I know enough's enough but I'm probably... not... leaving?
April 28, 2023 10:42 PM Subscribe
They told me that I was up for a promotion and then yanked that away and pushed it to next year while giving me more responsibilities AND being more micromanagey. What am I supposed to do to change things? Or would you recommend that I GTFO?
I work in a white collar job. I have been here for two years. I am not yet at a managerial level, but since one of the managers in my team left, I took on her work. I got glowing feedback because I always went above and beyond for anything assigned to me.
My boss told me that I was up for a promotion last year but then yanked that away ("finance can't approve it this year due to budget issues") and pushed it to next year while assigning me more work that would fall outside of my scope of duties. They did give me a raise but I am still upset and have dialed way back on the overenthusiastic attitude - I realised that because I was too competent, they thought they could just continue making me do two people's work and there would be no complaints and they wouldn't have to hire anyone else.
So I started to let the ball drop. The deadlines that are given to me are shrinking by the week, and sometimes they give me intricate strategic tasks with a two hour turnaround time on top of other things on my plate that need addressing. I just turn in shoddy work now because there simply isn't enough time for me to get it done properly, and I have made this known. I asked for support but they say they are not able to hire anyone. And historically when they've tried to hire people to "support me" they just leave after a few months because of the workload and the nature of the business. It's so frustrating.
I really want to emphasise that I'm not being an ass by turning in half-baked work on purpose. I do not implicate my coworkers and they do not have to cover for me. It's just, I have tried to push back and ask for help prioritising my tasks to no avail. My boss actually said to me that they don't understand why I can't just "do everything, it shouldn't take you long", which really rubbed me the wrong way. I just got pulled into another meeting where they told me I seem distracted and unhappy, and is there anything they can do for me?, and I said yes and basically outlined the above and they said okay, well, I have to operate on even stricter deadlines, you really just have to practice and you'll get good at it!
This has to be a joke.
Anyway, things have gotten so bad. I know they think I'm a flight risk, so they've began micromanaging me - as in, 'reminding' me to respond to emails I received 10 minutes ago, which as you can imagine is highly irritating. I cannot figure out why they think this is a good idea, to put such ridiculous pressure on an employee they believe to want to leave. A friend suggested that they are trying to make me quit, but I highly doubt this is the case - my boss was explicit that they want to help me grow and about their desire to retain me. I know nobody is indispensable in business, but seriously, it would take a year to train someone new to perform at the level I am. They do not want to lose me.
I know this probably sounds really bad, but most of the time it isn't, and I get along with my boss and coworkers on a human level. They've just been causing me a lot of stress at work and I find my anxiety going through the roof (I have recently had to start being medicated again) when the micromanaging happens.
I'm kind of unhappy, but I also kind of do like working here plus the benefits are great, so I don't know if the above set of circumstances actually warrants me leaving a fine but kinda irritating job for another one (which, just for background, I would have no issues getting). My best friend worries because they can tell that I'm generally more agitated I am when I am working.
Just tell me what to do. Tips, tricks, and sorcery are appreciated.
I work in a white collar job. I have been here for two years. I am not yet at a managerial level, but since one of the managers in my team left, I took on her work. I got glowing feedback because I always went above and beyond for anything assigned to me.
My boss told me that I was up for a promotion last year but then yanked that away ("finance can't approve it this year due to budget issues") and pushed it to next year while assigning me more work that would fall outside of my scope of duties. They did give me a raise but I am still upset and have dialed way back on the overenthusiastic attitude - I realised that because I was too competent, they thought they could just continue making me do two people's work and there would be no complaints and they wouldn't have to hire anyone else.
So I started to let the ball drop. The deadlines that are given to me are shrinking by the week, and sometimes they give me intricate strategic tasks with a two hour turnaround time on top of other things on my plate that need addressing. I just turn in shoddy work now because there simply isn't enough time for me to get it done properly, and I have made this known. I asked for support but they say they are not able to hire anyone. And historically when they've tried to hire people to "support me" they just leave after a few months because of the workload and the nature of the business. It's so frustrating.
