Rehoming a cat who's not happy
June 14, 2022 5:42 AM Subscribe
My beautiful Wisakedjak is one of five cats in our house; I've had him since kittenhood and he's about five years old now. But he has never been entirely happy and we're thinking he may need a different sort of home.
He gets extremely mournfully mewsome, especially when a door's open (with the screen door shut), he has a tendency to bolt if there's a clear shot to the outside, and he will piss in any box he finds (they all like sitting in boxes, but Jak will piss in them). We're thinking he may need to be an indoor-outdoor or even fully outdoor cat, which is not a setup we're prepared to provide. Are we giving up on him too early, and are we allowed to give up on him? We have him on 0.4mL daily fluoxetine for his melancholy but it doesn't seem to help much.
He also had a kidney blockage a few years ago and ever since then has been on prescription dry food (which we feed to all of our cats, because we can't easily segregate him). I'm not sure how in good conscience we rehome under those circumstances either --- send a stipend to cover his expensive diet? I feel badly about the whole thing but he'd probably be happier elsewhere and we'd be less anxious without all the urine and door-bolting worries.
He gets extremely mournfully mewsome, especially when a door's open (with the screen door shut), he has a tendency to bolt if there's a clear shot to the outside, and he will piss in any box he finds (they all like sitting in boxes, but Jak will piss in them). We're thinking he may need to be an indoor-outdoor or even fully outdoor cat, which is not a setup we're prepared to provide. Are we giving up on him too early, and are we allowed to give up on him? We have him on 0.4mL daily fluoxetine for his melancholy but it doesn't seem to help much.
He also had a kidney blockage a few years ago and ever since then has been on prescription dry food (which we feed to all of our cats, because we can't easily segregate him). I'm not sure how in good conscience we rehome under those circumstances either --- send a stipend to cover his expensive diet? I feel badly about the whole thing but he'd probably be happier elsewhere and we'd be less anxious without all the urine and door-bolting worries.
In my opinion, it’s ethically just fine to try to find a new home for any cat for any reason or no reason, as long as you’re able to take your time and give them to someone who will be a good cat parent (whether it’s okay to give up a cat when you can’t find a good home for them is a very very different question).
It doesn’t sound like there’s any sort of urgency to finding him a new home, so I’d just start looking - if you find someone who wants him and can provide an environment where he’d be happier, problem solved! You can offer to pay for his food (indefinitely or for a limited time) if you want, but as long as the new cat parents understand what they’re taking on by taking him, I think you’re totally in the clear ethically.
posted by maleficent at 7:37 AM on June 14, 2022
It doesn’t sound like there’s any sort of urgency to finding him a new home, so I’d just start looking - if you find someone who wants him and can provide an environment where he’d be happier, problem solved! You can offer to pay for his food (indefinitely or for a limited time) if you want, but as long as the new cat parents understand what they’re taking on by taking him, I think you’re totally in the clear ethically.
posted by maleficent at 7:37 AM on June 14, 2022
A lot of this depends on where you are. In my area, we have hungry coyotes and voracious eagles, so outdoor cats are very likely to get eaten. We also have a lot of smaller birds and rodents that are constrained by the unique micro-climates of the PNW and a cat that is a fantastic hunter can do some serious damage. There are still a few indoor/outdoor cats in my neighborhood and strays in the city and so-on, but it’s an increasingly unusual thing here.
However, if you live in an area devoid of predators that will handily eat a cat for dinner, and your cat who yearns for the great outdoors is going to be eating a very particular diet and not decimating the songbird and vole populations, it’s less of a bad choice, I think. If you can rehome him somewhere that is more like this, definitely keep an eye out for possibilities.
There are some other things you might try. One is to take him for walks. I know it seems extremely goofy and awkward, but cats absolutely can be harness trained. Then you attach a lead and let them sort of stalk around. Walking a cat is entirely unlike walking a dog. But it’s pretty hilarious and you can make sure they don’t get hurt while they can sate their curiosity and desire to pace their territory and scent mark.
