Recovering from a bad job interview

September 11, 2023 12:12 PM

Plus wondering if I’m being too sensitive about the interviewer’s questions

I had an interview last week that has shaken my confidence. It’s been at least 2-3 years since I last interviewed. I quit a city job to do full time contract work for a private company. Because of that, I opened my own business and started to be asked to consult with other organizations. A few months ago, I left that contract position and joined a company part time as I knew I didn’t want to work for myself full time.

Fast forward to last month, I applied for a role that really intrigued me. I also miss the stability of this kind of work. It was basically my old city role but focused on the Pandas aspect of the job. I do Pandas work currently in my business and part time work, but in a way that’s applied to Zoos (hypothetical) rather than previous Forests. However, I did nearly identical work to the job I applied for about 3 years ago.

The interviewer was the Big Boss, and he grilled me hard. I understand that. However, it seems like he didn’t read my resume, nor did he understand what I’ve done in my role and current role. He said “Well, this role asks for you to work with Forests, but you’ve only worked with Trees.” I stated “I understand, but I work with both Trees and Forests. Trees also encompass Forests, so if it’s a concern that I haven’t worked with Forests in a while, I understand, but Forest work was the majority of my career outside of these past 2 years.”

He scoffed (I don’t think I’m making that up) and said “Let’s move on.” The other interviewer piped up and said they agreed with me, but he looked at him and they both became quiet. After that, he said “Well I see you’ve worked in your own business for the past while (read: officially, a few months truly solo, the rest of my couple of years was in a contractor role), I think you’ll probably hate working on a team and in an office.” I smiled and said “I understand that perspective, but my work as a business owner has been as part of teams. In fact, it’s why I sought to work for a company as well because team work is so important to me. I miss X aspect which is why I applied here as well.” And again, he gave this chuckle! Not a friendly chuckle!

At the end of the day, I don’t even know if I want to work on this team, especially with the Big Boss. I can’t tell if he’s one of those tough love types.

I’m more shaken up that it seems like I might have a forever smudge on my resume because I opened up my own business and consult, even though that’s only a small part of my time. I feel like I’ve lost hope about switching back into my old roles. I know realistically this can’t be 100% true, but my desperation wonders if I should take a job with bad vibes in order to re-enter the field, or wait it out and keep applying? How does one recover from a bad interview? Is there anything I should’ve said differently (I’m sure there is)?

posted by socky bottoms to Work & Money (25 answers total)

The other interviewer piped up and said they agreed with me, but he looked at him and they both became quiet.

This screams to me "big boss is a dick and everyone knows it." If I were you I'd try to shake this off and just move on. I wouldn't assume that it's any indication of what any other interview experience will be.
posted by phunniemee at 12:18 PM on September 11, 2023 [88 favorites]

Big Boss was rude, straight up. Even if he wasn't satisfied with your answers, there's plenty of polite ways he could have communicated that. Your answers sound perfectly reasonable. I wouldn't read too much into this one interview, just keep searching.
posted by mekily at 12:19 PM on September 11, 2023 [6 favorites]

Ugh. Been there. Sometimes I think they try to rough you up and demean your experience to see how you recover - it’s a more “in the moment” behavioral interview then anything else. The only thing to “do better” is consider how to handle those types next time - how to demonstrate you’re not rattled by a challenge and know your value, and also how to bring them over to your side; how to turn a doubter into a believer. (That is, demonstrate in the moment Sales / influence skills)

Otherwise just shake it off and take yourself for an ice cream. You’ve got lots to offer the world! no worries.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:20 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

My immediate assumption would be that Big Boss has someone else in mind for this role and is irritated he has to do any interviews at all. Also, I wouldn't want to work for him.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:23 PM on September 11, 2023 [60 favorites]

This guy sounds like a great guy to not work for.

Keep looking and consider it a bullet dodged.
posted by jgirl at 12:24 PM on September 11, 2023 [19 favorites]

I mean, reading your description of his questions and your responses, you did just fine. For whatever reason, he was being a dick, and as much as we like to think there is something we can say or do to make people stop being a dick, there isn't. Dicks are gonna be dicks. You can't manage them, you can only manage your own reactions - and it sounds like you did that well.

Either he didn't want you for the job, in which case you don't want to work for him, he's the type to be a dick to "test" people, in which case you don't want to work for him, or he's just an all-around dick, in which case ... I think you know where this is going.

I understand that sometimes circumstances are such that you might not feel you get to be picky, but you haven't really mentioned that here. It seems like this one interview rattled you. I really think this is a him problem and not a you problem, though.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 12:27 PM on September 11, 2023 [11 favorites]

How does one recover from a bad interview?

