Advice on a donut eating contest
November 13, 2007 10:11 AM   Subscribe

We have a krispy kreme donut eating contest in my office tomorrow. What can I expect if I actually manage to consume 24 donuts?

I've been trash talking a lot about my ability to consume a lot of donuts - hence this contest. The rules are "how many glazed krispy kreme donuts can you eat in 10 minutes - or the first person to get to 24 donuts". I'm pretty sure I can get all of them down - but I'm looking at 4800 calories, nearly 300 grams of fat, and 250 grams of sugar. I realize this isn't good for me - but if I'm otherwise healthy - I don't really have anything serious to worry about other than feeling pretty ill and gaining a few pounds - right? People have been joking about diabetic shock - is this even a remote possibility? Anyone done anything nearly this stupid before? How did you fair? Strategy advice?
posted by Wolfie to Food & Drink (59 answers total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
Related. As for strategy, if I were to do this, I'd probably flatten and stack the donuts, and eat a bunch at once,
posted by necessitas at 10:16 AM on November 13, 2007

I can only offer a personal experience. When I was 19, two male friends and I (female) decided to have a pancake-eating contest one morning before work. They were both over 6 feet tall and I was about 5'4". They were big eaters and I was a string bean. I killed. I ate 17 very large pancakes, each laden with butter and syrup. One of my friends knocked back 11 and the other barely finished 12.

I don't know how many calories or how much sugar I consumed, but I was young and in good shape. The biggest side-effect was feeling really sleepy at work all groggy, drugged. I didn't gain any weight but even if I had the bragging rights would have been worth it. Strategy? I had no strategy. I can eat. Like...for days.
posted by iconomy at 10:20 AM on November 13, 2007

At a minimum, for the rest of your life you can expect to be more horrified by Cheerio commercials than anything Stephen King will have been able to do.
posted by jamjam at 10:20 AM on November 13, 2007

You won't actually absorb all of what you eat, anyway - your gut can only get so much out before it's flushed away.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 10:21 AM on November 13, 2007

I once challenged a friend to a cheese-eating contest in college. I had to stop after about 17 slices and couldn't stand the sight of cheese for a month. I lost.

I don't think anything too terrible will happen to you, though you will feel gross for a day or two.

Competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi wets hot dog buns when he eats them in contests; that sounds profoundly unappetizing but it'd probably help get the donuts down faster.

No matter what your strategy, keep a lined trash can right next to you.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:24 AM on November 13, 2007

speaking from experience, it's better to puke them up afterwards, rather than have all of that fat make an exit out of the other end
posted by Oktober at 10:26 AM on November 13, 2007

People have been joking about diabetic shock - is this even a remote possibility?

Do you have diabetes?
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:30 AM on November 13, 2007

Response by poster: iconomy - you're an inspiration. I'm the only woman competing and a lot of my competitors are big.

I'm also going to take the flattening advice under advisement - they are really squishy.
We are allowed a glass of water - for drinking or dunking.

I do not have diabetes (my over all health is good) - my thinking here was that even a healthy pancreas could face so much sugar that insulin production could not keep up.
posted by Wolfie at 10:34 AM on November 13, 2007

At a minimum, for the rest of your life you can expect to be more horrified by Cheerio commercials than anything Stephen King will have been able to do.

Remember the pie eating contest from Stand By Me?

My advice re. flattening: bring a small nonstick skillet, or use a phonebook, and whack the donuts before eating them.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 10:43 AM on November 13, 2007

I think you're over estimating your speed-eating ability, i.e. that you'll be able to get 24 down before the time limit finishes. 24 in 10 minutes is 1 donut every 25 seconds, and maintaining that rate is going to be tough once you're at minute 8 and have eaten 18 or so...
posted by EndsOfInvention at 10:48 AM on November 13, 2007

If they are fresh, she shouldn't have a hard time flattening them as they are pretty airy to begin with. I'm guessing with enough flattening, she could be able to eat at least half of them at once, kind of like one of those flaky layer biscuits.
posted by necessitas at 10:49 AM on November 13, 2007

