Expand my language!
December 26, 2008 1:39 AM Subscribe
What are some good, off-the-wall similes/metaphors? R-Rated and PG-rated are both ok!
Ok, I have a peculiar way of speaking (being from the Great State of Texas and all), and as a result, I enjoy being colorful with my language. (both "R-Rated" and "PG").
Here are some typical similies that I use pretty regularly:
"Joe jumped on that problem like a fat kid on a twinkie!",
"Joe's tougher'n woodpecker lips",
"That girl's hotter'n fish grease!",
"You're about as ate-up as a soup sandwich!",
etc... (WAY too many to list them all).
Anyway, being a renaissance man (LOL), I'm always looking to add to my vocabulary. Any completely off-the-wall similes and metaphors you can suggest? The more off-the-wall, the better! But they have to (1) make sense, and (2) be humorous/clever.
R-Rated and PG-rated are both ok!
Ok, I have a peculiar way of speaking (being from the Great State of Texas and all), and as a result, I enjoy being colorful with my language. (both "R-Rated" and "PG").
Here are some typical similies that I use pretty regularly:
"Joe jumped on that problem like a fat kid on a twinkie!",
"Joe's tougher'n woodpecker lips",
"That girl's hotter'n fish grease!",
"You're about as ate-up as a soup sandwich!",
etc... (WAY too many to list them all).
Anyway, being a renaissance man (LOL), I'm always looking to add to my vocabulary. Any completely off-the-wall similes and metaphors you can suggest? The more off-the-wall, the better! But they have to (1) make sense, and (2) be humorous/clever.
R-Rated and PG-rated are both ok!
Best answer: "like a frog in a sock" (unsatisfied sexual energy)
posted by evil_esto at 2:18 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by evil_esto at 2:18 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Face like a dropped pie >ugly.
Face like a hatful of arseholes >ugly.
As useful as tits on a bowling ball > quite useless.
Flat as Kylie Minogue > quite flat; little or no surf.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:22 AM on December 26, 2008
Face like a hatful of arseholes >ugly.
As useful as tits on a bowling ball > quite useless.
Flat as Kylie Minogue > quite flat; little or no surf.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:22 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: @evil_esto:
Yeah, exactly. Particularly "Ugly as a hat-full of armpits" and "Gotta a face like a stopped clock". I'm looking for something using "like", "as", or "than" anything making a comparison.
Though I literally busted out laughing at the "Hail Damage" one.
posted by Master Gunner at 2:28 AM on December 26, 2008
Yeah, exactly. Particularly "Ugly as a hat-full of armpits" and "Gotta a face like a stopped clock". I'm looking for something using "like", "as", or "than" anything making a comparison.
Though I literally busted out laughing at the "Hail Damage" one.
posted by Master Gunner at 2:28 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: @obiwanasabi
Good ones! In Texas, we say "Tits on a Boar-Hog"
posted by Master Gunner at 2:29 AM on December 26, 2008
Good ones! In Texas, we say "Tits on a Boar-Hog"
posted by Master Gunner at 2:29 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Creative but only useful where "blind" easily implies "drunk" as in Australia:
Blind as a welder's dog.
posted by Canard de Vasco at 2:39 AM on December 26, 2008
Blind as a welder's dog.
posted by Canard de Vasco at 2:39 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: "When I heard the news, I cried like a just-kicked baby."
posted by DWRoelands at 2:44 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by DWRoelands at 2:44 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: I've also used (alot):
"As crazy as a monkey f***in' an elephant"
"...sweating like a hooker in church"
posted by Master Gunner at 2:50 AM on December 26, 2008
"As crazy as a monkey f***in' an elephant"
"...sweating like a hooker in church"
posted by Master Gunner at 2:50 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: The Hail Damage one was new to me a few months back (and related by a female colleague, I hasten to add).
I think a lot of these are available on the net if you look around. One of my personal favorites came from working in a gay club in Melbourne in the 90s.
It was remarked of one who was considered to be an easy or predictable or easy-but-unsatisfying lay that it was "like waving a pencil in the cathedral door"!
