Business letters to women. "Dear ?????????"

September 11, 2023 1:03 PM

Say I'm writing a business letter to a woman I've never met and know nothing about. Let's assume her name is Susan Jones. I want to strike a note of respectful professionalism and avoid assuming any unearned familiarity. How should I address her in the letter's first line?

"Dear Susan"? [Fails on both the criteria above.]
"Dear Mrs Jones?" [But what if she's not married?]
"Dear Miss Jones"? [But what if she is married?]
"Dear Ms Jones"? [Fine in the 1970s, but I don't think anyone uses it any more, do they?]
"Dear Susan Jones"? [Probably the best option available, but sounds rather artificial.]

I guess what i'm asking is whether any sort of consensus is emerging on this point? It's all a matter of small courtesies, but it's very often these small courtesies that make life liveable.

posted by Paul Slade to Society & Culture (69 answers total)

So. My training in the business world was at a very white-shoe law firm. I would absolutely use "Dear Ms. Jones." If she's a Zoomer she's going to think you're an old fuddy-duddy, but that is the most conservative professional option in this world.
posted by praemunire at 1:05 PM on September 11, 2023 [53 favorites]

Context is the US. "Ms." is perfectly appropriate, it may be old fashioned in that business correspondence is always old fashioned.
posted by muddgirl at 1:06 PM on September 11, 2023 [31 favorites]

In other words, old fashioned is good. That's why you are starting with "Dear," and not "Hi" or a blank salutation line like an email.
posted by muddgirl at 1:08 PM on September 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

Yes, people still do Ms. Ms Windo does at least.

That is the professional way to address a female you haven't ever met.
posted by Windopaene at 1:09 PM on September 11, 2023 [8 favorites]

At the risk of being eponysterical, I definitely still use Ms.!

Mrs. and Miss are absolute no-nos for me in a business setting (US).

"Susan Jones" has the benefit of not revealing that you've incorrectly guessed the addressee's gender (again, ask me how I know) or preferred title (any chance she's a Dr.?).

"Dear Susan" is probably OK for email.
posted by mskyle at 1:09 PM on September 11, 2023 [15 favorites]

In the US "Ms." is absolutely the correct word to use in professional correspondence with a woman, and also with any woman with whom you are not sufficiently acquainted to use her first name.
posted by slkinsey at 1:09 PM on September 11, 2023 [19 favorites]

Nthing Ms. I'm baffled where you got the idea that it's not in use anymore. It is.
posted by BlahLaLa at 1:12 PM on September 11, 2023 [86 favorites]

Yep, law school correspondence advises us to use Ms.
posted by corb at 1:13 PM on September 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

What I use in 2023 for official correspondence:

- Ms.
- Mr.
- Mx.
- Mrs. but only if I know they use this themselves.
- Dr.
- Prof.
- Rev.
- Etc.

I hate being addressed as Mrs. because I’m not married and dislike it when people I assume I am due to my age. I don’t love Miss because it’s antiquated but it’s definitely better for me personally than Mrs. Another option is forgoing any gender references for younger people, like there’s so much open gender diversity in Gen Z that I try not to assume. I might start that letter with Dear Susan Smith:
posted by smorgasbord at 1:14 PM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

I use Ms. and I don't believe it's dated or unused currently in business and professional settings. My thoughts are that women are often addressed more familiarly than men in all aspects of life including work and academia, and this cumulative experience becomes a microaggression that is demeaning and reinforces society's bias and misogyny. Erring on the side of formal/professional is a subtle way to signal that you respect someone and their expertise (this also applies to deliberately using the title 'Dr' in initial emails and letters to women with phDs.)
posted by lizard music at 1:15 PM on September 11, 2023 [21 favorites]

"Dear Miss Jones"? [But what if she is married?]

More than that, what if she's older than 10? "Miss" gets you shuffled to the bottom of the inbox. Yes, I'm petty.

Echoing smorgasbord, no where in your list is a cursory Google to make sure she doesn't have a title. :)
posted by joycehealy at 1:17 PM on September 11, 2023 [21 favorites]

Another vote for Ms. being absolutely standard in the US. Having said that, are you in the US? Because I think it may be less standard elsewhere, although I have no idea what people do if they can't default to Ms. Do they inquire about the marital status of random business acquaintances?