I really want to emphasise that I'm not being an ass by turning in half-baked work on purpose. I do not implicate my coworkers and they do not have to cover for me. It's just, I have tried to push back and ask for help prioritising my tasks to no avail. My boss actually said to me that they don't understand why I can't just "do everything, it shouldn't take you long", which really rubbed me the wrong way. I just got pulled into another meeting where they told me I seem distracted and unhappy, and is there anything they can do for me?, and I said yes and basically outlined the above and they said okay, well, I have to operate on even stricter deadlines, you really just have to practice and you'll get good at it!
This has to be a joke.
Anyway, things have gotten so bad. I know they think I'm a flight risk, so they've began micromanaging me - as in, 'reminding' me to respond to emails I received 10 minutes ago, which as you can imagine is highly irritating. I cannot figure out why they think this is a good idea, to put such ridiculous pressure on an employee they believe to want to leave. A friend suggested that they are trying to make me quit, but I highly doubt this is the case - my boss was explicit that they want to help me grow and about their desire to retain me. I know nobody is indispensable in business, but seriously, it would take a year to train someone new to perform at the level I am. They do not want to lose me.
I know this probably sounds really bad, but most of the time it isn't, and I get along with my boss and coworkers on a human level. They've just been causing me a lot of stress at work and I find my anxiety going through the roof (I have recently had to start being medicated again) when the micromanaging happens.
I'm kind of unhappy, but I also kind of do like working here plus the benefits are great, so I don't know if the above set of circumstances actually warrants me leaving a fine but kinda irritating job for another one (which, just for background, I would have no issues getting). My best friend worries because they can tell that I'm generally more agitated I am when I am working.
Just tell me what to do. Tips, tricks, and sorcery are appreciated.
If you're really confident that you could get a new job easily, then just tell your boss you would much prefer to stay at the organisation but that the way you're being treated is causing you to consider leaving. It does risk being fired if they're assholes or even just mediocre. A good boss and a good organisation would try and fix the problem so you could give them the chance to demonstrate that they'd be worth staying for.
A much safer version of this is to get a new job offer that you're happy to take up, and then tell your boss the above.
Safest still is getting a new job and leaving without explaining why.
posted by plonkee at 11:12 PM on April 28, 2023 [12 favorites]
A much safer version of this is to get a new job offer that you're happy to take up, and then tell your boss the above.
Safest still is getting a new job and leaving without explaining why.
posted by plonkee at 11:12 PM on April 28, 2023 [12 favorites]
Also, what they're doing isn't really sensible or logical, but it's weirdly not that unusual. It's highly unlikely to be something you personally have triggered and more likely to be a particular kind of incompetence somewhere in the management chain above you.
posted by plonkee at 11:16 PM on April 28, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by plonkee at 11:16 PM on April 28, 2023 [4 favorites]
I have witnessed a similar workplace situation. It is time to look for a new job. It doesn’t really matter what your boss’ intentions are because it is clear your work has become an incredibly uncomfortable environment. I don’t know what the market is like in your field but you present yourself as a high performer and there is no cost to looking and applying elsewhere.
My only caveat is that you say that you just resumed anxiety medication. I would wait a few weeks after a new medication to make a life decision like this if possible.
posted by vanitas at 11:39 PM on April 28, 2023 [9 favorites]
My only caveat is that you say that you just resumed anxiety medication. I would wait a few weeks after a new medication to make a life decision like this if possible.
posted by vanitas at 11:39 PM on April 28, 2023 [9 favorites]
I do think there's an aspect to this that you're missing (not surprisingly, since senior management often don't communicate well or often on these topics).
Currently the economy is very difficult for a lot of businesses. Borrowing/raising money got more difficult, inflation is making costs balloon, and a lot of customers are tightening their belts.
What this means for many companies is hiring freezes and sometimes layoffs. In turn, that makes it much harder for people like you to get into management, since new management positions are a feature of growing and expanding companies.
The situation you're in sounds to me like a direct consequence of your company being under financial stress, and the senior management cascading their own stress down the company via your boss to you (and likely to everyone else). It's not a personal thing about you. It's that they feel an obligation for the company to do well and ultimately to not go bust. They're obliged to achieve that with the cash flow they have available, which is probably a lot less than they had when you were originally talking about promotions. Stress turns people into micromanagers!
Unless it's a really small company, it's likely that your boss has little to no control over any of the big picture, and may not even know much about the overall finances. That's probably why raising your issues with your boss is not getting results.
