Am I jumping the gun/quit happy?
November 14, 2018 5:20 PM Subscribe
New job, day 2, strange (?) team/boss behavior that made me feel uncomfortable.
As you can see from my question history, I accepted a new job all the way across the country. I chalked it up to being a win-win especially after reading replies on the thread (get to try something new, be closer to my partner, make more money, take a risk while in my 20s) and if it didn't work out--well, I could look for something new. I was really hoping I wouldn't be considering looking for something new and would like the job and stay for a couple of years, but I did know that I wasn't gung-ho about the job or town, so my levels of excitement weren't through the roof.
However, it's only the 2nd day on the job and I already feel uncomfortable.
I knew I would be an odd duck because I'm an out of towner, all the way from another coast, working in a town that most people don't move to willingly. A lot of the comments were the expected "Wow! You moved all the way from there to *here*?? You're not going to stay long are you haha? You're too young to be here forever." And etc. I usually respond with "Oh, haha, I moved here because of partner and this job sounded so interesting! I plan on staying here as long as I'm needed/can."
My direct team was SUPER enthusiastic with having me on. They called me and texted me while I was making a decision on the offer, with "Please, join us! We'd love to have you on board! Here, I'll give you all these details about the cubicles if you're not sure. You can spend the night at my house when you come by!" It was a lot, but I thought of it as them being very nice and the job being not super popular with applicants. My boss is very passionate about her work and uses the words "family" and "love" and "needs to have a great sense of humor" to describe the team. Again, I was like, ok, "family" can be a red flag, but well, I do need a job, and I like to laugh, so cool.
Well, fast forward to day 2. We have a team meeting (about 5 people) and it turns out my boss's passion can also turn to passionate hate. "Our director is a stupid bitch." She started off with, and then everyone on the team jumped in to give their (negative) thoughts about the director. And then it hopped onto another person on HR that they didn't like. And another person they didn't like. And then talking about our CLIENTS (who are low-income, and often students) as "idiots."
And I was sitting in the meeting with a sinking feeling in my stomach, because this seemed so out of character from the interviews/chats/Day 1 of the team. I guess they sensed how uncomfortable I was, because they said "Oh, let's not scare ButtonedUp off on Day 2! We did that to the last girl. She was only here two weeks." *cue group laughter.*
I somehow feel conned but also wonder if I'm too sensitive. My last job, I really didn't enjoy the actual work, but I LOVED my team and coworkers. And everyone was pretty professional, as in, they never called anyone a bitch at team meetings or spend the next hour gossiping.
My first job was slightly like this, where my team/boss felt like they were mildly obsessed with me (or with [insert any new hire] because YAY finally a new hire came on!) and then it all went downhill with really uncomfortable/toxic work interactions.
I don't want to be too sensitive. A camp of family/friends thinks I should just put my head down and work and as long as they don't say anything to *me*, I should just keep working there. And it's only day 2.
But part of me feels so uncomfortable and I have this sinking pit in my stomach. My team seems so...mean. When did they become this mean since day 1?? But it's only day 2 and this seems weird. My therapist encourages me to follow my own gut but...work history. And also, I need money and more experience on my resume, and this job does both. I cannot afford to not have a job.
Since my first job was only 4 months (I leave that off resumes) and my last job was almost 2 years, it would suck to have another short stint. I know job hopping isn't the worst thing in the world, but it still gets to me. I don't mind job hunting again if I had to, but (1) How do I explain this to future employers and (2) am I a quitter? Should I chalk this up to a weird day and check back in with myself at the end of 3 months or something and see if this continues? Should I risk it and say something? Someone made a comment about "No snitching to HR" so I take it that I wouldn't be seen in a good light if I brought it up to my boss. Is this not even weird behavior? It is not common in my field to talk about clients this way either, because it is such a public health/community service orientated field and that just hasn't happened at meetings. But maybe, again, I'm too sensitive?
As you can see from my question history, I accepted a new job all the way across the country. I chalked it up to being a win-win especially after reading replies on the thread (get to try something new, be closer to my partner, make more money, take a risk while in my 20s) and if it didn't work out--well, I could look for something new. I was really hoping I wouldn't be considering looking for something new and would like the job and stay for a couple of years, but I did know that I wasn't gung-ho about the job or town, so my levels of excitement weren't through the roof.