You go "WHEW. Not in a million years. Bullet dodged!" and move on. You WANT terrible people to not really like you, that is an excellent way to confirm you don't suck and to not get stuck in sucky situations.

Do not make other people's personality problems into a heartbroken rejection scenario from which one must recover. You just say "yowza" and feel bad for his family and everyone that works there and move on. YOU are also interviewing THEM. You have power here, and discretion, and even if you desperately need a paycheck - which it does not sound like is the case - you hopefully have options beyond this one job.

Job interviews are like consulting: part of what that first conversation or three are for is for you to figure out if you want to take the gig. This is you getting to nope out.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:28 PM on September 11, 2023 [40 favorites]

I'd bet $100 that this was an older white dude. A quick glance at your posting history verified to me that you are not. I strongly suspect that his behavior is a demonstration of his gender bias, racial discrimination, ageism, or more likely, all three. It is ABSOLUTELY not on you. I recommend converting your self doubt into outrage and using it as fuel for your imminent, wild success.
posted by rabbitbookworm at 12:33 PM on September 11, 2023 [19 favorites]

Remember: you were interviewing them too, and from you've said, looks like they didn't pass your process.

You dodged a bullet, friend. Bad interviews happen on both sides, and frankly it sounds as though you'll be way better off not working for those folks.
posted by Kitteh at 12:34 PM on September 11, 2023 [11 favorites]

The worst interview I ever had (which honestly had similar Dismissive Asshole WILL NOT CHILL vibes) I got the job and ended up that guy's supervisor within six months.

I'd say this is just A Thing That Happens and if it really threw you do some interviews for stuff you're overqualified for, strictly as practice.

Although, after I had anxiety from another bad interview and applied for jobs I did not anticipate taking, simply so I could interview and get my legs back under me... I ended up taking one of those jobs, which paid probably 60% better than I expected and helped me change industries. It's a weird world.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:36 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

The interviewer is a toxic ass who probably never interviewed for a role without someone making a call on his behalf beforehand. Since someone didnt make a call on your behalf beforehand, he felt he had free reign to crush you.
posted by jello at 12:44 PM on September 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

Your responses were great.

If you need more in your arsenal you can always say something like, opening my own business made me appreciate the value of having an hr department! (Chuckle chuckle)
posted by jello at 12:50 PM on September 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

You did fine. If you progress in this interview process, try to find out more about 1) how much you'd be working with Big Boss and 2) whether he's weird and adversarial all the time or just in interviews.

Some people are terrible at interviewing and completely ignorant about how they come across. This group overlaps with people who are terrible to actually work with but it's not a 100% overlap.
posted by mskyle at 12:56 PM on September 11, 2023

I mean, look, it is possible that in your industry consultants/folks who put out their own shingle have to work a little harder to get back into the staff environment. But most likely this guy just sucks, maybe has his own personal baggage, or has a candidate he's settled on and will actively scuttle everyone else.

I once had a bad interview where it turned out that the scheduler fucked up and told the Big Boss I was interviewing for Job X, when I had in fact applied for COMPLETELY UNRELATED Job Y. I spent an hour basically getting yelled at for misrepresenting my skills before finally he asked, "Well how do you expect to direct a foreign language department if you don't have [skill]" and in utter astonishment I spluttered out, "I don't expect to do that at all, I applied for the copyediting position??"

So you really just never know what has gone on in the various departments of a place before you sit down with them. But it's instructive regardless; I didn't want to go work for that company because I didn't want to work somewhere where those kinds of snafus were common, one, and two, where the management would go right for nuclear without being like huh this resume seems like a terrible fit, maybe I should email HR.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:58 PM on September 11, 2023 [7 favorites]

Interviews go two directions. Big Boss failed hard.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:02 PM on September 11, 2023 [8 favorites]

Unless you're broke, do not take this job if offered and do not take a job with similarly bad vibes. I agree with previous answers: Big Boss did you an accidental favor.
At this point in your career, maybe you'd benefit from working with a recruiter.
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:02 PM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

Hi, I'm five weeks into a new job and went through the gauntlet from May through August. It was awful and made me question my accomplishments and skills. I was applying for individual contributor and manager roles, and I'm not white. I ended up getting to a technical interview or beyond at 8 total companies, with 7 final rounds and in the end 4 job offers.

I give this background because at 2 of the companies, I ran into some awful upper-level management interviewers that made me feel dumb and unaccomplished. What you went through is similar to how one of them went. He didn't read my resume, made assumptions when he skimmed it in the first couple minutes of our interview, and then proceeded to ask questions in a way that I had trouble steering the conversation to the 3 main impressive accomplishments I can go into detail with. I left demoralized, particularly because the job itself was a great fit for my skills.

