Tips for vacation with 8-year-old?
July 23, 2023 12:56 PM Subscribe
Hi! I'm going on a vacation with my 8-year-old. I'm curious if folks have tips on how to make the most of these experiences - how to make them enjoyable and worthwhile for all involved. It's just the two of us (I share custody 50/50 with my ex). My experience of past vacations is that they are fun, but also exhausting. Curious for any tips. Solo parent tips especially welcome!
This particular trip: We're going for five days: A couple days in Indianapolis (the main draw is to see the Mincecraft show at the kids museum) and then to Chicago for a few days to mess around.
I think one things i feel is - when going on vacation, it really feels like we gear it as vacation for me kid, but not for me: We do kid things, etc. I wonder if there's a way to shift that a bit. I'm not sure i love that dynamic.
Other things: I notice that the parts that are often most fun are the regular, interstitial stuff: the cab to the airport, having breakfast at the hotel, etc.
We are literally on our way right now! Delayed on the tarmac, so I thought I'd take the time to ask here.
(I also do sometimes do vacation/travel on my own. So it's not like this is my *only* vacation time)
This particular trip: We're going for five days: A couple days in Indianapolis (the main draw is to see the Mincecraft show at the kids museum) and then to Chicago for a few days to mess around.
I think one things i feel is - when going on vacation, it really feels like we gear it as vacation for me kid, but not for me: We do kid things, etc. I wonder if there's a way to shift that a bit. I'm not sure i love that dynamic.
Other things: I notice that the parts that are often most fun are the regular, interstitial stuff: the cab to the airport, having breakfast at the hotel, etc.
We are literally on our way right now! Delayed on the tarmac, so I thought I'd take the time to ask here.
(I also do sometimes do vacation/travel on my own. So it's not like this is my *only* vacation time)
I do a lot of solo trips with my kid and we like the interstitial stuff too :)
Much will depend on your personalities, but I've had a lot of joy from involving my ten-year-old with route planning. If we have a vague itinerary for the day but aren't sure how to travel between things, he likes to take ownership of some of that decision-making.
I've learned from experience not to plan too many activities, and to include some downtime (screens, reading, hanging out in the hotel). Minecraft show sounds like something your kid could be really excited about, which will help. I still find these trips tiring; that's easing a bit as the kid gets older, but I'll be following the thread for any tips!
posted by altolinguistic at 1:15 PM on July 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Much will depend on your personalities, but I've had a lot of joy from involving my ten-year-old with route planning. If we have a vague itinerary for the day but aren't sure how to travel between things, he likes to take ownership of some of that decision-making.
I've learned from experience not to plan too many activities, and to include some downtime (screens, reading, hanging out in the hotel). Minecraft show sounds like something your kid could be really excited about, which will help. I still find these trips tiring; that's easing a bit as the kid gets older, but I'll be following the thread for any tips!
posted by altolinguistic at 1:15 PM on July 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
We divide the day up into two hour “turns.” Kid take turn first, then it’s my turn. Then kid’s turn again. If you have another adult with you, next turn is for the other adult. Also if you have another adult, each adult gets one complete day solo on the trip to do what they want.
posted by CMcG at 1:20 PM on July 23, 2023
posted by CMcG at 1:20 PM on July 23, 2023
When my son was 14, he and a friend flew to visit my sister (who has no children) for a week. She had many activities planned. After the trip, she told me how surprised she was at the amount of down-time/rest-time the kids needed. So, yes, downtime is important.
posted by SageTrail at 1:22 PM on July 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by SageTrail at 1:22 PM on July 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I loved traveling with my kids when they were little, and they are finally at an age (22 and 25) where they recall with fondness those days that we are recreating a NYC trip in August. For me, I always included my kids in the things I liked, like going to museums, checking out grocery stores, and looking for off the beaten path things to do. I am not a music lover/convert goer, but I have friends who have brought their kids to concerts as parts of trips. Your kid is starting to be at the age where they can do more interesting things. And anything you do now will imprint on them in a way that will hopefully build mutual interests when they grow up (like I have now!) Also, discovering what they enjoy is also such a great thing as a parent, and one way to help with that is to ask them for ideas on what they might want to do by giving them a choice of 2-3 options for the trip.