However, it's only the 2nd day on the job and I already feel uncomfortable.
I knew I would be an odd duck because I'm an out of towner, all the way from another coast, working in a town that most people don't move to willingly. A lot of the comments were the expected "Wow! You moved all the way from there to *here*?? You're not going to stay long are you haha? You're too young to be here forever." And etc. I usually respond with "Oh, haha, I moved here because of partner and this job sounded so interesting! I plan on staying here as long as I'm needed/can."
My direct team was SUPER enthusiastic with having me on. They called me and texted me while I was making a decision on the offer, with "Please, join us! We'd love to have you on board! Here, I'll give you all these details about the cubicles if you're not sure. You can spend the night at my house when you come by!" It was a lot, but I thought of it as them being very nice and the job being not super popular with applicants. My boss is very passionate about her work and uses the words "family" and "love" and "needs to have a great sense of humor" to describe the team. Again, I was like, ok, "family" can be a red flag, but well, I do need a job, and I like to laugh, so cool.
Well, fast forward to day 2. We have a team meeting (about 5 people) and it turns out my boss's passion can also turn to passionate hate. "Our director is a stupid bitch." She started off with, and then everyone on the team jumped in to give their (negative) thoughts about the director. And then it hopped onto another person on HR that they didn't like. And another person they didn't like. And then talking about our CLIENTS (who are low-income, and often students) as "idiots."
And I was sitting in the meeting with a sinking feeling in my stomach, because this seemed so out of character from the interviews/chats/Day 1 of the team. I guess they sensed how uncomfortable I was, because they said "Oh, let's not scare ButtonedUp off on Day 2! We did that to the last girl. She was only here two weeks." *cue group laughter.*
I somehow feel conned but also wonder if I'm too sensitive. My last job, I really didn't enjoy the actual work, but I LOVED my team and coworkers. And everyone was pretty professional, as in, they never called anyone a bitch at team meetings or spend the next hour gossiping.
My first job was slightly like this, where my team/boss felt like they were mildly obsessed with me (or with [insert any new hire] because YAY finally a new hire came on!) and then it all went downhill with really uncomfortable/toxic work interactions.
I don't want to be too sensitive. A camp of family/friends thinks I should just put my head down and work and as long as they don't say anything to *me*, I should just keep working there. And it's only day 2.
But part of me feels so uncomfortable and I have this sinking pit in my stomach. My team seems so...mean. When did they become this mean since day 1?? But it's only day 2 and this seems weird. My therapist encourages me to follow my own gut but...work history. And also, I need money and more experience on my resume, and this job does both. I cannot afford to not have a job.
Since my first job was only 4 months (I leave that off resumes) and my last job was almost 2 years, it would suck to have another short stint. I know job hopping isn't the worst thing in the world, but it still gets to me. I don't mind job hunting again if I had to, but (1) How do I explain this to future employers and (2) am I a quitter? Should I chalk this up to a weird day and check back in with myself at the end of 3 months or something and see if this continues? Should I risk it and say something? Someone made a comment about "No snitching to HR" so I take it that I wouldn't be seen in a good light if I brought it up to my boss. Is this not even weird behavior? It is not common in my field to talk about clients this way either, because it is such a public health/community service orientated field and that just hasn't happened at meetings. But maybe, again, I'm too sensitive?
Start looking for a new gig. You're not being silly to have picked up on the toxic vibe at this place. Don't sweat it about the resumé – nobody expects a seamless one, especially if you've moved across the country. Start looking now.
posted by zadcat at 5:47 PM on November 14, 2018 [33 favorites]
posted by zadcat at 5:47 PM on November 14, 2018 [33 favorites]
This workplace sounds like it sucks, but I'm with your camp of people who suggest you keep your head down and work for a bit, and keep your work-life very separate. You can deflect weird office politics by shaking your head slowly, apologizing for being distracted, but you have SO MUCH to learn and you just moved to a new home and gosh everything is so overwhelming that you are trying to focus on being successful at work.
If you weren't in dire straits for money and could swing not having a job for a bit, I'd tell you to quit and cut your losses. But you need to work.
