I am starting to feel like Lester Burnham, with less pot and more responsibilities.

January 5, 2009 12:18 PM

Anyone have any luck with curing celebrity crushes, or better yet, channeling them into some form of self-improvement?

Yeah, I know, having a celebrity crush is lame. Especially when you're in your 30s and mostly happily married. Yet, I seem to have one (sparked after a completely out-of-the-blue dream). Embarrassing!

I realize this is probably just a sign of an overactive imagination and an under-interesting life at the moment, and I am fine with that. Just wondering what's the best way to get some silly diversion like this out of my head, or to somehow use it to my own benefit. You know, kind of like I did as a kid when I'd bike past my crush's house 100 times a day and thus was in great shape the summer I was 12. (Except that I can't bike past a famous person's house and wouldn't really want to.)

Any ideas?

posted by justonegirl to grab bag (31 comments total)

In the early 90's, my gf actually met her celebrity crush and dated him (ok she spent a weekend with him). He turned out not to be all that. He called her, she declined to see him again.

So I would suggest dating your crush, being let down and moving on to better things, like my gf did.

(message me and I'll tell you who it was)
posted by Zambrano at 12:26 PM on January 5

First of all, what is wrong with having a harmless crush / fantasy about a celebrity? Who is it harming as long as you don't slide into John Hinckley-land!

Ideas:
1. Is the celebrity not a native english speaker? Start studying their language, so that you can have meaningful conversations with him / her in your daydreams in their native language!

2. Does the celebrity have a pet cause, you could focus some of that energy towards volunteering.

3. Perhaps it will give you some inspiration to paint / write / etc...

Off the top of my head.
posted by Julnyes at 12:27 PM on January 5

Celebrity crushes are seductive because they allow us to dump all of our personal fantasies upon a billboard figure who has no ability to shatter the daydream. Think about what appealed to you about this crush in your dream (even if their Hollywood persona doesn't corroborate it). Were they sexy and dangerous, or they just listen to you closely, or did they kindle a notion of romance that has been snuffed out of your marriage?

Once you figure out what you want out of the celebrity that you're using as a blank canvas, you can use real-life means to address your dissatisfaction.
posted by zoomorphic at 12:28 PM on January 5 [4 favorites]

Just realize that it's a fantasy crush that will never come to anything but that, and maybe use it as a part of a healthy sexual fantasy?

Not that I've ever had a celebrity crush. cough*EwanMcGregor*cough
posted by cooker girl at 12:28 PM on January 5

Thanks for the responses so far! I feel a little less lame now that four people have responded without openly mocking me, hehe :)

Crush is definitely a native English speaker, very all-American type, and is just plain hawt. The dream I had really came out of nowhere -- I hadn't seen any of this person's films in recent months -- and was purely sexual in nature. Of course, once I had the dream, I found myself thinking of this person more frequently than is practical, such is a crush.

(Interestingly, I tried to cure myself by watching a film where this person played a very distasteful character, to no avail. And my husband, who teases me for the crush, had me watch another of his films last night where he becomes hideously disfigured, insisting that would cure me. Still no dice.)
posted by justonegirl at 12:33 PM on January 5

For instance! I'm currently nurturing the most embarrassing crush on Rob Pattinson, the teen idol from Twilight, despite being neither a hormonal adolescent girl nor a bored housewife. I'm not usually prone to celeb crushes, and rarely find stars compellingly attractive enough to glance through tabloids, but for some reason I was just totally smitten with this pasty Brit with bedhead.