I would always plan for one major thing each day, and also build in downtime each day. Downtime might be a relaxing morning in the hotel with food purchased the day before for breakfast, with lunch out and a museum in the afternoon. Or we might get an early start with a plan to be back close to the hotel for dinner and then early evening. We would switch up between public transport and taxis when things seemed to start to get hairy.
posted by momochan at 1:23 PM on July 23, 2023
I would always plan for one major thing each day, and also build in downtime each day. Downtime might be a relaxing morning in the hotel with food purchased the day before for breakfast, with lunch out and a museum in the afternoon. Or we might get an early start with a plan to be back close to the hotel for dinner and then early evening. We would switch up between public transport and taxis when things seemed to start to get hairy.
posted by momochan at 1:23 PM on July 23, 2023
Too late for this trip, but you’re starting to get to the age where it’s time to bring a friend on holidays. You will get a chance to relax while the friend provides entertainment and diversion.
Another alternative is to plan vacations with friends or family. Having other adults around shares the caregiving load and provides socialization and holidays for you.
All inclusive is another option. If money is no object, I had a very successful holiday with my daughter at age 12 to Lizard Island and the Silky Oaks resort in Australia.
I was single parenting from age 9. I shunned strong sight-seeing holidays until age 15, when she was able to participate more independently (and could be left alone in foreign hotels). I preferred visiting family, vacationing with family, or weeklong vacation rentals with or without friends (preferably with).
posted by shock muppet at 1:25 PM on July 23, 2023
Another alternative is to plan vacations with friends or family. Having other adults around shares the caregiving load and provides socialization and holidays for you.
All inclusive is another option. If money is no object, I had a very successful holiday with my daughter at age 12 to Lizard Island and the Silky Oaks resort in Australia.
I was single parenting from age 9. I shunned strong sight-seeing holidays until age 15, when she was able to participate more independently (and could be left alone in foreign hotels). I preferred visiting family, vacationing with family, or weeklong vacation rentals with or without friends (preferably with).
posted by shock muppet at 1:25 PM on July 23, 2023
One thing I’ve observed about traveling with kids is that they are not super flexible about mealtimes. Like, traveling as an adult or with other adults it’s no big deal to embark upon a day of activities with no set plan for where, when, and even whether you’re going to eat (i.e. skip lunch if you had a late breakfast, just grab a snack for dinner if you had a late lunch, etc.). This approach tends to not go over so well with the younger set and can lead to crankiness and meltdowns.
Unless you feel this doesn’t apply to your kid, my suggestion would be to partly structure your days around how and when eating will fit in, and do some advance planning for where you’ll obtain food for each meal.
posted by staggernation at 1:25 PM on July 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
Unless you feel this doesn’t apply to your kid, my suggestion would be to partly structure your days around how and when eating will fit in, and do some advance planning for where you’ll obtain food for each meal.
posted by staggernation at 1:25 PM on July 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
Involving the kid in planning and navigating, and doing fewer "activities" (at least ones someone is selling or that have a strict calendar time) are all good things you might consider. You can also get your kid involved in meals, which doesn't have to mean macaroni for every meal - they can be in charge of making a salad for dinner even if they don't eat it (and this important responsibility got my niece to try and become comfortable with several vegetables for the first time), or picking out some fresh fruit or a snack at the local market for you both to try. You could make a fancy cheese plate together (pick out each of your favorite ingredients and they help with presentation).
posted by Lady Li at 1:28 PM on July 23, 2023
posted by Lady Li at 1:28 PM on July 23, 2023
Because my mom was a teacher with summers off, I went on a lot of camping trips just with her, and remember these very fondly. Part of the fun was hiking/swimming, but I also enjoyed learning to put up a tent, making a camp fire, tying up our food so bears wouldn't get it, cooking camp food, etc.
Each day would be more or less the same (wake up, cook breakfast, clean up, go hiking/swimming, get back to camp and make dinner, clean up, sleep) so I think it makes it pretty easy to just focus on enjoying each other's company. (I get that this might not sound relaxing, but you can totally put an 8-year old to work collecting firewood, cleaning dishes, making basic meals -we ate a lot of instant Mac&cheese on these trips, etc.)
posted by coffeecat at 1:33 PM on July 23, 2023
Each day would be more or less the same (wake up, cook breakfast, clean up, go hiking/swimming, get back to camp and make dinner, clean up, sleep) so I think it makes it pretty easy to just focus on enjoying each other's company. (I get that this might not sound relaxing, but you can totally put an 8-year old to work collecting firewood, cleaning dishes, making basic meals -we ate a lot of instant Mac&cheese on these trips, etc.)
