Family Member in the Hospital… What can I do to help?
May 7, 2022 9:03 AM Subscribe
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My uncle had a bad accident and was admitted to hospital for surgery, and thankfully will be okay. He’s in the ICU but will be moved to a regular room later today. I’m kind of the only family member who cares about things like this, unfortunately, and I’d like to do as much as possible to show my support. I was hoping to send flowers, not sure what kind but anything fresh and green to look at and to show that someone cares about him would be a nice gesture, right? I’d also be open to sending other things if I could figure out how to, like a book or anything else if you have suggestions on how I could go about that.
Additionally, his home life is not great, I think there’s a hoarding situation going on, they don’t seem to have any friends or neighbors, they’re quite isolated, my aunt and cousin are chronically ill and I haven’t seen them in almost two decades, and he’s the only person capable of doing physical tasks. I’m really worried about everyone right now, and thought about ordering them dinner, but I don’t even have their home phone number or information, although I can get it from parent, who seems loathe to help. I don’t really know what I can do here to truly help, but if there’s anything that I can do I’d like to show my support. I’ve reached out many times before, but I can’t even visit them as it’s always a “bad time” and something with them or the house is going on that makes me not able to connect. If there’s anything else that I can do, which admittedly might be over my pay grade, I’d love to hear any ideas on how I can help, if even just a little bit.
My uncle had a bad accident and was admitted to hospital for surgery, and thankfully will be okay. He’s in the ICU but will be moved to a regular room later today. I’m kind of the only family member who cares about things like this, unfortunately, and I’d like to do as much as possible to show my support. I was hoping to send flowers, not sure what kind but anything fresh and green to look at and to show that someone cares about him would be a nice gesture, right? I’d also be open to sending other things if I could figure out how to, like a book or anything else if you have suggestions on how I could go about that.
Additionally, his home life is not great, I think there’s a hoarding situation going on, they don’t seem to have any friends or neighbors, they’re quite isolated, my aunt and cousin are chronically ill and I haven’t seen them in almost two decades, and he’s the only person capable of doing physical tasks. I’m really worried about everyone right now, and thought about ordering them dinner, but I don’t even have their home phone number or information, although I can get it from parent, who seems loathe to help. I don’t really know what I can do here to truly help, but if there’s anything that I can do I’d like to show my support. I’ve reached out many times before, but I can’t even visit them as it’s always a “bad time” and something with them or the house is going on that makes me not able to connect. If there’s anything else that I can do, which admittedly might be over my pay grade, I’d love to hear any ideas on how I can help, if even just a little bit.
Hoarders will typically go out of their way to resist help or change their habits in any way, and they often hoard gifts instead of actually using them.
If it exists where they live and they're web-savvy, you could send them some money on a meal or grocery delivery service. If you send a small amount on Uber Eats you should get a notification that says when they open it or maybe when they use it (I forget which) which can confirm they are actually able to use it, and then you can send more.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:25 AM on May 7, 2022 [4 favorites]
If it exists where they live and they're web-savvy, you could send them some money on a meal or grocery delivery service. If you send a small amount on Uber Eats you should get a notification that says when they open it or maybe when they use it (I forget which) which can confirm they are actually able to use it, and then you can send more.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:25 AM on May 7, 2022 [4 favorites]
I'd agree with sending a card and then waiting to see if you can speak with him to see what he might want or need. I recently cared for a loved one and to be honest, the last thing they wanted or cared about were plants and balloons . And remember hospital rooms are small, and get crowded fast.
When they had the energy, my loved one appreciated brief upbeat calls and cards. They were also happy when we could bring some things from home that they wanted: a few clothing items and toiletries. Does he have any friends or family that you think will visit him?
You sound very well intended, but right now, it is probably best to just wait to see how he is doing before doing much. Initially, be prepared for him to not be able to talk or think very much at all. If you can, try to be there for him fin the ways that he wants you to on the road ahead, in the hospital, rehab, or back at home.
posted by fies at 9:40 AM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
When they had the energy, my loved one appreciated brief upbeat calls and cards. They were also happy when we could bring some things from home that they wanted: a few clothing items and toiletries. Does he have any friends or family that you think will visit him?
You sound very well intended, but right now, it is probably best to just wait to see how he is doing before doing much. Initially, be prepared for him to not be able to talk or think very much at all. If you can, try to be there for him fin the ways that he wants you to on the road ahead, in the hospital, rehab, or back at home.
posted by fies at 9:40 AM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
It sounds like you're judging other family members who have simply learned that their kindness and support isn't welcome - as indicated by your own rebuffs.
As for flowers, most hospitals don't allow them due to fragrance issues these days. A card would be fine. Maybe a special treat that he would be capable of eating - and allowed to eat. Nurses can keep these refrigerated, or pick something that doesn't require refrigeration.
posted by itsflyable at 12:53 PM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
As for flowers, most hospitals don't allow them due to fragrance issues these days. A card would be fine. Maybe a special treat that he would be capable of eating - and allowed to eat. Nurses can keep these refrigerated, or pick something that doesn't require refrigeration.
posted by itsflyable at 12:53 PM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
As for flowers, most hospitals don't allow them due to fragrance issues these days.
This isn't accurate; however, ICUs/HDUs generally won't allow them because they might be carrying bacteria. You can usually find the policy on the hospital website.
The website will probably also list the address for patients, so you can send a card. You might also call the hospital gift shop to see what you can send up.
posted by praemunire at 4:51 PM on May 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
This isn't accurate; however, ICUs/HDUs generally won't allow them because they might be carrying bacteria. You can usually find the policy on the hospital website.
The website will probably also list the address for patients, so you can send a card. You might also call the hospital gift shop to see what you can send up.
posted by praemunire at 4:51 PM on May 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
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A card with a heartfelt handwritten message might be more practical than flowers, at this stage. Also seeing if you can actually call him and talk, if you can't visit in person. If you think things are bad with his home life, keeping that line of contact open and letting him know he can get in touch with you if he needs to might be invaluable.
posted by fight or flight at 9:12 AM on May 7, 2022 [3 favorites]