Then I realized that he plays this hyper-intense paternalistic boyfriend in Twilight, which appealed to my secret teenage self who wants some hot guy to drool over me and get jealous at the drop of a hat and save my life every ten minutes, even though my 25-year old self armed with women's studies classes and a strong regard for my independence knows how messed up that would be in real life. Once I was able to pinpoint the origins of my weird celeb crush, I felt pretty liberated from the actual Rob Pattinson infatuation. And presto, I'm back to shy boys at the bookstore who never dream of sucking my blood.
posted by zoomorphic at 12:35 PM on January 5

(Oh, and incidentally, one other thing I tried was to dig up some negative gossip/tidbits on this person, in hopes it would turn me off. You know, sort of like how Brad Pitt allegedly had halitosis and Halle Berry supposedly was really flatulent. Still nothing -- the guy evidently is super-private with his personal life, has no bad behavior on record, and is just humble, intelligent and accommodating in interviews. Drat!)
posted by justonegirl at 12:38 PM on January 5

I get occasional out-of-the-blue celebrity obsessions, too, usually on weird people (hello, Billy Bob Thorton and Annie Proulx crushes). I think it's pretty much natural, even healthy, to indulge in a bit of fantasy from time to time, and though yeah it's a bit lame, it's not really a negative unless it's somehow creeping out into the real world (making you dissatisfied with your real relationships or whatever).

When I do start thinking someone is interesting, I start wanting to consume everything they've been a part of - so I've watched a lot of bad movies, listened to some crummy speeches, attended lame ball games, and read some not-great books. But I've seen/heard/attended/read a lot of awesome stuff, too, that I otherwise might not have sought out. For example: My latest thing is for James McAvoy. So yeah, I sat through Wanted and Penelope, but I also discovered The Last King of Scotland and Shameless. So you could treat it as an opportunity to widen your horizons or learn something. .
posted by peachfuzz at 12:38 PM on January 5

Now I want to post an AskMetafilter question: Name this actor - he's All-American, hawt, was a distasteful character in one film and becomes hideously deformed in another. This will drive me crazy all day.

Anyway, totally normal.
posted by artychoke at 12:40 PM on January 5 [9 favorites]

How to deal? I struck a deal with Mrs. Plinth that if Winona Ryder asked me out, I'd give the Mrs. right of first refusal. (Call me, Noni. Operators are standing by).
posted by plinth at 12:43 PM on January 5

The best way I've found to get over an impossible fantasy is to start to imagine the ugly "real" parts of it. In your head, everything is within your control and your celebrity crush can have all sorts of wonderful traits and you can have all sorts of fantastic romantic/sexy adventures, and everything is perfect.

But if you really met your crush in real life and the two of you started dating, what then? Maybe he'd be away shooting films and doing interviews 90% of the time and cancel on dates and be super-pokey in calling you back. Maybe he'd flirt too much with other fans or get along uncomfortably well with his latest A-list co-star. Maybe he'd spend all his time waxing his chest and doing bicep curls and getting Botoxed. Maybe his publicist wouldn't like you for whatever reason and would keep pressuring him to dump you. Maybe you'd become tabloid fodder and would get paparazzi tailing you everywhere. Maybe he'd be just plain dumb or boring or obnoxious or rude. Even if there's no negative gossip handily available, he's certainly got less-than-ideal traits hidden underneath that smooth surface.

In short, there are probably hundreds of reasons why you wouldn't want to meet or date this guy. Once you visualize them, it should be easier to keep the crush in fantasy territory.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:51 PM on January 5

When I'm losing steam on the treadmill, I picture George Clooney running on my left and Matt Damon running on my right, being all bad-ass. Sometimes Brad Pitt is there too. We're working out so we can be super fit for the huge heist we're planning. Basically I'm the new female star of Oceans 14. Between the desire to be as hot as these hot guys, and the need to impress them - maybe even outdo them - in our workout, it definitely gets my motivation back up again. Maybe a little crazy? But it always makes me giggle and run faster, which is all I need. I say, let your crush guy mentally push you in your workout routine.
posted by vytae at 12:52 PM on January 5 [12 favorites]

If your husband is accommodating, channel your crush into some bedroom role-play. If hubby isn't *that* accommodating, then just remember to shout out the right name at the right time.
posted by jamaro at 1:01 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

Interestingly, I tried to cure myself by watching a film where this person played a very distasteful character... And my husband, who teases me for the crush, had me watch another of his films last night where he becomes hideously disfigured...

one other thing I tried was to dig up some negative gossip/tidbits on this person

Stop feeding it and it will go away. Quit consuming media about this person.
posted by nanojath at 1:13 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

Though currently happily married to a self-proclaimed nerd, I've been crushing on Gerard Butler for a while. Before that, Orlando Bloom (I know, I know...). What I realized it was for me was they're both exotic compared to what surrounds me.