posted by coffeecat at 1:33 PM on July 23, 2023
Is there a pool? Not a parent but on family trips I've been included on it really seems like we could have stayed at the hotel pool and ordered pizza, especially if you'll get in the water too. May be good for an in between activity. Diving for coins was well received.
posted by BoscosMom at 1:38 PM on July 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by BoscosMom at 1:38 PM on July 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
When my kid was 8 years old, I started introducing her to my special interests in bite sized pieces. I'd put on an episode of a series I liked and I'd explain the stuff that was hard to understand, while letting my excitement bleed through. I'd take her to a Thai restaurant and talk about Thai food, even though there was only one non-spicy thing she would like to eat there. I'd go to a museum and show her my three favourite exhibits and tell stories about them.
And...she was really proud to share my things with me.
I still feel like a holiday with kids is a holiday mostly centered around these kids and their rhythms. Like, we can go to a museum, but not for as long as I'd normally like. But it's no longer such a one way street. And I think it's important to normalise that sometimes we do things just because mommy likes them. it's good for all of us!
posted by Omnomnom at 2:03 PM on July 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
And...she was really proud to share my things with me.
I still feel like a holiday with kids is a holiday mostly centered around these kids and their rhythms. Like, we can go to a museum, but not for as long as I'd normally like. But it's no longer such a one way street. And I think it's important to normalise that sometimes we do things just because mommy likes them. it's good for all of us!
posted by Omnomnom at 2:03 PM on July 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Unstructured free play sessions provide good pacing for both the kid and the adult. An example of this would be to go to a park and sit you down on a bench or a blanket with a novel, and your kid gets to swarm all over the play ground equipment, or wade in the pond, or climb on the rocks, or loll on the same blanket as you and read their novel and eat grapes that you froze in the hotel mini-fridge last night.
Taking the kid to the science museum either involves trudging through the whole thing until you are both footsore, or you standing beside one interactive display they get enamored of for 45 minutes, bored, but unable to sit down and read. A free play session in a location chosen where they can do active play or not as they prefer, and you can relax comfortably without being in the middle of noise and bustle will keep you both from being overwhelmed.
You can do things like buying a game at a museum gift shop and then scheduling time to play with it in a park rather than being on the go all the time, trying to pack in more tourist activities. Taking a break in the afternoon like this means you will both be more likely to enjoy evening outings when it is cooler.
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:26 PM on July 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Taking the kid to the science museum either involves trudging through the whole thing until you are both footsore, or you standing beside one interactive display they get enamored of for 45 minutes, bored, but unable to sit down and read. A free play session in a location chosen where they can do active play or not as they prefer, and you can relax comfortably without being in the middle of noise and bustle will keep you both from being overwhelmed.
You can do things like buying a game at a museum gift shop and then scheduling time to play with it in a park rather than being on the go all the time, trying to pack in more tourist activities. Taking a break in the afternoon like this means you will both be more likely to enjoy evening outings when it is cooler.
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:26 PM on July 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: C McG writes:
We divide the day up into two hour “turns.” Kid take turn first, then it’s my turn. Then kid’s turn again.
and Rock 'em Sock 'em writes:
Honestly, as a single parent, I think this is the way to do it. 8 year olds are still super young and I don't really think balance is necessary as long as you're taking care of your own needs well (meaning you're not actively miserable).
Yeah. I'm fully on the fence about this.
Part of me likes idea #1: that we share in that way (because it's more fun, because it's the relationship I want to have with my kid, because it seems like a somehow richer experience for them than just being "entertained" by me and the world all day, because it's more fun for me)
Part of me also gets idea #2: That my kid is little and it's okay to go out once or twice a year and just do what's fun for them...
All these comments so far, super-helpful!!
posted by ManInSuit at 5:35 PM on July 23, 2023
We divide the day up into two hour “turns.” Kid take turn first, then it’s my turn. Then kid’s turn again.
and Rock 'em Sock 'em writes:
Honestly, as a single parent, I think this is the way to do it. 8 year olds are still super young and I don't really think balance is necessary as long as you're taking care of your own needs well (meaning you're not actively miserable).
Yeah. I'm fully on the fence about this.
Part of me likes idea #1: that we share in that way (because it's more fun, because it's the relationship I want to have with my kid, because it seems like a somehow richer experience for them than just being "entertained" by me and the world all day, because it's more fun for me)
Part of me also gets idea #2: That my kid is little and it's okay to go out once or twice a year and just do what's fun for them...