But yeah, put out feelers for a job with a better fit. They "lost a girl" in two weeks, surely losing two will be a red flag to them that they're doing something wrong. In hindsight, they were pretty desperate to bring you on... now you know why.
posted by juniperesque at 5:48 PM on November 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
If you weren't in dire straits for money and could swing not having a job for a bit, I'd tell you to quit and cut your losses. But you need to work.
But yeah, put out feelers for a job with a better fit. They "lost a girl" in two weeks, surely losing two will be a red flag to them that they're doing something wrong. In hindsight, they were pretty desperate to bring you on... now you know why.
posted by juniperesque at 5:48 PM on November 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
You are not too sensitive. Your new boss is shockingly unprofessional. Why the team goes along with it is either because they're afraid not to, or because, from attrition, the people still there are just like her.
And they're comfortable with showing their bad sides to a new hire immediately! SMH. No wonder the last person only lasted two weeks.
You're in a pickle, all right. A quick bail won't help your job history, and sticking it out most likely won't help your peace of mind. I'm also worried that if you do try to stay for a reasonable period, but don't join these people in this kind of misbehavior, they'll turn on you, force you out, and make it appear to be your fault.
This might be the time to deploy the best excuse for a hasty exit: a family member has become terribly ill, and you are needed to be their caregiver. Terrible timing, ill luck for you with the new job, but - family first. Repeat the story in future interviews, have your selected sick relative primed to back you up just in case. (Seriously - I've known two people to use this story who ended up hired at their next jobs because their new bosses were impressed with their sense of responsibility.)
Good luck to you.
posted by Lunaloon at 5:55 PM on November 14, 2018 [11 favorites]
And they're comfortable with showing their bad sides to a new hire immediately! SMH. No wonder the last person only lasted two weeks.
You're in a pickle, all right. A quick bail won't help your job history, and sticking it out most likely won't help your peace of mind. I'm also worried that if you do try to stay for a reasonable period, but don't join these people in this kind of misbehavior, they'll turn on you, force you out, and make it appear to be your fault.
This might be the time to deploy the best excuse for a hasty exit: a family member has become terribly ill, and you are needed to be their caregiver. Terrible timing, ill luck for you with the new job, but - family first. Repeat the story in future interviews, have your selected sick relative primed to back you up just in case. (Seriously - I've known two people to use this story who ended up hired at their next jobs because their new bosses were impressed with their sense of responsibility.)
Good luck to you.
posted by Lunaloon at 5:55 PM on November 14, 2018 [11 favorites]
Start shopping for a job, leave this off your resume for now. In the meantime, keep your head down and make the best of it. Best case scenario, you end up with a decent job in the next month or two and this one is permanently off your resume. Worst case, you have info about your local job market, you learn more about this place (and maybe it's not so bad! But I doubt that), and you've been paid in the meantime.
It might definitely get to the point where you have to quit before you get a new job, but start the new job hunt right away.
posted by gideonfrog at 6:03 PM on November 14, 2018 [8 favorites]
It might definitely get to the point where you have to quit before you get a new job, but start the new job hunt right away.
posted by gideonfrog at 6:03 PM on November 14, 2018 [8 favorites]
If you are willing to leave anyway, why not make a few tiny steps to change the culture?
posted by amtho at 6:08 PM on November 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by amtho at 6:08 PM on November 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
I think that your boss has shown her crazy... on DAY 2. BELIEVE HER! Ditch this job like the dumpster fire it probably is. If you get a new one, you don't even have to put this one on your resume. =)
posted by DTMFA at 6:18 PM on November 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by DTMFA at 6:18 PM on November 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
they said "Oh, let's not scare ButtonedUp off on Day 2! We did that to the last girl. She was only here two weeks." *cue group laughter.*
Holy shit. This sounds so toxic.
While you're searching for a new job, write down your feelings and notes before you become acclimated/gaslit to the culture. In a few weeks, you'll start to feel a sense of cameraderie and "well, it's not so bad", "they have my back", and may even start saying similar things yourself.
Don't. Get out!
posted by suedehead at 6:31 PM on November 14, 2018 [11 favorites]
Holy shit. This sounds so toxic.
While you're searching for a new job, write down your feelings and notes before you become acclimated/gaslit to the culture. In a few weeks, you'll start to feel a sense of cameraderie and "well, it's not so bad", "they have my back", and may even start saying similar things yourself.
