I am really struggling. How do I survive this?
June 7, 2023 7:24 AM Subscribe
I am in a bad way. My depression has been insurmountable and I feel like I am spiraling again. I currently do not have the financial means to even buy groceries and I'm panicking. I don't know what to do?
The pandemic has really hit me hard. It's been touch and go for the past two years, and I keep telling myself it's okay if the only thing I did was to survive. So many people I knew died.
But how do I even do that now when I can barely feed myself? I just looked at my fridge and the cabinet above my sink, and I think I have just enough to last me this week. I am trying to stretch it out but I'm panicking, my chest feels tight right now as I write this.
I lost my job in 2020 and I still haven't recovered. I have done freelance projects but they've not been as sustainable as I've hoped. Every day is a fight to want to live and find the tiniest motivation to get up so I can sit at my computer to query old clients but there's nothing on the horizon. I've applied for a job day after day for the past year but no offers yet. I got into the interview stage several times but it's always a no in the end.
I was able to pay my rent until the rest of the year so there's that at least, but I worry about next year. I am so afraid that I'll get kicked out and I don't want to go back to my family of origin because I was physically abused there (why I left in the first place).
I am so ashamed of my situation I don't know how to ask my friends. I am so desperate that I am here asking strangers on the internet. What do I say? I thought about borrowing money in exchange for me doing anything, errand, task, whatever, because I don't know if I have the capacity to pay them back or when that will be if ever. I don't even know if it's a good idea to be in debt at this point. I feel like I've done everything I could and I still can't catch a break.
I've been getting stomach cramps and have been throwing up because I have been missing meals in order to ration my food. I feel so broken I don't know what to do. How do I rise above it? How do I ask for help?
The pandemic has really hit me hard. It's been touch and go for the past two years, and I keep telling myself it's okay if the only thing I did was to survive. So many people I knew died.
But how do I even do that now when I can barely feed myself? I just looked at my fridge and the cabinet above my sink, and I think I have just enough to last me this week. I am trying to stretch it out but I'm panicking, my chest feels tight right now as I write this.
I lost my job in 2020 and I still haven't recovered. I have done freelance projects but they've not been as sustainable as I've hoped. Every day is a fight to want to live and find the tiniest motivation to get up so I can sit at my computer to query old clients but there's nothing on the horizon. I've applied for a job day after day for the past year but no offers yet. I got into the interview stage several times but it's always a no in the end.
I was able to pay my rent until the rest of the year so there's that at least, but I worry about next year. I am so afraid that I'll get kicked out and I don't want to go back to my family of origin because I was physically abused there (why I left in the first place).
I am so ashamed of my situation I don't know how to ask my friends. I am so desperate that I am here asking strangers on the internet. What do I say? I thought about borrowing money in exchange for me doing anything, errand, task, whatever, because I don't know if I have the capacity to pay them back or when that will be if ever. I don't even know if it's a good idea to be in debt at this point. I feel like I've done everything I could and I still can't catch a break.
I've been getting stomach cramps and have been throwing up because I have been missing meals in order to ration my food. I feel so broken I don't know what to do. How do I rise above it? How do I ask for help?
Find Your Local Food Bank
The Feeding America nationwide network of food banks and food programs helps millions of people find food and grocery help in their communities every year. Connect with your local food bank to learn about upcoming free food distributions
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 7:32 AM on June 7, 2023 [10 favorites]
The Feeding America nationwide network of food banks and food programs helps millions of people find food and grocery help in their communities every year. Connect with your local food bank to learn about upcoming free food distributions
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 7:32 AM on June 7, 2023 [10 favorites]
Also: just because this is where you are right now doesn't mean you will be here forever.
Jack Monroe has written about how at one point in their life they were hungry, had no food, were suicidal and feeling hopeless.
Now they are a well known advocate around food poverty, and have published lots of recipe books about food on a very tight budget.
Here are some of their recipes, for when you get some ingredients from a food bank.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 7:36 AM on June 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
Jack Monroe has written about how at one point in their life they were hungry, had no food, were suicidal and feeling hopeless.
Now they are a well known advocate around food poverty, and have published lots of recipe books about food on a very tight budget.
Here are some of their recipes, for when you get some ingredients from a food bank.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 7:36 AM on June 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
I thought about borrowing money in exchange for me doing anything, errand, task, whatever, because I don't know if I have the capacity to pay them back or when that will be if ever. I
If you do a task in exchange for money, you don't need to pay it back. You've earned it! It's not much, but I wanted to take that particular burden of anxiety off your shoulders. Please believe me that things won't always be this horrible.
posted by kate4914 at 7:54 AM on June 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
If you do a task in exchange for money, you don't need to pay it back. You've earned it! It's not much, but I wanted to take that particular burden of anxiety off your shoulders. Please believe me that things won't always be this horrible.
posted by kate4914 at 7:54 AM on June 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
Two things:
1. send the mods an update with your location so people can recommend resources.
2. include a throwaway email addy so people can contact you privately.
