Work relationships: this isn't just about a parking space, is it?
May 4, 2024 3:46 AM Subscribe
A colleague keeps taking my parking space despite several discussions over it, with me politely asking her not to and offering a solution. Now it feels personal and like she is trying to send a message. Should I ask if we need to clear the air or let it go? It's just a parking space, right?
I started at an alternative private school during its beginning stages and am one of three teachers who participate in a weekly meeting with the fonder of the school along with the principal and assistant principal. Those who are in this meeting were all offered a parking spot by the principal during our first year there. Street parking is usually readily avaliable but sometimes you have to ride around a bit to find one, particularly if you arrive right at opening hours when things get busier.
Laura was hired a year after me. A year and a half after starting, one day she parks in my spot. I am 7 months pregnant at the time and a little confused as to why she would decide to take my spot, particularly when I am pregnant. My colleague, Fiona, who has the spot next to mine, said they both arrived at the same time and she told her, "You know that's Blissful's spot, right?" and Laura shrugged and went on her way. I jokingly tell Laura when I see her, "You know you made a pregnant woman walk a few minutes to get to work" and she says, "Oh, sorry".
Two weeks later, she parks in my spot again and honestly I am pretty annoyed because pregnant me does not want to be dealing with this.This time I talk to her directly, explaining that when I started the principal asked me if I would like a parking space. I say that if she would like her own space, I am sure she can talk to the principal and get one. She says "Oh no, that's okay, I understand. I won't Park in YOUR spot again, I wouldn't want to take YOUR spot." Weird tone, but whatever.
Shortly after, I go on maternity leave. When I get back four months later, on my second day back to work she is in my spot. I don't say anything because maybe she had forgotten I am back. Two days later, she is in my spot again so I go and talk to her. I tell her that I really don't want to make a big deal out of it, but it stresses me out to have to worry about parking in the morning. I totally understand if she wants to have a parking spot. If that's the case, go ask the principal I am sure it won't be a problem. She says, "oh no, that's OK. I understand, I won't park in YOUR space anymore. You can have YOUR space". We then have a nice chat where I check in about her mother who is in the hospital. Everything seems smoothed over, though her emphasis on the "your" space makes me wonder if she considers it a general school space, but I feel like I've explained each time that this isn't the case.
Well, this past week she parked in my space again. It caused me to be late to work because I arrived at rush hour. I immediately wrote her an email through the school address, CCing our principal.The email was basically, "Hey, I think there must still be a misunderstaning about the parking space. I was 10 minutes late to work this morning because my spot wasn't available which bothers me. If you would like your own spot (which is completely understandable), I am sure that is feasible and it would avoid situations like this in the future. I've CCed the principal to facilitate you asking for your own spot. I have to take my son to daycare in the morning so I arrive later than before and it is really important to me to not have to struggle to find a spot in the morning. Thank you for your understanding!"
Laura responds, "Sorry, I meant to text you that I took your spot but forgot. I understand. Yes, I would like a spot if it is possible."
So, the problem is ostensibly solved, right? But I feel like the taking of the spot has come to represent something so much more. I feel like I expressed several times my needs and how her actions affected me and she just doesn't care
Even her latest apology misses the point (I don't want a text warning me that you took my spot, I need my spot to be free!).
Honestly, I am feeling hurt that she has continually done something I've asked her not to do. This is certainly compounded with the fact that she has only ever taken my spot and not those of people she is friends with at work.
Do I ask to talk o her and see if we need to clear the air or do I just let this go? She is an intelligent woman, I feel like this can't be a miscommunication but that she is trying to make a point.
I started at an alternative private school during its beginning stages and am one of three teachers who participate in a weekly meeting with the fonder of the school along with the principal and assistant principal. Those who are in this meeting were all offered a parking spot by the principal during our first year there. Street parking is usually readily avaliable but sometimes you have to ride around a bit to find one, particularly if you arrive right at opening hours when things get busier.
Laura was hired a year after me. A year and a half after starting, one day she parks in my spot. I am 7 months pregnant at the time and a little confused as to why she would decide to take my spot, particularly when I am pregnant. My colleague, Fiona, who has the spot next to mine, said they both arrived at the same time and she told her, "You know that's Blissful's spot, right?" and Laura shrugged and went on her way. I jokingly tell Laura when I see her, "You know you made a pregnant woman walk a few minutes to get to work" and she says, "Oh, sorry".
Two weeks later, she parks in my spot again and honestly I am pretty annoyed because pregnant me does not want to be dealing with this.This time I talk to her directly, explaining that when I started the principal asked me if I would like a parking space. I say that if she would like her own space, I am sure she can talk to the principal and get one. She says "Oh no, that's okay, I understand. I won't Park in YOUR spot again, I wouldn't want to take YOUR spot." Weird tone, but whatever.
Shortly after, I go on maternity leave. When I get back four months later, on my second day back to work she is in my spot. I don't say anything because maybe she had forgotten I am back. Two days later, she is in my spot again so I go and talk to her. I tell her that I really don't want to make a big deal out of it, but it stresses me out to have to worry about parking in the morning. I totally understand if she wants to have a parking spot. If that's the case, go ask the principal I am sure it won't be a problem. She says, "oh no, that's OK. I understand, I won't park in YOUR space anymore. You can have YOUR space". We then have a nice chat where I check in about her mother who is in the hospital. Everything seems smoothed over, though her emphasis on the "your" space makes me wonder if she considers it a general school space, but I feel like I've explained each time that this isn't the case.
Well, this past week she parked in my space again. It caused me to be late to work because I arrived at rush hour. I immediately wrote her an email through the school address, CCing our principal.The email was basically, "Hey, I think there must still be a misunderstaning about the parking space. I was 10 minutes late to work this morning because my spot wasn't available which bothers me. If you would like your own spot (which is completely understandable), I am sure that is feasible and it would avoid situations like this in the future. I've CCed the principal to facilitate you asking for your own spot. I have to take my son to daycare in the morning so I arrive later than before and it is really important to me to not have to struggle to find a spot in the morning. Thank you for your understanding!"
Laura responds, "Sorry, I meant to text you that I took your spot but forgot. I understand. Yes, I would like a spot if it is possible."
So, the problem is ostensibly solved, right? But I feel like the taking of the spot has come to represent something so much more. I feel like I expressed several times my needs and how her actions affected me and she just doesn't care
Even her latest apology misses the point (I don't want a text warning me that you took my spot, I need my spot to be free!).