Don't. Get out!
posted by suedehead at 6:31 PM on November 14, 2018 [11 favorites]
You probably have a probation period during which either side can give 1 day's notice. Use it to give you time to explore your options, without feeling too committed. After all, if they didn't like you, they'd have no problem terminating in that period, so why can't you do the same to them?
The thing to remember is that employers are just people or groups of people and can suck like anyone can suck. The sun doesn't shine out of them and you're entitled to decide as an employee that they're a toxic dead end that you need to get away from. Since people hold on to good jobs and bail on bad ones, there's a better than average chance that any advertised job will suck. It's them, not you. You need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
posted by krisjohn at 6:45 PM on November 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
The thing to remember is that employers are just people or groups of people and can suck like anyone can suck. The sun doesn't shine out of them and you're entitled to decide as an employee that they're a toxic dead end that you need to get away from. Since people hold on to good jobs and bail on bad ones, there's a better than average chance that any advertised job will suck. It's them, not you. You need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
posted by krisjohn at 6:45 PM on November 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
Yeah. I would be thinking about leaving if my boss called ANYONE a bitch, never mind a superior. And making fun of your clients? Yikes.
If you decide to leave, if you can, be absolutely honest when you do. In fact, you might contact that director and let her know why you’re leaving. People should be held responsible for this type of work environment. Ugh. I’m so sorry your new job is so toxic.
posted by greermahoney at 6:53 PM on November 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
If you decide to leave, if you can, be absolutely honest when you do. In fact, you might contact that director and let her know why you’re leaving. People should be held responsible for this type of work environment. Ugh. I’m so sorry your new job is so toxic.
posted by greermahoney at 6:53 PM on November 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Someone made a comment about "No snitching to HR" so I take it that I wouldn't be seen in a good light if I brought it up to my boss.
I think you're saying your boss is the one who started all the crazy talk? Don't talk to her, but go ahead and talk to HR. You're in about the best possible situation to do so - you're already thinking of leaving. And being brand new, you can easily make an excuse to meet with HR, by having questions about benefits/vacation policies/anything. Write up an objective transcript of the meeting, as far as you can, and follow it with a separate paragraph on what you found objectionable about it (this is where you'd include something like "nobody at my last job would ever say that"). Dream big, maybe your boss is already on her last warning since they scared off the last hire :)
posted by the agents of KAOS at 6:58 PM on November 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
I think you're saying your boss is the one who started all the crazy talk? Don't talk to her, but go ahead and talk to HR. You're in about the best possible situation to do so - you're already thinking of leaving. And being brand new, you can easily make an excuse to meet with HR, by having questions about benefits/vacation policies/anything. Write up an objective transcript of the meeting, as far as you can, and follow it with a separate paragraph on what you found objectionable about it (this is where you'd include something like "nobody at my last job would ever say that"). Dream big, maybe your boss is already on her last warning since they scared off the last hire :)
posted by the agents of KAOS at 6:58 PM on November 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: The whole department is so small and tight knit, I’m partially afraid HR wouldn’t be good to talk to about this. HR and my boss are good friends and neighbors. And literally everything I heard about my boss was how awesome and sweet she is (and she totally is it seems) but maybe at closed meetings she acts differently.
Since I can’t quit on the spot, I’ll continue to work here. I feel honestly way too nervous to bring this up just yet, and maybe that makes me a bad person for not working on change just yet, but I’ve been a wreck from moving and unpacking and getting used to the new job. I’m at least glad that I’m not being too sensitive and this isn’t normal. Thank you all for validating that. I have a 365 day probationary period btw.
posted by buttonedup at 7:25 PM on November 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
Since I can’t quit on the spot, I’ll continue to work here. I feel honestly way too nervous to bring this up just yet, and maybe that makes me a bad person for not working on change just yet, but I’ve been a wreck from moving and unpacking and getting used to the new job. I’m at least glad that I’m not being too sensitive and this isn’t normal. Thank you all for validating that. I have a 365 day probationary period btw.
posted by buttonedup at 7:25 PM on November 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
Just keep looking and jump as soon as you can. While you're looking you can tell your interviewers that the role you're in is temporary. It happens all the time that a relatively new hire, a month in, says something like "oh I'm so sorry to have to leave you lovely people but a company I interviewed with back a while ago and was in process with all this time has made me an offer I just can't refuse kthxbai!" -- it's a fiction, but it saves face, makes the abrupt departure easy to swallow.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:37 PM on November 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:37 PM on November 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
Exactly how small is this town? Because bailing in week one MIGHT be better than getting this company's stink (and gossip) all over you.