Wishing you better days. I’m pulling for you!
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:55 AM on June 7, 2023 [30 favorites]
1. send the mods an update with your location so people can recommend resources.
2. include a throwaway email addy so people can contact you privately.
Wishing you better days. I’m pulling for you!
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:55 AM on June 7, 2023 [30 favorites]
Listen, I know your brain is telling you that your friends don't really care about you and asking for help will only bring you shame and abandonment. But that's what we call around VOD (voice of depression), and all it does is lie and lie. Pick one friend. The one you think is most sensible and reliable. Tell them you need help figuring out how to get help. Just to sit with you and help you strategize and be in the room when you make scary calls. (Then you don't have to feel like you're asking for money or anything.) I think you will be surprised at how willing they are to do this. Any decent friend would be. VOD lies.
posted by praemunire at 7:59 AM on June 7, 2023 [23 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 7:59 AM on June 7, 2023 [23 favorites]
I'm so very sorry this has happened to you (and for the history that must have led up to this). While I don't have any better suggestions than what's been said so far, I was thinking it might help people here to know just a little bit more about
- your location (even just the state, if you're in the US)
- something about the nature of the work you do (in case it leads to ideas about where/how to look for more work)
- whether you are able to get medical care or whether that's also an issue
I hope things will get better quickly.
posted by StrawberryPie at 8:02 AM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
- your location (even just the state, if you're in the US)
- something about the nature of the work you do (in case it leads to ideas about where/how to look for more work)
- whether you are able to get medical care or whether that's also an issue
I hope things will get better quickly.
posted by StrawberryPie at 8:02 AM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
+1 for seeking out food pantries/resources in your neighborhood. Many neighborhoods set up community fridges and food pantries during the pandemic which are still around. Maybe do a search for “mutual aid” networks in your city.
You also likely qualify for food stamps; feel free to DM me if you want help with the application process.
Lastly, a bit out on a limb but you may also want to consider applying for jobs in food service. When I’ve been stuck in the throes of depression/unemployment/food insecurity, working in restaurants/grocery stores was really good for me - it got me out of the house, put a little money in my pocket, fed me, and I left every shift with some food to take home.
posted by sleepingwithcats at 8:07 AM on June 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
You also likely qualify for food stamps; feel free to DM me if you want help with the application process.
Lastly, a bit out on a limb but you may also want to consider applying for jobs in food service. When I’ve been stuck in the throes of depression/unemployment/food insecurity, working in restaurants/grocery stores was really good for me - it got me out of the house, put a little money in my pocket, fed me, and I left every shift with some food to take home.
posted by sleepingwithcats at 8:07 AM on June 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
praemuire is right. Almost any friend would be not just willing but eager to help.
It's so hard to get out of your own head, especially when you're dealing with depression, but try to imagine if a friend was in your situation. I'm guessing that you would be grateful that they trusted you enough to share and would want to do whatever you could to help.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 8:09 AM on June 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
It's so hard to get out of your own head, especially when you're dealing with depression, but try to imagine if a friend was in your situation. I'm guessing that you would be grateful that they trusted you enough to share and would want to do whatever you could to help.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 8:09 AM on June 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
In case going to a food bank or food pantry feels stressful or shameful, I want to pipe up and say that the food is there for you, specifically for situations like this, and there is often plenty of it. You being able to help yourself to free ingredients when you need them is actually society working as it should!
The other thing I wanted to point out is: you say you feel ashamed for being in this situation, but actually it sounds like you have been so strong, and really responsible and smart. You have a place to live, and you have secured it for a whole year! You knew that your priority was to not go back to where you were living before, and you made sure that was not going to happen -- you protected yourself in that way, and have provided yourself with housing security. That's a really good position to be in. With some food bank supplies and a roof over your head for several months, you've given yourself the breathing room you need to figure out what to do next. You are doing a good job.
posted by Pwoink at 8:18 AM on June 7, 2023 [30 favorites]
The other thing I wanted to point out is: you say you feel ashamed for being in this situation, but actually it sounds like you have been so strong, and really responsible and smart. You have a place to live, and you have secured it for a whole year! You knew that your priority was to not go back to where you were living before, and you made sure that was not going to happen -- you protected yourself in that way, and have provided yourself with housing security. That's a really good position to be in. With some food bank supplies and a roof over your head for several months, you've given yourself the breathing room you need to figure out what to do next. You are doing a good job.
posted by Pwoink at 8:18 AM on June 7, 2023 [30 favorites]
I am so so sorry this is happening to you. It is not your fault, it's not really anybody's fault - and I think most people get that even if they (like you and me and everyone else) have some very deeply imprinted bootstraps bullshit thanks to capitalism.
If you don't have a facebook account, I'm going to encourage you to bite the bullet and do that. That seems to be one of the big vectors food banks use at this time. Go get some food. You can even ask them about volunteer opportunities if you're able to help them and satisfy that "pay it back" ache.