Dear Firstname Lastname is also fine, although it sounds stilted to me.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 1:18 PM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

Also, I can tell you that while I don’t mind if people under 18 or even 21 address me incorrectly (I’m a teacher), I take note when adults do. Unless you KNOW she’s going by Mrs. or Miss (and that she definitely or at least probably identifies as female), I’d stick to Ms.

FWIW I’m 40 and in the US, currently in a big liberal part but I’ve also lived in smaller and more conservative areas.
posted by smorgasbord at 1:18 PM on September 11, 2023 [6 favorites]

Look her up on LinkedIn. If she has an MD or PhD, Dear Dr. lastname. If not, Dear Ms. lastname.
posted by emd3737 at 1:20 PM on September 11, 2023 [21 favorites]

I don't know why you think Ms. went out with the 70s.

I tend to assume that any woman using Mrs. must be IN her 70s so I always kind of do a [dog tilting head to the side] internal reaction if I hear a woman using that title.

It's Ms. The answer is absolutely Ms.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 1:21 PM on September 11, 2023 [27 favorites]

Dear Ms. Jones.

"Ms." (note the period in use in the US) is absolutely the default way to refer to a female human by last name. Obviously, if you know she prefers Mrs., or if The Honorable is appropriate, or etc., use that. But start with Ms.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 1:21 PM on September 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

According to his website, the poster is in the UK. Is the recipient of this letter also in the UK? If so, I think you may need a UK-specific answer here.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 1:22 PM on September 11, 2023 [2 favorites]

US-based answer: Absolutely Ms., as others are saying, if the woman doesn't have another specific title such as Dr. Even if it was technically correct before I finished my degree, someone addressing me as Mrs. sounded like they were living in the 1970s where my marital status some kind of impact on my response to an email. It mostly impacted the face I'd make at them when responding.

But if you aren't in the US, it might be a different answer.
posted by past unusual at 1:26 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

I'm a 40ish woman in the UK, and would absolutely use Dear Ms X for such correspondence, if I'm sure of gender (if not, I'd use Dear Firstname, probably). There are some who would disapprove but any other solution involves guessing marital status, as you say. I use Ms myself (married woman who didn't take husbands surname), FWIW.
posted by altolinguistic at 1:33 PM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

Ms is absolutely the correct form of address in the UK as well - not Mrs unless her stated preference, and certainly not Miss for an adult woman.
posted by littleorangesarenotapples at 1:34 PM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

"Ms. X" is completely reasonable and how you would do this if you wanted to be conventionally polite in the olden ways. Whatever you do, do not use "Miss"!

"Hello Susan," would probably be the preferred way to begin correspondence these days if one were trying to be polite to someone who might fall in the Gen Z/Younger Millennial category -- it is mildly gauche among younger professionals to assume gender. I think that over time this will be considered more of a faux pas than being overly familiar with a person by using their first name.
posted by pazazygeek at 1:37 PM on September 11, 2023 [13 favorites]

Increasingly, I am using "Dear Susan Jones" if I think there's any possibility that the person in question is not a woman or does not use any of Miss/Mrs./Ms. There are an increasing number of people with names that might lead a person to assume a certain gender, but they aren't the gender that you might be led to assume.

If I have eliminated that possibility to my own satisfaction, then I use Ms.
posted by Jeanne at 1:44 PM on September 11, 2023 [10 favorites]

"Ms." is completely normal. At least since the early 2000s, kids around here have grown up calling their woman teachers "Ms. Smith" for instance, and it's just their default formal title for a woman Whenever I hear a woman who is not known to have a professional degree addressed in a professional setting, it's "Ms".
posted by Frowner at 1:44 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

It's not that is not mildly gauche specifically among younger people to assume gender. It is, in fact, presumptive to assume anyone's gender, regardless of age. See what Jeanne said. There are older nonbinary and/or trans people, too, not just the Gen Z crowd.

Another vote from me for "Dear Susan Jones" if you have no information about honorific (Dr., Prof., etc) for this person. I know a fair number of trans people whose genders cannot be assumed from their traditionally-gendered names.
posted by wicked_sassy at 1:46 PM on September 11, 2023 [7 favorites]

You state that this is a "business woman" so I concur totally with everyone that "Ms." is the way to go. But, for the sake of making this a more generally useful set of answers for anyone accessing this in the future, in other situations, you might not know the gender of the person (they have an ambiguous name like "Dana," let's say), or whether they identify as a "they." If the former, you are best off going with "Dear Dana Jones." The recipient will be used to that approach. If the latter, you can't actually be expected to know that preference, and the recipient will forgive the use of Ms. If you DO find out that they go by "they," again "Dear Firstname Lastname" would be best, although "Mx." is starting to be used in that instance as well. All of which starts to point to "Dear Firstname Lastname" being the safest all-around approach.
posted by beagle at 1:48 PM on September 11, 2023 [2 favorites]

This elder millennial cis woman would prefer you use Dear Susan Jones.