That said, what helped me work out my crush on Orlando was imagining what life would be like dating him. Embarassingly enough, I even wrote out a whole story about it. That combined with his lousy taste in acting roles of late cured me.

Now Gerry is another story. The crush on him just sorta went away naturally. I'm not sure if the realization that it would probably never happen kicked in or what. It has settled into more of a respect for his acting abilities, because the boy has chops! Still, that handsome face and Glaswegian accent melt my knees from time to time. He is still firmly on my "Get Out of Jail Free" list with my husbands blessing. :-D

Anywho, yes, it's normal. Enjoy it. It's a good exercise for the imagination.
posted by arishaun at 1:17 PM on January 5

Aaron Eckhardt? That's my guess.
Anyway, I'm sure the crush will fade quickly (how long has it been?). I'd say indulge yourself for a couple of weeks unless it's really a debilitating thing and you're not eating or neglecting your family or whatever. Otherwise, let yourself have the diversion and try not to get too obsessed about the obsessing. It's harmless.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 1:17 PM on January 5

Aaron Eckhardt? A friend of mine knows him well. Total jerk, apparently.

HTH
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 1:35 PM on January 5

One obsesses when one does not wish to deal with issues one is facing. The purpose is distraction. If you want to get rid of these feelings, ask yourself what you were thinking about just before you had the feelings. Then focus on that. You'll be less happy for a bit, but then you'll feel better after that.
posted by Ironmouth at 2:10 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

Whenever I have a maddening celebrity crush, I try to imagine what it would be like to meet this person. I imagine myself as totally cool and not all starstruck, and the celebrity appreciates my suaveness, and we run off together to a deserted island...

And then I realize that EVERY fan who imagines meeting their crush thinks they will be totally cool, and that in reality I would probably be struck dumb and would no doubt wet my pants like every other fangurl, and how distasteful it must be to the celebrity to have people gushing over them like slobbering puppies, and how they go to cool clubs with their for-real cool friends and joke about the slobbering fangurls, and thinking about that usually embarrasses the crush right out of me.

Not that I've spent a lot of time thinking about this or anything...
posted by SuperSquirrel at 2:15 PM on January 5

Yeah, Aaron Eckhardt is a total wad. Undertips.

Drives a hummer - and you know what that suggests about his offscreen parts.
posted by IAmBroom at 2:30 PM on January 5

Force yourself to fantasize thoroughly, completely, ceaselessly. OD on the fantasies until he's boring you in the imaginary bedroom and you're yearning for fresh stroke material.
posted by desuetude at 2:35 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

Isn't this exactly what the "Top Five/Freebie List" was invented for?

You're allowed to have your crush, and have explicit permission to act on it on the million-to-one chance that the opportunity actually presents itself. Your partner is allowed his/her own List too, so everybody wins!
posted by johnvaljohn at 2:51 PM on January 5

Isn't this exactly what the "Top Five/Freebie List" was invented for?
You're allowed to have your crush, and have explicit permission to act on it on the million-to-one chance that the opportunity actually presents itself.

Warning: be prepared for your partner to immediately rescind The List when the one-in-a-million opportunity actually presents itself.
posted by scody at 3:39 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

When I have sexy dreams about men it generally means I need more sex/orgasms. Surely your husband can help you with this. Nothing wrong with a little fantasizing about a crush so long as you're in bed with your husband (or alone) while doing it.
posted by ch1x0r at 3:56 PM on January 5

Another suggestion for broadening your horizons - find out what books he likes to read, or what he studied (if he went to college at all), or what music he likes, and read/study/listen! No one has to know WHY you're all of a sudden into marine biology or whatnot.
posted by KateHasQuestions at 4:46 PM on January 5

Oh, sweetie, just embrace it. Your husband is teasing you about it -- that means he's not threatened. If you just go ahead and run with it, you can turn it into a great little in-joke between the two of you.