Also hunt down your local Buy Nothing and Buy Sell Trade Facebook groups (I just google-search "cityname/neighborhood-name buy nothing" etc), and if you have multiple options pick the ones with the highest number of members. I learned SO much about what my neighborhood shadow services were just from my local large Buy Nothing in the LA area - I had no idea the local schools gave away food pretty much every weekday year-round and extra on Fridays to clear off the shelves, but there were a couple of school employees in the group that would post reminders almost daily that they still had some left and would even offer to drop off along their drive home from work. Food gets thrown away all the time because it's on offer but nobody claims it. Get out there and find it.
There were also often people giving food away for various reasons - I chose several members of my group to come clear out my pantry when I moved out, and they redistributed what they didn't keep with others in the group; I've seen people needing to empty a fridge or kitchen cabinets in advance of construction work or replacement too.
Harder but still perfectly allowable by most BN group rules: you can post a request for the gift of food. BN is meant to be a gift economy, it's not about the awfulness of your story. You can simply post an ask for some food "to get through a few lean weeks". Because people like me will see that and remember, oh shit, I've got half a shelf of soup I just keep reorganizing, they'll appreciate it way more than me and honestly I should give it away if I haven't used it yet. If you have a car this is easier because people can just leave it on their porch in a bag for you, no face-to-face necessarily required, but I certainly porch-dropped stuff I gave away myself, when I had time. The worst thing that could happen is nobody replies, but that's for sure not the spirit of BN groups.
In the Buy-Sell-Trade groups is where you can offer to sell or trade your help. Sell your freelance work, and if you happen to know any more esoteric useful skills - sign-painting, rose-pruning, Estonian - put it out there. There could be someone just getting online in desperate need for some Estonian signs right at the same moment*. Again, don't vomit your guts out, just say "hey, my usual freelance work is super thin right now and things are getting a little scary, here's a cool thing I can do for food or money."
Pick one friend. The one you can most expect a kind and respectful response from, and probably one you know isn't also in a place of hardship. Reach out and say, "I'm in a little bit of trouble and I need some help, do you have a few minutes to talk?" I cannot imagine even the vaguest acquaintance reaching out to me and saying can you help me with some groceries where I would say no. Not even to an enemy, probably. Certainly, in my place of relative privilege I can and have more than once dropped $50 or $100 into someone's paypal or used my Instacart or Shippt to send them same, and I didn't do it because it gave me power or let me run some kind of mental tally sheet - I consider it a payment of gratitude that I have it, and anyone I've done it for I just assume they will one day do the same for someone else because they're in a position to do so. And if you have social circles of any size, it honestly takes so little effort from any one member for the collective to show up for you in a big way - just let one person know you could use a bit of a rally at the moment and let them share the news.
*For the most part what you do NOT need right now is anybody's woo, but I will offer you mine as a sort of witchy cognitive-behavioral therapy: I think the Universe is generally fond of you and wants you to have good things and tries to send them your way, but you do have to align yourself to catch them or they're just going to fly right past or land short. The Soup Fairy is almost certainly not going to randomly drop some chicken noodle on your porch, until you let it be known you need some. Your friends aren't going to think to shower you in material and networking generosity if they don't know you need it - it would be sort of weird to do that if you didn't need it. Someone who lives a block from you is about to have to empty their freezer and if they don't even know you and that you need it, it's probably illegal for them to just dump it on your doorstep. You have to declare a path before it can open for you. You can do that by showing up at the food bank, telling a friend, participating in community mutual aid. You can do that by reaching out to your old customers with a cheerful summer marketing campaign that says nothing about times being difficult but reminding them of your availability, because you know that cold job applications are the least successful path option. There are people out there that want and even need to be on the other end of these paths to you, you just have to make sure you're turning on your receiver.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:25 AM on June 7, 2023 [38 favorites]
If you don't have a facebook account, I'm going to encourage you to bite the bullet and do that. That seems to be one of the big vectors food banks use at this time. Go get some food. You can even ask them about volunteer opportunities if you're able to help them and satisfy that "pay it back" ache.
Also hunt down your local Buy Nothing and Buy Sell Trade Facebook groups (I just google-search "cityname/neighborhood-name buy nothing" etc), and if you have multiple options pick the ones with the highest number of members. I learned SO much about what my neighborhood shadow services were just from my local large Buy Nothing in the LA area - I had no idea the local schools gave away food pretty much every weekday year-round and extra on Fridays to clear off the shelves, but there were a couple of school employees in the group that would post reminders almost daily that they still had some left and would even offer to drop off along their drive home from work. Food gets thrown away all the time because it's on offer but nobody claims it. Get out there and find it.
There were also often people giving food away for various reasons - I chose several members of my group to come clear out my pantry when I moved out, and they redistributed what they didn't keep with others in the group; I've seen people needing to empty a fridge or kitchen cabinets in advance of construction work or replacement too.
