Reasons to live -- your go-tos?

August 19, 2023 8:22 AM

Fellow MeFites, what are your go-to reasons or motivations for continuing on in this strange thing called life?

Don't worry, I am not in danger! I'm in therapy with an excellent collaborative therapist for depression and job-related stress. I am someone who has struggled with light suicidal ideation since adolescence and I am looking to bolster my list of things that make life worth living. My mind plays stupid tricks on me at times that tell me "your main purpose is working, and the good things in your life are only a garnish," and I have good defenses against this jerkbrain thinking, but this is such a great hivemind I want to add rebuttals to my safety plan. TIA!

posted by eunique to Religion & Philosophy (46 answers total)

I too have an Asshole Brain that likes to be mean to me. (I had serious suicidal ideation in my teens and 20s.) But at the awesome age of 46, with the help of SSRIs and therapy, here's what I hold on to when I feel super super low:

* Cats. God, I freakin' love them. I can self soothe anxiety by paying intricate attention to my cats. Really noticing their lil pink noses, their beans, their fur patterns.
* My bespoke serotonin playlist (I recommend everyone do this); I have a curated personal playlist of songs that just make me feel good even if the occasional song would be considered a weepie. I'm listening to it now and the National is on and I am like ohhhhh life is pretty good
* The mind boggling idea of how unique this planet is in the scheme of things; pulling out and out in the long view of just how cool and wild this world exists
* Laughing with friends; just laughing in general. It feels so good and I will sometimes play my fave silly memes to deliberately laugh and laugh hard
* Remembering I am loved and I love in return, and deeply too
* Did I mention cats?

These are my immediate ones that come to mind.
posted by Kitteh at 8:36 AM on August 19, 2023 [19 favorites]

Curiosity - applied broadly and narrowly as suits. Such as, wondering what birds will be around tomorrow or what it will feel like when Event happens. Curiosity is nice because it can be as short term as seeing how an individual cube of ice will melt, and as long term as how a kid will grow into an adult.
posted by Bottlecap at 8:38 AM on August 19, 2023 [23 favorites]

I spent most of my life struggling with suicidal ideation, but I'm closing in on 60 now and honestly can't remember the last time I felt that way. I could never have imagined--never, never, never could have imagined--how light and happy and whole it was possible for me to feel and not just for a moment but for years. Of course not every single day, but mostly. The circumstances of my life have also taken dramatic, unexpected turns, mostly for the better. This is the reason to go on. You have no idea what's going to happen or who you might turn out to be.

But short term: Dogs. A dog who needs you will get you through until the morning.
posted by HotToddy at 8:38 AM on August 19, 2023 [20 favorites]

To add to my response, as a result of these experiences, my life motto has become "Keep going and see what happens." Feel free to use it!
posted by HotToddy at 8:41 AM on August 19, 2023 [20 favorites]

So, the thing is, capitalism is fucked. We have to work to have money to pay bills to survive, so we end up (or at least, I end up) having to fight the feeling that my worth is what I can do to convince my employer to keep employing me so I can have insurance and money for food and rent and all of that. And practically speaking, that's a real concern, but also, my anxiety-brain is probably several times more focused on that than it really needs to be.

I have cats. I love my cats. I have entirely self-indulgent hobbies and things I do with friends or by myself that I enjoy doing. One thing I'm trying to be more conscious of is that life could end unexpectedly at any time, for anyone, for any number of predictable or unpredictable reasons. So you end up needing to balance "well, what if I live until 90 and need money to pay for care and living" with "well, if I randomly die next week, do I want to have postponed everything else I wanted to do?" Hopefully there's enough left over to do at least a little of that stuff, whatever it is for you. But yeah, cats and dogs are awesome, too.
posted by Alterscape at 8:44 AM on August 19, 2023 [8 favorites]

Yes, dogs.

And Ms. Windo. And our kids.

