Allow me to daydream a small bit of revenge.

July 5, 2023 8:15 AM

We have some neighbourhood kids who have been mucking around with our house for the past year. About once a month. Usually after dark. They throw the garbage cans into the dog run, or at the front door. During an election last year, they pulled up all the signs and threw them on our cars. We have a freestanding basketball net that they knock over.

It's all petty stuff, and in the grand scheme, no big deal. We are planning to get a security camera and floodlight to try and deter them. Usually, no damage is done. Once our poor dog was in the run, and was scared silly. I'm usually scared silly at the bins hitting the front door.

I was daydreaming about identifying them, and came up with some kind of fall detector on the net, that would spray something at the kids so we could identify them easily. Also, so their parents would be like "Why are you blue" or whatever.

We would NEVER do this. Honestly. It's just a stupid daydream. While I appreciate that this might be horrifying to you, I want to reiterate that this is not an option. We will use the cameras and if we can identify them, will talk to the parents only.

But is it possible? How would you do it?

posted by Ftsqg to Grab Bag (29 answers total)

It would make your life harder but they make anti climb paint that never dries and barely washes off and you could coat your bins, etc in it.
posted by phunniemee at 8:19 AM on July 5, 2023 [10 favorites]

Maybe you could find some inspiration in Mark Rober's anti-squirrel videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgeXOVaJo_gl1ZIpbYyPRXzQner7-5j5k
posted by wenestvedt at 8:27 AM on July 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

Some kind of glitter bomb would surely do the trick.
posted by BlahLaLa at 8:30 AM on July 5, 2023 [18 favorites]

Motion-activated lights, asap.
You're right this is petty and you are lucky it is not worse stuff. But it's still infuriating.
And to scare your dog, such jerks! You have my sympathies.
posted by Glinn at 8:46 AM on July 5, 2023 [12 favorites]

I probably use a game camera rather than a security camera.

There are lots of motion-activated gadgets. Alarms, sprinklers, etc. These are intended as pest deterrents, which seems appropriate.
posted by adamrice at 9:03 AM on July 5, 2023 [18 favorites]

Motion activated water sprinklers with dye tabs inside. Wet and colorful.
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 9:03 AM on July 5, 2023 [20 favorites]

A common tactic for political signs is to put a thin shmear of vaseline and a bunch of fine glitter all along the edges where one would have to grab it to rip it out.
posted by blnkfrnk at 9:04 AM on July 5, 2023 [17 favorites]

I agree with adamrice. An infrared game camera would allow you to record them performing the actual shenanigans, so you would have much more evidence to take to the police or parents. A motion-activated light would scare them off instantly, and be a constant bother to you, other neighbours, and night creatures.
posted by Cobalt at 9:20 AM on July 5, 2023

The classic Reddit recommendation usually involves a sprinkler system like this, combined with a game camera. If the parents were not responsive, the escalation advice is normally to post the photos you get on the NextDoor or other equivalent asking "does anybody know these kids and/or their parents?" and then let social-shaming take its course.
posted by rpfields at 9:29 AM on July 5, 2023 [7 favorites]

Anything that feels like a game (Let’s see how close we can get without setting off the sprinklers! Let’s turn the jet around so it sprays all over the house/car/dog! Let’s smear glittery vaseline all over everything!) would only escalate the whole thing. You need to make it boring or difficult for them, so that it’s a tedious chore rather than a fun prank for them to pick up your bins & throw them around.
posted by Puppy McSock at 9:31 AM on July 5, 2023 [11 favorites]

A weight-sensing catapult.

I mean, as long as we're daydreaming.
posted by Twicketface at 9:38 AM on July 5, 2023 [5 favorites]

decoys of all items that are cemented into the ground. This necessitates storing the actual items out of site.
posted by hydra77 at 9:41 AM on July 5, 2023 [4 favorites]

Have you wondered, do they pick the houses at random, or are you being targeted in particular. And if so, why? If you have kids in school, is this part of bullying against them? Might be worth asking around with the neighbors and on Nextdoor.