Harder but still perfectly allowable by most BN group rules: you can post a request for the gift of food. BN is meant to be a gift economy, it's not about the awfulness of your story. You can simply post an ask for some food "to get through a few lean weeks". Because people like me will see that and remember, oh shit, I've got half a shelf of soup I just keep reorganizing, they'll appreciate it way more than me and honestly I should give it away if I haven't used it yet. If you have a car this is easier because people can just leave it on their porch in a bag for you, no face-to-face necessarily required, but I certainly porch-dropped stuff I gave away myself, when I had time. The worst thing that could happen is nobody replies, but that's for sure not the spirit of BN groups.
In the Buy-Sell-Trade groups is where you can offer to sell or trade your help. Sell your freelance work, and if you happen to know any more esoteric useful skills - sign-painting, rose-pruning, Estonian - put it out there. There could be someone just getting online in desperate need for some Estonian signs right at the same moment*. Again, don't vomit your guts out, just say "hey, my usual freelance work is super thin right now and things are getting a little scary, here's a cool thing I can do for food or money."
Pick one friend. The one you can most expect a kind and respectful response from, and probably one you know isn't also in a place of hardship. Reach out and say, "I'm in a little bit of trouble and I need some help, do you have a few minutes to talk?" I cannot imagine even the vaguest acquaintance reaching out to me and saying can you help me with some groceries where I would say no. Not even to an enemy, probably. Certainly, in my place of relative privilege I can and have more than once dropped $50 or $100 into someone's paypal or used my Instacart or Shippt to send them same, and I didn't do it because it gave me power or let me run some kind of mental tally sheet - I consider it a payment of gratitude that I have it, and anyone I've done it for I just assume they will one day do the same for someone else because they're in a position to do so. And if you have social circles of any size, it honestly takes so little effort from any one member for the collective to show up for you in a big way - just let one person know you could use a bit of a rally at the moment and let them share the news.
*For the most part what you do NOT need right now is anybody's woo, but I will offer you mine as a sort of witchy cognitive-behavioral therapy: I think the Universe is generally fond of you and wants you to have good things and tries to send them your way, but you do have to align yourself to catch them or they're just going to fly right past or land short. The Soup Fairy is almost certainly not going to randomly drop some chicken noodle on your porch, until you let it be known you need some. Your friends aren't going to think to shower you in material and networking generosity if they don't know you need it - it would be sort of weird to do that if you didn't need it. Someone who lives a block from you is about to have to empty their freezer and if they don't even know you and that you need it, it's probably illegal for them to just dump it on your doorstep. You have to declare a path before it can open for you. You can do that by showing up at the food bank, telling a friend, participating in community mutual aid. You can do that by reaching out to your old customers with a cheerful summer marketing campaign that says nothing about times being difficult but reminding them of your availability, because you know that cold job applications are the least successful path option. There are people out there that want and even need to be on the other end of these paths to you, you just have to make sure you're turning on your receiver.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:25 AM on June 7, 2023 [38 favorites]
A friend of one of my family members was recently at the end of their rope, without access to money or food or even housing. The best thing this person did was to respond to my family member who reached out, worried about them. Part of this Best Thing was also agreeing to let us bring them to our home for at least just that night, give them a temporary place to stay and food to eat.
When this person came with us to our house, they were completely numb and in shock and could not process anything. Within the first two hours, though, they began to experience extreme embarrassment and anxiety about how to pay us back. We reassured them that they would be allowed to pay us back a couple of years from now when they are feeling fully settled and have had a chance to heal from their wounds and start thriving in their life. Until then, the way that they could "pay us back" was to allow us to help them, and use the resources we are able to offer them. And here they continued doing that Best Thing that they started earlier in the evening: they agreed. They took this deal.
We have now set up a schedule where this friend lives with us part time and with another person part time. They are in counseling and with everyone's help they have been able to sign up for free community and government resources to get clothing, food, medical insurance, and other basic necessities. They are not "back to normal" by any means, they have a long way to go before they are able to unfold into the world the way they were meant to. But they are safe right now. They are cared for. They're not homeless and they're not hungry.
They are not a burden or an inconvenience, because none of the people offering to help them are offering anything beyond what we are able to do. And caring for someone is just as much of a gift as being cared for. I can't begin to tell you how much we appreciate the opportunity to help a friend in a time of need.
Your friends would be grateful to have the chance to help you too. You are not a burden, you are not a bother, you are worthy of their care and their love. You are part of humanity and that means you will have your turn caring for others as well as being cared for. I hope you will embrace this.
"No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main. ...
... Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee."
This bell is tolling for YOU, op. Help and support is not only for other people. It is for YOU. Please reach out to your friends and your community.
posted by MiraK at 9:05 AM on June 7, 2023 [32 favorites]
When this person came with us to our house, they were completely numb and in shock and could not process anything. Within the first two hours, though, they began to experience extreme embarrassment and anxiety about how to pay us back. We reassured them that they would be allowed to pay us back a couple of years from now when they are feeling fully settled and have had a chance to heal from their wounds and start thriving in their life. Until then, the way that they could "pay us back" was to allow us to help them, and use the resources we are able to offer them. And here they continued doing that Best Thing that they started earlier in the evening: they agreed. They took this deal.