Honestly, I am feeling hurt that she has continually done something I've asked her not to do. This is certainly compounded with the fact that she has only ever taken my spot and not those of people she is friends with at work.
Do I ask to talk o her and see if we need to clear the air or do I just let this go? She is an intelligent woman, I feel like this can't be a miscommunication but that she is trying to make a point.
Clarifying question - are there other open spots when you get there that Laura could have taken instead?
Because if not, she may simply have a misunderstanding that parking spots aren't specifically assigned. She may think it's a general parking lot for the teachers; and if she thinks this, then she may think you're being weirdly obsessed with one specific spot and wondering why you can't park like one spot to the left if it's also open or something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:07 AM on May 4 [20 favorites]
Because if not, she may simply have a misunderstanding that parking spots aren't specifically assigned. She may think it's a general parking lot for the teachers; and if she thinks this, then she may think you're being weirdly obsessed with one specific spot and wondering why you can't park like one spot to the left if it's also open or something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:07 AM on May 4 [20 favorites]
One thing that I'm not clear about from your question: How clear is the signage on the spots? Is it made clear, somewhere official, that some spots are assigned in this lot and some spots are freely available?
I'm wondering if when she was hired, she was told just something like "there's some parking available in the school lot, otherwise you have to park on the street" without a mention of reserved spots. If that's the case, then you & other people telling her "that's Blissful's spot" is easy to interpret as "Blissful always parks there and feels some weird sense of ownership over the spot" instead of "a higher-up has assigned this spot to Blissful." If that's what she thinks the system is, then I can't get fault her for getting annoyed at (what looks like) people getting possessive over what's supposed to be a common good.
This is certainly compounded with the fact that she has only ever taken my spot and not those of people she is friends with at work.
Might this just be selection bias? To be honest, in your situation I'm not sure that I'd notice if there was a different car right next to usual spot one morning, let alone three spots down. I'd only notice if my usual spot was taken.
posted by Johnny Assay at 4:12 AM on May 4 [22 favorites]
I'm wondering if when she was hired, she was told just something like "there's some parking available in the school lot, otherwise you have to park on the street" without a mention of reserved spots. If that's the case, then you & other people telling her "that's Blissful's spot" is easy to interpret as "Blissful always parks there and feels some weird sense of ownership over the spot" instead of "a higher-up has assigned this spot to Blissful." If that's what she thinks the system is, then I can't get fault her for getting annoyed at (what looks like) people getting possessive over what's supposed to be a common good.
This is certainly compounded with the fact that she has only ever taken my spot and not those of people she is friends with at work.
Might this just be selection bias? To be honest, in your situation I'm not sure that I'd notice if there was a different car right next to usual spot one morning, let alone three spots down. I'd only notice if my usual spot was taken.
posted by Johnny Assay at 4:12 AM on May 4 [22 favorites]
I'm also reading this not as any sort of misunderstanding that you can iron out. She's either deliberately fucking with you or one of those selfish folks who is just doing whatever is best for her, screw everyone else. You already explained to her that you were given an assigned spot by the principal and told her the procedure for how she might be able to get one for herself. She doesn't respect you and so you need to use the principal's clout to get her to comply.
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 4:22 AM on May 4 [27 favorites]
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 4:22 AM on May 4 [27 favorites]
Those who are in this meeting were all offered a parking spot by the principal during our first year there.
It's not clear how formal or publicized this arrangement is at the school. To be honest, it seems weird that the school arranged for parking for a very few teachers but not for others (if in fact arranging more reserved parking wouldn't be a big deal, as you imply). Has the administration actually notified all employees not to park in these reserved spots?
She might be under the impression that this isn't a real, fixed benefit you were granted, but rather something you (and maybe the others) have kind of claimed by custom ("we were here first") and everyone else's deference, and she thinks it's a crappy custom (why treat employees unequally).
posted by trig at 4:24 AM on May 4 [37 favorites]
It's not clear how formal or publicized this arrangement is at the school. To be honest, it seems weird that the school arranged for parking for a very few teachers but not for others (if in fact arranging more reserved parking wouldn't be a big deal, as you imply). Has the administration actually notified all employees not to park in these reserved spots?
She might be under the impression that this isn't a real, fixed benefit you were granted, but rather something you (and maybe the others) have kind of claimed by custom ("we were here first") and everyone else's deference, and she thinks it's a crappy custom (why treat employees unequally).
posted by trig at 4:24 AM on May 4 [37 favorites]
If she had misunderstood the parking situation, after being told multiple times by multiple people, anybody interested in harmonious work relationships would have made it their business to figure out what the setup really is and would have requested their own space. She didn’t so…
If it happens again ask the principal if she ever followed up/was assigned a spot. If so use hers when she’s in yours. If she hasn’t received a spot, ask the principal to make the rules clear for all.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:26 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
If it happens again ask the principal if she ever followed up/was assigned a spot. If so use hers when she’s in yours. If she hasn’t received a spot, ask the principal to make the rules clear for all.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:26 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: To clarify the parking situation:
We live in a big city, our school is next to shops and apartments.
There is free street parking, a parking lot for the shopping (paid parking), parking for the apartments (private parking). Our school has three paid spots in the residential parking private lot. One is mine, one is another teacher Fiona's, and one is the principal's. It is clear to everyone that these are our spots specifically. Everyone else comes in public transport or parks in the street.
She has never parked in the principals or Fiona's spot, only mine.
posted by Blissful at 4:31 AM on May 4 [14 favorites]
We live in a big city, our school is next to shops and apartments.
There is free street parking, a parking lot for the shopping (paid parking), parking for the apartments (private parking). Our school has three paid spots in the residential parking private lot. One is mine, one is another teacher Fiona's, and one is the principal's. It is clear to everyone that these are our spots specifically. Everyone else comes in public transport or parks in the street.
