COVID risk and the one-year-old child

June 11, 2022 10:20 AM

I know I'm not the first person to ask about this, but a lot changes in three months. Many months ago, my spouse and I agreed that we'd start giving our baby a more "normal" life when she was vaccinated or turned one--whichever came first. H just turned one, and I'm not so sure anymore. Do I stick to our agreement and let her experience a semi-normal life? Or do we stay clositered indefinitely?

I know the last time someone asked about this, the advice was a pretty resounding "let your kid live a normal life." But cases have spiked since then, new variants keep popping up, I'm seeing more infections in our social circle, and I just want to do right my by child.

For most of her first year, my spouse and I have been H's entire world. We have managed to see family a couple times, she's been to the doctor, and we have gone on a few outings to places like the zoo, gardens, etc. Other than that? It's the three of us (well, the two of us during most work days) in our small house. This relative isolation doesn't seem to have damaged H all that much, but she has missed a couple small social milestones (like waving).

So now my spouse wants to stick to our agreement and start exposing H to more people and places. Think having people over, going to church weekly, visiting museums, flying to visit relatives for holidays, etc. They say the benefit to H and to our mental health outweighs the risk to her age group. But do they?

To be clear, I'm not looking for middle-ground suggestions. We cannot, for example, stick to outside activities (as it is routinely over 100 degrees here), we don't really have friends we can bubble with (we moved here in March 2020, so we don't know people outside of my spouse's work), and my spouse doesn't want to postpone the decision even a couple more weeks to wait for the possibility of vaccine approval (given all the delays up to this point).

So the question is simply whether or not I should let my one-year-old child experience more of the world despite COVID. And if you think I shouldn't, what science-based resources do you have that I can show my spouse?

posted by Bambiraptor to Human Relations (19 answers total)

My kid is 5, and vaxxed, but we are still rather isolated. Long Covid is freaky. Covid typically causes visible brain damage and measurable cognitive decline, in *mild* cases. Covid increases chances of diabetes by some 59%. Covid may be causing long-term liver inflammation in children. Etc etc.

The world is less Covid-safe now than it was a year ago, because the same level of activity will give you a lot more exposure (bc otherwise smart and educated people have bought into the myth that "pandemic is over").

If it's any consolation, the lifestyle of a 0-2yo non-poverty baby in the USA circa 2018 was fantastically abnormal from a historical perspective. For most of human history, babies didn't get much socialization or life experience outside of their immediate family and whatever was in the surrounding mile. It seems weird to isolate if you think of dozens of play dates and daycare, and swim lessons and petting zoos and parties and gymnasiums as normal, but they aren't, except for a pretty limited class of people during a short period of time.

I will post links to peer reviewed literate for the claims I made above later when I have time, sorry for now.
posted by SaltySalticid at 11:07 AM on June 11, 2022 [10 favorites]

There's no right answer, of course, but you're making it much harder on all 3 of you by refusing "middle-ground" suggestions. How about having people over - max 2, and they get tested first? How about going to church weekly - but not letting anyone else coo directly over the baby, and wearing masks yourselves? How about visiting museums - in off-peak-hours, while you are wearing masks? How about driving instead of flying to visit relatives over the holidays?

It doesn't seem like a rip-the-BandAid-off solution would make you comfortable and, frankly, it might overwhelm the little one. Reframe this phase like entering the air-lock when exiting the space ship, and make a new agreement around what that looks like. It's only human to need some time to decompress and adjust to a new rule set.
posted by nkknkk at 11:09 AM on June 11, 2022 [30 favorites]

There’s a bunch we can’t be sure of with Covid and long Covid and MIS-C but the evidence generally still points to Covid usually being of little danger to otherwise healthy small children. There have always been communicable diseases that little kids are vulnerable to, particularly the flu. These have generally not stopped families from participating in public life, while also incorporating reasonable precautions.

My recommendation (as a parent of a young child that is now vaccinated but went back to daycare/preschool before there was any vaccine, so we went through a decision tree then) is yes to more normal things but farther apart and less risky than during non-Covid life. Do a museum this week during a less crowded time and invite a family over a full week after that. Plan a plane trip but not during the holidays and lay low a bit before and once you get there. Church to me seems like the riskiest of all the activities you mention (or maybe similar to plane travel.)

In terms of socialization, I don’t think the lack of it is a huge deficit until quite a bit later (though some kids crave and benefit from being around other kids more than others do), but your child definitely needs the grownups in her life to be mentally healthy and expanding your risk profile might be necessary on that front.
posted by vunder at 11:15 AM on June 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

I don't know when you made the agreement with your partner, and you don't say where you live, but where I live nothing has changed in the past few months that would make a plan that was a good plan for you and your partner in, e.g. January be a bad plan now. So my vote is stick to the plan.

