn me down if we were complete strangers."

For someone who "knows her way around a man," you sure seem to have bought into the "all men are alike" stereotype.

Yes, many, many men would fuck you if you just ask them no matter how you look. Those men -- particularly if they are over college-aged -- are developmentally arrested a-holes. If this guy is one as well, you'll probably succeed just by asking him. If not, you'll need to pretend to be an interesting, strong, mature, intelligent woman for a few dates before getting him into bed.

Roofies could help as well.
posted by coolguymichael at 12:24 PM on March 13, 2009 [5 favorites]


No advice, just a counter-story.

I was nearing breaking up with a long-time girlfriend, and standing behind a Really Hot Chick in a Really Hot Dress in line for the checkout counter. I complimented her on her lovely outfit; she thanked me, then did a quick visual check on me, and started a couple questions about what plans I had for tonight/this weekend.

Not subtle. Not unwelcome. But, as I suddenly realized, not copascetic with my current involvement. I had to stammer awkward excuses, because I was NOT prepared for a frontal assault by such a well-armed opponent (so to speak). Yeah, mentioning my girlfriend would have worked, but we were headed for the rocks, and I wouldn't see her that weekend (so I was quickly evaluating my acceptable options), and I was knocked off-balance by the whole situation.

The beauty excused herself, and retreated to the restroom of the small shop, where she stayed for A Long Time, giving me time to leave the store so she wasn't embarrassed by the situation.

"Damn, damn, damn..." was my mantra for the next week. I think my girlfriend & I broke up next weekend. Damn. Timing.

The moral of the story: even if he says "no", that doesn't mean you aren't his type. The timing might be bad for any number of reasons.

Really Hot Asian Beauty in a Hot Dress at Chocopologie in South Norwalk, if you're out there... EIP.

Sigh.
posted by IAmBroom at 2:25 PM on March 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


A mutual (female) acquaintance/friend told me of the seductress's interest.

I'm pretty sure I'd have figured it out on my own, if instead the seductress had sat in my lap, opened her shirt, and given me a kiss so deep and passionate that I'd realize&admit that some things French are absolutely fantastic..

But having helpful friends is fantastic, too.

Oh, and on preview, my guess is that a dinner date, per bengarland's & Ironmouth's suggestions, is most fitting your style.

[But, whatta I know -- I had to be told.. (But there was this other time, when about half-way into what-I-wasn't-sure-was-a-date {similar age differences}, I realized that it was, 'cause she was showering me with attention, etc. That also was awesome..)]
posted by Tuesday After Lunch at 2:54 PM on March 13, 2009


Opps. Style correction: That also was awesome..
posted by Tuesday After Lunch at 3:01 PM on March 13, 2009


Here is my story of how I seduced my current boyfriend. We lived in a student residence together in the same wing of the building. I first realized that I needed to do something about my attraction when I was no longer able to sleep or eat. My every waking thought was of how to get him into bed. It was pure torture made worse by the fact that I couldn't get away from him. He lived two rooms down from me and we had a shared kitchen and common area so I saw him all the time.

Finally, my feverish lust won out over my fear of rejection. He was washing dishes while I was having a snack at the table. I was only sitting a few feet away so I reached over and grabbed him by the belt and pulled him towards me. He definitely got the message, but seemed uneasy. He pulled away slightly and didn't run off immediately, but he started whistling while he finished drying his dishes and then retreated to his room. He later told me he started whistling because he couldn't think of anything to say and wanted to diffuse the awkward silence.

Most girls would have given up at this point. Good thing I'm a persistent little horndog!

I followed him to his room and sat down on his bed. He was visibly confused, and he told me as much. I told him that I wanted him. He told me that he wanted me too, but he had a girlfriend (he and his girlfriend were on the outs, as in IAmBroom's case, so no I wasn't breaking up a happy relationship). I asked him if he wanted me to leave, and he said no. We sat and stared at each other for a few tension-filled moments. Then he said he was going grocery shopping and invited me to come along. This was his hint to me that I shouldn't write off the possibility yet. I didn't hit on him once during the shopping trip.

Later that night, a bunch of us decided to watch a movie in the common room. We all got into our PJs and I brought a blanket. I sat down on one couch, and he sat down next to me. I asked him if he wanted part of the blanket, and he said yes. The movie began. For a looooong time, I made no move towards him. I was too scared. But I could smell his scent and feel his bodyheat, and this ignited some kind of lust-crazed alterego in me. Believe me, I would never have thought myself capable of what I did next. I scooted over and touched his leg with my hand. He didn't react, so I began moving my hand closer and closer to center.

The good part is R-rated, sorry kiddies no details. After the movie everyone went back to our rooms and he was practically breaking my door down to get in. We're still together years later, as it turned out that on top of being *hawt* he's also an incredible person, so in hindsight it was definitely worth the risk of rejection. That's the thing about hindsight though, eh?

So moral of the story, work yourself up into a half-rabid state and your fears will fall by the wayside. Uh, your mileage may vary.
posted by keep it under cover at 3:35 PM on March 13, 2009 [2 favorites]


He kept me from walking into oncoming traffic.
posted by faeuboulanger at 4:55 PM on March 13, 2009 [2 favorites]


On the day I first met my husband, I chased him around my basement and then asked him to arm-wrestle me.
posted by peggynature at 5:27 AM on March 14, 2009 [5 favorites]


This happened in the student group house at university. I was standing at the sink in pajamas, blearily getting a pot of coffee going. She walked into the kitchen, handed me a slip of paper, and said "Here. Call me." (She had stayed the night with a girlfriend)

I said "uhh, why?"

In spite of my brilliance we will celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary this year.
posted by werkzeuger at 8:34 AM on March 14, 2009 [5 favorites]


Keep it under cover, your story + your user name = awesomeness!

I have a similar story - I basically pursued my ex for a LONG time. Being the awkward, sweet, naive 18 yr old he was at the time, he didn't quite get it (even *after* a party where I cornered him and pinned him against a wall, and a night when we watched a movie together, cuddling in my dorm bed) until one night when we revealed our mutual liking of each other.

Awkward silence ensued punctuated with the occasional "um...what now?" I eventually got sick of this and put my forehead on his forehead and said "I'm not moving until you kiss me." He did. It was magical and pretty freaking hot. It lasted 5 years. (It still does occasionally but that's neither here nor there...)

Honestly, sometimes people just don't get it, or don't know what to do. Just plan your actions well and take charge (well...make sure he's single and into it first!) But being confident in your own intentions goes a long long way to making things happen the way you want them to. Good luck!
posted by Eudaimonia at 10:19 AM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


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