She has never parked in the principals or Fiona's spot, only mine.
posted by Blissful at 4:31 AM on May 4 [14 favorites]
She apparently has an issue with you personally. Keep documenting all of her instances of passive aggressive disrespect. I wonder how this lack of respect for others manifests itself in her relationship with her students. Anyone who knowingly makes life more difficult for a very pregnant woman and/or the parent of a newborn should perhaps not be working with children and their families
posted by mareli at 4:45 AM on May 4 [14 favorites]
posted by mareli at 4:45 AM on May 4 [14 favorites]
Your only communication error here is that you didn't include the principal earlier. Next time it happens, straight to your principal about it. You have specific instances and attempts to resolve this cordially, and she is the one making a deliberate problem.
posted by phunniemee at 5:32 AM on May 4 [33 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 5:32 AM on May 4 [33 favorites]
I think this parking system likely feels unfair to this person and probably others. It feels unfair to me! This person is ignoring the rule because they think it's a bad rule; IMHO it's not about you, it's about the parking.
My suggestion is either to collaborate toward making a more equitable system, or to make this your boss' problem not yours. Stop messaging this person and start messing your boss:
"Person parked in my spot again this morning causing me to be late. I count on this parking benefit that we agreed to in [year]. I have tried speaking to Person myself but unfortunately this problem continues. I would appreciate your support accessing this parking space every day. Thank you. "
posted by latkes at 5:32 AM on May 4 [28 favorites]
My suggestion is either to collaborate toward making a more equitable system, or to make this your boss' problem not yours. Stop messaging this person and start messing your boss:
"Person parked in my spot again this morning causing me to be late. I count on this parking benefit that we agreed to in [year]. I have tried speaking to Person myself but unfortunately this problem continues. I would appreciate your support accessing this parking space every day. Thank you. "
posted by latkes at 5:32 AM on May 4 [28 favorites]
You say it’s clear to everyone that these are your spots - but is there *signage* saying that they are your spots? One of the things about informal rules and norms is that they can be problematic by expecting people to conform to unclear rules that they do not understand; this can be especially difficult for people with certain forms of neurodivergence.
posted by corb at 5:34 AM on May 4 [8 favorites]
posted by corb at 5:34 AM on May 4 [8 favorites]
There are no consequences for parking in your spot. Unless there are consequences, she will continue to do this for whatever reasons she has.
You will not be able to solve this on your own, I don't think. Clear signage, a parking pass of some sort, a talking to from a higher authority, a fine, requiring her to move her car, getting a tow truck involved... these would all require the principal to get involved. If they aren't willing to do so, the behavior is going to continue.
posted by rakaidan at 5:35 AM on May 4 [9 favorites]
You will not be able to solve this on your own, I don't think. Clear signage, a parking pass of some sort, a talking to from a higher authority, a fine, requiring her to move her car, getting a tow truck involved... these would all require the principal to get involved. If they aren't willing to do so, the behavior is going to continue.
posted by rakaidan at 5:35 AM on May 4 [9 favorites]
Seems like there are quite a lot of Dynamics here that are not readily apparent to the outside observer. Why only three designated paid parking spots? Have you really got one because you are in this weekly meeting with the founder, or do you have some other role or authority in the school you have not mentioned? Would she really be able to get a parking spot if she asked, do you think? Would that involve the school paying for a fourth parking spot in the paid car park? How many teachers would they do this for? It does seem quite weird to the outsider that there are two Special Teachers who get this privilege and everyone else can just fuck off. Other staff members may also be pregnant without you knowing, others may have invisible disabilities, etc etc. I can see why this might rub someone the wrong way.
She may have a problem with you personally, or it may be that she has a problem with the status quo - but you seem very invested in vigorously defending the status quo, so from her perspective it may seem like the two are one and the same, really. Anyway hopefully sounds like situation is resolved now . If you were genuinely curious to know more you’d probably have to have a conversation with her that didn’t start “Hey, you know that’s MY parking space don’t you—!”
posted by snipsnapsnoop at 5:41 AM on May 4 [11 favorites]
She may have a problem with you personally, or it may be that she has a problem with the status quo - but you seem very invested in vigorously defending the status quo, so from her perspective it may seem like the two are one and the same, really. Anyway hopefully sounds like situation is resolved now . If you were genuinely curious to know more you’d probably have to have a conversation with her that didn’t start “Hey, you know that’s MY parking space don’t you—!”
posted by snipsnapsnoop at 5:41 AM on May 4 [11 favorites]
Response by poster: Yes the dynamics are hard to explain so there is certainly missing context. We are a really small school (in the beginning only 5 full time teachers who helped get the school running),now 12 full time teachers. This leads to a lot of informal communication because we are so small. We all each lunch together almost every day.
I along with the founding teachers are head teachers and we work closely with the principal. We don't just teach but also oordinate differnt teams (maths and science team, language arts tram, foreign language team, etc) and have administrative tasks that come with running the school (which includes coming in during school holidays). Laura's only resposibility is teaching and she does not come into work during the holidays. Perhaps this is why the fonder only thought to offer us parking spots and not all teachers.
Again, big city so most people take public transportation. I understand completely if her mindset set is that it is unfair which is why I have told her several times to ask the principal if she wants a spot. She now has a spot since I CCed principal and principal immediately replied, "Of course, no problem. I will take care of it." She will shortly be getting a spot.
My question is whether I should try to talk with her to clear the air because it does feel personnel and I would like to have a frictionless relationship with all my colleagues.
Again, I haven't just told her "Hey, that's my spot" but have explained how it is affecting me, how I got the spot and how to get her own spot.
I think I've added the most context that I can. I am bowing out now!
posted by Blissful at 5:58 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
I along with the founding teachers are head teachers and we work closely with the principal. We don't just teach but also oordinate differnt teams (maths and science team, language arts tram, foreign language team, etc) and have administrative tasks that come with running the school (which includes coming in during school holidays). Laura's only resposibility is teaching and she does not come into work during the holidays. Perhaps this is why the fonder only thought to offer us parking spots and not all teachers.
Again, big city so most people take public transportation. I understand completely if her mindset set is that it is unfair which is why I have told her several times to ask the principal if she wants a spot. She now has a spot since I CCed principal and principal immediately replied, "Of course, no problem. I will take care of it." She will shortly be getting a spot.
My question is whether I should try to talk with her to clear the air because it does feel personnel and I would like to have a frictionless relationship with all my colleagues.
Again, I haven't just told her "Hey, that's my spot" but have explained how it is affecting me, how I got the spot and how to get her own spot.
I think I've added the most context that I can. I am bowing out now!
posted by Blissful at 5:58 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Sorry for all the typos, I am on my phone and the language is not set to English #teacherembarrassment
posted by Blissful at 6:05 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
posted by Blissful at 6:05 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
I think you've resolved this now that Laura is getting a spot! From now on, if Laura parks in your spot, you will park in her spot. Laura sounds like a dick but that is not your problem to solve.