And, not being dead. I guess I am just a chicken about that.
But it has been a long year full of surgeries and such, (woke up this morning at 3:30 covered in poo after I had a colostomy bag blowout), and that has been hard to deal with. But my takedown is in a month, and maybe I'll be able to go back to a functional life, so that keeps me going.
posted by Windopaene at 8:46 AM on August 19, 2023 [7 favorites]

I have mentioned here before that my eyelash mites give me a reason to be here. It shut up that big ass WHY ME HERE NOW? voice in my head when I learned that I am being utilized by other creatures just by existing.

Looking outside my own narrative is the real practice. Tuning into the stories of the beings around me. Collaboration, co-play, compassion. Every time I make anyone in my orbit feel good I am happy to be alive.

The mind boggling idea of how unique this planet is in the scheme of things; pulling out and out in the long view of just how cool and wild this world exists

Yes!!! Out and in. The very large and very small of all that I am a part of just by being alive. All of it.

This is a really hard time to be alive but it's also really beautiful sometimes.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 8:50 AM on August 19, 2023 [15 favorites]

There are many things that make you think of the future with curiosity and anticipation. Children, obviously, yours or relatives' or friends' – seeing how they develop and progress and so on. Planting things, gardens, and trees. In my middle age I started doing lots of guerilla gardening, putting seeds or spare plants in random places around the neighbourhood, and I'm always looking forward to seeing how it turns out, and it always makes me happy to see something that's nicer than the mess that used to bother me. Embrace entertainment – movies and videogames and board games and books, or whatever works for you. When I was younger I used to consider it time-wasting and chastise myself for not being more "useful", but now I consider it time well spent. Curiosity in general, as someone already mentioned – finding the world interesting, wanting to know things.
posted by snarfois at 8:51 AM on August 19, 2023 [9 favorites]

My parents had an elderly friend who once said, "I'm glad I didn't die yesterday. I would have missed all of this!" which I feel is another take on "Tomorrow is another day!" but without the Scarlett O'Hara connotations.

In other words, you never know what you're going to miss out on tomorrow if you check out today.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 8:51 AM on August 19, 2023 [13 favorites]

I don't have the things in life that people generally look to for fulfilment - husband/partner, children, close family. There are sometimes regrets around those things, but I am happy with the choices I've made in life that have led me to this point at 64 years of age. In relation to those things though, my life is a 'failure' in general societal terms, and I'll probably die alone in a nursing home with no visitors, hopefully too gaga to know there's nobody there.

If I was to dwell on that, I'd sink into a deep depression. Instead it's important for me to try to find joy in things, even (or especially) the mundane.

The things in life that matter to me are:

- Friends. I have some really amazing friends, who seem to care about me despite my judgey-ass perfectionism and tendency to push people away.

- Animals and birds, trees, flowers, night skies full of stars, sunset at the beach, the wondery of the universe, a dog I've never met before wanting me to pet him with an expression on his face of the purest love, my cat purring... so many wonderful things in the natural world.

- Music, art, theatre, fims, TV, books. Losing myself in the artistic creation of another person. Right now I'm listening to Left Coast 70s on the Soma FM app and it is blowing my fucking mind, the music of my teenage years, taking me to a whole other place in my head while I wait for my bread dough to prove. My creativity is cooking.

- Having a job I find worthwhile and fulfilling, that doesn't grind me down, and which makes me feel like I make a difference.

- Oh, and cats.
posted by essexjan at 8:52 AM on August 19, 2023 [15 favorites]

Honestly? I absolutely love life and will be sad when it’s over. I feel like my time here is too short and wish I had longer. There are so many small moments every day where I think “I’m so glad I’m alive to experience this, life is incredible”. But being alive still doesn’t make logical sense to me when the potential for unbearable suffering is so great. As far as I know, when I’m dead, I’m not going to miss being alive, so to me it seems worth it to die in order to make 100% sure I don’t get stuck in a situation where I’m alive and wishing I were dead because life is unbearable.