That said, if you're in the US, your kid will likely be eligible for their first dose of vaccine in literally nine days! I don't think it would be crazy to wait for that.
posted by caek at 11:16 AM on June 11, 2022 [10 favorites]

I'm in almost the exact same boat with an 11 month old. I'm focusing on trying to suggest some outdoor activities (we still haven't actually done anything except occasionally visit close family) while pushing to wait for riskier stuff until the vaccine is approved. It's really hard to keep fighting about it when it seems like everyone including my partner wants to consider the pandemic over, but we've been careful so long, I don't want to falter in the home stretch just as vaccines seem to be so close.

If it helps, I've read that no external socialization is actually needed for the first 2 years since all social needs are fulfilled by the parents at first (eg see this article). So they won't really suffer from being isolated yet, but of course it would be really nice to be able to do enriching activities with them anyway. It's really hard.
posted by randomnity at 11:19 AM on June 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Here's some sobering research articles to support the statements I made at the top, and some more to boot. I wish this stuff was more widely known and publicized.

About 25% of children infected with Covid suffer from long-Covid (~80k sample size)

59% increased risk of acquiring diabetes post-Covid infection (meta-analysis, ~6M patients)

Early research describing COVID-19 Associated Hepatitis in Children (CAH-C)

Brain damage (reduction of grey matter) and cognitive decline Covid patients (who were not hospitalized)
posted by SaltySalticid at 12:01 PM on June 11, 2022 [15 favorites]

Agree with many of the previous points, and I’m also empathetic to these tough decisions as a mom of 2.5 year old twins and a newborn. My twins were in the thick of isolate during the 1-2 year old range without any external socialization - they’ve now been in child care for a 5 months, and I can say with confidence that I don’t think they missed out on anything socially and developmentally from the isolation. I think we were lucky that it happened during the under age 2 period where they don’t actually need much beyond their parents. The isolation was much harder on me and my husband (I missed taking them to all those mommy and me classes, and we also moved to a new city during the pandemic and haven’t been able to make new family friends) than on the toddlers. And for us, the difficult for us was more than worth it to protect our little ones, including from the unknowns of long Covid.

I know you said your husband doesn’t want to wait any longer, but the vaccine for little ones is literally just around the corner so it’s worth it to wait a little bit — and then ease in as others have suggested above. It may take you little one some time to adjust to social environments and increase stimulation anyway.
posted by purplevelvet at 1:58 PM on June 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

I know it feels like we're Charlie Brown trying to kick Lucy's football as far as the under-5 vaccine is concerned but I really think approval is coming soon. Money is already starting to change hands for the doses and the FDA ruled last night that the Moderna young-kid vaccine is safe and effective. I've heard from friends in other states whose pediatricians are actually scheduling vaccine appointments for their under-5 patients. I really think it's actually going to happen this time. So, why not just wait till dose 1? Then at least the coronavirus will be slightly less novel to your child. It's also the case that in a lot of places there's an Omicron surge that is showing signs of starting to die down. It feels to me like waiting a couple more weeks might be worth it, though I imagine your partner will feel like you keep moving the goalposts and I understand that could be frustrating for them.

That said...in our case, we had a wedding that we absolutely weren't willing to miss. So our unvaccinated two-year-old took her first flight a couple weeks ago. She was scared and nervous at first, but she had a blast on the plane and at the wedding. I think she's going to be just fine. And I think your kiddo will too.
posted by potrzebie at 2:09 PM on June 11, 2022

Response by poster: Just to clarify, nkknkk's suggestions are largely what my spouse wants. When I said I wasn't looking for middle ground, I meant between those sorts of things and staying isolated. We're not talking about taking H to packed places on holidays or anything. (Sorry that wasn't clear. My brain is so fried this weekend.) So yes, I'm looking to know if going to museums off-hours and taking H to church while keeping her on my lap would be okay--things like that.

With the one exception, I suppose, of flying. Driving to family is not an option, given the distance.

Thanks for all the perspectives and links so far.
posted by Bambiraptor at 2:13 PM on June 11, 2022

Flying seems like the last thing to add and the riskiest on your list since baby can’t wear a mask and others won’t be and there are a lot of folks with Covid in airports and on airplanes. Air exchange is good on planes, but crowded lines, taxiing, etc seems extra dangerous, especially if relatives can wear a mask and visit you.
posted by bluedaisy at 3:06 PM on June 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

A one-year-old can absolutely wear a mask. They make KN95s and KF94s in some truly adorable little sizes.
posted by potrzebie at 3:28 PM on June 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

Could you meet your family half-way somewhere for a vacation, or would that still be too far to drive? The only other thing on your list that seems more high-risk is church - seems worth waiting for the vaccine before doing that, whereas an empty museum would be much lower-risk. The rapid tests are good at detecting an infectious viral load, so having house guests who have tested negative, also low-risk.
posted by coffeecat at 3:57 PM on June 11, 2022

Save the made up strawman, please, praemunire, making up quotes to disagree with isn't helpful to anyone.