So some choices available to you here are
- Leave for a company that's not in this situation (but be careful, lots of places are feeling the pinch right now!)
- Set clear boundaries with your boss about what you can and can't achieve, put your head down and hope that the financial situation improves.
- Use your knowledge of the industry and of your company to figure out how best to work WITH your boss/peers to improve the company's position. Hope that increasing your sense of control and collaboration will make your inevitably stressful job more palatable.
- When your boss does something annoying, try and think of it like you think of shitty weather in the winter. It's annoying, but it's a natural feature of winter, it's not personal, and ultimately you have choices in how you deal with it.
posted by quacks like a duck at 12:45 AM on April 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
Currently the economy is very difficult for a lot of businesses. Borrowing/raising money got more difficult, inflation is making costs balloon, and a lot of customers are tightening their belts.
What this means for many companies is hiring freezes and sometimes layoffs. In turn, that makes it much harder for people like you to get into management, since new management positions are a feature of growing and expanding companies.
The situation you're in sounds to me like a direct consequence of your company being under financial stress, and the senior management cascading their own stress down the company via your boss to you (and likely to everyone else). It's not a personal thing about you. It's that they feel an obligation for the company to do well and ultimately to not go bust. They're obliged to achieve that with the cash flow they have available, which is probably a lot less than they had when you were originally talking about promotions. Stress turns people into micromanagers!
Unless it's a really small company, it's likely that your boss has little to no control over any of the big picture, and may not even know much about the overall finances. That's probably why raising your issues with your boss is not getting results.
So some choices available to you here are
- Leave for a company that's not in this situation (but be careful, lots of places are feeling the pinch right now!)
- Set clear boundaries with your boss about what you can and can't achieve, put your head down and hope that the financial situation improves.
- Use your knowledge of the industry and of your company to figure out how best to work WITH your boss/peers to improve the company's position. Hope that increasing your sense of control and collaboration will make your inevitably stressful job more palatable.
- When your boss does something annoying, try and think of it like you think of shitty weather in the winter. It's annoying, but it's a natural feature of winter, it's not personal, and ultimately you have choices in how you deal with it.
posted by quacks like a duck at 12:45 AM on April 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
I've been in this position.
Excellent reviews, floating the idea of a promotion, followed by overwork and "well gosh why can't you just do multiple jobs for the price of one."
It's a classic case of "shit rolls downhill."
The organization doesn't have cash to spare, so hiring is on hold, and everyone at every level above you is being told platitudes like "do more with less" and "work smarter not harder."
But the de facto hiring freeze isn't being directly communicated. Senior management believes that would be bad for morale, and that employees will bolt if they're told that no help is on the way and the organization is in trouble.
So stressed-out managers at each level become micromanagers of the level below them.
You're doing the right things - asking for help prioritizing, communicating what support you need, etc.
Ultimately, you're fighting an unwinnable war. Your performance will continue to suffer, and your health will decline.
If you don't get out, management will convince itself that YOU are the problem, not the unsustainable workload and constant interruptions.
I would discretely begin to look for another job.
posted by champers at 3:52 AM on April 29, 2023 [10 favorites]
Excellent reviews, floating the idea of a promotion, followed by overwork and "well gosh why can't you just do multiple jobs for the price of one."
It's a classic case of "shit rolls downhill."
The organization doesn't have cash to spare, so hiring is on hold, and everyone at every level above you is being told platitudes like "do more with less" and "work smarter not harder."
But the de facto hiring freeze isn't being directly communicated. Senior management believes that would be bad for morale, and that employees will bolt if they're told that no help is on the way and the organization is in trouble.
So stressed-out managers at each level become micromanagers of the level below them.
You're doing the right things - asking for help prioritizing, communicating what support you need, etc.
Ultimately, you're fighting an unwinnable war. Your performance will continue to suffer, and your health will decline.
If you don't get out, management will convince itself that YOU are the problem, not the unsustainable workload and constant interruptions.
I would discretely begin to look for another job.
posted by champers at 3:52 AM on April 29, 2023 [10 favorites]
Folks talking about hiring freezes and such due to the current economy aren't wrong.
Except.
My boss told me that I was up for a promotion last year but then yanked that away
That was the story sold to you last year (how long ago last year?) when the business borrowing/jobs economy was in a much different place.