It does sound like it may be time to revisit the parking situation more broadly as the organization scales up.
posted by mskyle at 6:07 AM on May 4 [7 favorites]
It does sound like it may be time to revisit the parking situation more broadly as the organization scales up.
posted by mskyle at 6:07 AM on May 4 [7 favorites]
Should I ask if we need to clear the air or let it go? It's just a parking space, right?
It's not just a parking space, it's someone who has little respect for you.
There's no talking or airing this out. She shrugged when your co-worker pointed out it was your spot. She knew it was your spot and doesn't care, she wanted her spot. No other spots were taken, she definitely pegged you as some sort of push over she could bully. Note that she's treated you with contempt, but did get you to advocate for her getting as spot.
This battle is over and she "won", at least in her mind. It's up to you to decide whether this is a big issue, but definitely be aware of her mind set for future interactions.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:07 AM on May 4 [29 favorites]
It's not just a parking space, it's someone who has little respect for you.
There's no talking or airing this out. She shrugged when your co-worker pointed out it was your spot. She knew it was your spot and doesn't care, she wanted her spot. No other spots were taken, she definitely pegged you as some sort of push over she could bully. Note that she's treated you with contempt, but did get you to advocate for her getting as spot.
This battle is over and she "won", at least in her mind. It's up to you to decide whether this is a big issue, but definitely be aware of her mind set for future interactions.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:07 AM on May 4 [29 favorites]
You don't have to feel guilty about Laura and her business. If she truly felt the parking system was unfair, she could have talked to your other colleagues and put together a proposal to the principal about more equitable parking. Or if she has a condition that makes a parking space necessary, she could have gone to the principal directly about getting a personal space. Both those methods would have been more likely to solve her problem than rocking up to one person's parking space and squatting in it.
I would not attempt to clear the air with her because she seems like she enjoys creating friction. Just leave her alone, be polite, and keep an eye on her from afar.
posted by kingdead at 6:09 AM on May 4 [15 favorites]
I would not attempt to clear the air with her because she seems like she enjoys creating friction. Just leave her alone, be polite, and keep an eye on her from afar.
posted by kingdead at 6:09 AM on May 4 [15 favorites]
She does not like you. Keep an eye on her. I would never follow up on this, it's been handled.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:12 AM on May 4 [27 favorites]
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:12 AM on May 4 [27 favorites]
So, I currently live in a city neighborhood with extremely tight parking and have a personal spot that I pay for, and I've had a lot of experience over the years to how people react to scenarios where there is very constrained parking that is allocated in a specific way. My personal diagnosis is this: there are people who feel utterly entitled to park wherever they want, and will do so regardless of norms, rules, *and* signs for that matter, possibly even regardless of consequences to some degree (when you see someone booted in a city, this is often because they have received *many, many* parking tickets). When they fail to grasp that there is limited parking that is allocated in a certain way, they think the situation is unfair to them, without regard for anyone else, and feel entitled to break the "bad rule". This person is one of those people. (I will say, not to defend this, but this often seems to result in a natural way from people who have deeply internalized various suburban norms about cars, and are unable to adapt to being in a city -- where to be fair, parking can be quite a bit more stressful than they have previously experienced.)
There is nothing to be done about this sort of person beyond invoking consequences, which you have done. There is nothing to talk to them about beyond what you've already done, and no point in bothering, beyond reiterating in a clear fashion that they are not entitled to use this spot. If this diagnosis is right, this isn't about you at all, and is perhaps perhaps doesn't really even indicate anything about their personality otherwise. (This behavior trait is, I have concluded, essentially the same sort of car+situation-specific personality transformation that leads to things like road rage.)
posted by advil at 6:19 AM on May 4 [16 favorites]
There is nothing to be done about this sort of person beyond invoking consequences, which you have done. There is nothing to talk to them about beyond what you've already done, and no point in bothering, beyond reiterating in a clear fashion that they are not entitled to use this spot. If this diagnosis is right, this isn't about you at all, and is perhaps perhaps doesn't really even indicate anything about their personality otherwise. (This behavior trait is, I have concluded, essentially the same sort of car+situation-specific personality transformation that leads to things like road rage.)
posted by advil at 6:19 AM on May 4 [16 favorites]
I think that this is probably not personal to you - I know you're feeling it is, but I think this is more about the parking situation than specifically an issue with you. I would also think this system was unfair if I were newly walking into it, and I think her parking in your space has more to do with the fact that she often arrives, is looking for parking, and saw your space 'unused', which felt even less fair - that you would be the only one to have a scarce resource and didn't appear to even be using it. I agree with other posters that she may also not be used to the parking situation in the city - if not being able to park in that spot made *you* late, then it's quite probable not being able to park in a close spot would have made *her* late, and her employment seems more precarious than yours.
She has a parking spot, the situation is over. I think never mentioning it again will be your best move.
posted by corb at 6:28 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
She has a parking spot, the situation is over. I think never mentioning it again will be your best move.
posted by corb at 6:28 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
I wouldn't call her on her behavior; the only followup I might do would be "I heard you got a spot. That's great, I hope it helps!" To me, at least, it looks like you "won" here: you acted mature, showed her you're not her enemy, and also made it clear how very simple it would have been for her to just solve her problem on her own without all the silliness.
As for the future, keep an eye out but don't try to preempt any hypothetical developments.
You can also try out the "kill her with kindness" approach and be all "we're friends now!" towards her to try to get her on your side (or, more charitably, to diffuse any tensions). Works with some people, less well with others.
posted by trig at 6:38 AM on May 4 [7 favorites]
As for the future, keep an eye out but don't try to preempt any hypothetical developments.
You can also try out the "kill her with kindness" approach and be all "we're friends now!" towards her to try to get her on your side (or, more charitably, to diffuse any tensions). Works with some people, less well with others.
posted by trig at 6:38 AM on May 4 [7 favorites]
Personally, it's time to call in the big guns... Escalate to the principal or whoever has the authority to... call in a tow truck. The Powers that Be can then decide whether to warn (leaving warning notes/signs) or take other action as needed.