We have now set up a schedule where this friend lives with us part time and with another person part time. They are in counseling and with everyone's help they have been able to sign up for free community and government resources to get clothing, food, medical insurance, and other basic necessities. They are not "back to normal" by any means, they have a long way to go before they are able to unfold into the world the way they were meant to. But they are safe right now. They are cared for. They're not homeless and they're not hungry.
They are not a burden or an inconvenience, because none of the people offering to help them are offering anything beyond what we are able to do. And caring for someone is just as much of a gift as being cared for. I can't begin to tell you how much we appreciate the opportunity to help a friend in a time of need.
Your friends would be grateful to have the chance to help you too. You are not a burden, you are not a bother, you are worthy of their care and their love. You are part of humanity and that means you will have your turn caring for others as well as being cared for. I hope you will embrace this.
"No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main. ...
... Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee."
This bell is tolling for YOU, op. Help and support is not only for other people. It is for YOU. Please reach out to your friends and your community.
posted by MiraK at 9:05 AM on June 7, 2023 [32 favorites]
I want to reiterate as people have said above that you have nothing to be ashamed of. There is no shame in using resources that exist for people who need them. At a better point in your life, maybe you will contribute/donate to those who are where you are now. And thus, we all take care of each other in this crazy world.
HOWEVER, if you are feeling hesitant/shy/etc about going to a food bank or pantry where you will interact with people, see if your neighborhood has any free food fridges. I'm in upstate NY and we have "blue fridges" which are just refridgerators in a parking lot somewhere (the one by me is next to a church) and people leave food in there when they can and take food when they need it. There is zero interaction with anyone else. I urge you to look up something similar by you.
The most important thing is to get some food into you.
The next important thing is help your depression. Perhaps there is some free counseling somewhere/online?
posted by silverstatue at 9:08 AM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
HOWEVER, if you are feeling hesitant/shy/etc about going to a food bank or pantry where you will interact with people, see if your neighborhood has any free food fridges. I'm in upstate NY and we have "blue fridges" which are just refridgerators in a parking lot somewhere (the one by me is next to a church) and people leave food in there when they can and take food when they need it. There is zero interaction with anyone else. I urge you to look up something similar by you.
The most important thing is to get some food into you.
The next important thing is help your depression. Perhaps there is some free counseling somewhere/online?
posted by silverstatue at 9:08 AM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
Message me, and I'll send you some money over Venmo-- I don't have a lot, but I could spare $100 this month.
posted by The otter lady at 9:08 AM on June 7, 2023 [15 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 9:08 AM on June 7, 2023 [15 favorites]
Lots of great suggestions above! One of the best things I've found for dealing with depression is outdoor exercise. Try to go for a walk every day. It costs nothing. Better yet, go for a walk somewhere with lots of nature, like a park. Get some sunshine! Sit by a tree! Extend your walks as you get stronger, challenge yourself to walk up hills if there are any around you.
Even though I have some fancy degrees there have been times in my life when I've had to take any job I could get just to put food on the table. Apply for stopgap jobs near you so you don't have to spend money on transportation. I've cleaned houses and hotels, I've delivered pizzas, I've picked fruit, etc. There is no shame for doing such work. And do some volunteering if you can.
Are there community gardens in your area? Check them out even if you've never grown a thing before. Or plant some herbs or cherry tomatoes in a pot.
And keep reaching out!
posted by mareli at 9:24 AM on June 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
Even though I have some fancy degrees there have been times in my life when I've had to take any job I could get just to put food on the table. Apply for stopgap jobs near you so you don't have to spend money on transportation. I've cleaned houses and hotels, I've delivered pizzas, I've picked fruit, etc. There is no shame for doing such work. And do some volunteering if you can.
Are there community gardens in your area? Check them out even if you've never grown a thing before. Or plant some herbs or cherry tomatoes in a pot.
And keep reaching out!
posted by mareli at 9:24 AM on June 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'm sorry that you're going through such a rough time. I know it feels bleak and I hope that you get the food that you need and deserve. It's impressive that you've secured your housing for such a long time; that shows great planning and responsibility. I hope that you can allow yourself to feel proud of yourself for that.
Definitely find a food pantry near you and try to get set up for regular food assistance through SNAP or whatever program is accessible to you. You can also try asking bakeries for day-old bread (I've done this with great success) and grocery stores for produce that they can't sell. I know that this is very region-specific, but in my area there are some local farms that offer free produce when people come and pick snap peas, snow peas, beans, and other crops. The person gives half to the farm and gets to keep the other half for their labor.
You didn't mention what kind of work you do but if you have access to a computer and internet connection, you could try online transcription or even doing internet surveys. The money isn't great but as a stop-gap solution it'll at least provide you with a little income.
If you have a neighborhood-specific group on social media (the NextDoor app or a Facebook group), you can post specific needs and offer whatever services you are capable of providing (yard work, babysitting, proofreading, graphic design) in return.