OR
"...like throwing a sausage down Bourke Street on a rainy day".* Splat.
I could do this for hours. Give us more of your Texan vernacular weirdness dude. The iconic "Slides like goose-shit through a tin horn" is not enough.
* Bourke St is the main drag of Melbourne.
posted by evil_esto at 2:50 AM on December 26, 2008
I think a lot of these are available on the net if you look around. One of my personal favorites came from working in a gay club in Melbourne in the 90s.
It was remarked of one who was considered to be an easy or predictable or easy-but-unsatisfying lay that it was "like waving a pencil in the cathedral door"!
OR
"...like throwing a sausage down Bourke Street on a rainy day".* Splat.
I could do this for hours. Give us more of your Texan vernacular weirdness dude. The iconic "Slides like goose-shit through a tin horn" is not enough.
* Bourke St is the main drag of Melbourne.
posted by evil_esto at 2:50 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Uh, I'd use the following with caution, but it's my personal favorite. There are times when one must find words to express that something is extraordinarily gay--not in any derogatory way, but just... super, super homosexual, the kind of excess that would make Liberace blush. And for that, there is only one phrase that can do the trick: "... is gayer than eight guys fucking nine guys."
Just something about that makes me chuckle every time.
Another one I enjoy for describing a confused or chaotic situation is, "You guys are running around like five monkeys trying to fuck a football." The number of monkeys, of course, can be adjusted to taste.
posted by kprincehouse at 3:15 AM on December 26, 2008
Just something about that makes me chuckle every time.
Another one I enjoy for describing a confused or chaotic situation is, "You guys are running around like five monkeys trying to fuck a football." The number of monkeys, of course, can be adjusted to taste.
posted by kprincehouse at 3:15 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: My personal creedo...
"I'm flat out like a lizard drinking" > busy
To describe a motorcycle or car with an abundance of power "pulls harder than a 14 year old"
and lack of..."wouldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding"
"coudn't drive a soapy bone up a dog's arse" >bad driver
"all over the place like a mad woman's breakfast" as above
and a favorite of my dear departed Dad close to beer o'clock... "I'm as dry as a Nun's c*nt"
Our local version of "tits on a boar" is "as useless as tits on a bull"
I have more but it's late and it's hotter than a shearers armpit right now.
posted by Duke999R at 3:18 AM on December 26, 2008 [2 favorites]
"I'm flat out like a lizard drinking" > busy
To describe a motorcycle or car with an abundance of power "pulls harder than a 14 year old"
and lack of..."wouldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding"
"coudn't drive a soapy bone up a dog's arse" >bad driver
"all over the place like a mad woman's breakfast" as above
and a favorite of my dear departed Dad close to beer o'clock... "I'm as dry as a Nun's c*nt"
Our local version of "tits on a boar" is "as useless as tits on a bull"
I have more but it's late and it's hotter than a shearers armpit right now.
posted by Duke999R at 3:18 AM on December 26, 2008 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Irish here, could also go at this for days, but the one that springs instantly to mind is of course:
Up and down like a whores knickers.
Also "fur coat and no knickers" for somone who buys things for show that they can't afford.
I've always liked "face like a slapped arse" as well for somone who looks annoyed or put out (or ugly or embarassed).
Happy as a dog with two dicks.
Sick as a small hospital.
You also have the hungry/thirsty sub-genre.
I'd eat a babys arse through a moses basket.
I'd eat a nuns arse through a convent gate.
I'd eat the hind leg of the lamb of god.
A person might be so mean they wouldn't give you the steam off their piss, and if they were that mean you might dislike them so much that you wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.
posted by Iteki at 3:21 AM on December 26, 2008 [2 favorites]
Up and down like a whores knickers.
Also "fur coat and no knickers" for somone who buys things for show that they can't afford.
I've always liked "face like a slapped arse" as well for somone who looks annoyed or put out (or ugly or embarassed).
Happy as a dog with two dicks.
Sick as a small hospital.
You also have the hungry/thirsty sub-genre.
I'd eat a babys arse through a moses basket.
I'd eat a nuns arse through a convent gate.