However, suicide is very, very difficult. I believe that trying to kill myself is a terrible idea, because it would increase the likelihood of one of those unbearable, alive-but-wanting-to-die situations I fear so much coming true. So I figure that I’m trapped here, and the best course of action is to make my time on Earth as pleasant as possible by focusing on the positive aspects and doing my best to tune out and cope with the negative.
posted by wheatlets at 8:55 AM on August 19, 2023 [1 favorite]

Having things organized and putting things away so that my lived environment doesn't make me actively miserable. Knowing that I have enough and that buying something won't make me happy, but buying something for myself every once in a while and finding that it does make me happy if I do it rarely. Taking long walks through the city to pick up one item at the grocery store. Being able to smell again. Writing a little bit every day, meditating every day, learning something new. Finding people amusing on the bus and in the street. Eating good things. Spending time with my grandchild and being able to hand him back to his parents. Getting to be useful to a number of people, some of whom are friends. Making new friends when the old ones drift away. Going to the cemetery to visit my husband's grave (where I sprinkled the cat's ashes when she passed so he wouldn't be alone) and noticing that birds sing and flowers bloom no matter what, even when I'm crying. Almost never watching television. Quitting out of social media when I notice I'm seeking out sad stories and stories that make me angry. Stopping every once in a while and noticing that there is sunlight and that the air is moving. Being permitted to have a good time.
posted by Peach at 8:55 AM on August 19, 2023 [4 favorites]

Have you ever filled in a suicide safety plan? Top question in the “reasons to live” pile asks about living things in your life that benefit from you being alive. That includes people, pets, plants.

Another part of the suicide safety plan asks you about things you like and make you feel better in good circumstances and asks you to go do them. Drink a cappuccino, sit under a big tree, go to the beach, stream a TV show, phone a friend, whatever.

I have done this exercise. My finding is that we live because everything lives. There’s no great purpose behind it. Prioritizing leisure helps me see that it’s not so bad. Having suffered suicide loss, it does beat the alternative for the others in my life.
posted by shock muppet at 8:56 AM on August 19, 2023 [10 favorites]

I have more revenge to extract (or exact; whichever is the proper verb.)
Also, I didn’t plant 50 tulip bulbs last fall not to see them bloom!
Plus, I’m having fun with Mr. Terrier and friends, and I don’t want to miss my sibs’ birthdays.
posted by BostonTerrier at 8:58 AM on August 19, 2023 [2 favorites]

It's a choice - isn't that a grand and terrifying thing?

I've picked working for institutions that will nurture community.
I find people unbearably self-important as individuals, but fascinating and cuddly in small intentional communities, so I choose to believe in that feeling and choose to help those communities live and outlive me.
posted by Glomar response at 9:08 AM on August 19, 2023 [3 favorites]

Having a partner I'm desperately in love with and having hope to stay with forever. But you know, lest you immediately dismiss that, thinking "well I don't have that", a lot of people I know didn't find that until late in life. And if you kill yourself, you could be missing your chance to find it.
posted by corb at 9:13 AM on August 19, 2023 [5 favorites]

I have chronic, not always treatable, depression. I decided that I'd still rather be here than not. I have suicidal ideation at itmes and remind myself that Depression Lies. I find the world incredibly interesting. Hackneyed, but I love seeing any lovely view, will go out of my way to be someplace with a good western view for sunset, or I'll go look at the woods, whatever. Museums, art, music all make me feel .. better. I love reading the newspapers, MeFi, BoredPanda, Kottke, etc., which is a good thing, because some days I have no spoons, and that's all I can manage.

I was very moved by this article by Art Kleiner, How Not To Commit Suicide and it helped me come to a strong decision that this is not a choice for me, unless I have some horrible, painful illness. I sent it to someone who was struggling, he said it helped him live. It was posted to the front page at one point, and I have posted it in comments many times.

I consciously moved someplace with a nice, ever-changing view of woods and water, because Nature is a big help. I am now going to go forgive my dog for today's transgression, because she provides a lot of joy. Be well.
posted by theora55 at 9:19 AM on August 19, 2023 [12 favorites]

So, I get into this on my profile, but I'm going to explain why I chose the "Empress" part of my handle - because that answers this question.

