is it time to move to LA?
July 23, 2021 3:08 PM Subscribe
after the pandemic, i'm trying to figure out where to live with my partner and my pup...move back to nyc, or try for a new start in LA? i'm so torn about what to do....details below!!
i moved back to southern california to stay with my family shortly before the pandemic hit (my partner and i were in nyc before then, and shortly before all of this we adopted a dog), and am finally ready to move on. but...where to go? back to nyc, where all my friends are, but where the cost of living is just too high for our unstable incomes, and where the dog will probably be much less happy, and the experiences of the city more difficult with the dog to account for? or to LA...which i think has a combination of what i've liked about where i've been the past year and a half (access to hikes, beaches, more time spent outdoors, interesting food to explore), and new york...
however...i don't have any friends in la (i know a few people from online i could conceivably befriend), and my best friends are in new york. i'm also very very bad at driving (i have a driver's license but very rarely drive...i would probably retake driving lessons if we moved). it seems like housing is cheaper and possibly better in LA...and i think the dog would be happier there. but i've loved ny all the years i've lived there--and it's daunting to think about building a social circle from scratch. my bf also has adjunct teaching lined up in ny and nothing in LA (though it seems like there would be more industry opportunities in la). i freelance and teach sometimes and so could probably swing the move.
i've been agonizing about what to do and just don't know the answer....the dog, the cost of living, seems to point towards la...i also like the idea of trying something new and different, starting from scratch. but is that worth leaving all my friends behind, and the museums and the culture and the memories of the city? what do you think about when you think about these kinds of choices? what would you do? what should factor into my decision making that i'm not thinking about? it's hard to decide what's more important (friends vs access to nature/weather/better housing for instance) when i don't know what possibilities are waiting for me. help!
i moved back to southern california to stay with my family shortly before the pandemic hit (my partner and i were in nyc before then, and shortly before all of this we adopted a dog), and am finally ready to move on. but...where to go? back to nyc, where all my friends are, but where the cost of living is just too high for our unstable incomes, and where the dog will probably be much less happy, and the experiences of the city more difficult with the dog to account for? or to LA...which i think has a combination of what i've liked about where i've been the past year and a half (access to hikes, beaches, more time spent outdoors, interesting food to explore), and new york...
however...i don't have any friends in la (i know a few people from online i could conceivably befriend), and my best friends are in new york. i'm also very very bad at driving (i have a driver's license but very rarely drive...i would probably retake driving lessons if we moved). it seems like housing is cheaper and possibly better in LA...and i think the dog would be happier there. but i've loved ny all the years i've lived there--and it's daunting to think about building a social circle from scratch. my bf also has adjunct teaching lined up in ny and nothing in LA (though it seems like there would be more industry opportunities in la). i freelance and teach sometimes and so could probably swing the move.
i've been agonizing about what to do and just don't know the answer....the dog, the cost of living, seems to point towards la...i also like the idea of trying something new and different, starting from scratch. but is that worth leaving all my friends behind, and the museums and the culture and the memories of the city? what do you think about when you think about these kinds of choices? what would you do? what should factor into my decision making that i'm not thinking about? it's hard to decide what's more important (friends vs access to nature/weather/better housing for instance) when i don't know what possibilities are waiting for me. help!
If you have family in Southern California and you lived through the summer of 2020 in the area then you already know this, but wildfires and poor air quality (as well as heat events) should also be on your radar in your considerations about moving to LA. I live in California, so I know its charms, but these past few summers/falls have been awful.
There are also other places to live. You don't really say why would wouldn't consider other places to "start fresh", but perhaps you have your reasons.
posted by vunder at 3:31 PM on July 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
There are also other places to live. You don't really say why would wouldn't consider other places to "start fresh", but perhaps you have your reasons.
posted by vunder at 3:31 PM on July 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
Major cities, especially such as LA and the Bay Area, tend to be relatively expensive places to live, and there are additional issues such as the long-term drought and uptick in wildfires that may make California a less desirable place to be located, since you say that you do not really drive, and have an unstable income. Wildfires create air quality issues, and if you are in outlying areas, may necessitate an evacuation at some point in time. California is very nice, and I was just there a few weeks ago, and I am sure that there are lots of great aspects to living there, but inexpensive does not seem to be one of them.