They've been stringing you along for quite a while now. You gotta leave.
posted by phunniemee at 3:56 AM on April 29, 2023 [7 favorites]
Except.
My boss told me that I was up for a promotion last year but then yanked that away
That was the story sold to you last year (how long ago last year?) when the business borrowing/jobs economy was in a much different place.
They've been stringing you along for quite a while now. You gotta leave.
posted by phunniemee at 3:56 AM on April 29, 2023 [7 favorites]
Could you just reject the job responsibilities that are not in your job description?
When they come to you with a new, urgent task, have you tried just telling them "no"? That'll be seen as "combative" but it's also starting to establish boundaries, which it seems like that place doesn't have.
Or ask them to reprioritize your work, since there's too much on your plate.
posted by reddot at 6:30 AM on April 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
When they come to you with a new, urgent task, have you tried just telling them "no"? That'll be seen as "combative" but it's also starting to establish boundaries, which it seems like that place doesn't have.
Or ask them to reprioritize your work, since there's too much on your plate.
posted by reddot at 6:30 AM on April 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
I agree with the others, it is time to start low-key looking and applying for new jobs. It doesn't sound bad enough to just quit on the spot, but it also looks like a situation that isn't going to magically improve on its own. Either you will get a great offer and move on, or possibly they will, when presented with your resignation, suddenly be able to offer promotions/raises/changes in work. If that were the case, you'd need to evaluate how trustworthy their promises are, given their failure to come through with past promises.
But either way, the first step is to reach out to your network and start applying to positions which look particularly good.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:55 AM on April 29, 2023
But either way, the first step is to reach out to your network and start applying to positions which look particularly good.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:55 AM on April 29, 2023
Any job that is stressful enough and bad enough to force you back onto medication just so you can maintain your basic health is a terrible, horrible, awful job and you need to get as far away from it as soon as humanly possible. Quit. Especially quit if you figure you can easily find another job. If you'd feel better, find another job first and then quit, but honestly, I'd walk away now. You and your health are worth more than this job--a job working for an employer who doesn't care about you one iota because if they did, they'd have improved your situation already.
posted by sardonyx at 7:44 AM on April 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by sardonyx at 7:44 AM on April 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
I agree you should go, and when you're applying be sure and list every responsibility and accomplishment you had at this job.
Maybe some of those who quit due to stress will be references for you; better yet, maybe they found better jobs and know of openings.
Leaving is hard, but staying is worse. Your situation won't improve.
If you haven't already, I highly recommend reading Ask a Manager's website and even buying her job hunting book. Your story is very common, and so are stories of people who got out of your situation.
posted by emjaybee at 8:49 AM on April 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
Maybe some of those who quit due to stress will be references for you; better yet, maybe they found better jobs and know of openings.
Leaving is hard, but staying is worse. Your situation won't improve.
If you haven't already, I highly recommend reading Ask a Manager's website and even buying her job hunting book. Your story is very common, and so are stories of people who got out of your situation.
posted by emjaybee at 8:49 AM on April 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
From my experience in HR, if you do resign, the company will panic and put together a counter-offer. Don't take it. All of the conditions that put you in this place - overworked, micromanaged - will still be in place. You'll be making more money but nothing else will change.
It's interesting to me that many posters are focused on the reasons for the company's behavior - economic conditions, poor business results, etc. To me, those are incidental and not your problem. Trying to understand the 'why' of the company's actions is a waste of time in terms of your job satisfaction. There are other, better roles with companies that also have great benefits.
posted by MissPitts at 9:49 AM on April 29, 2023 [9 favorites]
It's interesting to me that many posters are focused on the reasons for the company's behavior - economic conditions, poor business results, etc. To me, those are incidental and not your problem. Trying to understand the 'why' of the company's actions is a waste of time in terms of your job satisfaction. There are other, better roles with companies that also have great benefits.
posted by MissPitts at 9:49 AM on April 29, 2023 [9 favorites]
From my experience in HR, if you do resign, the company will panic and put together a counter-offer. Don't take it. All of the conditions that put you in this place - overworked, micromanaged - will still be in place. You'll be making more money but nothing else will change.