I hate gendered titles. I wouldn't think badly at all of someone for using Ms, but if I get to choose how strangers will professionally address me, just use my name. Please. My pants don't need to come into it!

(Fun fact: whenever I use a web form that requires one, I select Rev. for myself. I'm not trying to steal glory over here having anyone call me Dr. So let's just assume I'm the head of the united church of thinking gendered titles are dumb.)
posted by phunniemee at 1:48 PM on September 11, 2023 [20 favorites]

Yeah, OK. I'm old. Never considered the non-binary part of it. But I am an old school 70's feminist so I tend to stick with what I know. "Dear Susan Jones" offends my Midwestern politeness, but is probably the right thing. Seems too familiar to me, but, if you have to add, (if these are not your preferred pronouns, let me know), is awkward as well. Tough call in a business relationship.
posted by Windopaene at 1:53 PM on September 11, 2023 [2 favorites]

Can we just extrapolate Mx. from nonbinary to "person whose gender I don't know and shouldn't assume based on 'name is traditionally feminine'"? If not, then just use the full name. Nobody is offended by being called their name.
posted by rikschell at 1:56 PM on September 11, 2023 [5 favorites]

Am in the UK and it’s definitely Ms here, I’m also baffled as to why you’d think it’s no longer used (and, honestly, kind of irked… why would women finally having a title that doesn’t make marital status part of their identity go out of fashion?)

It’s 100% standard, especially in business use. Miss and Mrs are the ones that sound terribly dated to me, (quite apart from the fact that they depend on you knowing the marital status of someone in order to be able to address them).
posted by penguin pie at 2:00 PM on September 11, 2023 [14 favorites]

It's Ms., unless she has a different professional title like Dr or Professor or Rabbi &c.
posted by fingersandtoes at 2:06 PM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

Australia here - Ms (without full stop) is the correct choice, assuming you know she wants to be referred to as a female. The majority of partnered adults I know are not married but also very much not miss. It's ms or cause offence.

But what do you mean by business letter? Unless I'm applying for a job it's 'Hi Firstname' and has been my entire career.
posted by deadwax at 2:06 PM on September 11, 2023 [2 favorites]

I am in the UK. In a letter I would use Dear Ms Jones. In an email I would use Dear Susan Jones; my usage here might be a bit skewed by having worked with some Quakers who did not use titles.
posted by paduasoy at 2:06 PM on September 11, 2023

Youngish Gen X / Xennial here. My name is Susan Jones (well, its not, but it could be). You are not going to offend me by calling me by my name. It's my name. You are gonna piss me off by calling me Miss, or Mrs. Ms assumes gender, which is fraught with difficulty unless you personally know me, and you do not. My name is my name. I think care to not make assumptions on marriage status/gender identity/desired pronouns trumps the older desires of "formality" in today's world.

I also personally hate the phrase "Dear So-And-So" because the word "dear" has always struck me as infantilizing ("there there, dear") and prefer "Hello So-And-So", but thats probably just me.
posted by cgg at 2:09 PM on September 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

Dictionary.com says
"Generally speaking, it is considered proper etiquette to use ... Ms. to refer to a woman of unknown marital status or when marital status is irrelevant." emphasis mine

I've been married for 12 years and it just hit me now reading this question that I could use Mrs. and it would be technically correct. When forced to pick a title, I pick Ms. like I did before marriage and otherwise would prefer you just use my full name.
posted by soelo at 2:15 PM on September 11, 2023

What is her job title? Eg., if she is a Director of Something, you could go with “Dear Director Jones” (and similar for different job titles).
posted by eviemath at 2:26 PM on September 11, 2023 [8 favorites]

I think a takeaway here is that everyone is going to dislike some or even many of the salutations in widespread use and you'd be better off focusing on the charm and persuasiveness of the rest of the letter.

