Defining Personal Values: Seeking Recommendations

January 25, 2024 1:31 PM

I'm in search of recommendations for frameworks and exercises to define personal values, as a step towards setting both personal and professional goals.

Long-time listener, first-time caller. Unfortunately I'm one of those from Big Tech that was recently laid off. Currently in the process of defining goals for my next role, I find myself grappling with a high degree of anxiety—fear, uncertainty, and doubt. These feelings stem from the weariness of, once again (fourth time in 20 years), securing a job that provides financial stability and some level of security for my family.

The temptation to simply take any job that meets the minimum financial needs for my family, without considering personal or professional satisfaction, looms large due to these fears. Money is undoubtedly a significant factor, but I want to delve deeper and identify what truly matters to me in terms of values. This introspection will allow me to articulate my priorities with clarity and confidence.

Some context about my situation: we are what some may call a "traditional" family, previously relying on a single income with two kids in primary school and a stay-at-home mom. Our home, with its mortgage, taxes, car payments, etc., is situated in the suburbs. A unique aspect is that I, the husband, am an older dad (~60) with a wife who is 13 years younger and an immigrant without formal education. Our marriage is fantastic. Really. We adore each other. If I had a magic wand I would add another 10 onto our 20 years together.

While I can easily identify values such as creativity, personal growth, and integrity, I now want to methodically map out my values as I navigate this job search. I believe this process will aid me in addressing other aspects of my persona, such as issues with confidence and self-worth.

Do you have any recommendations for value definition exercises or similar resources? I should mention that I prefer brevity, and bonus points for any video/audio suggestions, as lengthy books pose a challenge for me.

Thank you in advance for your insights!

posted by nandaro to Human Relations (7 answers total)

Sorry about your lay-off and good for you for taking the time to regroup and think purposefully about your next steps.

Brene Brown has a good podcast episode about identifying and "living into" one's values: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/living-into-our-values/ and there's this worksheet you can do on your own: https://brenebrown.com/resources/living-into-our-values/

There's also the old tried-and-true "What Color is Your Parachute?"
plus lots of other good resources from Harvard Business Review:
https://hbr.org/2023/08/defining-your-values-our-favorite-reads
https://hbr.org/topic/subject/personal-purpose-and-values?ab=articlepage-topic
posted by sleepingwithcats at 1:45 PM on January 25 [5 favorites]

My first thought was that it might be worth looking through the Look & Sound of Leadership podcast to see if he has topics that address your questions.

I found this in his "tools" section on his website (https://essentialcomm.com/tools/) that may be useful:
https://essentialcomm.com/pdf-download/personal-and-professional-needs-values/

But, I could not quickly find the podcast that it was mentioned in.

Best of luck.
posted by bruinfan at 1:49 PM on January 25 [1 favorite]

For a methodical approach, I'd try something like this online test which has you rank values by selecting from various pairs. (I cannot vouch for this particular site.)

I did an exercise like this at some point and found that it helped me reflect; "do I really value A more than B?" In the end, I had a top five of values that I really felt were important to me.
posted by demi-octopus at 1:52 PM on January 25 [1 favorite]

I found this article helpful to help me start thinking about this. I just wrote down what came to mind and refined it once I was done.
posted by Eyelash at 2:19 PM on January 25 [1 favorite]

Maybe not quite framed in the same language, but I really like this "strengths finder."
I think "strengths" could also be called values, and it ranks them for you.
posted by Otis the Lion at 3:09 PM on January 25 [2 favorites]

I read once that we don’t define our values, we discover them by how we feel in different situations.

We discover them when we’re forced to make choices (what did we prioritize? How did we make the decision?) or when someone does something that is seen as an upsetting transgression (what did they do? Why was it “wrong”?). Similarly how we spend money and what we spend it on - what is easy to spend a lot of money on and when is it hard to spend. Time is another one - notice what makes us perk up or work extra hard, and what leaves us dragging our heels.

Hope those prompts help! When I approached it like a discovery it became clear my mind already knew its values I just wasn’t consciously aware of them.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:44 PM on January 25 [5 favorites]

Not from tech, but from education, you might find some of the resources from Elena Aguilar's "Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators" book helpful. Disclaimer - it's a big read. But, if you use the link above, there should be a "Check It Out" box with a drop-down menu where you can choose from specific categories that include brief articles and videos related to the topic of each chapter in the book. There are also downloadable tools under the Resources section for shorter stand-alone activities (Challenge That Thought, Core Values) that might get at what you would like to reflect on, too.
posted by Lady Sugar Maple at 8:11 PM on January 25 [1 favorite]