I'd eat the hind leg of the lamb of god.
A person might be so mean they wouldn't give you the steam off their piss, and if they were that mean you might dislike them so much that you wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.
posted by Iteki at 3:21 AM on December 26, 2008 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Duke999R and I breathe the same air. Kudos. fuck its hot, my AC is my white-noise generator.
posted by evil_esto at 3:24 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by evil_esto at 3:24 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: I've heard "as useless as tits on a bull". And a few random ones:
"flat out like a lizard drinking"
"as tight as a fish's ass"
"goes up and down more than a cheap whore"
"dry as a nun's c**t"
posted by Eastgate at 3:26 AM on December 26, 2008
"flat out like a lizard drinking"
"as tight as a fish's ass"
"goes up and down more than a cheap whore"
"dry as a nun's c**t"
posted by Eastgate at 3:26 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Fast as a cheetah on a trampoline.
He's about as straight as a rainbow. (kprincehouses caveats apply)
posted by phrontist at 3:32 AM on December 26, 2008
He's about as straight as a rainbow. (kprincehouses caveats apply)
posted by phrontist at 3:32 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Sweating like a pig in a butcher shop
Sweating like a paedophile in a kindergarten *cough*
posted by chrisbucks at 4:57 AM on December 26, 2008
Sweating like a paedophile in a kindergarten *cough*
posted by chrisbucks at 4:57 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Colder than a well digger's ass.
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:59 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:59 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Terrible translations ahead!
Regarding certain varieties of chili: hot enough to kill a dead man.
Regarding food: good enough to make a dead man sing.
posted by Dysk at 5:12 AM on December 26, 2008
Regarding certain varieties of chili: hot enough to kill a dead man.
Regarding food: good enough to make a dead man sing.
posted by Dysk at 5:12 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Thicker than two in the bed and three in the middle--very close friends.
posted by RussHy at 5:32 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by RussHy at 5:32 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: A whole list of them. My favorites include:
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
posted by theichibun at 5:35 AM on December 26, 2008
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
posted by theichibun at 5:35 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: There's a smell in here that will outlast religion.
posted by flabdablet at 5:38 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by flabdablet at 5:38 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Busier than a one-armed bricklayer in Baghdad
posted by flabdablet at 5:47 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by flabdablet at 5:47 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: the thing about poor old Costello, he's all tip and no iceberg
posted by flabdablet at 5:52 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by flabdablet at 5:52 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: A favorite that pops in my head routinely but seldom have the guts to use:
"Don't piss down my leg and tell me it's raining"
posted by Zebtron at 6:30 AM on December 26, 2008
"Don't piss down my leg and tell me it's raining"
posted by Zebtron at 6:30 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: My favorite one is Slicker than dog shit. The guy who said it to me had a slight country accent so I think it sounds best when its said as 'slickerdn dogshit.'
posted by cashman at 6:57 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by cashman at 6:57 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Slicker than hot snot runin' down a rooster's lip.
"Tighter than a nun's c***" is one I often hear in the shed when the boys are having trouble unscrewing a certain nut or bold.
My personal favorite from my east-coast father in law. used to describe his son's latest girlfriend:
"Skinny? There's more meat on Good Friday!"
posted by Brodiggitty at 7:16 AM on December 26, 2008
"Tighter than a nun's c***" is one I often hear in the shed when the boys are having trouble unscrewing a certain nut or bold.
My personal favorite from my east-coast father in law. used to describe his son's latest girlfriend:
"Skinny? There's more meat on Good Friday!"
posted by Brodiggitty at 7:16 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Foghorn Leghorn provided me with one suitable for ooh-ing/aah-ing over infants: "Why he's littler than the end of nothing sharpened."
posted by Joe Beese at 7:28 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by Joe Beese at 7:28 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: "Smells so bad it could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon."
"Time to make like a fetus and head out."
posted by jzb at 7:29 AM on December 26, 2008
"Time to make like a fetus and head out."
posted by jzb at 7:29 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: "He's got a face like a bag of smashed crabs" - a bad case of acne.