There are many other great areas in the United States, and it may be worth considering if any of the places with a lower cost of living might be options. If you need to rebuild a social circle, would it be bad to do it somewhere that is more affordable?
posted by jgreco at 3:42 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
There are many other great areas in the United States, and it may be worth considering if any of the places with a lower cost of living might be options. If you need to rebuild a social circle, would it be bad to do it somewhere that is more affordable?
posted by jgreco at 3:42 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
- You don't list being close to family as one of the advantages of LA. You might consider how much of a factor that is for you and whether that might change within the time span of this decision.
- What does your partner think? How are important to them are the job opportunities in NYC?
posted by metahawk at 4:07 PM on July 23, 2021
- What does your partner think? How are important to them are the job opportunities in NYC?
posted by metahawk at 4:07 PM on July 23, 2021
I say go for it, I moved to California forever ago from NYC with a dog, an uncertain freelance life, and no friends and it worked out just fine. Sure there are cons, every place has them, but California is a very glass half-full kind of place with the scenery and weather at the very least.
Rents are down the lowest they've been in a long while, so signing a lease at the moment wouldn't be a terrible idea. Business restrictions were lifted in April and now (in my field at least) freelance gigs are steadily ticking up.
As the kids say, yolo.
posted by bradbane at 4:07 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Rents are down the lowest they've been in a long while, so signing a lease at the moment wouldn't be a terrible idea. Business restrictions were lifted in April and now (in my field at least) freelance gigs are steadily ticking up.
As the kids say, yolo.
posted by bradbane at 4:07 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
"LA" is huge, and covers the entire range of the rental market from top to bottom. It's difficult to compare to wherever you are now (or options in NYC) without knowing at least what your current spot is like or what you're looking for, and what kind of rent you can afford.
posted by snuffleupagus at 4:30 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by snuffleupagus at 4:30 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Were you in California last August when the wildfires started? The smoke has gotten so much worse in the last few years that it's worth thinking about whether you want to live with that (I think, unfortunately, the number and size of fires is only going to grow in the future). I love LA, but it also has a lot of challenges right now with homelessness, etc. Have you considered a town in the Hudson Valley or something else within a train ride of NYC?
posted by pinochiette at 4:59 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by pinochiette at 4:59 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
To me it sounds like you are leaning towards LA for great reasons but also the fact it’s not more of a “hell yes!” is worth to consider as you are now. I know moving is a pain in the ass and moving twice is extra difficult but you always have the option to return to NY. If you choose LA, you’ll want to give yourself maybe two years to try to adjust but ultimately you have options!
Also, NY may be the same place but it’s going to feel different when you return. LA hasn’t felt great on the friend front because even if you were super extroverted, social gatherings and meet ups aren’t happening like before. (I moved back to a city where I have a lot of friends and many of us haven’t been able to meet up due to lingering COVID concerns.) Regardless of which place you choose, I think it’ll go well!
posted by smorgasbord at 5:02 PM on July 23, 2021
Also, NY may be the same place but it’s going to feel different when you return. LA hasn’t felt great on the friend front because even if you were super extroverted, social gatherings and meet ups aren’t happening like before. (I moved back to a city where I have a lot of friends and many of us haven’t been able to meet up due to lingering COVID concerns.) Regardless of which place you choose, I think it’ll go well!
posted by smorgasbord at 5:02 PM on July 23, 2021
If you're in your 30s, you could probably befriend all the other New Yorkers who have reached the "move to LA" stage in life. If you make LA look good on Instagram in January, you could probably even lure a friend or two out west.
I recently started apartment hunting and even though there are still a few rent deals in Manhattan, Brooklyn has rebounded to pre-pandemic levels and some landlords are holding out because they think rents are going to continue to rise.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:17 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
I recently started apartment hunting and even though there are still a few rent deals in Manhattan, Brooklyn has rebounded to pre-pandemic levels and some landlords are holding out because they think rents are going to continue to rise.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:17 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
I live in southern CA and am its biggest fan. But, I do think having good friends and a strong support network is one of the most important parts of a happy life. It’s hard to start over, it’s hard to start over the older you get, and it’s hard in a massive city like LA. It’s 100% possible, but it’s slow-going here. And even slower with Covid and post-covid life. I would be absolutely giddy if I lived in the same city as my best friends.
There’s a lot of different factors in your post—family, friends, job, housing, pets, driving vs not, general lifestyle. You and your partner should sit down and rank where those things are for you, then think about which city can give you both the top 1-3 things you think you require for a happy life. And the best thing is, there’s no wrong choice. Good luck!
posted by namemeansgazelle at 5:26 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
There’s a lot of different factors in your post—family, friends, job, housing, pets, driving vs not, general lifestyle. You and your partner should sit down and rank where those things are for you, then think about which city can give you both the top 1-3 things you think you require for a happy life. And the best thing is, there’s no wrong choice. Good luck!
posted by namemeansgazelle at 5:26 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
"How much do I enjoy sitting in traffic?" seems like an important question to consider for anyone thinking about LA.