Another idea is to try making a separate zone in your home for him. This might cut down on the peeing, assuming it’s territorial. Could he maybe be happy living upstairs, especially if you often keep the windows open? Give him the feeling of being an only cat and see how that might change things. Depending on what happens this would also give valuable information for finding a new home for him that’s the right fit.
Either way, it’s totally okay to start looking for a new home for him, especially since it seems like there isn’t a time limit and you will be entirely honest with his medical and environmental needs. Offering to pay for his expensive food is nice but depends on the person. There might be someone who would love to have a cat but can’t manage the financial burden, but there’s just as likely to be someone who can.
posted by Mizu at 8:20 AM on June 14, 2022
However, if you live in an area devoid of predators that will handily eat a cat for dinner, and your cat who yearns for the great outdoors is going to be eating a very particular diet and not decimating the songbird and vole populations, it’s less of a bad choice, I think. If you can rehome him somewhere that is more like this, definitely keep an eye out for possibilities.
There are some other things you might try. One is to take him for walks. I know it seems extremely goofy and awkward, but cats absolutely can be harness trained. Then you attach a lead and let them sort of stalk around. Walking a cat is entirely unlike walking a dog. But it’s pretty hilarious and you can make sure they don’t get hurt while they can sate their curiosity and desire to pace their territory and scent mark.
Another idea is to try making a separate zone in your home for him. This might cut down on the peeing, assuming it’s territorial. Could he maybe be happy living upstairs, especially if you often keep the windows open? Give him the feeling of being an only cat and see how that might change things. Depending on what happens this would also give valuable information for finding a new home for him that’s the right fit.
Either way, it’s totally okay to start looking for a new home for him, especially since it seems like there isn’t a time limit and you will be entirely honest with his medical and environmental needs. Offering to pay for his expensive food is nice but depends on the person. There might be someone who would love to have a cat but can’t manage the financial burden, but there’s just as likely to be someone who can.
posted by Mizu at 8:20 AM on June 14, 2022
Hmmmm. This is tough. One of my cats, Tony Soprano, will also pee in any box he finds but that's just him being Tony. I try not to leave boxes around. Also, lots of cats do like to bolt.
I wouldn't say based on your description that Jak is sad and needs to be rehomed. I've had many cats over the years and they've all varied in levels of friendliness.
Of course, wanting to rehome your cat for any reason is totally up to you and that's your decision; I'm just saying based on what your info I wouldn't rehome.
I live in a very rural area and loads of friends have outdoor cats and barn cats. Outdoor cats do get eaten by fishercats, hawks, coyotes and they also have a tendency to get run over by cars. I'm not sure an outdoor existence is ever better for a cat.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:23 PM on June 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't say based on your description that Jak is sad and needs to be rehomed. I've had many cats over the years and they've all varied in levels of friendliness.
Of course, wanting to rehome your cat for any reason is totally up to you and that's your decision; I'm just saying based on what your info I wouldn't rehome.
I live in a very rural area and loads of friends have outdoor cats and barn cats. Outdoor cats do get eaten by fishercats, hawks, coyotes and they also have a tendency to get run over by cars. I'm not sure an outdoor existence is ever better for a cat.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:23 PM on June 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
In my experience, many cats who seem to require the outdoors are not actually craving the outdoors, especially if raised indoors from kittenhood. Often, they are protesting something about the home environment itself. Nearby children/dogs, devices like vacuums or blenders, too many people in and out or generally about, chaotic feeding situations, unideal litter box setups, etc. But most commonly, a cat may just dislike the number or nature of other cats in the house. Five cats is MANY! Kudos for managing this so far, because you're clearly doing tons right. Usually, so many cats in one space will invite a lot more issues than just this, especially if they're all indoors, and never far from each other's behaviors and smells.
That this cat wants to pee in boxes only reinforces my impression that he's unhappy among roommates. Peeing is a common protest behavior, and/or an expression of anxiety. And/or, he simply wants to pee somewhere that feels more private than his assigned area. (Many cats detest sharing a litter box. Even if he has his own, it may not feel fully his due to the ambient odor of other cats existing or excreting nearby.)
