Facebook In Memoriam / Memorial Page

October 18, 2021 8:20 AM

There's been a terrible, unexpected death, and I need pointers for creating a Facebook memorial page.

While there are many online memorial sites (caring bridge etc.), Facebook seems to be the best way to capture the lovely FB memorials that his friends are posting to their pages, corral the beautiful photos I've been sent (and upload more), and have a means to notify a lot of people when the belated funeral Mass and celebration-of-life get-together can take place safely next year. Our parents are also very interested in being able to see all this material in one place over an extended period of time.

I don't have a Facebook account, and don't know the do's and don'ts of setting up this sort of page. A friend who created one for her late sister years ago will be talking me through some of it later -- but her sister's page started out as a health-updates site, and was converted to a memorial page later. I don't know if this makes a difference, initially? I don't even know if I need a *personal* account first, in order to be the administrator of a memorial page. I don't know if I actually need to approve every person who wishes to join/follow; I shouldn't, right? I should just retain the right to delete weird, spammy posts from non-mourners? You know I'm usually a research hound, but the light's gone out of my life. I skimmed a tag, found an Ask about downloading info when closing out a page years after its creation, and had to give up.

Mainly: I don't want to run into difficulties with the Facebook memorial which were preventable, if only I'd set up the thing correctly. Seeking FB etiquette, conventions, tips, checklists, hacks, what have you, and memorial-specific pointers -- are there templates for this? I don't know what I don't know. Thank you so much for your assistance.

posted by Iris Gambol to Technology (10 answers total)

So sorry for your loss.

My understanding is that a person's personal page can be turned into a memorial page after they pass. Did this person have their own personal facebook page already?
posted by hydra77 at 8:45 AM on October 18, 2021

I’m so sorry for your loss. To echo hydra77, if this person has a personal account already that can be converted to a memorial pages. When someone close to me died unexpectedly, we set up a Facebook group called “in memory of [name]” which became a centralized area that members could post photos, admins could post memorial updates and moderate any comments if necessary. That did require someone to have a Facebook account to set up, post to and admin.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 8:51 AM on October 18, 2021 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I'm sorry, I forgot to include that -- my brother was not on Facebook, so there isn't an account to convert.
posted by Iris Gambol at 9:12 AM on October 18, 2021

I have missed the memorial services of two people who were very important to me because nobody notified me -- I assume they did everything through FB. Please just make sure someone - probably not you, you're busy - takes the fricking time, because it's merited to spend time on this, the time to tell people who aren't on FB.

Also please make sure this page is visible to those without accounts. I'm totally willing to test that for you if you want to send me a MeMail (I'm almost totally nocturnal at the moment, so I won't be quick, probably)
posted by amtho at 9:29 AM on October 18, 2021

Sorry, I do not want to make your life harder, at all, but you are *not alone* in not having a FB account.

I really miss those two people. I'm really sad that I'm kind of excluded from mourning them because I'm not ... going to let FB capitalize on my grief.

You do what you need to right now, please don't take this as more work for you, just... you can deal with reaching beyond this later if you want, or not.
posted by amtho at 9:32 AM on October 18, 2021 [2 favorites]

I don’t know what’s involved with setting up Caring bridge, but it has a nice interface & encourages collaboration. And another vote for staying off FB.
posted by gryphonlover at 10:56 AM on October 18, 2021

Response by poster: Oh, amtho, as someone also deeply Facebook-averse, I know exactly what you mean. I'm seeing the memorials that are up now only because people are going out of their way, while they're grieving, too, to take screenshots to send to me. I absolutely know some people will need to be notified separately, & I'm collecting as much non-FB contact info as I can. I'm also noting the impressive 'super-connector' folks who are getting ahold of people now off social media, who are offering to continue to do that for next year's planning.

I'm really sorry for your loss. Thanks for the 'visible to those without accounts' tip; I may have thought that was something a browser blocker setting was responsible for, when I've been able to view FB pages. And now I know I will need a personal account, and that "groups" can be used for memorials.
posted by Iris Gambol at 10:57 AM on October 18, 2021

Thanks. It was over 5 years ago, on average, and every time I think about it I just feel angrier and sadder.

But, if I acquiesce too, then what hope will I have that others are also resisting this kind of surrender? And how much lesser will be my motivation to support or create some version of this that actually is, at its core, truly the kind of social that will make the world better instead of worse? It's seeming less and less like vanity, and more and more like necessity.
posted by amtho at 2:59 PM on October 18, 2021

I am so very sorry. Please look after yourself.

Create Memorial Pages Using Facebook Groups
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:38 PM on October 18, 2021 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Time is a luxury, of course, and the memorial page is started. Thanks, all.
(On preview: MonkeyToes, thanks, I saw that during construction!)
posted by Iris Gambol at 4:43 PM on October 18, 2021 [1 favorite]