I've been doing this for years -- in fact, it was a celebrity that gave me the idea. I saw Sigourney Weaver on a talk show once, where she talked about the "Exempt List" -- she said that that was an in-joke she and her husband had, where each of them kept a list of the celebrity crushes they had. The joke was that this was the list of people that "I'll be faithful to you, but honestly, if I'm trapped on an elevator with any of these people, I should be granted an exemption from our monogamy."

I've kept "Exempt lists" and shared this joke with all of my boyfriends since then, and they've always gotten a huge kick out of it. Asking your partner who's on their lists can really be eye-opening, too (one of the more interesting -- and telling --conversations I've ever had came when one of my exes said that Katie Couric was on his list).

It's a silly fantasy, and your husband is being light-hearted about it. Run with it.

John Cusack and Bono are top on my list right now.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:50 PM on January 5

Is it Heath Ledger?

Don't stress about this. It happens to me all the time, and it used to really bother me. Then I dealt with it the way I've dealt with having crushes on inaccessible (cf. married) people in my life. I think: it's chemicals, it's hormonal, it's a disease just like a fever and you don't have to be angry with yourself. Just treat yourself nicely and let it ride.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:26 PM on January 5

Uh, Ledger's an Aussie, which kind of puts him out of the All-American Look running.

I wouldn't worry about it. It does make a great conversation starter among close friends, though, which is what I did with it when I had this completely bizarre dream about snorting cocaine off Vin Diesel's abs.

Yeah, really. I have no idea. I like the man well enough, but it's not like I'm some giant cokehead with access to his stomach muscles in real life. I shrugged it off, stuck him on my exempt list if he wasn't too much of a dick in person, and life went on.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 8:08 PM on January 5

(BTW, just to redeem some karma - don't know Aaron Eckhardt, never met him, sure he's a fine fellow who tips bigly, and I was just funnin')
posted by IAmBroom at 8:50 PM on January 5

1. I second the "ban yourself from all of his movies" thing. Starve a fever, y'know.

2. Think of what it would be like in real life:

(a) he can and will date people a billion times hotter than you, and has access to them- why would he date a normal-looking person (which I'm assuming you are)? Is your personality so much better than all the hot skinny chicks he probably dates that he'd pass them up for you? Realistically speaking, probably not. It would take a miracle.

(b) Tabloids would be bitching, "Why is he dating her? She's so FAT" (because anyone not plastic and anorexic is ugly in famousland and all). Do you really want to have that happen to you?

(c) You can't take him anywhere. By which I mean the mall, the grocery store, the amusement park, you can't walk down the street with him without tabloids and/or the Rob Pattinson bum-rush of crazy people chasing him around. That's darned inconvenient. Well, maybe if you live in LA/NYC you could, but everywhere else, probably not.

(d) Odds are even the nicest and most circumspect of celebrity crushes will make the tabloids sooner or later, and reading all the hype that will come up about his relationship, well...it is an ugh.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:12 PM on January 5

To my tastes, all the preceeding suggestions that the original poster adopt the celebrity's interests, study his/her culture, support his/her causes, etc. are alarmingly sketchy, unhealthy, and and almost pathologically servile. I would advance that these are not methods of translating this crush into self-improvement -- they only echo the pervasive and destructive cultural messages we already deliver to women... that they should define themselves by changing their own legitimate interests and aptitudes because "that's what he likes."

That it is fantastically unlikely that "he" will ever be met makes it sadder still.

Responses keying on the fact that opportunity to assess your own self-development and happiness are the types of "self-improvement" most likely to come from careful consideration of this celebrity crush (such as zoomorphic's response) are the ones you should be listening to... not the ones trying to get you to flip out and fool yourself into changing superficially.
posted by jjjjjjjijjjjjjj at 1:25 PM on January 6