To me, in the midwestern US, a bald "hello" sounds really impatient and snappish while also smacking of HR, and "Dear Susan Jones" sounds like a form letter, but this is perhaps a reminder that there really is no good way to open a letter to a stranger when we write so few business letters nowadays. It's going to sound weird however we do it.
posted by Frowner at 2:28 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

US datapoint: I work for a very, very conservative, hard to change workplace, and we're very much on the side of "Dear Susan Jones,"
posted by anastasiav at 2:39 PM on September 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

100% agree to use either her full name or "Ms. Jones" (unless you know for certain that she is married and prefers Mrs., which it doesn't sound like you do, so I wouldn't chance it).

I often default to using a person's full name if I am uncertain of their gender, but I think it's OK to use even when you are certain.
posted by asnider at 2:58 PM on September 11, 2023

Part of the reasoning behind stodgy traditional forms in the salutation are so that your correspondent can skip right past them and get to the actually relevant part of the letter. Don't be afraid to be boringly correct, just move past it and focus on the rest of the message.

Or if that doesn't suit, I guess you could go with "Yo, B! Wazzup?"
posted by Nerd of the North at 3:18 PM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

I would definitely use Ms (not Ms. because open punctuation ;-)). You could also do some quick googling and see if they note any pronouns on places like LinkedIn. If I saw someone has specified something like 'they/them, I would say 'Dear Susan Jones'.
posted by dg at 3:57 PM on September 11, 2023

Getting more granular, here are some use cases:

you have the option of checking LinkedIn and finding out of Susan Janes received a PhD, in which case you should refer to them as ‘Dr.’ UNLESS she is also a professor, in which case she should be referred to as ‘Dr.’

Catholic schools will often have directories of staff that use ‘Mrs.’ liberally. In this case, use the honorific listed with the name, under the assumption that it is listed in the way that she prefers. You may also be confronted, in this context, with Rev., Sr., and Br.

Most people under the age of 30 won’t mind a first name address. PLEASE NOTE, if you are addressing someone you don’t know well who is African-American, older, and from the south, ALWAYS use an honorific until invited to do otherwise. There’s someone I’ve worked with for ten years who I still refer to as Dr. Roberts.
posted by bq at 4:18 PM on September 11, 2023

I change my answer above to "Dear Mx. Jones" or "Dear Susan Jones" unless you have some introductory information already in which you have seen they use she/her pronouns, or you are responding to an email from them with pronouns in the signature.
posted by lizard music at 4:26 PM on September 11, 2023

Bump up that 30 - in a North American business context, people up to age 45 or 50 would be comfortable with first name address. “Hi Susan” is a perfectly appropriate email opener.

First and last name really is the safest form of address though. If you have “Li Chen” instead of “Susan Jones”, sometimes it is tough to tease out the appropriate first and last names for a formal address, along with the gender. (Is it Ms. Li? Ms. Chen? Mr. Li? Mr. Chen?)
posted by shock muppet at 4:37 PM on September 11, 2023

I would definitely notice and form an opinion about you and/or your business if you chose Dear Ms. Jones over Dear Susan Jones. Depending on what circles you run in, that may be what you're going for, or may be important to the business you're writing to. My preference, for me and my workplace, would be to use "Dear Susan Jones".

If it's someone you don't want to strike an overly informal tone with, it's unlikely that you actually are close enough to them to know their gender or their feelings about specific honorifics- you're probably assuming that you know those things based on what they look like.
posted by Secretariat at 5:26 PM on September 11, 2023

If I got something that opened with "Dear Xtine Hutch," I'd think it was a form letter or a mail merge gone wrong.
posted by XtineHutch at 5:59 PM on September 11, 2023 [6 favorites]

"Dear Ms Jones"? [Fine in the 1970s, but I don't think anyone uses it any more, do they?]

Unfortunately, as you can see from this thread, "Ms" is certainly still used a lot. It does sound 70s to me, especially if it comes from a man. That's highly cultural and probably regional though. More importantly, however, it's rude to make gender-specific assumptions about how someone prefers to be addressed.

"Dear Susan Jones"? [Probably the best option available, but sounds rather artificial.]

This is the answer. Address people whose preferences you don't yet know by their first name if you want to be informal, or by their full name if you want to be more formal.
posted by caek at 6:17 PM on September 11, 2023

Unfortunately, as you can see from this thread, "Ms" is certainly still used a lot. It does sound 70s to me, especially if it comes from a man. That's highly cultural and probably regional though.

Huh... I'm baffled to find "Ms." described as unfortunate, and as a regionalism. Or are you saying your reaction is regional?