"Tighter than a fishes arse - and that's watertight", or "Tighter than a camels arse in a sandstorm" - not easily parted with money.
"Thick as pig shit" - stupid
"As mad as a box of frogs" - nuts/daft
"Daft as a brush" - stupid/silly
"As much use as a chocolate fire grate (or teapot)" - useless
"He/she sticks to me like shit to a blanket" - to describe a clingy person perhaps
posted by jonesor at 8:03 AM on December 26, 2008
"Tighter than a fishes arse - and that's watertight", or "Tighter than a camels arse in a sandstorm" - not easily parted with money.
"Thick as pig shit" - stupid
"As mad as a box of frogs" - nuts/daft
"Daft as a brush" - stupid/silly
"As much use as a chocolate fire grate (or teapot)" - useless
"He/she sticks to me like shit to a blanket" - to describe a clingy person perhaps
posted by jonesor at 8:03 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: From playing baseball, but then carried over to leaving by saying "i'm out [of here]"
Out like a boner in sweatpants
out like a fat kid in dodgeball
out like Boy George at a pride parade
posted by Jon_Evil at 8:03 AM on December 26, 2008
Out like a boner in sweatpants
out like a fat kid in dodgeball
out like Boy George at a pride parade
posted by Jon_Evil at 8:03 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: "As busy as a three-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen lake."
"As busy as a one-legged guy at an ass kicking party."
"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."
"She could bite a baby's ass through a park bench." (she's got buck teeth)
"Your mama's so ugly, she fell out of a ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
posted by pepcorn at 8:12 AM on December 26, 2008
"As busy as a one-legged guy at an ass kicking party."
"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."
"She could bite a baby's ass through a park bench." (she's got buck teeth)
"Your mama's so ugly, she fell out of a ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
posted by pepcorn at 8:12 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: "... is gayer than eight guys [blowing] nine guys."
The first place I heard that was on Patton Oswalt's CD. The same CD that had the incredible not-quite-simile about stinginess: "Motherfucker, you wouldn't give a crippled crab a crutch!"
There's also the memorable line from Tom Waits:
"It's cold out there. Colder than a gut-shot bitch wolf dog with nine suckin' pups pulling a #4 trap up a hill in the dead of winter with a mouth full of porcupine quills!" which a friend of mine nicely illustrated for me.
posted by Hildago at 8:33 AM on December 26, 2008
The first place I heard that was on Patton Oswalt's CD. The same CD that had the incredible not-quite-simile about stinginess: "Motherfucker, you wouldn't give a crippled crab a crutch!"
There's also the memorable line from Tom Waits:
"It's cold out there. Colder than a gut-shot bitch wolf dog with nine suckin' pups pulling a #4 trap up a hill in the dead of winter with a mouth full of porcupine quills!" which a friend of mine nicely illustrated for me.
posted by Hildago at 8:33 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: "It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra", sometimes shortened to "colder than a witch's tit!"
My dad used to say, about something he didn't find especially amusing, "That's about as funny as a fart in church." Naturally, we kids thought it meant something was actually hysterical, because we thought farts in church must be the most hilarious thing ever.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 8:36 AM on December 26, 2008
My dad used to say, about something he didn't find especially amusing, "That's about as funny as a fart in church." Naturally, we kids thought it meant something was actually hysterical, because we thought farts in church must be the most hilarious thing ever.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 8:36 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Feeling like a gallon of shit in a quart jug (hung over).
As useful as a fur-lined piss pot.
posted by hangashore at 9:01 AM on December 26, 2008
As useful as a fur-lined piss pot.
posted by hangashore at 9:01 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Pre-conservative-life-change (and thereby still-funny) Dennis Miller was always a good source for these. "More nervous than a fat dog on a Korean lifeboat," was one I still employ from time to time.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:11 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:11 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: My personal favorite, Like pissing up a rope.