Some years ago, I got "The Empress" card in a really dippy "what tarot card are you" online quiz. And when I read what The Empress symbolizes, I loved it - to the point that I now aspire to that. The Empress card is all about "abundance" and nurture and fertility - it can be about having kids and raising them, and having a family, but it can also be about taking care of yourself and of friends. And it can also be about taking the time to notice and enjoy the simple, but very very real, small pleasures that the world abounds in. Like - okay, yeah, sure, maybe there are wildfires in Maui and our 45th President is a deluded tyrant and so on. But - it is also late summer, when you can get amazing sweet corn and tomatoes, and the sunrises are beautiful. And just by going for a walk maybe you will pass by someone walking an absolutely adorable puppy who runs up to you with tail wagging and licks you on the ankles. And even if you don't, birds will be flying around and stopping to watch one of them can be fun. And you can stop while you're out on your walk and pick up a single square of some really, really good chocolate. Or a glass of wine if you're so inclined, or some really good iced tea if you know a place that makes it. Or you can make your own and take it in a pretty thermos.

You know? This kind of attitude can help not just "what do you live for" kind of thinking, it can also short-circuit lesser mental brain weasels. An old boyfriend once snapped me out of a flustered state this way; I was meant to meet him somewhere and pick something up from him before heading off to a rehearsal, but my subway was late getting there and I was in a breathless rush and had to run right off again in only five minutes. So I was frantic when I got there, talking in a rush about how omigod the subway and it's crazy and work was nuts and now I have to run back out and - and he just held up a hand and said "stop a second." I did. He pointed up and said "Look up at the moon, it's really pretty tonight." I did look up. It was. And just taking the five seconds to stop and notice that calmed me right down - I took a deep breath, sighed happily, and felt much better.

I live because sometimes the moon can be really pretty, and because violets exist, and because all I need to do is put a seed in some dirt and that can give me a lush bean vine with gorgeous flowers on it, and because smoked chorizo and eggs and potato are a great breakfast, and because Philly cheesesteaks are amazing, and because I still have to go visit Dooky Chase in New Orleans, and because I haven't yet made those cheese-and-veg hand pies this year, and because my neighbor's dog Goose always freaks out with joy when he sees me, and because my nephew is turning into a little nerdy geek like me and I still need to introduce him to Monty Python, and because of the way the ocean smells, and because of Beethoven's 9th, and because of "Fisherman's Blues", and because of that one line in "All These Things That I've Done", and because of that weird fuzzy plant in Brooklyn's Botanic Garden, and because of the sound of that wind chime I made out of spare keys during the pandemic when I was bored, and because I know a secret about an inscription on a sign in the Museum of Natural History that makes me laugh whenever I'm there, and because....

Yeah.

Alice Walker once said something that sums it up: "Life is better than death because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:32 AM on August 19, 2023 [32 favorites]

If I die before Kissinger, then that fucker wins. Not gonna let that happen.

See also: Murdoch, TFG, Putin, Koni... there's no shortage.
posted by flabdablet at 9:47 AM on August 19, 2023 [19 favorites]

-My cats - they may sometimes be demanding, but in return they reliably provide me affection and entertainment.

-Human connection - the feeling of romantic connection is special, but a good talk with a friend is also a real high.

-The capacity to feel awe - harder as I get older, but natural beauty reliably gets me there.

-The creative arts - making or consuming.

-And yeah, despite how shitty things seem lately, I'm curious to see what will happen next.
posted by coffeecat at 10:12 AM on August 19, 2023 [4 favorites]

1) this is the only chance I will have to experience the universe and all that it holds and once it's done I'll go back to nothingness. So it's like I won the lottery by being born, which is a good deal and I love getting deals
2) it's harder and more demanding to kill yourself than just stay alive because your body is designed for self preservation.
3) by staying alive you get to experience both life and death . If you die, you lose out on life and only get death, so it's not a good deal
4)I'm lucky to be alive at the same time as my favourite artists.
5) I'll get to eat great pasta later
posted by winterportage at 10:27 AM on August 19, 2023 [9 favorites]

Sniffing flowers, eating delicious food, creating cozy and beautiful environments, connecting with other humans, hearing crickets on a late summer night. Making art is a huge one for me. I made a print that says “art keeps me afloat”. I don’t know what I’d do without the ability to create.
posted by sucre at 11:13 AM on August 19, 2023 [3 favorites]

I find the heart of life in the present momemt.