This person fits the adage "give them an inch and they'll take a mile". She pushed you, and you did not push back, so now she considers you a pushover.
posted by kschang at 6:49 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
This person fits the adage "give them an inch and they'll take a mile". She pushed you, and you did not push back, so now she considers you a pushover.
posted by kschang at 6:49 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
Don't talk to Laura. Do talk to your principal. You've done what you can to try to resolve this informally and collegially. As others have pointed out, Laura has very clearly telegraphed the level of respect she has for you and this arrangement. Your principal is the one who designated the spot as yours and who has the authority to enforce that decision, and it is well past time for them to do that.
posted by wormtales at 6:53 AM on May 4 [16 favorites]
posted by wormtales at 6:53 AM on May 4 [16 favorites]
It’s over. Move on. If she finds something else to be weird about later, then you maybe have a larger situation to deal with, but as of now you can both park & work-life will be easier for everyone if you pretend to like each other.
posted by rd45 at 7:06 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
posted by rd45 at 7:06 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
The parking situation is unfair. It is also untenable without an explicit written policy and signage. Unless it is made explicitly clear, this will continue to happen with this person or others in the future.
Your coworker is not being terribly adult about this, but it doesn't sound personal, just offense at the inconvenience an unfair unwritten rule causes them.
posted by so fucking future at 7:22 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
Your coworker is not being terribly adult about this, but it doesn't sound personal, just offense at the inconvenience an unfair unwritten rule causes them.
posted by so fucking future at 7:22 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
How important is staff retention to you?
This reads to me like the thin wedge of the “small to small-medium” business jump. You, the OG team, have practices and understandings as well as seniority-type feelings and practices. You all are probably mission-driven (even more than the new teachers) and you have created the workplace that works for your brains.
Now you’re hiring more people. They may align with you well, but they are there primarily for A Good Job. They are aware they are more interchangeable— after all you hired them and can hire more — and so they have different concerns. Is this place fair? Will I be valued even if I’m not on the in, OG crowd. Will my talents be nurtured or am I hired muscle.
These people will be reading your practices and habits very differently. This parking thing is just one sign. It’s a good time to really sit down and decide, not just fall into, how staff will be treated. What perks will they get? How will those be distributed equally? How will this be communicated? Etc. It would be best to advocate for intentional choices about these things early, or you will have more drama and likely higher turnover.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:32 AM on May 4 [52 favorites]
This reads to me like the thin wedge of the “small to small-medium” business jump. You, the OG team, have practices and understandings as well as seniority-type feelings and practices. You all are probably mission-driven (even more than the new teachers) and you have created the workplace that works for your brains.
Now you’re hiring more people. They may align with you well, but they are there primarily for A Good Job. They are aware they are more interchangeable— after all you hired them and can hire more — and so they have different concerns. Is this place fair? Will I be valued even if I’m not on the in, OG crowd. Will my talents be nurtured or am I hired muscle.
These people will be reading your practices and habits very differently. This parking thing is just one sign. It’s a good time to really sit down and decide, not just fall into, how staff will be treated. What perks will they get? How will those be distributed equally? How will this be communicated? Etc. It would be best to advocate for intentional choices about these things early, or you will have more drama and likely higher turnover.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:32 AM on May 4 [52 favorites]
And that’s not say this person isn’t a bit of an outlier. But they won’t be the last.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:35 AM on May 4 [6 favorites]
posted by warriorqueen at 7:35 AM on May 4 [6 favorites]
I'm retired now, but I used to deal with this class of workplace issue using a slightly more structured version of the Broken Record parenting technique. Next time something similar happens to you, you might care to try it.
First step is to settle ahead of time on a very clear and specific way to word what I need. In your shoes I would have picked something like "Hey Laura, the school has three designated parking bays in this lot and you've parked in mine. Please leave that bay free for my car in future."
Note well: not "could you please", just "please". It has to be completely clear that this is a polite but firm request that you expect to see compliance with, not some kind of favour you're asking for and not some kind of choice you're giving. Explanations as to why you expect compliance are counterproductive distractions and should be left out. The basic formula is: here is the issue, here is what needs to happen, The End.
Next step is to learn those words off by heart like a line in a play, so that if the person you're asking the thing of fails to do the thing, you can ask for it again using exactly the same words, exactly the same facial expression and exactly the same businesslike vocal tone. Never make any reference to the fact of having asked on any previous occasion. Just ask exactly the same way, every single time. Become a broken record - a completely predictable, apparently utterly oblivious, tedious broken record.
The things I add for the workplace that I don't do as a parent are documentation and a three-strikes-then-escalate policy. Whenever I found myself needing to ask somebody else to comply with an established workplace policy I'd make a timestamped written record of having done so. Starting from the fourth ask, I'd also notify the person responsible for making the policy - in your case that would be the principal - that policy is not being adhered to. I'd always do that in writing, citing the exact occasions on which I'd asked for the thing and reporting the exact words I'd used. I would specifically not tell the person I'd been trying to get compliance from that I'd also begun passing reports up the line. But I did pass them up the line, every single time.
What I passed up the line was also done in broken-record format. Every single report was exactly the same except for the ever-growing breaches list. No report ever made any reference to previous reports and every report was complete within itself.
They always cracked before I did; the power of meticulous documentation coupled with unshakably repetitious delivery is formidable. I never had to report upward more than twice.
Beige is a superpower in the workplace if honed to a fine hard edge.
posted by flabdablet at 7:52 AM on May 4 [56 favorites]
First step is to settle ahead of time on a very clear and specific way to word what I need. In your shoes I would have picked something like "Hey Laura, the school has three designated parking bays in this lot and you've parked in mine. Please leave that bay free for my car in future."
Note well: not "could you please", just "please". It has to be completely clear that this is a polite but firm request that you expect to see compliance with, not some kind of favour you're asking for and not some kind of choice you're giving. Explanations as to why you expect compliance are counterproductive distractions and should be left out. The basic formula is: here is the issue, here is what needs to happen, The End.
Next step is to learn those words off by heart like a line in a play, so that if the person you're asking the thing of fails to do the thing, you can ask for it again using exactly the same words, exactly the same facial expression and exactly the same businesslike vocal tone. Never make any reference to the fact of having asked on any previous occasion. Just ask exactly the same way, every single time. Become a broken record - a completely predictable, apparently utterly oblivious, tedious broken record.
