Grief vs Sexuality
January 3, 2011 2:40 AM Subscribe
How do I reconcile my interests and passions with creativity and human sexuality, in the face of death, grief, and tragedy? Are there any thoughtful heartfelt resources from those who have talked about the two?
posted by divabat to human relations (10 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
The past couple of years I've really gone gungho with exploring my sexuality and sexual expression - creatively, personally, any which way. Creative sexuality has become quite the passion. I'm starting up some projects that explore this, been involved in community activities, experienced new lovers...all sorts of boundary exploration.
Over NY weekend I found out that one of my cousins passed away from a freak accident. She was in her late 20s, not that much older than me, and we had pretty much grown up together. It's the most significant family death I've experienced (especially in this age range) and all of us are reeling from the unexpectedness of it.
My biggest issue here is trying to reconcile my grief and the tragedy with my need/desire for further self-expression and exploration. In the light of this death it seems like anything to do with sexuality seems so superficial, so pointless, so hedonistic and useless. Like it's somehow disrespecting her honour or something, that the only appropriate way to respond to death in the family is to shut down everything else and just mourn. I had all sorts of plans and projects for this coming year involving erotic creativity, but now they all seem so...somewhere between "useless" and "disrespectful". Selfish. It's not "saving the world", it's hedonistic and extravagant.
Heck I'm even feeling conflicted over my personal coping needs. I usually tend to turn to personal touch for comfort - cuddles, hugs, that sort of thing. Part of me desires some sort of sensual comfort, to reach out and touch someone. But even now that seems selfish or inappropriate or something. It's likely irrational, but still.
So anyway. Does anyone know of any good resources, writings, reflections, etc that can help me reconcile these two opposing needs? Anyone who has looked delicately or thoughtfully at the connection between grief and sexuality? About embodying yourself while still honouring others?