What about other options? Might someplace like Philadelphia be on the table? Are any of your NY friends also starting to be priced out, and where are they going?
posted by trig at 6:56 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
What about other options? Might someplace like Philadelphia be on the table? Are any of your NY friends also starting to be priced out, and where are they going?
posted by trig at 6:56 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
"How much do I enjoy sitting in traffic?" seems like an important question to consider for anyone thinking about LA.
This is overstated, especially for someone planning where they will be living and working. Crushing commutes tend to come from being locked into living in one place and then being obliged to take a new job one interchange too far.
How long does it take to get in and out of Manhattan from far out in Brooklyn or Queens every day? Let alone on Metro North?
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:58 AM on July 24, 2021 [3 favorites]
This is overstated, especially for someone planning where they will be living and working. Crushing commutes tend to come from being locked into living in one place and then being obliged to take a new job one interchange too far.
How long does it take to get in and out of Manhattan from far out in Brooklyn or Queens every day? Let alone on Metro North?
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:58 AM on July 24, 2021 [3 favorites]
Oooh, I'm an expert in this kind of decision. What you do is make a nice chart toting up the positives and negatives of each city. Add them up and at the bottom of the page it tells you the answer. All very left brained. The key is, when you look at the answer, you have to listen very closely to what your heart tells you. It will either say "Yes, I knew it, Yay!" or "Really? That doesn't feel right". Then you know which one your heart really wants.
Both cities are great, you'll be happy in each, it's just about sussing about what you really WANT.
Also, think about regrets. Are you more likely, when you're 80, to regret not having moved to LA to at least try it, or more likely to regret having moved away from NY?
posted by bluesky78987 at 8:36 AM on July 24, 2021
Both cities are great, you'll be happy in each, it's just about sussing about what you really WANT.
Also, think about regrets. Are you more likely, when you're 80, to regret not having moved to LA to at least try it, or more likely to regret having moved away from NY?
posted by bluesky78987 at 8:36 AM on July 24, 2021
Having moved to LA two years ago myself, I vote LA all the way. People here are quite friendly and open, more so than on the East Coast. I've made friends easier here than anywhere else I've ever lived, and I am not young. There is a TON of culture in LA, some of the best museums in the world, gorgeous plants blooming year-round under blue skies, and all the excitement and glamor of ANY world class city. You'll love it! Memail me if you want a tour =)
posted by acridrabbit at 5:05 PM on July 24, 2021
posted by acridrabbit at 5:05 PM on July 24, 2021
I might not win any popularity contests for saying this, but I wouldn't build your life and future around a dog. It just doesn't seem to me that it will be the best way to get to where you want to be down the road.
As to acirabbit's comment about people in LA being friendly, I'm in Southern California and I think the adage "Angelenos are nice but not kind, and New Yorkers are kind but not nice" has a lot of truth to it. People in Southern California can be very superficial. It's not just a stereotype. It's hard to have deep meaningful connections with people here. There seems to be something about "I'm here to re-invent myself" that has a corollary "Don't get too close to me lest you interfere with my plan". I think the physical layout in LA is also a factor. And yeah, if you don't like to drive, LA is definitely a sub-optimal choice. LA is all about driving.
If weather is important to you, then of course LA is better.
If you like mountains and ocean and desert, LA is better, but if you like trees, maybe NY is better.
I think you need to list the factors in your decision and give each one a weight and then see how they tally up.
posted by Dansaman at 12:21 AM on July 25, 2021
As to acirabbit's comment about people in LA being friendly, I'm in Southern California and I think the adage "Angelenos are nice but not kind, and New Yorkers are kind but not nice" has a lot of truth to it. People in Southern California can be very superficial. It's not just a stereotype. It's hard to have deep meaningful connections with people here. There seems to be something about "I'm here to re-invent myself" that has a corollary "Don't get too close to me lest you interfere with my plan". I think the physical layout in LA is also a factor. And yeah, if you don't like to drive, LA is definitely a sub-optimal choice. LA is all about driving.
If weather is important to you, then of course LA is better.
If you like mountains and ocean and desert, LA is better, but if you like trees, maybe NY is better.
I think you need to list the factors in your decision and give each one a weight and then see how they tally up.
posted by Dansaman at 12:21 AM on July 25, 2021
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