And you have my sympathies.
posted by dum spiro spero at 9:48 AM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: We do think we know who it is, and while not bullying- there was an incident at the hockey rink, and this stuff started soon after. I would take great delight in reporting the kid to his mother. She is a piece of work. Kids are former classmates of my kid. All aged 15 now.

Thanks for all the great ideas. I would love to glitter bomb. Won't but would love to.
posted by Ftsqg at 10:41 AM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

I would take great delight in reporting the kid to his mother. She is a piece of work.

What is your goal here? Inflicting suffering? Or preventing suffering?
posted by amtho at 10:58 AM on July 5, 2023 [5 favorites]

There were kids who used to do stuff like that to our house.

One time, I saw them throw some rotten stuff at our door, then I saw them running away. A heavier kid, who I recognized at the main garbage thrower, was lagging behind and I yelled, "WAIT FOR THE FAT KID!"

I'm fat and I'm not gonna tell you this was morally okay, but I will tell you from five hundred feet away, I could see that kid go from har har har to dying inside and they never came by our house again.

I guess what I am saying is: verbal savagery is something that works on kids.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:59 AM on July 5, 2023 [21 favorites]

If the mother is "a piece of work"... I really see no point in reporting any kids to the mother. She's probably all for it.
posted by itsflyable at 11:01 AM on July 5, 2023 [8 favorites]

Yeah, be careful. Some people have nothing better to do then mess with their neighbors and being a parent only gives them more options.
posted by credulous at 11:57 AM on July 5, 2023

A serious answer first, for if you actually decide you want to do something -

One of those doorbell cams would probably pick something up; I don't know if they have some kind of setup whereby the police are automatically alerted when the doorbell cam picks something up, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is such a setting. That way, it wasn't you actually filing the report, so the other Mom can't squawk; you're just trying to stay safe, doncha know, it was nothing personal.

And now the silly "something I can daydream about" answer:

Nerf ball catapult.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:13 PM on July 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

Best answer: If you're just daydreaming, rent a major league swat type vehicle and drive up and down the block slowly, stopping briefly in front of their house, and then resuming the "patrol." Come by at weird hours.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 1:34 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]

Best answer: My dream is to loan you my partner with his dream of hurling rotten eggs at offenders. He will lurk by your bins and signs and I won't worry that the drivers who routinely run our stop signs in their giganto mobiles will get out and do what such folk do when confronted.
posted by winesong at 2:51 PM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

You don’t need to daydream of an MRAP or waste your own time and gas. Hire a private investigator to stake out their place for a couple of evenings.
posted by zenon at 2:55 PM on July 5, 2023

I do believe you will find the saga of Bucket Woman appealing.
posted by oceano at 2:59 PM on July 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

We do think we know who it is, and while not bullying- there was an incident at the hockey rink, and this stuff started soon after. I would take great delight in reporting the kid to his mother. She is a piece of work. Kids are former classmates of my kid. All aged 15 now.

This update makes me wonder if there might be something more going on between the teens that you aren't privy to. Respectfully, if I were in your shoes, I would be more concerned that my child might be targeted and spend my energy on planning strategies to ensure they stay safe.
posted by fies at 6:39 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]

Can you chain the garbage bins to something?
posted by dum spiro spero at 8:32 PM on July 5, 2023

Throwing things at the dog is animal cruelty: to be taken seriously and reported to authorities.
posted by brujita at 11:04 PM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: If money were no object I'd buy a couple of these Gavin Turk sculptures and have them installed on my driveway, film the reaction when they try to pick them up and throw them into your dog run, then post it widely on social media.
posted by Chairboy at 2:20 AM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]

You could also buy one of these to leave lying about to ensure maximum hilarity.
posted by Chairboy at 2:57 AM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]

Soundtrack for reading this thread: Mountain Goats - Training Montage

I'm doing this for revenge!
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:28 PM on July 6, 2023