Some Lines Should Not Be Crossed?

January 8, 2009 5:54 PM

Writing an effective letter of recommendation for med school for my best friend without sounding like an emo weirdo?

I have written many letters of recommendation before for former interns and assistants (and even for a friend who was trying to get out of a felony) and they were no problem. More or less, I think I have the basic idea and have not inadvertently ruined anyone's life.

Here is what's difficult. My best friend is applying to medical school after losing her then-28-year-old husband to cancer. I wouldn't necessarily think about getting into this in the letter, but she was so amazing through all of it and I actually thought at the time that if she were not already on an artistic path, she'd make a great physician. So it seems relevant to explain why she's a top candidate aside from her grades and MCAT score.

I have searched the internets, the rec letters I've written, and the letters others have written me, but nothing seems comparable. I'm going to show her the letter, of course (she's open to whatever I come up with), but I'd like to ask those with more experience writing grad school letters and med school letters in particular:

1) Should I talk about this intense thing (which kind of makes me tear up as I'm thinking about it) or am I better off sticking to the non-profit boards we served on together and other, less emotional ways to drive the same point home?

2) If you have ever written a letter of recommendation for a close friend or family member, how did you think about it so as not to come off like someone's mom?

posted by *s to education (4 comments total)

To answer you're questions in the reverse:
2. Yes, I've written recommendations for friends, and I didn't come off as a mom because I wrote the letters "in character" as the person who knew them from an academic or professional context. I'd state that I was also personally acquainted with the candidate (because not revealing that would be dishonest), but the school isn't interested in their qualities as a friend.
1. I've not been in your particular shoes, but that won't stop me from giving an opinion... the thing is - the fact that she just lost her husband to cancer could be seen as a negative by the school. A person could, hypothetically, think: Oh, she doesn't really want to be a doctor. In her grief, she's seized upon medical school as a way to honor his memory and avenge his death. So - I'd be careful about this information. Talk to your friend. Is she including it in her essays? If so, put it at the *end* of the letter, in a practical context (i.e. ability to empathize with patients and their families). If she's not bringing it up herself, don't assume you'd be doing her a favor by doing so.
posted by moxiedoll at 6:16 PM on January 8

[I never do correcting comments but OMG YOUR questions].
posted by moxiedoll at 6:17 PM on January 8

IANA rec letter expert, but let me tack another suggestion onto the end of moxiedoll's.

In addition to the experience giving your friend the "ability to empathize with patients and their families," you could also say that it showed her ability to stand up to tough medical crisis conditions.

Actually I'm giving the OP the benefit of the doubt here, since her statement that her friend was "so amazing through all of it" is pretty meaningless. OK, the OP was amazed. Why was she amazed? She never says.
posted by JimN2TAW at 7:54 PM on January 8

I've done quite a few letters of recommendation for close friends. I think they're actually a great way to go because they demonstrate a real familiarity with who that person is as a whole, a great perspective to add to standardized tests and grades. But you should disclose that you know them personally, and you have to be able and willing to speak honestly about their strengths and sometimes even weaknesses. If you do a good job sincerely capturing her character in your letter, it will be easily recognizable, and powerful and will likely fit well with her personal essay.

I think the information can be included if it's done something like...

"This recent event [watching her husband slowly die of cancer] sparked an already existing passion and determination to enter the field of medicine, and has given [your friend] a renewed purpose. Her personal experience with the supporting herself and her loved ones through such a great tragedy will be an asset to her as a professional and deepen her ability to place herself in her clients shoes and empathetically, as well as professionally, respond to their concerns."

Being a good doctor can sometimes mean being a mentor, a counselor, or a friend, right? Play on that angle and I think you'll be okay.

But I also agree with the posters above - make sure to actually frame the experience as an asset to her professionally and make sure to show, not tell, why that is the case.

Good luck!
posted by lunit at 8:46 AM on January 9