If I'm correct, then yes, he'd do better in another home. Not an indoor-outdoor home (the risks to both cat and nature are usually unacceptable*), but rather an uncrowded place, with few to zero cats already living there. An adopter should also be prepared to manage his peeing for at least a while, since the behavior's probably a bit entrenched. That said, sometimes peeing will just cease when causative stress is relieved; ditto on bolting. I doubt he is a Problem Cat at heart. And even if he is just Difficult, some people will take that on, especially if he's their only cat. You're not forcing someone to deal with pee/bolting/prescription diets, you're offering someone the pleasure of pet guardianship. As for your cat, you're giving him the chance at a happier life. After all, even if his main issue turns out to be internal more than external, a cat with behavioral problems will often prefer a calmer, less crowded environment.
This does, however, assume he's not very attached to you. Some delicate cats get SUPER attached to their people, and the behaviors only worsen when separated from you. If he is attached, or you're attached, maybe there are still steps you could take before rehoming. First off, I'd seek out a pet behaviorist, to be sure you've gotten the bottom of the issue here. They can help you try all there is to be tried, and talk you through the emotions of rehoming. They're not going to judge you for talking about a rehome, btw. Their job is really more to manage humans than pets, so most are very gentle and easy to talk to. They may even have connections for rehoming if you don't know anyone suitable.
(*I admit to bias on the "outdoor" question, because whatever risks one decides to let the cat himself carry, the songbirds and local fauna are the ones who suffer most from roaming cats. Like, to a rather unconscionable degree, in ecological terms. Ferals do the most damage, but well fed cats also hunt on instinct.)
posted by desert outpost at 4:06 PM on June 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
That this cat wants to pee in boxes only reinforces my impression that he's unhappy among roommates. Peeing is a common protest behavior, and/or an expression of anxiety. And/or, he simply wants to pee somewhere that feels more private than his assigned area. (Many cats detest sharing a litter box. Even if he has his own, it may not feel fully his due to the ambient odor of other cats existing or excreting nearby.)
If I'm correct, then yes, he'd do better in another home. Not an indoor-outdoor home (the risks to both cat and nature are usually unacceptable*), but rather an uncrowded place, with few to zero cats already living there. An adopter should also be prepared to manage his peeing for at least a while, since the behavior's probably a bit entrenched. That said, sometimes peeing will just cease when causative stress is relieved; ditto on bolting. I doubt he is a Problem Cat at heart. And even if he is just Difficult, some people will take that on, especially if he's their only cat. You're not forcing someone to deal with pee/bolting/prescription diets, you're offering someone the pleasure of pet guardianship. As for your cat, you're giving him the chance at a happier life. After all, even if his main issue turns out to be internal more than external, a cat with behavioral problems will often prefer a calmer, less crowded environment.
This does, however, assume he's not very attached to you. Some delicate cats get SUPER attached to their people, and the behaviors only worsen when separated from you. If he is attached, or you're attached, maybe there are still steps you could take before rehoming. First off, I'd seek out a pet behaviorist, to be sure you've gotten the bottom of the issue here. They can help you try all there is to be tried, and talk you through the emotions of rehoming. They're not going to judge you for talking about a rehome, btw. Their job is really more to manage humans than pets, so most are very gentle and easy to talk to. They may even have connections for rehoming if you don't know anyone suitable.
(*I admit to bias on the "outdoor" question, because whatever risks one decides to let the cat himself carry, the songbirds and local fauna are the ones who suffer most from roaming cats. Like, to a rather unconscionable degree, in ecological terms. Ferals do the most damage, but well fed cats also hunt on instinct.)
posted by desert outpost at 4:06 PM on June 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Another anecdote that might make you feel better:
I have friends who live in a rural area and have an indoor/outdoor cat. The cat disappeared, and months later my friends discovered that it had chosen to take up residence with the outdoor/barn-cats of some semi-nearby neighbors. Since the cat seemed to be doing fine, they just let it continue to do its kitty-cat thing. :)
posted by SageTrail at 6:33 AM on June 14, 2022