Help me talk dirty in Klingon
April 3, 2023 8:22 PM   Subscribe

My spouse is a Star Trek fan. I know comparatively little about Star Trek. I would like to translate some specific phrases into Klingon so that I can talk dirty to him. I need help knowing where I can find people to help with this.

I've tried some online translators, but haven't had much luck - probably because Klingon is a fictitious language and perhaps there isn't always a clear way to translate every English word. That being said, I'd like to find out if there is something "close" to what I want to translate that is possible to say in Klingon. The exact phrases I want to translate may possibly be offensive and misogynistic, so I think I can't post it here. My question is - are there any sites or forums where I could ask people who would be knowledgeable about this kind of thing about translating this for me?
posted by NoneOfTheAbove to Grab Bag (8 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

It's not a translator, but this website is a very good resource for attempting to puzzle things out yourself with a searchable dictionary and a fair amount of reference material for affixes and the like.
posted by Zalzidrax at 9:10 PM on April 3, 2023

I imagine that the folks at the Klingon Language Institute could lend some help. And then this page has many direct translations of terms of endearment, but frankly the purist in me feels no Klingon would ever say these phrases. This is a people, after all, whose closest approximation to "Hello" is "What do you want?"
posted by moonmoth at 10:53 PM on April 3, 2023 [3 favorites]

I read someplace that the Trek show runners have never actually paid much attention to the "official" Klingon language and just go with what they think sounds good. So if you use some quickie online translator and jigger it around until it sounds right to you, that'll probably be fine.

You do you, but I gotta point out that while Klingons are violent lovers they aren't really misogynistic. Klingon girls are ass-kicking warrior types, and Klingon boys dig that. And Klingons can declare their love, but it tends to be not so much sweet pillow talk and more MY BLOOD BURNS FOR YOU WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS! They're very shouty and heavy metal.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 11:01 PM on April 3, 2023 [9 favorites]

I suggest watching the DS9 episode "Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places" (season 5, episode 3) as kind of a guide to flirting with a Klingon. It's fun as all get out; Jadzia and Worf's relationship is one of the best things about DS9, itself possibly the best Trek.
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:20 AM on April 4, 2023 [5 favorites]

There is an official Klingon dictionary:


In middle school, many years ago, I went to Walden Books at the mall and tried to buy it, but my father refused, knowing the dark path it would potentially send me down.
posted by kbanas at 6:52 AM on April 4, 2023 [2 favorites]

Klingonese unsurprisingly has a semi-complicated history which may be helpful context. Historically, there's Klingonaase (older, now non-canonical) and TlhIngan Hol (newer, currently canonical).

One possible source you might explore (I'm not going to) is that if anywhere on the internet has researched and/or created this kind of vocabulary, it will appear in smutty Trek fanfic on AO3.

In order to class things up again, I can't let an AskMe on Klingon romance go by without linking to John M. Ford's The Declaration.
posted by zamboni at 8:53 AM on April 4, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'll add that Worf reveals in TNG that Klingon romance has a few unusual characteristics you may wish to integrate, as they seem to be canon. Primarily that "Words come later. It is the scent which first speaks of love." Make of that what you will.

But also it is the men who read love poetry, and women scream and throw things at them. I hope your wooing goes well!
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 9:45 AM on April 4, 2023 [7 favorites]

Things thrown may include furniture, as Memory alpha pointed out...
posted by kschang at 2:51 PM on April 5, 2023

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