All these comments so far, super-helpful!!
posted by ManInSuit at 5:35 PM on July 23, 2023
Agree on all this - I've done quite a few trips alone with my son. At eight, it was still largely about him and stuff that he found interesting; I tried to also find things that I liked to do, and introduce him to things that I thought were fun along the way. Now that he's a little older, we compromise more and he's able to be a more active participant in things.
It's a different kind of travel experience than going on a vacation with a partner, or with friends. You're responsible and not getting to totally kick back, and also responsible for creating a fun experience, and showing the world to your kid. That can be really awesome if you come at it from that perspective.
In Chicago specifically, the Willis Tower was a big hit, as was the Field Museum. But it was also really fun to wander around downtown and see all the buildings and the lake and walk down to Navy Pier and get ice cream.
Downtime is definitely important, especially if it's hot. If the hotel has a pool, build in some time to just chill and swim. You know your kid, and what they like. Enjoy yourselves, take it slow, and look for fun adventures.
posted by chbrooks at 10:32 PM on July 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
It's a different kind of travel experience than going on a vacation with a partner, or with friends. You're responsible and not getting to totally kick back, and also responsible for creating a fun experience, and showing the world to your kid. That can be really awesome if you come at it from that perspective.
In Chicago specifically, the Willis Tower was a big hit, as was the Field Museum. But it was also really fun to wander around downtown and see all the buildings and the lake and walk down to Navy Pier and get ice cream.
Downtime is definitely important, especially if it's hot. If the hotel has a pool, build in some time to just chill and swim. You know your kid, and what they like. Enjoy yourselves, take it slow, and look for fun adventures.
posted by chbrooks at 10:32 PM on July 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Do those cities have many outdoor parks and playgrounds? When my children were that age, whenever we went somewhere, I would always research ahead of time what are the nearest playgrounds in every area we would be. If they get bored or overstimulated or tired of walking, they often just need half an hour of climbing around to "reset". (And gives you a break from giving them 100% attention too.)
posted by snarfois at 6:02 AM on July 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by snarfois at 6:02 AM on July 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
As the only child of a single mom, by eight I was definitely expected to sometimes do things my mom wanted to do. The split was probably 30/70 but I do think it’s a good time for independence and sharing to at least start!
Also I will second “taking friends” as the best strategy going forward. I know that was a huge part of my mom’s weekend and holiday playbook.
posted by dame at 9:54 AM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
Also I will second “taking friends” as the best strategy going forward. I know that was a huge part of my mom’s weekend and holiday playbook.
posted by dame at 9:54 AM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
Does your hotel have a pool? Always book a hotel with a pool, is my motto for traveling with kids. Unless you have a pool at home, it's an amazing novelty, and it's relaxing for adults while also being both fun and beneficial for the kid (they sleep better if they swim and splash all their energy out, and they'll improve their swimming skills, no matter what level they start at, just from spending time in the water.) It's also an activity you can do any time neither of you feels up for a super-adventurous day. Kids around this age I have vacationed with, including at Disney and in exciting foreign countries, have almost universally named the pool as their favorite thing about any vacation.
Also, Chicago specific: most kids who haven't spent a ton of time on boats are fascinated by riding on boats, and Chicago has a great tour of the city by boat that leaves from Navy Pier.
posted by decathecting at 2:26 PM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
Also, Chicago specific: most kids who haven't spent a ton of time on boats are fascinated by riding on boats, and Chicago has a great tour of the city by boat that leaves from Navy Pier.
posted by decathecting at 2:26 PM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
Seconding all of the above, including the posts that contradict each other. Do stuff that you both like. Enjoy watching your kid's enjoyment. Enjoy your time with kiddo. It's all good.
Big recommendation for the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. Also, either Uno or Due pizzeria, which are destinations in themselves and serve "Chicago-style" pizza.
posted by JimN2TAW at 8:45 AM on July 25, 2023
Big recommendation for the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. Also, either Uno or Due pizzeria, which are destinations in themselves and serve "Chicago-style" pizza.
posted by JimN2TAW at 8:45 AM on July 25, 2023
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Keep sightseeing expectations super modest. One "destination thing" per day, max. The rest of the time spend in lower key, lower investment activities -- a walk, a movie. As you say, often the non-obvious, non sightseeing stuff winds up being the most pleasant and harmonious.
posted by fingersandtoes at 1:11 PM on July 23, 2023