E. E. Cummings said it so much better than I, so I'll let him. iginore the word god if you want.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any—lifted from the no
of all nothing—human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
posted by Xurando at 11:22 AM on August 19, 2023 [7 favorites]

Because when I’m not depressed, life is very enjoyable.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:18 PM on August 19, 2023 [1 favorite]

because frankly theres no way to conceive of nonexistence
posted by AlbertCalavicci at 12:32 PM on August 19, 2023 [3 favorites]

Pets. Yes, every time a pet has entered my life I’ve thought, “Cool cool cool, in several years I’ll experience debilitating heartache which society barely acknowledges!” The ensuing several years have always been worth it. Always.

Bonds with humans. Similar to the above, though the loss doesn’t always come in mortal form. That’s OK.

Big news I want to live to see. TFG brought low for good; the Seattle Kraken winning the Stanley Cup someday; eradication of some terrible plague; development of environmentally-sustainable high-speed transit.

Proving the jerks wrong. Surviving and even succeeding despite being told what a lazy monster I was. Having a fulfilling life despite the overwhelming messages that my definition of fulfillment was inappropriate or insufficient. Escaping the places and attitudes that tried to hold me back.

Senses. Hearing music that gives me goosebumps. Smelling laundry exhaust on a chilly autumn evening. The endorphin high after a tough workout. Tasting delicious food. Seeing beautiful things, especially oceans, cats, and filthy hockey goals.

Making other people happy when I can. Giving sincere compliments. Telling jokes that actually land. Tipping extra. Taking the lost three-legged, one-eyed dog to the vet for a microchip scan, and helping her get back to her family. Warm fuzzy feelings, straight to my great big head.

True Grapefruit crystals in ice water. Doing the daily Redactle puzzle and comparing results with my aunt, thousands of miles away. The look on my husband’s face when he visits a favorite city. Putting brand-new socks on freshly-bathed feet. Going to church and hearing an old person in a frock preach radical social justice.

Reading all the answers here and seeing “pets” as a recurring theme, and thinking, “Maybe the world ain’t all bad after all.”

It ain’t all bad, and it’s better with you in it. Remember that.
posted by armeowda at 1:30 PM on August 19, 2023 [4 favorites]

Reincarnation. I worked so hard to get through childhood and to this point, and I'm not starting that all over from zero until I absolutely have to.
posted by heatherlogan at 1:33 PM on August 19, 2023 [5 favorites]

Cherry pie. Chocolate. Summer rain and fireflies (unfortunately, not available in all locations). Coffee. Sweet corn-on-the-cob and fruit, in season. Music, and colors -‌- sunsets! Riding my bicycle. And a glass of cool water on a hot day.
posted by Rash at 3:40 PM on August 19, 2023 [2 favorites]

On my worst days? I want to continue to live because we're constantly learning cool shit about the universe and inventing amazing new things. I really want to be around to see those things.
posted by wierdo at 6:03 PM on August 19, 2023 [4 favorites]

When I have a period with suicidal ideation, I try hard to go out among trees and think about how they have been around for so long - how very far back life on this earth stretches, and how even when all of humanity is gone, trees will grow and some kind of life will continue. Feeling very small and entwined within the web of history and life on the planet that is - Wendell Berry style - alive and here right now, the need to justify my existence against the litany of despair in my head fades. Trees just are.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 6:11 PM on August 19, 2023 [11 favorites]