Back to the question of activities:

Church unmasked and singing indoors is sadly an amazingly great way to transmit Covid, those were several of the early famous super-spreader events.
Here's some specific instructions not to do that from a public health agency:

https://www.health.state.mn.us/diseases/coronavirus/musicguide.pdf
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:49 PM on June 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

We are in Australia. We have a 23 month old and are due next month to add a newborn into our life. So different context, different hemisphere and seasons. Who knows when under 5s vax will be approved here.

It's fraught! Summer is a good time to get out and about, vs winter, we've experienced with our local germ waves. Outside is better than inside.

We definitely still feel like we have to weigh up what we want to do and make choices about what we do in advance of those, because having not been exposed to the various germs of childhood, every time we go out, just about, she gets sick. And it's not covid, it's - well the last one was "slapped cheek" - just the assorted sniffles of childhood viruses that have re-surged. So we don't go to the music time as often as I'd like because either we don't go the next week because we got sick, or we don't go because we have plans that we want to prioritise.

Church- this hasn't actually been as much as a germ vector as I thought it would be (it's the playing with toys with other kids at music time). Mostly because she doesn't sit still and we pace the foyer and have to leave straight after to hit nap time (not a lot of socialising!) We sometimes split up and one of us will stay to socialise while the other takes the toddler home for nap. In person church is something we will prioritise over stuff. We do stay home if one of us is sick (let's be honest it's the toddler) or send one adult, to both respect the community and also to try and set the norm...

I really feel along with you that things are tough. I really struggle with my kid getting sick (I know it's normal and actually good for her immune system) but it's the "is this covid" panic, then the social pressure- can I take this kid out with an extremely mild sniffle (usually not) - the side eye judging other parents for taking out their kids (I hate this the most) and then the "cancel the plan, the kid is sick" sucks too.

My vote is for do stuff that really matters to you, be sensitive to the risks, try and mitigate them, and ride out the inevitable illnesses.
posted by freethefeet at 8:42 PM on June 11, 2022

Save the made up strawman, please, praemunire, making up quotes to disagree with isn't helpful to anyone.


Your claim--that babies were largely isolated through human history, ordinarily seeing only their family and what was within a mile--is so ahistorical I'm not even sure where it's coming from. Making erroneous statements about the past to support public health recommendations is less than helpful.

If it were me, Bambiraptor, of all those activities, I'd hold off on the church. Lots of activities that generate aerosols, sometimes lots of touching (depending on what kind of church), frankly your baby isn't going to be having a meaningful spiritual experience. I appreciate it's tough on you if one of you is having to give up church weekly to watch the baby, but hold out for the vaccine on that one.
posted by praemunire at 10:23 PM on June 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

It's looking like vaccine will be approved for 1 year-olds in about a month.
posted by SemiSalt at 5:16 AM on June 12, 2022

Although your primary concern is the small one, don't forget that vaxxed, boosted grown-ups can still get COVID, and it can still suck. Ask me how I know. As you do venture out, please continue to mask up to protect yourselves and your ability to care for her.
posted by nkknkk at 9:50 AM on June 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

I think you should socialize more. Babies really need social contact - they learn a lot, and it’s emotionally healthy. The risk of covid is very low. Maybe talk to the pediatrician?

Raising a child entails a lot of risk - even just driving places. You can’t really have a life without accepting it.
posted by haptic_avenger at 2:52 PM on June 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

Your child is still so young and the permanent damage COVID can do is very serious. In your place, I would restrict social activities to outdoors only with reasonable avoidance of closely-packed crowds. Weekly church trips seems pretty high risk to me as does any indoor activity that brings together lots of people. The newest strains are so highly contagious, I wouldn't risk it.

As COVID won't be going away, limiting how many times your child is infected is a very important thing as every infection can cause serious damage that will accumulate and could change the course of their lives. We're in a mass-disabling event. A one year old will not suffer greatly by being restricted to carefully chosen outdoor activities only. Maybe you need to revisit why your spouse is holding on to the relatively arbitrary 1-year agreement given that risks are still very high for your child. Perhaps your spouse needs the social contact more than your kid at this point and that could be driving their decision to make the 1-year mark a thing they won't waver from despite the very real risks.
posted by quince at 1:03 PM on June 13, 2022 [1 favorite]