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 8:19 PM on November 14, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 8:19 PM on November 14, 2018 [12 favorites]
FWIW, that experience was a test and a warning for you. Yes, they are going to turn on you. It’s going to be an ugly awful experience.
Can you take a personal loan or borrow money from family? I agree they are going to taint you throughout the industry in your region so that you will be stuck working with them. I would not go back into work tomorrow. These guys will destroy your career prospects and your friends/family are giving you TERRIBLE advice about staying there.
I agree with the advice above that you’ve got to unexpectedly care for a sick family member and must quit effective immediately. Well, maybe next week once you get unemployment funding in place.
The team and your boss already saw you did not join in enthusiastically with their toxic dynamic. You are marked. Get Out. RUN.
posted by jbenben at 11:39 PM on November 14, 2018 [7 favorites]
Can you take a personal loan or borrow money from family? I agree they are going to taint you throughout the industry in your region so that you will be stuck working with them. I would not go back into work tomorrow. These guys will destroy your career prospects and your friends/family are giving you TERRIBLE advice about staying there.
I agree with the advice above that you’ve got to unexpectedly care for a sick family member and must quit effective immediately. Well, maybe next week once you get unemployment funding in place.
The team and your boss already saw you did not join in enthusiastically with their toxic dynamic. You are marked. Get Out. RUN.
posted by jbenben at 11:39 PM on November 14, 2018 [7 favorites]
It was a lot, but I thought of it as them being very nice and the job being not super popular with applicants. My boss is very passionate about her work and uses the words "family" and "love" and "needs to have a great sense of humor" to describe the team. Again, I was like, ok, "family" can be a red flag, but well, I do need a job, and I like to laugh, so cool.
Well, fast forward to day 2. We have a team meeting (about 5 people) and it turns out my boss's passion can also turn to passionate hate. "Our director is a stupid bitch." She started off with, and then everyone on the team jumped in to give their (negative) thoughts about the director. And then it hopped onto another person on HR that they didn't like. And another person they didn't like. And then talking about our CLIENTS (who are low-income, and often students) as "idiots."
"Family" together with "love" is always a red flag coming from a senior manager. I would even say "love" is a red flag coming from a junior manager. It's common enough, to where it's an expected part of learning to be a manager, for junior and low-level managers to see their teams as family. However, it is highly unprofessional to express that outright in an interview. It reeks of a culture where favoritism rules, at best. At worst, it's a sign of a toxic workplace.
A good manager, in order to allow their team growth and autonomy balanced with structure and serving company goals (because that's how companies work, otherwise there wouldn't be enough income or structure to provide you with work and pay your salary), cannot wield emotions as power. You can of course have and express feelings; it's putting them in the service of power, in a context where money is an, if not the, end goal for everyone involved, that creates fertile ground for toxic workplaces. Actual families are different because a family's goal is not to make a salary/career/profit/product/service, it's to make a family. And even families can be toxic.
Sounds like you've got the right approach, staying for now. I'd be looking elsewhere too.
I would NOT bring it up. It is not your responsibility to change toxicity, it would be highly risky and very likely to stress you out needlessly, possibly impact your reputation in the area in unpredictable ways (you have no idea who knows who), and in any case there are no awards given by society for sacrificing your well-being in the service of an impossible task.
posted by fraula at 1:54 AM on November 15, 2018 [15 favorites]
Well, fast forward to day 2. We have a team meeting (about 5 people) and it turns out my boss's passion can also turn to passionate hate. "Our director is a stupid bitch." She started off with, and then everyone on the team jumped in to give their (negative) thoughts about the director. And then it hopped onto another person on HR that they didn't like. And another person they didn't like. And then talking about our CLIENTS (who are low-income, and often students) as "idiots."
