Podcasts for dealing with early dementia parent
December 8, 2023 6:57 AM Subscribe
Do you have podcast recommendations for learning to manage/deal with an aging parent with untreated dementia?
I posted earlier this year about my 78 year old mother who is showing signs of cognitive decline. My sister and I have still not been able to successfully address anything with her and take any practical steps toward getting her care. And the symptoms are getting worse.
On my 14 hr drive to see her for Christmas I'd like to listen to some podcasts on the matter.
I'm not so much interested in the science of treatment or anything like that, bc that's so far down the road from where we currently are. Basically, I want to learn more about how I can manage MY interactions with her and reactions to her to lessen my own frustration, and ideally that includes effective ways for me to communicate with her as well. Any recommendations for ideas that *SHE* should implement herself will be too much of a challenge for her at this point.
She can't remember details and gets overwhelmed by simple life admin kind of stuff and will get frustrated and lash out. She repeats questions and anecdotes from the week multiple times in the same conversation. She's always been a naturally anxious and overbearing person but this has become especially trying on us daughers bc anything we do to assuage her anxieties is promptly forgotten so whatever patience we muster is quickly depleted and sometimes we end up yelling at her bc we feel ignored and not listened to. This has been a general issue with her long before she started showing cognitive decline (she's a bit of a narcissist as well), so the behavior magnified by a health issue she can't control is really triggering to me, and even more so my sister bc she has a shorter fuse than I do.
I end up spending holidays with my mom and sister just trying to get them to not fight with each other and me just trying to not say much of anything bc lest I say something that sets off my mom's anxiety which cannot be contained once it gets started now since she no longer has that ability to self-regulate. I don't want this to be my family for the next however many years (which are probably many bc my mother is otherwise in great physical health). My sister will be willing to try anything I can suggest--we are very much supportive of each other in this way.
So yeah, TL;DR: looking for podcasts for managing this new version of a relationship with my mother to lessen her stress and my frustration.
Also into any book suggestions for later exploration.
Thank you for your help.
I posted earlier this year about my 78 year old mother who is showing signs of cognitive decline. My sister and I have still not been able to successfully address anything with her and take any practical steps toward getting her care. And the symptoms are getting worse.
On my 14 hr drive to see her for Christmas I'd like to listen to some podcasts on the matter.
I'm not so much interested in the science of treatment or anything like that, bc that's so far down the road from where we currently are. Basically, I want to learn more about how I can manage MY interactions with her and reactions to her to lessen my own frustration, and ideally that includes effective ways for me to communicate with her as well. Any recommendations for ideas that *SHE* should implement herself will be too much of a challenge for her at this point.
She can't remember details and gets overwhelmed by simple life admin kind of stuff and will get frustrated and lash out. She repeats questions and anecdotes from the week multiple times in the same conversation. She's always been a naturally anxious and overbearing person but this has become especially trying on us daughers bc anything we do to assuage her anxieties is promptly forgotten so whatever patience we muster is quickly depleted and sometimes we end up yelling at her bc we feel ignored and not listened to. This has been a general issue with her long before she started showing cognitive decline (she's a bit of a narcissist as well), so the behavior magnified by a health issue she can't control is really triggering to me, and even more so my sister bc she has a shorter fuse than I do.
I end up spending holidays with my mom and sister just trying to get them to not fight with each other and me just trying to not say much of anything bc lest I say something that sets off my mom's anxiety which cannot be contained once it gets started now since she no longer has that ability to self-regulate. I don't want this to be my family for the next however many years (which are probably many bc my mother is otherwise in great physical health). My sister will be willing to try anything I can suggest--we are very much supportive of each other in this way.
So yeah, TL;DR: looking for podcasts for managing this new version of a relationship with my mother to lessen her stress and my frustration.
Also into any book suggestions for later exploration.
Thank you for your help.
Mod note: Comment and response removed. Please take note of this part from the removed reponse, which is from the OP:
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 7:51 AM on December 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
...this question is focused on media that I can consume around the issue--ideally podcasts for this specific upcoming drive. I'm not presently looking for personal advice as I've received a lot that I'm taking to heart already and will continue to seek that advice in the future.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 7:51 AM on December 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
I am sorry you are dealing with this—it’s very stressful. I highly recommend Gavin Crawford’s podcast, Let’s Not Be Kidding. I’ve listened to it as someone caring for an elderly relative who was at the beginning of dementia and it was very cathartic and helpful. There is a lot of love and warmth in his approach, poignancy but also humour.