Good luck to you. We're all rooting for you.
posted by mezzanayne at 9:46 AM on June 7, 2023
Definitely find a food pantry near you and try to get set up for regular food assistance through SNAP or whatever program is accessible to you. You can also try asking bakeries for day-old bread (I've done this with great success) and grocery stores for produce that they can't sell. I know that this is very region-specific, but in my area there are some local farms that offer free produce when people come and pick snap peas, snow peas, beans, and other crops. The person gives half to the farm and gets to keep the other half for their labor.
You didn't mention what kind of work you do but if you have access to a computer and internet connection, you could try online transcription or even doing internet surveys. The money isn't great but as a stop-gap solution it'll at least provide you with a little income.
If you have a neighborhood-specific group on social media (the NextDoor app or a Facebook group), you can post specific needs and offer whatever services you are capable of providing (yard work, babysitting, proofreading, graphic design) in return.
Good luck to you. We're all rooting for you.
posted by mezzanayne at 9:46 AM on June 7, 2023
Yeah, if you want hit me up over messages and I can spot you a meal.
posted by kingdead at 9:58 AM on June 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by kingdead at 9:58 AM on June 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
I know it's not what you're asking for, but if you message me I am happy to help with money for groceries. And to be clear, it's not pity. This is a community and I don't need to know your name to want to help out. You sound smart and strong and like you are going through it. I would be honored to be part of giving you a bit of breathing room while you figure things out.
posted by jeszac at 10:33 AM on June 7, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by jeszac at 10:33 AM on June 7, 2023 [9 favorites]
If you have a public library branch nearby, that's a good place to check for availability of community resources. There might be a bulletin board to check for flyers, or a librarian might know where to point you toward some resources on the city website or something like that. At the very least you can get some peace and quiet, maybe browse a few art books, and enjoy some air conditioning, if that's a thing that would help your spirits where you live.
posted by CheeseLouise at 10:45 AM on June 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by CheeseLouise at 10:45 AM on June 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
If I found out that a friend of mine was having trouble getting enough to eat and didn't reach out to me help, I'd be so sad. Please give your friends the opportunity to help you. That is exactly what builds and strengthens community.
(And if you DM me, I'll join with other MeFites to help out.)
posted by mcduff at 12:26 PM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
(And if you DM me, I'll join with other MeFites to help out.)
posted by mcduff at 12:26 PM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
You may be interested in findhelp.org - put in your ZIP code and they'll give you a directory of resources in your area. Also, your local library may be a potential resource. Check this recent thread for additional ideas. Best of luck to you.
posted by acridrabbit at 12:51 PM on June 7, 2023
posted by acridrabbit at 12:51 PM on June 7, 2023
I have a small Venmo balance right now ($32) that I'd be really happy to pass on.
posted by cooker girl at 12:52 PM on June 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by cooker girl at 12:52 PM on June 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
DM me also. I have been struggling myself, so let us all struggle together.
posted by StephenF at 1:14 PM on June 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by StephenF at 1:14 PM on June 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
DM me as well, I'd love to buy you a meal. I've lived on like $10 a week before and grew up food insecure -- it would mean a lot to me to support you.
posted by fairlynearlyready at 1:36 PM on June 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by fairlynearlyready at 1:36 PM on June 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
DM me your Venmo. I would love to help out as well.
posted by ttyn at 2:14 PM on June 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by ttyn at 2:14 PM on June 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
I am in Canada and can't Venmo, but I can transfer money over PayPal. DM me too--I would love to help out.
If the mods can provide an update for you, perhaps you can also mention the type of freelance work that you do. Maybe your fellow mefites can be potential clients?
posted by methroach at 2:23 PM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
If the mods can provide an update for you, perhaps you can also mention the type of freelance work that you do. Maybe your fellow mefites can be potential clients?
posted by methroach at 2:23 PM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
You're brain is telling you to feel ashamed and afraid, but sometimes your brain is just wrong. I often have to remind myself of this. You found the strength to compose this thoughtful and difficult message. Lean into that bravery and look up those pantry sites and ways to get food, and message those who can send you a little something right now (including me. I can send you some scratch for some food). Once you have a fuller pantry, take another step toward reaching out to get some assistance with your health. The suggestion to go to the library for a resource sheet is a great one. We have a good-sized list we pass out to people every day at the library where I work. One movement at a time. Next year isn't today, so let that go. Just focus on today and, if you're feeling up to it, tomorrow. You can absolutely do this. xo
posted by but no cigar at 3:24 PM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by but no cigar at 3:24 PM on June 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
If you add an anon email address to the question, I’d love to reach out and send you a few rounds of hellofresh- they want me back as a customer and are sending me discount codes- that could get you through a few weeks. On me. Memail me if that’s better for you.
posted by Grandysaur at 3:27 PM on June 7, 2023
posted by Grandysaur at 3:27 PM on June 7, 2023
You are so, so not alone in this. This is a long story and it is 100% true.