The things I add for the workplace that I don't do as a parent are documentation and a three-strikes-then-escalate policy. Whenever I found myself needing to ask somebody else to comply with an established workplace policy I'd make a timestamped written record of having done so. Starting from the fourth ask, I'd also notify the person responsible for making the policy - in your case that would be the principal - that policy is not being adhered to. I'd always do that in writing, citing the exact occasions on which I'd asked for the thing and reporting the exact words I'd used. I would specifically not tell the person I'd been trying to get compliance from that I'd also begun passing reports up the line. But I did pass them up the line, every single time.
What I passed up the line was also done in broken-record format. Every single report was exactly the same except for the ever-growing breaches list. No report ever made any reference to previous reports and every report was complete within itself.
They always cracked before I did; the power of meticulous documentation coupled with unshakably repetitious delivery is formidable. I never had to report upward more than twice.
Beige is a superpower in the workplace if honed to a fine hard edge.
posted by flabdablet at 7:52 AM on May 4 [56 favorites]
Yeah, where I worked before retirement the CFO made a point to park in the space reserved for the Owner and Founder. So yeah, some people really are jerks (even if he had gotten permission to do so, doesn't it send the wrong message/optics to the rest of the company???)
posted by forthright at 8:04 AM on May 4
posted by forthright at 8:04 AM on May 4
Lots of great advice here. I agree that Laura is obnoxious and does not respect you or your right to designated parking. You were more than kind in raising it directly with her several times and then helping her advocate for her own spot. If that worked out, great, the immediate problem is solved, and raising it with her again would be a bad idea. You were hired earlier, under different terms that include parking, and she was not. She knew full well that she needed to rely on street parking.
Going forward, be careful about giving too much of an explanation in situations like this, which can undermine your position in dealing with people like Laura. The fact is, it's your spot and that's that. If she has a problem with her contract terms then it's up to her to deal with her boss. Personally, if I were in your shoes or if something like this were going on in the organization I lead, I'd want to involve the manager after it became clear she knew what she was doing and was ignoring your requests. (Signage etc. would be a good idea going forward, but that's not the issue here because she didn't need it to know what she was doing.)
If something like this happens again, you can also create consequences. Rather than repeating "don't park there again" when it's clear she's going to keep doing it, make her move her car. If she refuses, talk to the boss.
Hopefully, this is a one-off situation linked directly to the parking issue, which can bring out the worst in otherwise cooperative people. However, it's probably a good idea to watch your back with Laura, since she's shown she is willing to get her elbows out to get what she wants, and sees you as someone she can do that with, without the consequences she would face from her manager.
posted by rpfields at 8:43 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
Going forward, be careful about giving too much of an explanation in situations like this, which can undermine your position in dealing with people like Laura. The fact is, it's your spot and that's that. If she has a problem with her contract terms then it's up to her to deal with her boss. Personally, if I were in your shoes or if something like this were going on in the organization I lead, I'd want to involve the manager after it became clear she knew what she was doing and was ignoring your requests. (Signage etc. would be a good idea going forward, but that's not the issue here because she didn't need it to know what she was doing.)
If something like this happens again, you can also create consequences. Rather than repeating "don't park there again" when it's clear she's going to keep doing it, make her move her car. If she refuses, talk to the boss.
Hopefully, this is a one-off situation linked directly to the parking issue, which can bring out the worst in otherwise cooperative people. However, it's probably a good idea to watch your back with Laura, since she's shown she is willing to get her elbows out to get what she wants, and sees you as someone she can do that with, without the consequences she would face from her manager.
posted by rpfields at 8:43 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
This person is either acting like an asshole on purpose or has a significant accessibility need she is addressing in an unprofessional and passive-aggressive way because she thinks you’re the nicest/easiest/most pushover of the parking space holders. You have handled it correctly by escalating to the principal and acknowledging she may have a legitimate problem the principal can solve. You don’t need to do anything more unless she parks in your spot again, in which case ask the principal to handle it.
posted by shadygrove at 9:19 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
posted by shadygrove at 9:19 AM on May 4 [3 favorites]
I would just like to point out that now she is the only one out of 7 new hires to get a spot. It sounds like she got exactly what she wanted and you can put the matter to rest for now.
posted by hermanubis at 10:03 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
posted by hermanubis at 10:03 AM on May 4 [5 favorites]
You just looped the principal in? Wait and see what happens there. If that's solved the problem, I'd let it go. If she keeps doing it, then I think it might be time for a "This is a pattern, what's going on?" conversation. But it would be weird to have it now right after you looped the principal in.
posted by lapis at 12:16 PM on May 4 [1 favorite]
posted by lapis at 12:16 PM on May 4 [1 favorite]
There is nothing more to do. You’ve learned that she will not respect you, but only falls in line if you bring in the “big guns” of higher authority to smack her down. Just file this under your knowledge of how to deal with her in the future.
I hate power politics but sometimes you have to play it, and feel absolutely no remorse in doing so.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:18 PM on May 4 [3 favorites]
I hate power politics but sometimes you have to play it, and feel absolutely no remorse in doing so.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:18 PM on May 4 [3 favorites]
" Keep documenting all of her instances of passive aggressive disrespect."
This situation does not sound good. Where are you seeing her when she takes your spot? Maybe not talk to her and just take [obvious] pictures of her taking your spot?
posted by maloqueiro at 1:57 PM on May 4
This situation does not sound good. Where are you seeing her when she takes your spot? Maybe not talk to her and just take [obvious] pictures of her taking your spot?
posted by maloqueiro at 1:57 PM on May 4
This leads to a lot of informal communication because we are so small. We all each lunch together almost every day.
You don't talk about your other interactions with Laura. In a group that small it seems likely there would be other visible signs of conflict rather than just your spot.
My guess is that she wasn't upset with you as much as she was upset that you were given a spot and she wasn't. She was being treated as a lesser by the principal and decided to be very passive aggressive about it. For whatever reason she didn't want to talk to the principal directly about it, but now that you've effectively asked on her behalf she'll get her spot.
Unless you're seeing other signs of conflict I would probably just let the whole thing go and keep in mind that Laura acts out this way.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:58 PM on May 4 [6 favorites]
You don't talk about your other interactions with Laura. In a group that small it seems likely there would be other visible signs of conflict rather than just your spot.
My guess is that she wasn't upset with you as much as she was upset that you were given a spot and she wasn't. She was being treated as a lesser by the principal and decided to be very passive aggressive about it. For whatever reason she didn't want to talk to the principal directly about it, but now that you've effectively asked on her behalf she'll get her spot.