Cats ('cause you know no one had mentioned them yet)
Chocolate
A fresh baked fruit pie with fruit I froze in the summer
Learning new things/curiosity
My "kids" at work, especially L who I've helped raise from a 2 month old to a sassy 3 year old
And the dumbest thing ever, lying down on the fuzzy, furry blue rug in my office
posted by kathrynm at 7:35 PM on August 19, 2023 [3 favorites]

I saved this from an Instagram post and read it when (passive) suicidal ideation is bad:

I refuse to die.
I will not let my head win.
I have survived myself too many times to lose this time.
I refuse to lose now.
This pain will not kill me.
This uncertainty will not destroy me.
posted by ellieBOA at 11:27 PM on August 19, 2023 [3 favorites]

Best answer: the need to justify my existence ... Trees just are.

This gets close to one that's been quite big for me as well, which hinges on working out who - or, more specifically, what - I am.

As soon as suicidal ideation starts to issue demands for reasons why I should keep on living, it's shot itself in the foot. I don't need a reason to keep on living. Simple fact is, I don't need a reason to do anything. Reasons are stories we tell ourselves after the fact, not the causes of what we do, as evidenced by the ongoing existence of billions of living things that remain completely viable without possessing any substructure plausibly capable of even formulating that kind of story.

If at any point any of my ideas finds existence intolerable then that idea is of course perfectly welcome to stop existing, and over the years I've practised meditative techniques that are now quite reliable at helping that happen. But I've got a pretty good idea of what I am now, and a suicidal idea that tries to convince me that the only way for it to stop existing is to take all of me down with it is simply incorrect. I'll die when I'm good and ready, not when some jumped-up self-aggrandizing little idea tells me I have to.
posted by flabdablet at 11:45 PM on August 19, 2023 [7 favorites]

Also: many years ago now, I deliberately put dying on my bucket list. It's right down there at the end, past a large and inchoate blob labelled "to be determined", but it's on there.

When I die I want to be remaining in the moment and paying as much attention to the process as I possibly can, because I think there's quite a high likelihood that doing that will make my last moments of existence - the process by which time literally stops for me - blissful.

So there's no way I am going to fuck that up by rushing it. I want my death to be something that happens to me, not some bullshit box-ticking exercise my ego is indulging itself in for the sake of tidiness.
posted by flabdablet at 11:55 PM on August 19, 2023 [4 favorites]

Mostly a combination of fear (raised catholic) and the thought of houw the thought of how upset and inconvenienced the people around me would be if I left early (also raised British).
posted by Fuchsoid at 12:07 AM on August 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

1) Spite. You know how good it feels to outlive a bully by many years? So good.

2) I'd like to know what happens next.

3) It is possible that there will be a chance to heroically save someone from something and I would rather die heroically than "suicide due to some petty bullshit."

4) Tempted to find out how old I will live. In my family if you don't smoke you beat 80 and I'm curious, like, for science.

5) Would love to see a cure for HIV in my lifetime

6) It would make my loved ones sad if I die first.
posted by blnkfrnk at 12:16 AM on August 20, 2023 [5 favorites]

Nice day, riding a motorbike. I’m a very shallow person but that does it for me.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:57 AM on August 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

The complex cloud of disparate items that comprise my life have extruded this:

A friend of mine (here in Silver City) is a luthier. He recently finished an OM-style guitar made of Englemann spruce (top) and Honduran mahogany from "The Tree" for the back and sides. I won't try to list other features except to say it's the most beautiful guitar I've ever seen.

When I was in his workshop several months ago, I saw the components of this guitar stacked o a shelf and asked him if he would let me know when he put them together.

So, a few weeks ago, he called me and wanted to know if I was still interested. Of course, I said yes. I suppose the guitar was barely a month old when I picked it up. If you are a guitar player, you'll probably understand when I tell you the guitar begged me to take it home. I had never played such an instrument with such a balanced tone, clarity, and perfect intonation.

I want to be around when the wood matures and opens. This may not be possible since I am chasing my eighth decade, and I've been informed that I have inoperable cancer near a few critical organs in my innards. Life is good. Approaching the short end of the mortal timeline is annoying. Life's sweetness becomes more intense as I head toward the inevitable. But the upside is that every day is a precious gift.