Go for it. I'm rather on the small side myself and would have no compunctions whatsoever about 2 dozen krispy kremes. If I were trying to eat them very fast, I'd expect to throw up afterward - which should be easy to do, and is probably the best plan even if you don't, strictly speaking, have to. But that's pretty harmless, and other than that, no problem. One wolfie to another - good luck!
posted by Wolfdog at 10:52 AM on November 13, 2007

Oh god, please update us when the contest is over!
posted by agregoli at 10:53 AM on November 13, 2007

One of my friends held the donut eating champion title in his university for a year or two, with 21-1/2 donuts (In an hour? in a sitting? I forget).

anyway he says that every major subsystem in his body was screwed up for the next few days, and he insists on sparing me the details.

Given that this went undefeated for a few years, I would not expect to actually finish 24 donuts, and also, if you could, it may not be worth it (though maybe it's worth it to get that on your social resume for your whole life)
posted by aubilenon at 10:54 AM on November 13, 2007

Oh god, please update us when the contest is over!

...and a single link to the youtube footage!
posted by brautigan at 10:56 AM on November 13, 2007

You'll probably have some nasty diarrhea if you don't throw it up. But you should try to throw it up. If your gag reflex isn't triggered when you stick your finger down your throat, take syrup of ipecac.
posted by HotPatatta at 11:11 AM on November 13, 2007

I used to regularly eat a half-dozen in about five minutes, more if available. I was a scrawny 17-year-old college kid with a ridiculously high metabolism, though.

I would advise just eating them steadily and calmly, and don't forget to chew (which should help a bit with the digestive after-effects.) It's not just the eating, it's the psyching-out of your opponents that wins the day.

Sip that water instead of gulping it. Too much water will make you feel full.

Expect a sugar high and then a big crash.

(Consider the diet of most Americans. Obviously, the pancreas can handle a lot more sugar than it should have to.)
posted by desuetude at 11:14 AM on November 13, 2007

For fun, if anyone in your office is a diabetic you should ask them to measure your blood sugar before and after you eat the 'nuts. And have that person at the ready with a syringe full of insulin just in case.
posted by HotPatatta at 11:14 AM on November 13, 2007

In grad school I routinely ate 10-12 krispy kremes at a time (5'5", female, and ordinarily not as unhealthy as that practice might suggest!), and was totally fine. So my only concern for you is the speed with which you're trying to do this.

Oh, and the squishing sounds like it'll waste time, so if time is indeed the most significant constraint you might want to skip it.
posted by obliquicity at 11:15 AM on November 13, 2007

For fun, if anyone in your office is a diabetic you should ask them to measure your blood sugar before and after you eat the 'nuts. And have that person at the ready with a syringe full of insulin just in case.

Seconded. I'm assuming the suggestion of an insulin injection was a joke, because that would probably be very dangerous, but I'd be very curious to know what a profile of your glucose levels looked like. C'mon! It's for science!
posted by chinston at 11:21 AM on November 13, 2007

here's how to play it: bribe a bunch of your friends. sit opposite of your two opponents. if they're male, have your friends flash (or moon) them. or, less effective because everyone is different, make them laugh.

yes, it's sabotage and they'll cry but it's a dirty world and damnit, you were just more inventive.
    kudos to iconomy, you're my hero for the day. I await to see your next contest on youtube.

posted by krautland at 11:25 AM on November 13, 2007

I'd recommend eating some roughage or coffee afterwards to keep that stuff moving through your system... I suppose most of the sugars are probably absorbed right away, but I wouldn't want my intestines spending too much time absorbing all the complex carbohydrates.
posted by zek at 11:29 AM on November 13, 2007

(or simple ones, the gluten, etc)
posted by zek at 11:29 AM on November 13, 2007

if you're female, you might find that the day's huge sugar spike leads to vaginal yeast having a little population explosion.
posted by rmd1023 at 11:29 AM on November 13, 2007

I used to be very underweight. My coworkers coaxed me to enter a pie eating contest, and though I didn't come close to winning, I ate a *lot* of pie in a few minutes. Unfortunately for me it triggered my naturally low appetite into becoming NO appetite, to the point where I had to force myself to eat. This is NOT a nice feeling. Being fat and happy like I am now is much preferred.

