Are you kidding me right now? Neighbor edition

July 16, 2022 6:13 PM

I just knocked on my upstairs neighbor's door for several minutes, increasingly louder knocks, until finally she turned the (extremely loud, bass-y) music down and said through the door, who is it? I said, it's your downstairs neighbor. And then she turned the music back up and said to her friend, it's nobody important, it's just my downstairs neighbor.

Some of you may recall my previous Ask about my upstairs neighbor. I was told the note was a terrible idea and I agreed. I never wrote her a note or talked to her about the late night noise. It's gotten somewhat less terrible, but still some bad nights. I will be moving in about 2 months.

I realize it is Saturday, and it is not even 8:00pm. But the upstairs neighbor started playing extremely loud music. Super loud in my apartment, still very loud in the hall. A neighbor was coming out of his apartment and we talked about how loud it was. He offered to go say something, which was really nice. But the last time she was playing loud music she had just moved in, and I told her politely it was really really loud, and she apologized a lot and I haven't heard her play music since then. I said thank you to my next door neighbor, but I will go talk to her.

I knocked politely. And then a bit louder. Four times increasingly louder. At first I thought she couldn't hear me because the music was too loud, then it occurred to me she was ignoring it. I realize it's not the end of the world or anything but omg. So I came back down and called emergency maintenance and they said they would send someone over to ask her to turn it down.

Then I heard my next door neighbor return so I went out, and a third neighbor was there, and I told them what happened. And the music was still going and really loud. So my very nice neighbor who had offered said he would go say something, and he wouldn't mention me, he would say his baby couldn't sleep. While we were talking the music ended and I saw the woman leave with a man, dressed up for going out. I don't know if the maintenance guys showed up and that's why she left, or if she was going to leave anyway.

Two people suggested I call the police next time but that's not something I would do at this point. I am a white woman and my upstairs neighbor is a black woman, which is part of the reason I would not do that. If that is inappropriate to mention please feel free to correct me on it.

posted by Glinn to Human Relations (17 answers total)

You either go back and shout as loud as you can "TURN YOUR FUCKING MUSIC DOWN" or you move. There's no in between.
posted by phunniemee at 6:41 PM on July 16, 2022 [35 favorites]

When intentional and unreasonable noise happens above me, I make intentional and unreasonable noise in return. Banging on the ceiling with a broom is a classic response for a reason — it’s VERY annoying even if loud music is playing. If they want you to stop banging the ceiling, they can turn down the volume. This seems aggressive but it works, and playing super loud music is also aggressive!
posted by goodbyewaffles at 6:43 PM on July 16, 2022 [10 favorites]

Upstairs Neighbor Problem Solver
posted by falsedmitri at 6:59 PM on July 16, 2022 [13 favorites]

Best answer: If you're moving in two months, it's not worth escalating at 8 PM. A bad neighbor can make your life hell. (After midnight and it's still going? Might get a little confrontational at that point.)

Good for you for not calling the police on her. That speaks very highly of you as a person. Hope your next place is quieter <3
posted by coffeeand at 7:05 PM on July 16, 2022 [26 favorites]

Best answer: You're right you shouldn't call the police on a black woman.

Sounds like it's resolved tonight. If it happens again, you can ask her to turn it down again. Your other neighbours can ask her to turn it down. You can call emergency maintenance. You can also get noise cancelling headphones. At the end of the day, you're there for 2 more months, so you may have to just deal with it.
posted by spicytunaroll at 7:11 PM on July 16, 2022 [6 favorites]

Thanks for not calling the cops, that’s the correct choice and race is absolutely relevant in making that call.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:13 PM on July 16, 2022 [17 favorites]

Best answer: Just to mention another idea: it sounds like your nice neighbor with the baby would be willing to speak to the woman, and since they're (probably?) not moving in 2 months, maybe the two of you could agree that the next time, he would go ahead and speak with the woman upstairs instead of you? Having 2 neighbors complain seems like it would be more powerful than just you ("nobody important") complaining.
posted by StrawberryPie at 7:17 PM on July 16, 2022 [17 favorites]

I agree that with 2 months to go, it's not worth escalating.
While I don't think this situation warranted a police call, in general, I don't think you need to take race into account when calling the police. If something merits a police call, it merits a police call, regardless of who is involved.
My perspective as a black woman.
posted by fies at 7:41 PM on July 16, 2022 [5 favorites]

Unrelated to race, the police are extraordinarily unlikely to do anything about it. It’s a neighbor dispute and unless they’re extremely bored they’re unlikely to want to get involved.
posted by tubedogg at 8:04 PM on July 16, 2022 [6 favorites]

Salsa music. 6AM.
posted by nickggully at 8:21 PM on July 16, 2022 [3 favorites]

Your neighbor is willing to go talk with her, so next time it happens, let him do that. If he's not around, call maintenance again. Otherwise I wouldn't do anything. You're already moving out so you don't need to fix this long term. Leave it to the neighbors who are staying.

You're absolutely correct that calling the cops would be a bad idea.
posted by Stacey at 8:31 PM on July 16, 2022 [2 favorites]

Baby shark on repeat early in the morning. They’ll get the message.
posted by Jubey at 8:50 PM on July 16, 2022 [2 favorites]

I agree that in the US you should not call the police on someone who is Black unless you or someone else are in immediate danger of serious physical injury or death.
posted by carriage pulled by cassowaries at 9:48 PM on July 16, 2022 [5 favorites]

Salsa music. 6AM.

Baby shark on repeat early in the morning. They’ll get the message.

In my experience people like that don't get the message, and meanwhile you're exposing all your other neighbors to more noise.

I'd try to get all the neighbors to complain to management, and yeah, maybe complain to her in a group. (Keeping in mind that this might feel very threatening and unpleasant to her, though personally I feel it's proportionate when you're forcing other people to experience your subwoofers.)
posted by trig at 11:21 PM on July 16, 2022 [26 favorites]

If your lease says anything about noise disturbing the neighbors, you may be able to get some traction with the landlord, especially if it’s a management company. They may resist, but it’s worth a shot.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:01 AM on July 17, 2022 [3 favorites]

Good odds that they were having sex, based on taking a long time to answer and not opening the door. That may or may not make you feel better about her rudeness in referring to you as "nobody important" and ignoring you.
posted by metasarah at 8:39 AM on July 17, 2022 [1 favorite]

What made my building manager take me more seriously is that my upstairs neighbor's antics were causing the pictures to fall off my walls and cover the floor with broken glass. Some people take destruction of inanimate objects more seriously than damage to people.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:42 AM on July 17, 2022 [7 favorites]