Unless you're seeing other signs of conflict I would probably just let the whole thing go and keep in mind that Laura acts out this way.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:58 PM on May 4 [6 favorites]
Here's something that I have seen used effectively: go to Home Depot and pick up an orange traffic cone. Put in your spot when you leave. It will be a nuisance to you but it will work.
posted by charlesminus at 2:01 PM on May 4
posted by charlesminus at 2:01 PM on May 4
Looping in the principal was the right move. I think it's handled for now. (Not sure but my guess is that the sense of needing to air something out is coming from the fact that you're ticked off?) I tend to think that someone who handles things this way is going to suck at processing, so you probably couldn't approach it as just talking it out between two people. You'd have to prepare for the conversation in a very specific way, one that's appropriate to your specific workplace relationship (i.e., that it sounds like you outrank her kinda/sorta but aren't her supervisor, which is a particularly tricky dynamic). In my opinion, the right move is to report your concerns to the principal, as the person who supervises you both. I would casually loop them in on the backstory here, not in a tattletale way, but in a "this is a little weird and hopefully it's solved, but if it isn't, there might be something here that we'll need to work together to troubleshoot" way. The content of that conversation is basically "thanks for handling it, I tried and it didn't work, but hopefully it's good now!" The purpose is so that if things get weird again, they already have the backstory.
posted by slidell at 4:39 PM on May 4 [2 favorites]
posted by slidell at 4:39 PM on May 4 [2 favorites]
You have been incredibly patient and much kinder than colleague deserves. Going forward, this is an HR issue. You were assigned a spot, if someone is in it, they must move their vehicle. Colleague is behaving badly.
posted by theora55 at 7:03 PM on May 4 [5 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 7:03 PM on May 4 [5 favorites]
I'm looking at this from different angles that might help you not take this personally. This is a systems issue that you didn't create but you're helping to uphold (like the status quo) as someone mentioned above. It makes sense why you were assigned the parking spot, but it's still not equitable or fair because every employee should have a parking spot don't you think? So it's really a problem created by the heads of the school. It's a scarcity problem that will drive people to madness.
So I don't know if this person taking your spot is being a jerk or is simply an agitator who thinks these rules are BS. If I were a teacher at your school without a spot but I always got to the school before the person with as assigned spot, I'd be annoyed about it and might park there thinking the person was absent. It's definitely passive aggressive though. But it's also an unfair system
I think you did enough talking to her and she really doesn't care or something. Next time go to the principal not the person.
posted by mxjudyliza at 8:04 PM on May 4
So I don't know if this person taking your spot is being a jerk or is simply an agitator who thinks these rules are BS. If I were a teacher at your school without a spot but I always got to the school before the person with as assigned spot, I'd be annoyed about it and might park there thinking the person was absent. It's definitely passive aggressive though. But it's also an unfair system
I think you did enough talking to her and she really doesn't care or something. Next time go to the principal not the person.
posted by mxjudyliza at 8:04 PM on May 4
Next time go to the principal not the person.
I don't believe that this is sound workplace politics. Most conflicts don't need escalation in order to resolve, and instant escalation as a matter of standing policy just gets workers flagged as snitches by their colleagues and troublemakers by their managers.
The beauty of the broken-record plus three strikes technique is that its initial response to conflict is indistinguishable from simple, respectful, collegial politeness. It only gets to the point of having gone on long enough to have become recognizable as a strategy when the conflict has gone on long enough to have become obviously driven by wilful intransigence, at which point everybody involved as well as interested bystanders can see exactly how it's going to play out: the party with the documented history of having the same polite and reasonable request repeatedly rebuffed is going to win, and everybody knows it.
posted by flabdablet at 9:23 PM on May 4 [5 favorites]
I don't believe that this is sound workplace politics. Most conflicts don't need escalation in order to resolve, and instant escalation as a matter of standing policy just gets workers flagged as snitches by their colleagues and troublemakers by their managers.
The beauty of the broken-record plus three strikes technique is that its initial response to conflict is indistinguishable from simple, respectful, collegial politeness. It only gets to the point of having gone on long enough to have become recognizable as a strategy when the conflict has gone on long enough to have become obviously driven by wilful intransigence, at which point everybody involved as well as interested bystanders can see exactly how it's going to play out: the party with the documented history of having the same polite and reasonable request repeatedly rebuffed is going to win, and everybody knows it.
posted by flabdablet at 9:23 PM on May 4 [5 favorites]
warriorqueen is right: this issue is partly the growing pains of the organization. A parking space is a benefit that costs money. Previously, this benefit was distributed based on seniority (just the principal and head teachers). Now that Laura has a space, the benefit is not equally shared among employees.
I think it’s time for an organization-level transportation policy. My preferred policy is a free transit pass as the baseline, with the option to put the value of a transit pass towards a parking space rental.
This policy rests on some big city assumptions: not everyone can have a spot because there is limited parking to rent, and parking space rental is more expensive than a transit pass.
Simply include the new transit policy into the next pay raise, and it won’t be an extra cost to the school. It’s also completely reasonable to raise the pay of existing senior staff to cover the additional cost of a parking space rental.
Now you have a fair policy with clear guidelines and senior staff retain their existing benefit on the balance. Most importantly, everyone wins except Laura, who is now paying for a parking spot.
posted by Headfullofair at 9:23 PM on May 4 [1 favorite]
I think it’s time for an organization-level transportation policy. My preferred policy is a free transit pass as the baseline, with the option to put the value of a transit pass towards a parking space rental.
This policy rests on some big city assumptions: not everyone can have a spot because there is limited parking to rent, and parking space rental is more expensive than a transit pass.
Simply include the new transit policy into the next pay raise, and it won’t be an extra cost to the school. It’s also completely reasonable to raise the pay of existing senior staff to cover the additional cost of a parking space rental.
Now you have a fair policy with clear guidelines and senior staff retain their existing benefit on the balance. Most importantly, everyone wins except Laura, who is now paying for a parking spot.
posted by Headfullofair at 9:23 PM on May 4 [1 favorite]
I would like to have a frictionless relationship with all my colleagues.