Anyhow, it was tough to shake it off and just say 'bullet dodged'. I still feel annoyed by it 4 months later, but later interviews helped affirm that it was him, not me. In my career, I've found that how much your boss and boss's boss likes you determines your pay and trajectory at a company, so I've learned to index on whether they like you from the start. You can take this job if necessary, but you'll be fighting an uphill battle with them. I hope you won't have to.

The independent work you've been doing as a consultant and a business owner is a skillset valued by a lot of companies, and I've been lucky enough to work at companies that value diverse backgrounds.

I know you're not necessarily looking for advice, but I realized with the later interviews that treating it like a sales pitch helped me out. I'm 12+ years into my career, and it became a lot more about directing the interview myself. I'd even brave interrupting their main flow to ask them what their top 3 problems were for the next 3, 6, and 12 months so I could formulate my answers to address them. I had slides prepared that I could use as visual reference instead of trying to draw a cartoon from scratch.

Good luck, job interviewing is the worst!
posted by just.good.enough at 1:15 PM on September 11, 2023 [12 favorites]

Having processed my feelings some more about this question I do wonder if boss was confused by your moves from full time to part time and from in house to contractor and got irritated.

If there is way to consolidate the last two years of your resume under "consulting" and then sub listing major clients that may be cleaner, but it depends entirely on your industry.
posted by jello at 1:26 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

favoriting just.good.enough's point, about how crucial it is that your boss and grandboss like you, 100 times. AND, to add to that: it's also important, for your success and happiness, that your internal clients like you, and if possible those people to whom you will be dotted-line reporting. (I am speaking from bitter personal experience here, if you can't tell.)

Anything you can do to avoid accepting a role where these ducks aren't in order, is worth doing. If this guy did you the favor of revealing this personality mismatch in advance, take it as the lucky break that it is.

And yes, job interviewing is the worst, the absolute worst. Be strong.
posted by fingersandtoes at 2:14 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

Dude, it sounds like you handled yourself very very well.
posted by amtho at 2:31 PM on September 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

You did nothing wrong. Your career decisions are not bad. Your answers were fine, he is the ahole.

Definitely shake this one off and move on. It can be really intimidating doing an interview after a few years, but hopefully this is the worst one you do. All the rest should seem easier in comparison.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 2:33 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

I was ready to be charitable to the Big Boss because interviewing is hard and time-consuming, but nope. Bare minimum, you’re only supposed to interview people whose resumes meet qualifications; you don’t call them in then decide on the spot that they don’t qualify!

Moreover, it sounds like you did meet qualifications since someone else thought so.

There are ways to ask how you’d apply your experience with zoos to forests, to tease out whether you have a plan for that, and he didn’t even come close.

Yes, there are people who try to put you on edge in interviews to see how you’ll handle pressure. It’s an old business technique called being a prick. It’s gone out of fashion because nobody wants to work for a prick.

I’ve been the Big Boss interviewing a candidate someone else passed to me, and even if I was wondering why the search committee had passed that candidate to the next round since they were missing x, y, or z, my question would be for the committee members who sent me that candidate—not the candidate themselves. And I’d ask it before the interview. And I’d ask with an open mind, not a scoff.

Scoffing is out of line unless you want to work somewhere that—and probably worse—is normal.
posted by kapers at 7:46 PM on September 11, 2023 [2 favorites]

Also, I obviously don’t know the particulars, but your resume sounds like the best of both worlds? You can work on a team, or solo. You can work full or part time. Your work is good enough for the city and good enough to attract your own clients.

I’d interview a candidate with that history in a heartbeat. I’d certainly ask what brings them back to this type of role, whereupon they’d say they actually prefer the stability and the focus on this specific aspect of the subject matter or whatever, and that would be a perfectly good explanation.
posted by kapers at 8:00 PM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

The work culture has a couple red flags. Maybe the big boss is putting on an act, maybe he's really a (bleep) all the time, it's hard to say. Sounds like the latter. The question here would you put up with it?
posted by kschang at 8:21 PM on September 11, 2023

This guy sounds like a great guy to not work for.

Keep looking and consider it a bullet dodged.

1000%.

I remember a job interview I had when I was desperate to get out of the job I was in at the time. It did not go well. The interviewer's responses to the things I said made it very clear to me that working for them would have been an "out of the frying pan, into the fire" situation.

I came out of the interview somewhat disappointed that this wasn't going to be the escape route from my bad job, but also glad that I had such immediate clarity on the fact that this was absolutely not a workplace I wanted to be in.

Negative information can be useful information. It's understandable that being treated the way you were by the Big Boss would rattle you, but ultimately, he did you a favor by throwing up so many red flags. Now you never have to interact with him again -- which sounds vastly preferable to having to work for him!
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 10:50 AM on September 12, 2023 [3 favorites]