Will you please shut up so I can say something?

October 22, 2006 8:29 PM

Frequently family members and friends on the phone speak in long, run on sentences without a natural pause. This gives me little chance to jump in and comment. So conversations are often one way. I know it probably stems from my wonderful listening skills and saying "yep," "uh-huh," and "hrm" all the time. But sometimes I would like to interject a thought or two into the conversation. I don't have this problem in meat space because facial expressions or gestures clue them in that I have something to say. So is there a good way that will get someone to pause over the phone?
posted by the giant pill to Technology (18 answers total)

Yeah, tell'em you gotta go to the bathroom or pick up something real quick.

When you come back, just interject your point: "So yeah, about that point you made, did you think of this..."

Or sometimes, you just have to speak up and shove your point across.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:37 PM on October 22, 2006

You might try something like "Oh oh oh" (too orgasmic?) or "Hey hey" when you want to signal that you want to chip in and it's not a conversation unless you both are talking.
posted by Iron Rat at 8:59 PM on October 22, 2006

I'd tend to say something like "OI! Could you shut the fuck up for two seconds?"

(but I'm obviously a rude bastard).
posted by pompomtom at 9:02 PM on October 22, 2006

Why not say "Hold on" or "Wait a minute" in stead of "yep" or "uh-huh"?
posted by oddman at 9:05 PM on October 22, 2006

I used to tour in a band with a talker who could have entire conversations with himself--arguments and all. Unfortuately he wasn't by himself, but rather sitting next to me in the van.

After "yep", "uh-huh", and "hrm"-ing him for years, I invented a game. I had to simply match him word-count for word-count. It didn't matter if I had nothing interesting to say. I simply had to make sure that in every 10 second span or so, I had the same output as he did.

I had great fun with it. And I learned how to capitalize on microsecond openings to take the floor.

So my answer is... practice? You might make a mistake and force an uncomfortably long span where you're both talking at once. But eventually, you'll get the hang of it. And once you do it a few times, the other party will often swtich modes. They will stop trying to fill every instant with conversation because they know you'll help shoulder the load.

Remember: quantity, not quality.

Good luck!
posted by nonmyopicdave at 9:09 PM on October 22, 2006

Here's an idea similar to Brandon Blatchers: make a really loud noise (drop the phone, or a book or something). The person is sure to pause and say, "What was that?" answer "oh nothing. I wanted to say blah blah blah"
posted by muddgirl at 9:16 PM on October 22, 2006

Total silence. They are used to getting encouraging uh-huhs and mmms from you at regular intervals. This encourages them to continue speaking. Try not saying anything at all when someone goes into a long run. Eventually they will notice there is no response, and start to wonder if you are still there. They may slow down, or best of all, they may pause to listen for sounds of you breathing. Use this pause to interject with your point. Act as if nothing odd happened at all. They paused, you talked, just like a normal conversation. If they say something like "hey, are you still there?", seize the opening and say "Yeah anyway have you thought about...." - but in one quick run on sentence so they can't start up again without interrupting you.

If they interrupt you when speaking, then its fair game for you to interrupt right back.
posted by Joh at 10:54 PM on October 22, 2006

Silence on your part is usually a good signal that you want to jump in. It may take them a half-minute or so to get it, but stop saying yep and um-hum when you want to talk, since that's a signal for them to keep going.
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:55 PM on October 22, 2006

Oops, jinx.
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:56 PM on October 22, 2006

Click the phone and say you have another call, and then come back with your two cents. Say something like "Just my friend ,God, you never can get a word in with her, but this is what I was thinking about what you were saying." Once you get the floor don't give it up. Model Borat-- keep going.
posted by zackdog at 10:58 PM on October 22, 2006

I just say, rather loudly, "UUUMMMMM". You can slip it in after a pseudo-period. Drown them out to make them stop and listen.
posted by Goofyy at 6:09 AM on October 23, 2006

Both my families (mine and my partners) are like this: endless ongoing sentences. Can't say that I've worked it out, but nonmyopicdave has a solution that I've used to some success: when your microsecond opening comes, start talking and keep talking, talking over them if need be. It feels wrong, but maybe they don't think you have much to say, because you're not insistent.
posted by outlier at 6:39 AM on October 23, 2006

No distraction needed. Just pick a spot where you want to say something, then start talking. You'll have to include a couple seconds of filler so that you're not saying anything important while you're talking over them. It also helps to start with a negative or disagreement so that your sudden start seems natural. If you start with, "Hey, [familymember] I think that you're not considering/you should think about" you'll usually get their attention. If they're still talking, you can repeat the "but you're not considering" part over and over until they do stop. It'll come across as rude, so make sure what you've got to say actually is important, but it works. Unfortunately this reinforces their style of conversation, and results in their repeating the tactic on you.

Another more subtle option is just to say their name. Say it like you're trying to get their attention. When they stop to say, "What?" there's your opening.
posted by Mr. Gunn at 7:01 AM on October 23, 2006

Something I learned from hanging out with chatty academics- sometimes you just need to butt in. People like your relatives probably do it all the time, and if you're too polite you risk being swept away in a conversational tidal wave.
posted by juliarothbort at 7:07 AM on October 23, 2006

Joh: "Total silence. They are used to getting encouraging uh-huhs and mmms from you at regular intervals. This encourages them to continue speaking. "

Second this.

In therapy, we called this technique "mimimal encouragers" which are very subtle queues to the patient to continue talking (obviously the opposite of what you want). Like Joh said above, silence will eventually bring them around.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:32 AM on October 23, 2006

Say "Wait, wait, wait," until they stop talking. Then say, "Going all the way back to (X subject)..." and continue with your thought. I have loud, stumbly, tumbly conversations on the phone with a judge friend of mine, and there are no edgewises- that's how we both get back to something we didn't finish because the other one was rushing forward.
posted by headspace at 8:10 AM on October 23, 2006

The really rude way is to punch a number button on your phone -- the sound is much louder in their ear, than yours.
posted by Rash at 8:29 AM on October 23, 2006

Yes, what you're doing is encouraging the talking. Silence works as a way to not encourage it so forcefully, as do short repeated phrases. Instead of "uhuh" every ~30 seconds, try "uhuh, uhuh" every five seconds. You're essentially sending the message that you want them to hurry up with this part of the conversation.
posted by OmieWise at 9:21 AM on October 23, 2006