Seven years ago a friend here in Fla. lost his job due to a disability. He told me he needed money to cover rent, didn't know when he could pay me back, but would. Took him *five years* and I had forgotten all about it when he wrote me a letter-- he had gotten healthy, moved cross-state, and landed his perfect dream job. His check was in the letter. Literally a few weeks after that, a college friend in NYC told me she needed help to pay rent while she did a bankruptcy reorganization. I just wheeled the repaid money to her. It took two years, but she landed a great overseas post and paid me back. And right after that -- again, I swear this is true -- a third friend up in Va. was in a pinch, selling plasma to support his wife and child. I wheeled the same amount to him, and a few months later he got an advance on his book and paid me back.
That was about four months ago. The funds are due to cycle back into the world! Message me or post some contact info here somehow. I would *love* the opportunity to keep this going. And regardless, I'm sending positive energy your way.
posted by martin q blank at 4:32 PM on June 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
Seven years ago a friend here in Fla. lost his job due to a disability. He told me he needed money to cover rent, didn't know when he could pay me back, but would. Took him *five years* and I had forgotten all about it when he wrote me a letter-- he had gotten healthy, moved cross-state, and landed his perfect dream job. His check was in the letter. Literally a few weeks after that, a college friend in NYC told me she needed help to pay rent while she did a bankruptcy reorganization. I just wheeled the repaid money to her. It took two years, but she landed a great overseas post and paid me back. And right after that -- again, I swear this is true -- a third friend up in Va. was in a pinch, selling plasma to support his wife and child. I wheeled the same amount to him, and a few months later he got an advance on his book and paid me back.
That was about four months ago. The funds are due to cycle back into the world! Message me or post some contact info here somehow. I would *love* the opportunity to keep this going. And regardless, I'm sending positive energy your way.
posted by martin q blank at 4:32 PM on June 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
Mod note: A note from the OP:
I am not in the US — I am in a low-income country in Asia and there's no available food banks where I am :(posted by travelingthyme (staff) at 4:54 PM on June 7, 2023
If OP cannot receive venmos, do they have a preferred remittance service?
posted by porpoise at 6:12 PM on June 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by porpoise at 6:12 PM on June 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
OP I am from India originally. All through my childhood my parents would bring temporary guests into our home who needed help and were in a bad way. It was my parents' way of life to give shelter and food whenever they could.
My grandfather spent his childhood going to different people's homes every day and they would each feed him dinner one day of the week, every week. If he had had friends and family he would not have done that - but he didn't, so he did, and it surely saved his life.
It is no shame to depend on the kindness of strangers in your hour of need, and no shame to depend on the kindness of friends either. If you are Asian you KNOW they will love feeding you! You will not be needy forever anyway, you will have your turn helping others. Reach out to those friends and to your community.
posted by MiraK at 6:22 PM on June 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
My grandfather spent his childhood going to different people's homes every day and they would each feed him dinner one day of the week, every week. If he had had friends and family he would not have done that - but he didn't, so he did, and it surely saved his life.
It is no shame to depend on the kindness of strangers in your hour of need, and no shame to depend on the kindness of friends either. If you are Asian you KNOW they will love feeding you! You will not be needy forever anyway, you will have your turn helping others. Reach out to those friends and to your community.
posted by MiraK at 6:22 PM on June 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
I know that many of us on Metafilter have had bad experiences or skepticism wrt to religion, but churches - at least the Christian ones I'm familiar with, many of which have a global presence - usually have at least some level of support for people who come to them in need. Even if the priests/ministers/whatever are horrible, often there are good people there. If organized religion is something you can tolerate, that may be a source of help.
posted by martin q blank at 6:36 PM on June 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by martin q blank at 6:36 PM on June 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
After seeing your update, OP, I wonder if you might live anywhere near an Asian chapter of Food Not Bombs. Where I live, in the US, this group of volunteers makes food together in a community center or other gathering location with a large kitchen and gives it away to community members in need.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 4:48 AM on June 8, 2023
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 4:48 AM on June 8, 2023
OP, are you somewhere with a Sikh population? Gurdwara offer free meals and will likely also be able to point you to other resources.
posted by Tamanna at 5:25 AM on June 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Tamanna at 5:25 AM on June 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
OP, I will happily pay the fees to send you an international wire transfer / Western Union / whatever is available in your country. If anyone wants to venmo me their contributions I will be happy to send everything together.
OP, if you're comfortable with it, please DM me and we can sort out the transfer details. If anyone wants to venmo me to add their funds, DM me as well and I'll let you know my venmo details once I've heard back from OP.
I really hope you reach out to me. If you had any idea how many people have helped me when I've needed it, you would understand that this is a gift that I'm very happy to make, and I'm in a financial position to do so. I send you hugs and hope.
posted by widdershins at 5:38 AM on June 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
OP, if you're comfortable with it, please DM me and we can sort out the transfer details. If anyone wants to venmo me to add their funds, DM me as well and I'll let you know my venmo details once I've heard back from OP.