Since most people who enter eating competitions don't later develop eating disorders I'm sure it's not a major risk... but if you have any type of underlying difficulties with food, then it is probably safer not to do it.
posted by happyturtle at 11:31 AM on November 13, 2007

I've eaten 9 Krispy Kreme donuts in a 3-hour period, and was sick within thirty minutes of finishing the last one. Subsequent KK eating attempts have dropped the maximum I can consume without illness to no more than 2 in a 24 hour period. Keep this in mind if Krispy Kreme is something you currently enjoy that you'd like to enjoy after the contest is over.

Good luck!
posted by annathea at 11:39 AM on November 13, 2007

I'm sure it was a joke, but I have to say this anyway: please do not give yourself any insulin. Your properly-functioning pancreas will handle the sugar just fine.
posted by jesourie at 11:46 AM on November 13, 2007

Response by poster: Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm confident and feeling a lot better (believe it or not) about about the ill effects.
I do have a diabetic in the office who has volunteered his meter - I'll post back the results of pre and post testing as well as a link to photos/video of the proceedings.
posted by Wolfie at 12:04 PM on November 13, 2007 [3 favorites]

Wolfie, one more tip if you DO end up throwing up the doughnuts: Don't brush your teeth within 30 minutes of puking. All that sugar and stomach acid will get brushed into your teeth, making them worse. Rinse your mouth thoroughly with water, THEN brush after 30 minutes.

Trust me, I know whereof I speak on this.

I don't know about telling her to drink ipecac... you can tear your esophagus from forceful vomiting if you don't know what you are doing with that kind of stuff. You can also burst a blood vessel in the eyes... I always had better luck with a toothbrush, if my finger wouldn't do the trick.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 12:23 PM on November 13, 2007

I have a three Krispy Kreme limit, so I wish you the very best of luck with 24.
posted by grabbingsand at 12:32 PM on November 13, 2007

Maybe your office should go in together and buy a bottle of Alli (and a box of depends, and a change of clothing) to take before the contest.
posted by necessitas at 12:33 PM on November 13, 2007

I can't do more than two Krispy Kremes in a sitting. I am both disgusted by the thought of that many doughnuts and wildly impressed at your daring. I wish you luck and a bucket.

Let us know the results, yes?
posted by cmyk at 12:39 PM on November 13, 2007

a diabetic coma.
posted by thetenthstory at 12:45 PM on November 13, 2007

Thank you so much for this question. I've long wanted an excuse to link to this (Flash, noisy, NSFW).
posted by flabdablet at 1:05 PM on November 13, 2007

I won a bacon eating contest (four pounds I think was my total) a few weeks after coming off a six year stint of being vegan. If I can do that, this should be fine.

I actually "trained" for it a bit by eating a lot two days before and then eating nothing but drinking a ton of water the day before. The day after, I consumed only juice and water. I felt pretty much normal the next day.
posted by atomly at 1:06 PM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

good luck wolfie - may I suggest one of Scarlett's bibs...
posted by clarkie666 at 1:06 PM on November 13, 2007

In college I partook in a maple-syrup chugging contest (a la Super Troopers). I lost (but finished), and I assume it's the same amount of sugar.

I got very jittery. Hopefully you don't have anything important to do at work tomorrow in the morning, because you probably won't be much use to anyone :)
posted by po822000 at 1:24 PM on November 13, 2007

I am so jealous of your office. When I bring donuts into my office they sit there all day and wilt because everyone's on a diet and won't touch them. LAME.

