Relationship Logistics (weeknight sleepover edition)

February 8, 2023 5:49 PM

I want to try and make weeknight sleepovers with my boyfriend easier. It feels like it takes so much planning and schlepping just to hang out on a Tuesday night and still be prepared for work the next day.

I usually go to his place because he has a house and a 13 yo son, while I have a small apartment and no kids. He definitely makes a point to come to my place when he can though. We do maybe 2 "school" nights a week and I can leave as much stuff there as I need to, but I've been finding it hard to manage what's where, so I only leave some toiletries and other basics at his place.

What has worked for me so far:
- carrying my makeup and other essentials in my daily tote so I always have them with me
- meal prepping with lots of freezer meals for lunch so I can grab and go after work when heading over there
- planning outfits a week in advance to grab and go while while packing (I've been on a tight budget these past few years, so I don't have enough clothes to divide between two places without keeping strict tabs on what is where. I'm a public school teacher so, fortunately, I can dress pretty casually. Should I just suck it up and buy some more clothes?)

Curious to hear some tips from people about staying organized to make sleepover logistics easier so that I can enjoy my time with him and feel ready for the next workday.

posted by I_carried_a_watermelon to Human Relations (11 answers total)

There is no great answer to this. Ask anyone who owns a second home--no matter how much you plan and how many duplicates you buy, you're always missing something you need. The only two things that have ever worked for me are 1) leaving the bare minimum of toiletries and medications at his place and going home early enough to get myself together, or 2) limiting sleepovers to Friday and Saturday nights. This is probably why people give up and cohabitate but that is its own can of worms.
posted by HotToddy at 6:10 PM on February 8, 2023 [5 favorites]

I've been in a similar situation with my partner and here are a few things we've done.

We each have space in each other's closets/dressers and leave some selection of items there including extra underwear and socks.
We each have space in each other's bathrooms to leave toiletries. That entails some duplicates, but not that much.
On days I've slept over my partners (very sweetly) packs me a lunch to take to work the next day.
posted by brookeb at 7:20 PM on February 8, 2023

Is it possible to leave stuff at your work?
Personally I would get one full extra outfit that could just live at work so I can come to work a little early and change, and replace as needed. Also good for recovering from instances of spilling coffee down your shirt.
posted by blnkfrnk at 7:51 PM on February 8, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I'd keep extra socks/bra/undies in a bag and then leave shirts and pants for him to wash in his (hopefully) weekend load. If you wear pants more than once, just leave shirts. Then next week you have the clean stuff for the next two days. I think you could use an extra pair of pants and two new shirts if you are concerned about not having enough at home when you have left items at his place.
posted by soelo at 8:00 PM on February 8, 2023 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Duplicates is really the only answer, and it's still a pain in the neck.

I think having one or two complete outfits at his house that he can wash within a week should mean that you always have something to wear. But it does mean that what you wear on Tuesday the first week has to be ok to wear on the following Wednesday.

Toiletries should be duplicated. For make up/hair, it depends on how many products you use each day. I think you either have to make it always live in your work bag or if you're very minimal and just use 2-3 items then duplicate them at your boyfriend's house.
posted by plonkee at 2:46 AM on February 9, 2023

You don't need to divide all your clothes, but you spend a couple of nights there, therefore you can leave an outfit or two there. And that's not as hard to keep track of if you make sure it's a complete outfit.

Sounds like you have other toiletries like hairbrush, toothbrush, there - since these are cheap enough to just have another. I dunno how much makeup you have, but if it's easy, do that.
Use things that he has where possible.

If it doesn't work to make lunch at his house, or store some in his freezer, that should at least generally limit it down to food and some makeup??
posted by Elysum at 3:33 AM on February 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

For the budget part of this, I have had a lot of good luck with thredup. You can sort by brand and material and garment style (so you can find specifically high rise jeans), and they’re constantly emailing coupons. Keep a pair of pants, a skirt, and two shirts there to start. The stuff will rotate out with what you showed up in, and this works much better if you trust him to launder the items you are leaving, OR if they can be worn twice so the next time you’re over you know to wash yourself whatever you leave his place wearing.

Do not go pay full price for anything to keep at a boyfriends place because if you break up…well, you know. (But I also just cannot bring myself to pay full price for clothing ever so I’m a devout thrifter.)
posted by bilabial at 6:03 AM on February 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: When I was doing this, I would just pack a back for an overnight trip and bring it to work. Clothes, PJs, toiletries, sundries, like I was going out of town for one night and heading home after; I could usually do this in basically a gym bag, take that to work, take it to BF's place, then bring it home full of laundry the day after.

The only thing this doesn't solve is lunches, and if you're eating freezer lunches, I'd ask him to make room for a few of those in his freezer. Those don't need to be planned or scheduled and you won't miss them at home.
posted by gideonfrog at 8:37 AM on February 9, 2023

Best answer: When I've done this it worked best for me when I did my "getting ready for the day" stuff at work, even if I slept at home. I had a locker and shower there so kept most of my work clothes and all needed toiletries there.

Assuming this is not an option for you, some possibilities:

Next time you go, leave one outfit there and a few extra socks/ underwear. Wear it the next day, BUT leave the outfit you took off there to be read for the NEXT time you stay over. Get him to launder what needs washing. (Buying more clothes would make this even easier.)

If you're going to the trouble of sleeping over there, he can go to the trouble of making your lunch for the next day or having frozen meals you like on hand.

Buy a second set of makeup/ toiletries to live there. This doesn't cost extra money in the long run because each set lasts longer.

Determine whether it's easier for you to spend two nights in a row there instead of spreading it out.
posted by metasarah at 11:27 AM on February 9, 2023

Are there other ways of simplifying your process? For example, can you find a reasonable place for you to get lunch at work so you have one less thing to worry about when you have a midweek sleep over.
posted by mmascolino at 9:16 AM on February 10, 2023

Response by poster: Thanks, everyone! I appreciate it :)

Based on the suggestions, sounds like I've actually been doing ok! I keep duplicate toiletries at his place (I'm pretty minimal). I also leave socks and undies that always get washed (he's on top of the laundry situation). I leave some meals for lunch in his freezer, but I still need breakfast and snacks.

In response to some ideas...

Buying lunch during the day wouldn't work too well since I only have about 30 minutes and I need to spend part of it prepping...but in asking this question I've realized that I can leave a bunch of non-perishable food items at work (instant oatmeal, canned soup, granola bars, dried fruits, nuts) as well as bowls and utensils. I usually don't have dinner with him on nights we spend together during the week since he has dinner so early (he makes dinner for himself and his son every weeknight)...but I'm thinking that if I plan to go to his place right after work (instead of going home first), I could have dinner there and reap the benefit of leftovers (and yes, contribute to the meals).

I like the idea of a couple of work outfits that live at his place - what I wear to his place stays at his place for the next week (I just need a couple in rotation which is easy enough to manage).
posted by I_carried_a_watermelon at 3:08 PM on February 10, 2023