Came here to let you know that, on your own, you can’t make this happen. You are not the reason there is friction here. It takes two colleagues to create a frictionless relationship. She, apparently, does not share your goal.
posted by vitabellosi at 8:36 AM on May 5 [9 favorites]
Came here to let you know that, on your own, you can’t make this happen. You are not the reason there is friction here. It takes two colleagues to create a frictionless relationship. She, apparently, does not share your goal.
posted by vitabellosi at 8:36 AM on May 5 [9 favorites]
She has admitted:
1) She knows it's your spot
2) She parks in it anyway.
Thing is, it's not your spot. It's the school's spot, to assign to a person or to let be a free-for-all. Your beef isn't with this woman, it's with the principal for not enforcing the agreement.
She gets disciplined, she stops parking in your spot. That simple. You don't have that horsepower. If the principal will not use that authority for you, it's not your spot.
posted by ctmf at 12:53 PM on May 5 [4 favorites]
1) She knows it's your spot
2) She parks in it anyway.
Thing is, it's not your spot. It's the school's spot, to assign to a person or to let be a free-for-all. Your beef isn't with this woman, it's with the principal for not enforcing the agreement.
She gets disciplined, she stops parking in your spot. That simple. You don't have that horsepower. If the principal will not use that authority for you, it's not your spot.
posted by ctmf at 12:53 PM on May 5 [4 favorites]
She's betting nothing will happen to her if she parks in it, and so far she's right.
posted by ctmf at 12:58 PM on May 5 [4 favorites]
posted by ctmf at 12:58 PM on May 5 [4 favorites]
My question is whether I should try to talk with her to clear the air because it does feel personnel and I would like to have a frictionless relationship with all my colleagues.
It may be worth talking to her but would be useful to be clear first in yourself: it seems possible that a teacher could have negative feelings about the leadership arrangement at work. I could imagine a scenario where someone sees the lead teachers as having special privileges (like parking) and might not be as aware or focused on the additional work that entails. It seems possible for someone to feel resentful about perceived unequal access to the principal, or might wish they had more decision making power at work. People get resentful about petty stuff at work because there are many ways we lack agency in our jobs... resentment is a common effect of that dynamic. Likewise we're not always aware of our own impact or the ways we may benefit from the status quo, when we're the one who has more of a lead role.
None of us can say what's going on for this person we've never met, but if you do want to talk to her about her feelings, I would suggest only doing that if you feel open to hearing a different point of view that may be negative toward you or the current organizational structure of the school. It would be good to decide if you're open to an outcome of the conversation that changes your viewpoint or actions at work. Otherwise it's not really 'clearing the air' for her.
posted by latkes at 10:36 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
It may be worth talking to her but would be useful to be clear first in yourself: it seems possible that a teacher could have negative feelings about the leadership arrangement at work. I could imagine a scenario where someone sees the lead teachers as having special privileges (like parking) and might not be as aware or focused on the additional work that entails. It seems possible for someone to feel resentful about perceived unequal access to the principal, or might wish they had more decision making power at work. People get resentful about petty stuff at work because there are many ways we lack agency in our jobs... resentment is a common effect of that dynamic. Likewise we're not always aware of our own impact or the ways we may benefit from the status quo, when we're the one who has more of a lead role.
None of us can say what's going on for this person we've never met, but if you do want to talk to her about her feelings, I would suggest only doing that if you feel open to hearing a different point of view that may be negative toward you or the current organizational structure of the school. It would be good to decide if you're open to an outcome of the conversation that changes your viewpoint or actions at work. Otherwise it's not really 'clearing the air' for her.
posted by latkes at 10:36 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
Looks like you have a lot of good advice and have the situation in hand. I did want to say that you are using too many words in your conversations with her about this. Sometimes people need you to be direct and succinct or they will only pick out the bits they want to hear. Maybe the first time be a little vaguely polite about it, but after that just say "this is my official parking spot. Please don't park in it."
Being direct can be difficult! But in the long run it can be easier.
posted by lyssabee at 7:32 AM on May 6 [2 favorites]
Being direct can be difficult! But in the long run it can be easier.
posted by lyssabee at 7:32 AM on May 6 [2 favorites]
You don't have a problem with Laura. Instead, you have a problem with the principal, and the principal has a problem with Laura.
Here's your problem with the principal: there is a perk you are supposedto receive as part of your job, and you are occasionally not receiving it.
Here's your principal's problem with Laura: she's interfering with the allocation of resources, as determined by leadership.
If Laura parks in your spot, your problem is that you do not have the spot. It's not your problem that Laura, specifically parked in your spot, just that the spot is unavailable. Imagine, after all, if it wasn't Laura but some random person in the spot: you would take the issue up with the principal who pays for the spot, rather than try to run down whoever it was who had taken it, right?
Let the principal deal with the principal's problem. It's on them to resolve it, not you. Any time the spot is not available, you should tell the principal, not try to resolve the issue on your own. This is the low drama option, because it means you're focusing on who actually has the power to affect things, rather than relying on the other person's (assumed, unproven) social niceties to make things go better
posted by meese at 11:40 AM on May 6 [8 favorites]
Here's your problem with the principal: there is a perk you are supposedto receive as part of your job, and you are occasionally not receiving it.
Here's your principal's problem with Laura: she's interfering with the allocation of resources, as determined by leadership.
If Laura parks in your spot, your problem is that you do not have the spot. It's not your problem that Laura, specifically parked in your spot, just that the spot is unavailable. Imagine, after all, if it wasn't Laura but some random person in the spot: you would take the issue up with the principal who pays for the spot, rather than try to run down whoever it was who had taken it, right?
Let the principal deal with the principal's problem. It's on them to resolve it, not you. Any time the spot is not available, you should tell the principal, not try to resolve the issue on your own. This is the low drama option, because it means you're focusing on who actually has the power to affect things, rather than relying on the other person's (assumed, unproven) social niceties to make things go better
posted by meese at 11:40 AM on May 6 [8 favorites]
You’ve tried everything. I’d go full scorched earth and just have her towed. Screw being nice, she doesn’t care about being nice to you so there’s no relationship to preserve here. I can guarantee she won’t do it again.
posted by Jubey at 12:33 PM on May 11 [1 favorite]
posted by Jubey at 12:33 PM on May 11 [1 favorite]
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THIS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT ‘CLEARING THE AIR’ WILL SOLVE. This woman has heard you loud and clear, this is not “a miscommunication,” she is just deliberately ignoring your demands.
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:06 AM on May 4 [93 favorites]