In my job, I correspond with hundreds of people a year, many of them attorneys, and on just about every law firm website I've ever seen, from firms across the U.S., female attorneys are described as "Ms. Jones". It is most certainly the well-established official form at this point.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 6:41 PM on September 11, 2023 [13 favorites]

I think it's worth repeating the question here:

Say I'm writing a business letter to a woman I've never met and know nothing about. Let's assume her name is Susan Jones. [...]. How should I address her in the letter's first line?

I think some of these answers are being skewed by MetaFilter trending towards an extremely socially progressive portion of the population. The OP knows the person is female. Using a Ms. honorific is likely to be accurate with extremely high probability. If the OP is looking specifically for respectful professionalism, the OP should check that the person does not have a doctorate or a religious credential - but otherwise Ms. is the way to go.

Yes, there are some people in the world who identify as female and do not use she/her pronouns. There are also some people who find feminine honorifics distasteful (including in this question). However, personally, I can point to far more people who dislike being referred to by their first name from people who aren't familiar with them than women-identified people that would prefer not to be called by a Ms. honorific. This is particularly true in Southern areas, and those that have doctorate degrees.
posted by saeculorum at 7:37 PM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

Or are you saying your reaction is regional?

Yes. The OP seems to be British (going by their question history and their omission of the dot from the end of "Ms"). I am also British. OP and I agree that "Ms" sounds 70s, while the overwhelmingly majority commenters on a majority American site seem baffled by the idea that "Ms" could be dated. It seems quite plausible that it's a regional reaction.

It is most certainly the well-established official form at this point.

This is true in the US (where I have lived for the past ten years) but I'm looking at a letter from my UK bank right now. The salutation is Dear Firstname Lastname.

In any case, regardless of whether this is a regional thing, and regardless of what most people do, I'm going to repeat my view that making assumptions about how a stranger prefers to be addressed based on their presumed gender is unnecessary. Just use their name.
posted by caek at 7:57 PM on September 11, 2023 [2 favorites]

I’m responding as an elder millennial, working in the government sector in a liberal state but conservative area-we have transitioned away from using any honorifics in our official correspondence and would address this letter Dear Susan Jones. Eliminates the guesswork with people’s genders and sounds a bit awkward at first but I like it.
posted by sparringnarwhal at 9:05 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

Generic openers

Dear Colleague
Dear Manager
Dear Owner

which goes back to addressing the position rather than the occupant of that position, and if you don't know how that person likes to be addressed, then it is safer to be MORE formal rather than less.

If it is a professional setting, then Dear Fellow Professional can cover a fair bit of territory
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 11:24 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

My English Language O Level training would surely insist on Dear Madam, but I suspect that is my age showing.

I found a letter writing guide from the Compact Oxford English Dictionary for Students. It uses Ms throughout. Having lived in the UK and the US I lthink it likely that Ms might be more often encountered in general use in the US but it's certainly been common in letter writing in the UK well beyond the 70's.
posted by tallus at 11:36 PM on September 11, 2023

Response by poster: Thanks, everyone. Very seldom we see this degree of unanimity on any Ask Metafilter thread!

I am British, as some above have correctly guessed. I honestly don't know if my perception of Ms as being out-dated is a result of differences in US/UK practice or just my own mistaken conclusion. I'll worry less about using it in future.
posted by Paul Slade at 11:36 PM on September 11, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'm not British by birth, but I live and work in the UK in a large public body organisation. I draft formal letters as part of my job and at least in my organisation, 'Dear Ms Jones' would be perfectly acceptable.
posted by unicorn chaser at 2:36 AM on September 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

If the perception is that Ms is outdated, what’s the updated title that it may have been replaced with? Mx? Or is this a title vs no title/full name question?
posted by eviemath at 4:54 AM on September 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

I'm British, Gen X, and would use Ms.

Also, my other half always goes by Ms and would get very annoyed if you assumed Miss or Mrs (which is common, even among relatives, because we're married).
posted by fabius at 6:25 AM on September 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'm Canadian, work in law, and I use Ms. when referring to women I am professionally corresponding with.
posted by hepta at 7:06 AM on September 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

caek, it feels like you're willfully misreading at this point. I am one of the commenters who said I was baffled by the notion that Ms was dated, and as I said clearly in that comment, I am in the UK, as are several other people in this thread who've agreed that Ms is totally standard in the UK.