Back in the salad days when I thought I might live forever, we hippies used to say, "The meaning of life is the trip, not the destination." I look forward to picking Dan's guitar daily for a short session when I play a few riffs to get my hands loose or zone out on a song I've played for decades. This guitar asks me to visit stuff I don't play on my D-15, the D-28, or the Squires.

To be sure, this guitar isn't my whole life, but it is a sweet part.
posted by mule98J at 7:26 AM on August 20, 2023 [4 favorites]

My cat really likes having me around.
posted by less-of-course at 10:47 AM on August 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

Outliving Donald Trump. Maybe seeing him in prison. Maaaaybe even getting in line to desecrate his grave.
posted by last_fall at 12:10 PM on August 20, 2023 [8 favorites]

I regret that I can favorite last_fall’s comment only once. This has been a big driver for me, for reals.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 3:56 PM on August 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

Maaaaybe even getting in line to desecrate his grave.

I gave that some thought and decided there were better uses for my time than travelling to the other side of the world just to sink knee deep in piss mud.
posted by flabdablet at 9:20 AM on August 21, 2023 [2 favorites]

The sound of the wind in the trees. When you hug someone you love and breathe in their comforting smell. My nephews’ easy joy and physical affection. Birdwatching. What will Miyazaki’s new film be like? What will Becky Chambers write next? Can I change my garden around next year? If I stick around I can probably help some more people, somehow, with money or time or love or ideas. Eating a cookie in bed while reading. Iced coffee. My husband’s tomato sauce. My sisters’ faces. I haven’t even been to the Met yet, or the Amalfi coast, or the Grand Canyon! Giving really good gifts. Taking a bath and then lying under clean sheets. Standing in the rain while crying. Dancing. The smell of Christmas trees. Gazing out the window of a moving train. Jumping in a pool. Writing a really nice card or text message. Taking all my clothes off. Baking bread. Wading in the ocean and picking up an interesting rock. That feeling when you realize something that used to upset you isn’t bothering you anymore. Sleeping in. The next season of Taskmaster. I’ll probably get invited to another wedding. Love, mostly love.
posted by Isingthebodyelectric at 11:06 AM on August 21, 2023 [4 favorites]

At my worst, I had to set up goals, things to stick around for. I made myself stay alive until I could see the Force Awakens (man, does it suck when your reason for sticking around is underwhelming). The thing about that, about the anchor to some point in the future is that it gives you time to let things process, and the possibility, however slight it might be, that by the time you reach that goal, you won’t need it quite so much as you did when you set it. There’s something wonderful about recognizing how much you thought you needed something, and how it can give you an added appreciation of that thing.

Past that is the practice of staying alive. It’s like the first moment you get your first feeling of riding a bicycle on your own. Sure, you’re more than likely seconds away from a fall and pain, but you have that moment, that memory of when you were able to do the thing, and you know, no matter how badly it hurts when you hit the ground, that it’s in you, the ability to rise up and try again because you’ve already succeeded once, and you will again. Each time I’ve struggled is also each time I’ve managed to keep myself alive, a time I’ve managed to not give in, and all of those times, from the first time on through the most recent, they are signs telling me I can do this because I have done this.
posted by Ghidorah at 2:46 AM on August 22, 2023 [2 favorites]

I forgot one-- there's an outside chance that I'll be around for the TV special they will make for "100 Years of The Beatles!" and I absolutely want to see that. 2062, I'll be in my 80's but I will totally be down for this. I am also looking forward to 100 Years of...other relatively modern things like D-Day. Also I'd like to see the declassified Kennedy assassination papers, things like that. If they're still making History Channel specials in 2062, that's what I'm doing.
posted by blnkfrnk at 9:05 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

There is also this famous quote by George Bernard Shaw, life is "a splendid torch" (famously quoted from memory by Jeff Goldblum):

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

posted by snarfois at 4:53 AM on September 30, 2023 [1 favorite]