Good luck! Can't wait to see how it goes!
posted by triggerfinger at 1:28 PM on November 13, 2007

Freshmen year in high school one of my friends and i each ate like 18 KK donuts in first period so i dont think this should be horrible for you. Granted my body was probably used to many more calories than the average person
posted by DJWeezy at 1:28 PM on November 13, 2007

As a side line, taking a collection from all of the spectators and donating it to an organization that aids those who don't have enough to eat might be a nice idea...
posted by i_cola at 1:54 PM on November 13, 2007

Wolfie...I watched a young woman in our office (+/- 115 lbs) eat 33 KKs in 20 mins. It was mind boggling. The bet was one per minute for 20 mins but she crushed it. She folded each donut and smooshed the air out. Good luck.
posted by cyclopz at 2:03 PM on November 13, 2007

Dip the donuts in the water. Otherwise they will be too dry no matter how fresh they are. Trust me on this. I ate a dozen glazed Dunkin Donuts in a 1/2 hour sitting. I was hurting, but once the deuce came I was good to go. It did take me about 6 months before I ate another donut.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:14 PM on November 13, 2007

Speaking of the air in Krispy Kremes, it might be a good idea to crush them just to avoid burping (a lot). Or worse.

Is there a requirement for how long you have to keep them down after the competition ends? Throwing up sounds like a good idea to me, too, and I'm guessing that after eating a bunch of donuts in that short of a time period, you won't need a finger down your throat.... try just rubbing the outside of your throat gently instead.
posted by anaelith at 2:38 PM on November 13, 2007

Hey, remember this? It's just water -- what could happen?
posted by sageleaf at 2:58 PM on November 13, 2007

Wear loose pants. Good luck.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 4:19 PM on November 13, 2007

Semi-related -- that's about fast-food burgers, but I understand Krispy Kreme donuts are pretty greasy, too. Anyway, don't be like that guy: try to survive to give us updates.
posted by booksandlibretti at 4:24 PM on November 13, 2007

Similar to po, my only experience with a ton of sugar at a small amount of time is with maple syrup chugging. I know that I personally felt very sluggish. My body hated it, I felt sick for the rest of the day, and was getting headaches. Its not a fun experience, but it was well worth proving that I could.

I say go for it, but don't expect to be too productive at the office.
posted by MaHaGoN at 4:26 PM on November 13, 2007

I used to work at a Mister Donut. I was a 6-a-day girl except when things were particularly slow and then I'd sometimes ramp up to eight or nine. I didn't drink coffee, though, so that meant I was also downing Pepsi the whole time. As an ecumenical devotee of all donuts, a former donut professional, and a student of KK's recent, doomed campaign of southern donut aggression, I think I can be trusted when I say that this will be No Problem for you. If I can eat nine Mister Donut donuts in five hours without even trying and drinking sugarwater the whole time, then you can eat 4x that many KK donuts in 1/2 an hour drinking only water. Don't listen to Dunkin Donut naysayers: Mister and Dunkin and all these yankee donuts are actually reminiscent of food. They are far more substantial than Krispy Kreme's otherworldly product. The Krispy Kreme glazed donut is all air and Southern Pride.

All I know about competetive eating is, you shouldn't gobble--aim for steady, constant eating. Don't starve in preparation, either--if you assault a completely empty stomach with an avalanch of challenging "food," you'll have a rocket start but then your stomach will revolt and you'll have trouble maintaining pace. Eat strategically. Is the contest in the morning? I hope it's in the afternoon so you can prep properly without having to get up early or anything silly like that. A few hours before, have a little bit of something really sweet--like a half a chocolate bar or something--to kick start your sugar yen. Make sure it's NOT ENOUGH. But you should eat off and on all day up 'til the contest. Little servings of watery, fibrous stuff like green peppers and orange wedges.

I think the flattening step is essential, but a phonebook? Instead, I think you should take a old fashioned flatiron in with you and calmly and steadily use it to smash stacks of six or so donuts into handy, O-shaped wafers, while staring around the room with proud, cold indifference. (I estimate you should be able to eat a stack of six smashed KKs in about the time it would take to eat one unmanipulated Dunkin.) Maybe the special equipment and weird behavior will psych out your competition and put them off their feed. Plus smashing them should flake off a bunch of the sugar. That's another feature of the KK donut--half the glaze ends up stuck to the box.

You might think about practicing your flattening technique tonight. Obviously don't eat the proceeds.