Like a one legged man at an ass kicking contest
Off like a prom dress
hell I always come up with these in conversation and can't do it now. Great thread!!!
posted by Ponderance at 9:16 AM on December 26, 2008
Like a one legged man at an ass kicking contest
Off like a prom dress
hell I always come up with these in conversation and can't do it now. Great thread!!!
posted by Ponderance at 9:16 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: jzb, "make like a fetus and head out" is pure gold! I can't decide if I prefer it or "make like a donkey's dick and hit the road"...
posted by Dysk at 9:24 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by Dysk at 9:24 AM on December 26, 2008
Best answer: Buddy once said someone we knew was so screwed up, "...if it was raining p***y, he'd catch a d**k".
I'm happiern' a puppy with two peckers for starting this thread! Faves all around!
posted by Master Gunner at 9:49 AM on December 26, 2008
I'm happiern' a puppy with two peckers for starting this thread! Faves all around!
posted by Master Gunner at 9:49 AM on December 26, 2008
Response by poster: oh, almost forgot another one:
"She's finern' frog hair!"
posted by Master Gunner at 9:53 AM on December 26, 2008
"She's finern' frog hair!"
posted by Master Gunner at 9:53 AM on December 26, 2008
I've just remembered one that I heard a couple of years ago:
"It was like playing snooker with a rope" - describing sex after drinking excessively.
posted by jonesor at 10:25 AM on December 26, 2008
"It was like playing snooker with a rope" - describing sex after drinking excessively.
posted by jonesor at 10:25 AM on December 26, 2008
I feel like a can of smashed assholes.
posted by tresbizzare at 10:36 AM on December 26, 2008
posted by tresbizzare at 10:36 AM on December 26, 2008
"She's got her a face only a mother could love."
"He's dumb as a box of rocks."
"Am I serious? Well damn, I'm serious as a heart attack."
... serious as a flat tire on an ambulance."
... serious as polio."
"I'll be back in a New York minute."
"She has a timeless look -- her face would stop a clock."
"He'd fuck a pile of rocks if he thought there was a snake in it."
"She could sit around a table all by herself."
"He's so thin that you've got to look at him twice to see him once."
"... he got a job modeling for a thermometer company."
"... he turned sideways, stuck out his tongue, looked like a big zipper."
"She's dumb as a sackful of hammers."
"He's had more dicks waved in his face than a urinal at Shea stadium."
"If she had as many sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her she'd look like a porcupine."
"Ugly? Why, when he was born, the doctor looked at him then slapped his mother."
Etc and etc...
posted by dancestoblue at 10:38 AM on December 26, 2008
"He's dumb as a box of rocks."
"Am I serious? Well damn, I'm serious as a heart attack."
... serious as a flat tire on an ambulance."
... serious as polio."
"I'll be back in a New York minute."
"She has a timeless look -- her face would stop a clock."
"He'd fuck a pile of rocks if he thought there was a snake in it."
"She could sit around a table all by herself."
"He's so thin that you've got to look at him twice to see him once."
"... he got a job modeling for a thermometer company."
"... he turned sideways, stuck out his tongue, looked like a big zipper."
"She's dumb as a sackful of hammers."
"He's had more dicks waved in his face than a urinal at Shea stadium."
"If she had as many sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her she'd look like a porcupine."
"Ugly? Why, when he was born, the doctor looked at him then slapped his mother."
Etc and etc...
posted by dancestoblue at 10:38 AM on December 26, 2008
"Meaner than a tick"
"Sharp as a marble"
"Sorrier than a Christian Scientist with appendicitis"
"So poor he can't even pay attention"
"Broke as the ten commandments" (P.G. Wodehouse)
"Sweeter than a mosquito's tweeter" (Nina Simone)
"Miss her so much you'd pay fifty bucks to listen long distance to her peeing in a tin cup"
"Uglier than death backing out of an outhouse reading Mad magazine" (from Fug Ken Weaver's out-of-print collection of Texas slang, "Texas Crude," illustrated by R. Crumb)
posted by doncoyote at 11:05 AM on December 26, 2008
"Sharp as a marble"
"Sorrier than a Christian Scientist with appendicitis"
"So poor he can't even pay attention"
"Broke as the ten commandments" (P.G. Wodehouse)
"Sweeter than a mosquito's tweeter" (Nina Simone)
"Miss her so much you'd pay fifty bucks to listen long distance to her peeing in a tin cup"
"Uglier than death backing out of an outhouse reading Mad magazine" (from Fug Ken Weaver's out-of-print collection of Texas slang, "Texas Crude," illustrated by R. Crumb)
posted by doncoyote at 11:05 AM on December 26, 2008
"Slicker'an frog snot." -- literal or figurative slickness
"Smoother'an a baby's ass."
"Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway." -- for sex with a, uh, well-stretched woman.
I'll probably think of ten more after I hit post.
posted by Netzapper at 12:06 PM on December 26, 2008
"Smoother'an a baby's ass."
"Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway." -- for sex with a, uh, well-stretched woman.
I'll probably think of ten more after I hit post.
posted by Netzapper at 12:06 PM on December 26, 2008
Slicker than snot on a doorknob.
Handier than a pocket on a shirt.
(Thanks to my 95 yr old Granny for these)
posted by tdischino at 12:21 PM on December 26, 2008
Handier than a pocket on a shirt.
(Thanks to my 95 yr old Granny for these)
posted by tdischino at 12:21 PM on December 26, 2008
These are not similes, but are some of my favorite colorful workplace metaphors:
Let's not all suck each others dicks just yet (to be said when people are prematurely congratulating each other when there's still work to do).
Joe is screwing the pooch today (to be said when Joe is making his current task last as long as possible in hopes he won't be assigned another task) -- also heard as fucking the dog, shagging scooby, or humping the hound.
posted by idiopath at 1:46 PM on December 26, 2008 [1 favorite]
Let's not all suck each others dicks just yet (to be said when people are prematurely congratulating each other when there's still work to do).
Joe is screwing the pooch today (to be said when Joe is making his current task last as long as possible in hopes he won't be assigned another task) -- also heard as fucking the dog, shagging scooby, or humping the hound.
posted by idiopath at 1:46 PM on December 26, 2008 [1 favorite]
John Prine's "It's a Big Old Goofy World" has a mess of them, including:
I know a fella
He eats like a horse
Knocks his old balls
Round the old golf course
You oughta see his wife
She's a cute little dish
She smokes like a chimney
And drinks like a fish. . .
Kiss a little baby
Give the world a smile
If you take an inch
Give 'em back a mile
Cause if you lie like a rug
And you don't give a damn
You're never gonna be
As happy as a clam
posted by yclipse at 1:53 PM on December 26, 2008
I know a fella
He eats like a horse
Knocks his old balls
Round the old golf course
You oughta see his wife
She's a cute little dish
She smokes like a chimney
And drinks like a fish. . .
Kiss a little baby
Give the world a smile
If you take an inch
Give 'em back a mile
Cause if you lie like a rug
And you don't give a damn
You're never gonna be
As happy as a clam
posted by yclipse at 1:53 PM on December 26, 2008
My pa used to say 'I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider'.
And my Mum favours 'more front than Myer' to describe someone excessively cheeky (where Myer is the biggest department store around).
I use 'off like prawns in the sun' as well, but I've always used it to describe an excellent party, or maybe someone really angry.
posted by Emilyisnow at 3:13 PM on December 26, 2008
And my Mum favours 'more front than Myer' to describe someone excessively cheeky (where Myer is the biggest department store around).
I use 'off like prawns in the sun' as well, but I've always used it to describe an excellent party, or maybe someone really angry.
posted by Emilyisnow at 3:13 PM on December 26, 2008
"It's as dark as a bat's arse in there."
posted by the duck by the oboe at 3:23 PM on December 26, 2008
posted by the duck by the oboe at 3:23 PM on December 26, 2008
I think someone described Dubya as being "all hat and no cattle."
He was sweating like a fat kid in gym.
He was sweating like a blind lesbian in a fishmonger's.
posted by Cantdosleepy at 3:29 PM on December 26, 2008
He was sweating like a fat kid in gym.
