What is the fair way to split the cost of this family vacation?

July 5, 2023 9:53 AM

Recently rented a house with my siblings and their respective families. We all have different family configurations and I'm curious what is the best way to split the cost.

So here's how it went:

1. Four households, total.

2. I came with just my girlfriend, and the siblings all came with spouses and children, age range infants to teenagers.

3. One family was concerned that their kids might be sick, and so they spent just one night in the house. The rest of us spent two nights in the house.

4. All the adults had their own rooms, all the kids stayed in a single big room.

Let's say the cost of the place was $1,000. How much should each household pay, and what's your reasoning? (I'll ask my siblings, but want some sense of others' thoughts before doing so.)

Thank you.

posted by kensington314 to Human Relations (21 answers total)

I would just split it four ways evenly. If you want to be nice to the family who thought they were sick you could divide the cost by 7, and that family pays 1/7 of the total and the other families each pay 2/7.
posted by Slinga at 9:57 AM on July 5, 2023 [10 favorites]

There are two ways my family might do this.

Option 1:
When 2 siblings make far more than the other 2, this would be split 1/3 - 1/3 - 1/6 - 1/6. Or even covered entirely by the 2 siblings who make more because this enables the other 2 to come. There have been times when each of the 4 siblings is the broke one, and the others chip in for plane tickets, etc, for them to visit. Sometimes the broke 2 pay what they can, and the other 2 split the rest.

Option 2:
All siblings pay 1/4.

We wouldn't count for days/nights spent, or kids/spouses/etc. Because that's not how we do things. But all 4 of us get along and at different times one of us needs more than the others. That's ok with us, might not be ok with other families.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 9:59 AM on July 5, 2023 [4 favorites]

If you all can handle the expense and don't have a tradition already, I'd split it evenly. The sick family only stayed one fewer night, and the families with kids only took up one extra room combined. That's close enough in my family.
posted by michaelh at 10:05 AM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]

Either four equal shares, or someone pays the whole thing as a gift to the others. All other arrangements are too complicated & only lead to confusion.
posted by rd45 at 10:05 AM on July 5, 2023 [6 favorites]

Four ways evenly, unless, as others mention, the financial circumstances of some of the households warrant a different approach. The fact that one family left after a night is irrelevant, imo, because you still selected this house (and presumably paid a premium for its size) based on its ability to accommodate that family. If all the kids shared one room, I wouldn't consider kids/no kids either, because having kids is hard and expensive enough and they're all sharing anyway (I do not have kids, so this isn't self-serving).
posted by goodbyewaffles at 10:05 AM on July 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

I agree that splitting it 4 ways amongst the siblings is the easiest. If there are economic situations in play then adjust accordingly, but as the sibling who has more disposable income due to the fact I don't have kids, I'd be pissed if I was asked to pay more because of that particular life choice. I'd probably offer anyway to help cover if needed, but that would be my choice.

The fact one family left early is irrelevant.
posted by cgg at 10:19 AM on July 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

Four adult rooms. 1 kid room. Divide the $ by 5. The families with kids divide the kid room by 3 among themselves. The family who left for a couple nights? Too bad. They pay for the share of the house they didn’t use since that was the original deal.
posted by amanda at 10:27 AM on July 5, 2023 [8 favorites]

First, I'd say "agree beforehand and not after the fact."

Failing that, I'd say a four-way split is simplest if there's no major income disparities.

I have three siblings, but only one of my siblings has income comparable to mine (and far lower expenses). In that case I'd probably split costs between myself and my sibling with comparable income and gift it to the other two. But a four-way split would be my default absent a major disparity.

Also unclear how your family is about money. Like, is "fair" down to the nickel important? Are people contentious about money? This would inform how complex I'd get. There are other suggestions upthread that are more "fair" but also might feel icky in some family dynamics.

If this is to be a regular or annual thing, I'd try to come to an arrangement that you can stick with without having to negotiate every year.
posted by jzb at 10:36 AM on July 5, 2023 [11 favorites]

I'd start off with the assumption of just splitting it evenly. I don't see the one-vs-two nights as relevant. And while it is annoying to be the one without kids eating the costs for the ones with kids, that's just not a hill I personally want to die on for the price of a couple of days' AirBNB expenses. I'd probably just pony up the extra and consider it a quiet little gift to my siblings, nieces, and nephews.

But I would also be considering individual circumstances and open to adjusting the split if some of the attendees are significantly more or less able to handle the trip expenses.

I'd definitely have tackled this before the trip or, not having done so, would feel I had significantly less standing to push back on whatever my other siblings wanted to do than if I'd insisted on sorting it out ahead of time. If the cost of 1/5 of the kids' bedroom would make or break that trip for me, I'd consider it on me to clear that up in advance.
posted by Stacey at 10:44 AM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'd start at each of the three kid-households paying $266, and the non-kid paying $200. I'd adjust based on ability to pay / willingness to cover / feelings.
posted by Dashy at 10:52 AM on July 5, 2023

Amanda's method is the most even, but depending on your family culture may come off as stingy on your part - in some families though, it would be viewed as just an honest split. Personally, I wouldn't stress over it, given that split 4 ways, that extra room probably isn't adding much cost.