I really hope you reach out to me. If you had any idea how many people have helped me when I've needed it, you would understand that this is a gift that I'm very happy to make, and I'm in a financial position to do so. I send you hugs and hope.
posted by widdershins at 5:38 AM on June 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
Which Asian country is this? Can you DM? Please let us help you, OP.
posted by Nieshka at 6:24 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Nieshka at 6:24 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Another MeFi low-income-country-in-Asia person (I am in MH, India) saying I am happy to send grocery money or try to connect you to clients if I can or pay your therapy bills for awhile or.... please DM.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. As someone said above, I was once the person borrowing petrol money to get to my job and it would be genuinely meaningful if there was something I could do to ease your suffering!
posted by athirstforsalt at 7:51 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
You have nothing to be ashamed of. As someone said above, I was once the person borrowing petrol money to get to my job and it would be genuinely meaningful if there was something I could do to ease your suffering!
posted by athirstforsalt at 7:51 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Update: I heard from OP, who is giving me their PayPal. If anyone would like to venmo me anything to add to my gift, please DM me by the end of today. I'll be happy to send confirmation/proof that I'm not pocketing anyone's money : )
posted by widdershins at 10:40 AM on June 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by widdershins at 10:40 AM on June 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
MeMailed you, widdershins. Didn't know how to DM you :/
posted by kate4914 at 1:15 PM on June 8, 2023
posted by kate4914 at 1:15 PM on June 8, 2023
Ha, that's what I meant, kate4914! Thank you to everyone who has MeMailed me so far!
posted by widdershins at 2:10 PM on June 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by widdershins at 2:10 PM on June 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
Hey, widdershins, I hope you don't mind me jumping in here, but I want to share that that deadline had changed. If anyone was thinking of helping out but didn't get around to it yet, please do so by tomorrow morning (Eastern Daylight Time)
posted by kate4914 at 8:09 PM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by kate4914 at 8:09 PM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Yes, thank you kate4914 - it hit me last night that I needed to give the non-USians time since they were probably sleeping when I first posted. I’m incredibly touched by all the people who have sent something and I think we’re going to make Anon’s day. I’ll post the total here in a few hours after I’ve sent it, probably around 1pm east coast time.
posted by widdershins at 3:20 AM on June 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by widdershins at 3:20 AM on June 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
This community has blown me away. I am so happy to say that with the help of some amazing MeFites we were able to send $1086.71 to Anon today! Anon, I'm hoping this will not only feed you for a while but also give you some room to breathe and just be. Then you can figure out your next steps. You've got this.
When I was in my early 20s I was in a tight spot financially. A dear friend gave me an envelope with $100 cash and a card that said 'Love freely given returns to you tenfold'. I've thought about this so often over the years and have tried to pay it forward, and I have complete trust that you will do the same when you are in a position to do so.
HUGE THANK YOU to the following MeFites, who all chipped in, either with this gift or to Anon directly: praemunire, DevilsAdvocate, computech_apoloniajames, but no cigar, kate4914, methroach, bendy, stephenf, mrsbartoluzzi, athirstforsalt, jello, kitten kaboodle, jeszac, mcduff, and the otter lady. If I've missed anyone, my apologies!
Proud to call myself a MeFite today. Truly the best of the web.
posted by widdershins at 10:59 AM on June 9, 2023 [21 favorites]
When I was in my early 20s I was in a tight spot financially. A dear friend gave me an envelope with $100 cash and a card that said 'Love freely given returns to you tenfold'. I've thought about this so often over the years and have tried to pay it forward, and I have complete trust that you will do the same when you are in a position to do so.
HUGE THANK YOU to the following MeFites, who all chipped in, either with this gift or to Anon directly: praemunire, DevilsAdvocate, computech_apoloniajames, but no cigar, kate4914, methroach, bendy, stephenf, mrsbartoluzzi, athirstforsalt, jello, kitten kaboodle, jeszac, mcduff, and the otter lady. If I've missed anyone, my apologies!
Proud to call myself a MeFite today. Truly the best of the web.
posted by widdershins at 10:59 AM on June 9, 2023 [21 favorites]
Mod note: From the OP:
Dear everyone,posted by taz (staff) at 10:23 PM on June 9, 2023 [19 favorites]
I am tremendously, deeply grateful to all who have helped me. This community has been so good-hearted—what you did will not only allow me to buy food but also medicine.
I am in tears because I have truly lost all hope. And now you have given it back. Please know that you have saved my life.
I will do my best to take care of myself and honour your gift. I hope to someday repay this compassion and abundance—to pay it forward.
May the universe bless you for your kindness. May the ancestors protect you always.
Thank you again widdershins for pulling this happy MeMoment together.
posted by bendy at 10:50 PM on June 10, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by bendy at 10:50 PM on June 10, 2023 [5 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Google Food Banks / Food Pantries [name of where you live]
and then call them.
There is no shame in getting help. You deserve to eat.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 7:30 AM on June 7, 2023 [59 favorites]