He was sweating like a blind lesbian in a fishmonger's.
posted by Cantdosleepy at 3:29 PM on December 26, 2008
Your eyes look like two peeholes in the snow.
eg, you are squinty-eyed and probably hung over.. and you probably live in Minnesota :)
posted by citron at 3:36 PM on December 26, 2008
eg, you are squinty-eyed and probably hung over.. and you probably live in Minnesota :)
posted by citron at 3:36 PM on December 26, 2008
In a similar vein, "Eyes like two holes burnt in a blanket".
Or, one of my favorites, "He looks as worried as a dog shitting a log chain and dreading the hook".
posted by Daddio at 4:46 PM on December 26, 2008
Or, one of my favorites, "He looks as worried as a dog shitting a log chain and dreading the hook".
posted by Daddio at 4:46 PM on December 26, 2008
Not really a metaphor or similie but amazingly useful phrase we use around our house a lot...I've got my head so far up my ass I can't see for shit!
posted by tamitang at 4:47 PM on December 26, 2008
posted by tamitang at 4:47 PM on December 26, 2008
I believe it is also a Foghorn Leghorn....but
"About as sharp as a sack full of wet mice"
posted by timsteil at 5:07 PM on December 26, 2008
"About as sharp as a sack full of wet mice"
posted by timsteil at 5:07 PM on December 26, 2008
I've got two R rated ones:
Busy as a one-armed paper hanger with the crabs (Sometimes abbreviated to a one armed paper hanger)
And my personal favorite -
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
posted by Philbo at 7:02 AM on December 27, 2008
Busy as a one-armed paper hanger with the crabs (Sometimes abbreviated to a one armed paper hanger)
And my personal favorite -
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
posted by Philbo at 7:02 AM on December 27, 2008
I have been googling to find the source of this quote and the internets are telling me it's Molly Ivins but I swear it's some old Texan guy that said it first.
His pants was so tight if he’d a farted it would’ve blowed his boots off.
posted by shmurley at 9:55 AM on December 27, 2008
His pants was so tight if he’d a farted it would’ve blowed his boots off.
posted by shmurley at 9:55 AM on December 27, 2008
Ha! I found it! Bob Bullock said it first--to Molly Ivins.
posted by shmurley at 9:57 AM on December 27, 2008
posted by shmurley at 9:57 AM on December 27, 2008
I'm so hungry I could eat a scabby kid through a cane chair.
I'm so hungry I could eat the crotch out of a low-flying duck.
posted by flutable at 8:31 AM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
I'm so hungry I could eat the crotch out of a low-flying duck.
posted by flutable at 8:31 AM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
... like giving a suppository without taking off the tinfoil first.
Courtesy my grampa, a family physician for 40-some years.
posted by awenner at 2:56 PM on December 29, 2008
Courtesy my grampa, a family physician for 40-some years.
posted by awenner at 2:56 PM on December 29, 2008
I fell in love with "beating my head against a dead horse" since the first time I heard it. In semantics & syntax class.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:40 PM on December 29, 2008
posted by iamkimiam at 8:40 PM on December 29, 2008
I'm not sure where any of these came from but have heard them over the years...
It's raining like a sack full of assholes!
Make like horse shit and hit the trail
Make like a tree and leave
I know I'll think of some more; I'll probably have to repost.
posted by fromred2green at 4:45 PM on January 13, 2009
It's raining like a sack full of assholes!
Make like horse shit and hit the trail
Make like a tree and leave
I know I'll think of some more; I'll probably have to repost.
posted by fromred2green at 4:45 PM on January 13, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
"Don't come the raw prawn with me" OR "Someone is pushing the raw prawn" (when someone is bullshitting you or something is patently untrue. This one may be a strange twist on "fishy" but Australians will generally know what you mean if you liken something to raw prawns)
"Off - like a bucket of prawns in the sun" (see above)
"Gotta a face like a stopped clock" (When someone is grim-looking or grave or useless)
"Hail-damage" (references cellulite on ladies of a certain age)
"So-and-so's driveway doesn't go all the way to the road" (When someone is a bit stupid or 'a few cans short of a six-pack')
Is this what you mean? i have loads more...
posted by evil_esto at 2:02 AM on December 26, 2008