I'm not in HR, but have both accepted and declined counter-offers, and I'd agree with this except if their counter-offer genuinely addresses and changes the underlying issues that you are facing. (For example, if one of the problems is that you have a bad supervisor, a counter-offer would need to change your reporting structure (like into a totally different team) before it would be worth even considering.) From your description of the situation, it's hard to imagine a counter-offer being compelling, but in theory they could pull out all the stops and resolve your issues in a very positive way.
It is sometimes amazing how many of the "nope, absolutely not negotiable" things suddenly become very negotiable when you say you are leaving.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:07 AM on April 29, 2023
I'm not in HR, but have both accepted and declined counter-offers, and I'd agree with this except if their counter-offer genuinely addresses and changes the underlying issues that you are facing. (For example, if one of the problems is that you have a bad supervisor, a counter-offer would need to change your reporting structure (like into a totally different team) before it would be worth even considering.) From your description of the situation, it's hard to imagine a counter-offer being compelling, but in theory they could pull out all the stops and resolve your issues in a very positive way.
It is sometimes amazing how many of the "nope, absolutely not negotiable" things suddenly become very negotiable when you say you are leaving.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:07 AM on April 29, 2023
Run, don't walk, don't look behind.
They will gut you if they can, and not even think about it.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:28 AM on April 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
They will gut you if they can, and not even think about it.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:28 AM on April 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
It's not clear to me what you actually want. You were okay with doing two jobs when you thought you'd get a promotion, but you say you are actually overworked. You did get a raise, but if what you actually wanted was a more balanced workload, why do you think a promotion would have changed that?
They are micromanaging you because from their perspective, nothing has changed that would have led you to perform differently, and they probably don't believe you when you say that you need support. They are hoping that you'll get so annoyed that you'll just start doing it all again.
So, what is it that you actually want? I don't think you are going to get it at this place, and you don't actually need a "good enough" reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough and if you are confident you'd have no issue getting another job, I don't understand why you wouldn't.
posted by sm1tten at 3:02 PM on April 29, 2023
They are micromanaging you because from their perspective, nothing has changed that would have led you to perform differently, and they probably don't believe you when you say that you need support. They are hoping that you'll get so annoyed that you'll just start doing it all again.
So, what is it that you actually want? I don't think you are going to get it at this place, and you don't actually need a "good enough" reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough and if you are confident you'd have no issue getting another job, I don't understand why you wouldn't.
posted by sm1tten at 3:02 PM on April 29, 2023
Something very similar happened to me at my previous job (minus the micromanaging, at least they knew better than that). Leave.
posted by wondermouse at 6:24 PM on April 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by wondermouse at 6:24 PM on April 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
I think that with the offer of promotion came an implicit understanding that they would also hire below you and share the load. Sometimes that doesn’t happen so you might have a title to go with the raise but the same situation.
You said you get along with them and that makes it harder to leave? So lean into the get-along to see where that ends. Treat that offer like it is coming, and ask for details about what that promotion would look like when it happens. Make sure more than one person is involved so people know this is a thing. Ask what the staffing would be like etc.
Ask for freelance help. Something like: “Sure, sure we can’t promote or hire but we need hours in here, and you only have to manage the temps until I get that promotion.”
If they won’t do these you’ll feel better because now you know what they are not delivering, and they would be saying out loud what you are worth in terms of staffing. The process might help you define what you tell other employers about your tasks and responsibilities.
posted by drowsy at 6:00 AM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
You said you get along with them and that makes it harder to leave? So lean into the get-along to see where that ends. Treat that offer like it is coming, and ask for details about what that promotion would look like when it happens. Make sure more than one person is involved so people know this is a thing. Ask what the staffing would be like etc.
Ask for freelance help. Something like: “Sure, sure we can’t promote or hire but we need hours in here, and you only have to manage the temps until I get that promotion.”
If they won’t do these you’ll feel better because now you know what they are not delivering, and they would be saying out loud what you are worth in terms of staffing. The process might help you define what you tell other employers about your tasks and responsibilities.
posted by drowsy at 6:00 AM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Writing. Get it in writing, if they offer anything.
posted by porpoise at 10:41 AM on April 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by porpoise at 10:41 AM on April 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
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It's easy for you to get another job and you clearly hate your current job....why on earth are you staying?
posted by underclocked at 11:04 PM on April 28, 2023 [23 favorites]