(If you use up a couple dozen in smashing practice, you don't have to waste the smushed donuts. You can make a big bread pudding out of them and present it to the second place winner after you take your trophy.) (Use the Joy of Cooking recipe. Leave out the sugar. I have actually eaten this and it is actually good.)
posted by Don Pepino at 4:55 PM on November 13, 2007 [11 favorites]

My brother, in a great lapse of judgment, ran the Krispy Kreme Challenge in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Basically, you run 2 miles, eat a dozen donuts, and then run back. All in less than an hour.

Now, he is a marathoner and one donut-lovin' fool, and he said he was having to play mental tricks on himself to eat all those donuts, including taking one bite from each donut until he finished the whole box.

He also told me that the area around that bell tower had quite a bit of puke on it.

Good luck.
posted by 4ster at 8:07 PM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ugh, those KKs are sickeningly sweet overglazed monstrosities. Have at least a quart of water handy to chase them down (drink slowly but consistently). Don't starve yourself ahead of time, and if you have more than 4 hours between waking and the contest, eat something like a smoothie to get your metabolism up and running.
posted by BrotherCaine at 9:01 PM on November 13, 2007

The suspense is killing me! How'd you do?
posted by otherwordlyglow at 11:14 AM on November 14, 2007


I fear the silence speaks volumes. Into a bucket, more than likely.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 12:07 PM on November 14, 2007

Response by poster: My apologies - I should have let everyone know the contest is today at 4 pm Pacific. I likely won't be able to post results until later this evening. Wish me luck!
posted by Wolfie at 1:10 PM on November 14, 2007

Last night I asked my brother if he thought he could eat 24 Krispy Kremes in 10 minutes and he said no and then I told him about the flattenin' 'n' stackin' strategy and he fell silent for a long, thoughtful moment and then grudgingly admitted it was possible he could do it. Of course. You can, too, Wolfie! Godspeed.
posted by Don Pepino at 1:56 PM on November 14, 2007

Response by poster: I report back with disappointing news. Despite all of the stellar advice given here - I was only able to consume 11.5 krispy kreme donuts.
I tried eating them smushed and not smushed - no difference. Turns out chewing all that fat and sugar was much harder than I anticipated. An abiding love of donuts does not necessarily make one well suited to eating them quickly and in large quantities..
I only had access to the glucose monitor for about 20 minutes after the contest and I was surprised that my level was a reasonable 125. If we'd been able to wait another 20 minutes or so I'm guessing we would have seen a spike.
I didn't puke but I don't feel well. Overfull and kind of buzzy. The winner and those that got past the 15 mark all came close. The average seemed to be about 14 donuts before you just couldn't go on.
We've had a number of contests in the office - jalapeƱo peppers, an in n' out burger 9x9 (2 minutes 30secondsish), a pound of tri-tip (5 minutes or so) - the consensus was that this was by far the most difficult. It took the winner the entire 10 minutes to get to 24 .
I should have links to photos and video in the morning.
posted by Wolfie at 7:07 PM on November 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

You have added to the sum of human knowledge today. You should be proud. Go have a donut or something. Thanks for the update!
posted by chinston at 8:25 PM on November 14, 2007

You obviously have no former cops working in your office.
posted by Autarky at 8:39 PM on November 14, 2007

Sorry that you didn't win, but thanks for reporting back.
posted by nobeagle at 7:33 AM on November 15, 2007

I believe you were robbed--something went wrong in the pre-contest hours that hobbled what should have been a triumph. Next time, don't have the smoothie that one dude recommended--smoothies are too full of fat and protein and sugar to be a good pre-contest nosh. Next time forget "numbers"--for what are numbers to a donut? As you glom down the glucose, repeat the koan, "Only the last donut counts."

What say we shake off disappointment and concentrate on the gift you got yesterday? You met somebody new: yourself. You have a personal best, now, and you can improve it! You can eat more than 11.5 Krispy Kreme donuts in a ten-minute sitting! All you need is dedication, rigorous training and to "get your head right." Watch The Karate Kid for pointers.
posted by Don Pepino at 8:46 AM on November 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

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