I would definitely expect the people with kids to contribute more to the grocery costs, especially if they purchased a lot of kid-specific items.

I agree with everyone saying the fact that one family only stayed one night is irrelevant - when you make a reservation, you commit to the cost regardless of whether you're able to enjoy the full reservation.

And yes, I agree with those saying that the time to sort of expenses is before the trip. The fact that you are all sorting this out after the fact, I'd lean towards an even four way split as that's probably close to what most people had mentally budgeted for - making income disparities also kinda irrelevant in this case, unless one of your siblings is a millionaire and another makes minimum wage or something extreme like that.
posted by coffeecat at 10:53 AM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

Meant to add for comparison: as you can see from comparing against a 4-way split, at $250 each the kid-households don't save -that- much, while the non-kid pays a lot more (since they absorb it from 3 kid households). This is why I'd reject the "even" split.
posted by Dashy at 10:55 AM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

Each adult is 3 points, each kid over 5 is 2 and each kid under 5 is one point or free. Now divide 1000 by the total number of points and each family pays for their points. This assumes everyone's financial circumstances are pretty similar. This is how we've divided up camping in the past, but of course everyone brings their own room in that situation. I do think dividing by room makes sense as well if there is agreement among the parents.

Example: 8 adults, 3 teens, 2 infants is (8x3)+(3x2)+(2) = 32 and 1000/32 = $31.25. So a couple pays $187.50, kids are $62.50 and babies are $31.25. Of course you may not get an even number and at some point you just round off to the nearest dollar.
posted by soelo at 10:56 AM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]

4 siblings split house rental cost evenly, that's the easiest and the default. I'm the one without kids in my family and I'd be fine with that especially as all the kids were sharing 1 room, it wouldn't make a big difference in the rental cost (4 bedroom vs 5 bedroom house). Plus I have more money since I don't have kids :)
posted by emd3737 at 11:03 AM on July 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

Each family pays 1/4. The family that left early shouldn't pay less. No one else got anything extra when they left so no one else should have to pay extra because they left. Since all the kids only used one bedroom, it doesn't sound like the kids had much effect on the size of the place you needed to rent. You probably would have rented a similar sized place even if no one had kids. So I wouldn't give a discount to the one couple who didn't have kids.
posted by Redstart at 11:20 AM on July 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

One family was concerned that their kids might be sick, and so they spent just one night in the house.

By leaving early they have potentially prevented the rest of you getting sick and also missed out on 1/2 the holiday. It seems a bit rough not to cut them any slack in the price for that courtesy and would also set a bad precedent should this happen again.

Charging them 1/8th instead of 1/4 is maybe pushing too much unexpected extra cost to the others, so split the difference and ask them for 1/6 and then the other 5/6 is split amongst 3.
So 3 couples pay $277 and one $169
posted by Lanark at 11:27 AM on July 5, 2023 [5 favorites]

With ExCel or similar you _could_ use a metric called age-bed-nights; sum them up and split the $1,000 based on family totals. Oldest sibs pay a tad more, children pay some but much less than adults. Say the 4 sub-families look like:
2 nights (45 44 17 12 8) 1 night (43 41 10 8) 2 nights (39 38) 2 nights (37 36 2)
then the splits are $383 $155 $228 $234 which is not far enough from $250 to matter. tl;dr: even stevens all sibs
posted by BobTheScientist at 12:37 PM on July 5, 2023

After my ex left I was broke. Dead broke. All of the marital debt was in my name, so it was my responsibility for the 18 months it took for the divorce to be finalized.

My three siblings invited me on a trip like this where we shared an AirBnB and they just completely covered my portion and split the cost three ways. I was extremely grateful, as I wouldn't have been able to go otherwise.

One sibling has no kids and the other two each have three kids, but they split things evenly because why bother with equations and headaches?
posted by tacodave at 4:12 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]

I would offer the sick family to chip in for their one night, and then just split it evenly among the rest of the adults/per couple from there.
posted by windbox at 4:13 PM on July 5, 2023

I think the fair way is dividing up by bedroom.


It doesn't matter someone got sick. You can only agree to rent if you know the rates. It's not refundable. That's not how these things work.

So each room is 200 bucks. The parents with kids just divide that kids' room by the number of kids and pay that.

Sidenote: If it's a big fancy bunk room for the kids, they are getting a bit of a bargain, but nothing that feels fair can be done about it. Those are just very pricey when renting a house.
posted by ReluctantViking at 4:47 PM on July 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

Per room, per night.
Kids room divided by # of kids.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 10:04 PM on July 5, 2023