If you've not lived in the UK for 10 years, it seems more likely that it's your perception that's out of date. Though I actually don't remember it ever being out of date - possibly back in the 80s it was still catching on and regarded as a bit of a Wimminz Lib extremism, but the world moved past that long ago, and for decades it has been completely standard form of address in the UK.
posted by penguin pie at 7:11 AM on September 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

If you know the person's name and that they use she/her, Ms is great. If not, nthing the use of their name. Assuming pronouns wouldn't be a great start to the letter.
posted by kaelynski at 7:23 AM on September 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

penguin pie: I deliberately hedged when I said “It seems quite plausible that it's a regional reaction.” Regional differences are rarely unanimous as you and I (and my letters from Halifax Bank) demonstrate. I certainly agree that Ms has been the standard (in situations where Mr would otherwise be used) for a very long time.

It’s also orthogonal to my other point which is: Not all usage questions are reducible to “what do most people do” and in 2023 it’s better not to make unnecessary assumptions about people’s gender and how they want to be addressed.
posted by caek at 7:50 AM on September 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

I'm British, live in the UK, and am female and unmarried. I'm tail-end of Gen X. I would expect to be addressed as "Ms Lastname" in a formal context. "Dear Firstname Lastname" makes my heart sink: a computer wrote this letter.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:09 AM on September 12, 2023 [9 favorites]

I think some of the disconnect with those who think "Ms" is outdated or deprecated may be because some are used to more informal forms of address in, e.g., an email. It probably also seems outdated to conclude with "Very truly yours" or "Best regards" (or even "respectfully submitted" depending on who you're writing and for what purpose). All of which is to say that Title + Lastname is very much alive and kicking in business correspondence, and "Ms" is the form of address for women. Nowadays, sending an actual paper letter or even a pdf representation of a paper letter, creates a level of formality that would make "Hi Susan" or "Hello" as inappropriately informal as concluding with "Cheers" or "Love."
posted by slkinsey at 9:34 AM on September 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

Dear Ms. Jones.

We have certainly not left Ms. back in the 1970s. It's what pretty much everyone I know uses today. Especially those of us who did not change our names upon getting married - I am not Mrs. my name, that's my mom.

And even before getting married I was way too old and boss to be called Miss.
posted by amaire at 10:26 AM on September 12, 2023

I worked in the recent past in a correspondence unit for a Canadian government organization and the use of ANY gendered title is considered passé at this point (and was as early as 2017 in that field) unless the sender has identified themselves as identifying with a particular gender through their own correspondence or you can otherwise confirm how the sender identifies (LinkedIn is a good place to look).

"Dear Susan Jones," is the most polite way to address someone, as it makes no assumptions about them other than the known information, their name. It's very rude to misgender someone.

It also helps you in cases where the sender's name is functionally unisex and in cases where the sender uses another title like Dr., because it's also rude to assume someone doesn't have a professional title. It's a landmine!
posted by urbanlenny at 10:26 AM on September 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

Ms is not antiquated (as you've established) but I would like to encourage you to use Susan Jones. There is just no need in 2023 to use gendered forms of address. I think your first instinct is wisest here.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:39 AM on September 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

Another factor, other than possible regional differences (although there don't seem to be many here), is generational. I bet there are many more older people who would find "Dear Firstname Lastname" in a formal/official letter sloppy and too informal, compared to, say 20- or 30-somethings.

(On average; if you're "an older person" and you personally don't like titles, that's fine.)
posted by fabius at 11:48 AM on September 12, 2023

Echoing the gender binary points: You can probably guess "Susan"'s gender, but if you're contacting Leslie or Robin you can avoid guessing by just addressing the letter to "Dear Leslie Jones ..."
posted by amandabee at 2:33 PM on September 12, 2023

Here's some detail on why there may be a bit more resistance to Ms in the UK than stateside.
posted by beagle at 2:22 PM on September 13, 2023

Summary: some anti-feminist holdouts are considered slightly more mainstream in the UK, at least by whoever edited that Wikipedia article? I do note that all of the reputable newspapers go with “Ms if you don’t know, but best option is whatever the stated preference or usage of the woman herself is”, which seems like a great policy to me. (Who still describes the title as “ugly” and “ghastly”?! Someone who still calls a woman by her husband’s name, as “Mrs. John Smith”, apparently, but talk about outdated.)
posted by eviemath at 4:16 PM on September 13, 2023