“In this seven-part series, Gavin tells the story of losing his mother — his best friend and the inspiration for a lot of his comedy — to a disease that can be heartbreaking, but sometimes also hilarious. He’s joined by comedian friends who share their experience caring for family members with dementia. The result is a cross between an improv act and a support group. Part memoir, part stand-up, part meditation on grief and loss, Let’s Not Be Kidding is a dose of the very best medicine for anyone dealing with hard times.”
You should be able to download it as a podcast from any podcast app.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:44 AM on December 8, 2023 [3 favorites]
“In this seven-part series, Gavin tells the story of losing his mother — his best friend and the inspiration for a lot of his comedy — to a disease that can be heartbreaking, but sometimes also hilarious. He’s joined by comedian friends who share their experience caring for family members with dementia. The result is a cross between an improv act and a support group. Part memoir, part stand-up, part meditation on grief and loss, Let’s Not Be Kidding is a dose of the very best medicine for anyone dealing with hard times.”
You should be able to download it as a podcast from any podcast app.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:44 AM on December 8, 2023 [3 favorites]
Not exactly a podcast, but there is an episode of Alzheimers Speaks Radio which interviews a couple of people involved in the Contented Dementia approach.
You mention that you may be interested in books later on - there is a book about Contented Dementia by the psychologist Oliver James. Short review here, which gives a sense of it.
We also had a discussion about another book about caring for older people at FanFare, Elder care book club. I have stalled halfway through that book and I don't think it's a good fit for me, but it might interest you. There is a podcast or radio interview with the author linked over there.
posted by paduasoy at 10:46 AM on December 8, 2023
You mention that you may be interested in books later on - there is a book about Contented Dementia by the psychologist Oliver James. Short review here, which gives a sense of it.
We also had a discussion about another book about caring for older people at FanFare, Elder care book club. I have stalled halfway through that book and I don't think it's a good fit for me, but it might interest you. There is a podcast or radio interview with the author linked over there.
posted by paduasoy at 10:46 AM on December 8, 2023
The video is not important, so I think you could get a lot from the longform interview videos on the Dementia Success Path youtube channel (in fact they strike me as podcast episodes that happen to be recorded, but on a quick check I do not see them in my podcast app). She also does some amazing shorts on do/don'ts for interacting with someone in cognitive decline, but you really need to be watching the text in the videos for that.
Similar channel, not as many interviews but a lot of static talking-head videos that would be fine audio-only: Answers About Alzheimers. As far as caregiving and interaction goes, you can interchange the various forms of dementia and Alzheimers, your behavioral methodology is going to be largely the same (although if your parent has Lewy Body or another cognitive defect that includes hallucinations, you may want to find some specific content for that - it's very much its own thing).
Yet another: Dementia Careblazers. Same deal, lot of talking, you can easily playlist them and listen to the audio.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:39 AM on December 8, 2023
Similar channel, not as many interviews but a lot of static talking-head videos that would be fine audio-only: Answers About Alzheimers. As far as caregiving and interaction goes, you can interchange the various forms of dementia and Alzheimers, your behavioral methodology is going to be largely the same (although if your parent has Lewy Body or another cognitive defect that includes hallucinations, you may want to find some specific content for that - it's very much its own thing).
Yet another: Dementia Careblazers. Same deal, lot of talking, you can easily playlist them and listen to the audio.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:39 AM on December 8, 2023
People I love got a lot out of The 36 Hour day, which is more like a reference book than a read it from cover to cover book. Recommend.
posted by wowenthusiast at 6:33 PM on December 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by wowenthusiast at 6:33 PM on December 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
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They also have a LinkTree with links to their other work and I notice they have a webinar coming up today on navigating the holidays with loved ones with dementia and well as a blog. Wishing you luck.
posted by urbanlenny at 7:24 AM on December 8, 2023 [2 favorites]