"Family" together with "love" is always a red flag coming from a senior manager. I would even say "love" is a red flag coming from a junior manager. It's common enough, to where it's an expected part of learning to be a manager, for junior and low-level managers to see their teams as family. However, it is highly unprofessional to express that outright in an interview. It reeks of a culture where favoritism rules, at best. At worst, it's a sign of a toxic workplace.
A good manager, in order to allow their team growth and autonomy balanced with structure and serving company goals (because that's how companies work, otherwise there wouldn't be enough income or structure to provide you with work and pay your salary), cannot wield emotions as power. You can of course have and express feelings; it's putting them in the service of power, in a context where money is an, if not the, end goal for everyone involved, that creates fertile ground for toxic workplaces. Actual families are different because a family's goal is not to make a salary/career/profit/product/service, it's to make a family. And even families can be toxic.
Sounds like you've got the right approach, staying for now. I'd be looking elsewhere too.
I would NOT bring it up. It is not your responsibility to change toxicity, it would be highly risky and very likely to stress you out needlessly, possibly impact your reputation in the area in unpredictable ways (you have no idea who knows who), and in any case there are no awards given by society for sacrificing your well-being in the service of an impossible task.
posted by fraula at 1:54 AM on November 15, 2018 [15 favorites]
maybe that makes me a bad person for not working on change just yet, but I’ve been a wreck from moving and unpacking and getting used to the new job.
You've been there two days. It is not your responsibility to fix this place, nor is it within your power to do so. Don't beat yourself up about this, just look out for your own wellbeing by starting a new job search immediately while also continuing to draw a paycheck at this place. You'll be OK.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 3:00 AM on November 15, 2018 [16 favorites]
You've been there two days. It is not your responsibility to fix this place, nor is it within your power to do so. Don't beat yourself up about this, just look out for your own wellbeing by starting a new job search immediately while also continuing to draw a paycheck at this place. You'll be OK.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 3:00 AM on November 15, 2018 [16 favorites]
Exactly how small is this town? Because bailing in week one MIGHT be better than getting this company's stink (and gossip) all over you.
I definitely agree that this boss/team is covered in red flags, but if you wind up leaving this job in a week or a year, you can still say (diplomatically) that you left because you received a different impression of the work culture before you started.
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:17 AM on November 15, 2018 [6 favorites]
I definitely agree that this boss/team is covered in red flags, but if you wind up leaving this job in a week or a year, you can still say (diplomatically) that you left because you received a different impression of the work culture before you started.
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:17 AM on November 15, 2018 [6 favorites]
Also- And then talking about our CLIENTS (who are low-income, and often students) as "idiots."
It sucks, but this isn't super uncommon in social service fields. The frequent combination of high stress, overwork, and low pay can breed resentment of the people you're ostensibly trying to help. Particularly when the clients and the staff are from different backgrounds and wouldn't typically come into frequent contact outside work, making it easy to "other" them, and particularly if the nature of the job means you wind up spending most of your time working with the worst/most demanding fraction of your clients (like in some caring professions, or CPS, or some types of legal aid, etc). If you aren't on guard against it, the othering can creep in, and a bad org culture can encourage and entrench it.
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:34 AM on November 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
It sucks, but this isn't super uncommon in social service fields. The frequent combination of high stress, overwork, and low pay can breed resentment of the people you're ostensibly trying to help. Particularly when the clients and the staff are from different backgrounds and wouldn't typically come into frequent contact outside work, making it easy to "other" them, and particularly if the nature of the job means you wind up spending most of your time working with the worst/most demanding fraction of your clients (like in some caring professions, or CPS, or some types of legal aid, etc). If you aren't on guard against it, the othering can creep in, and a bad org culture can encourage and entrench it.
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:34 AM on November 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
Yes, if you talk about this job in interviews, this is what you say:
You realized shortly after starting there that $currentcompany was a bad fit for you (don't elaborate, "bad fit" is just an interview-acceptable codephrase for "those people are ASSHOLES") and you thought that the most responsible thing you could do was to find somewhere else before they had come to depend on you too heavily. You think that $newcompany will be a much better fit for specific reasons X, Y, and Z. You're very excited about the prospect of working at $newcompany, etc. etc.
If they ask you to elaborate as to why you think $currentcompany is a bad fit (I doubt they will) keep it brief, concise, and unemotional—and then redirect. For instance, you can say that you want to work somewhere with a culture of positivity and professionalism, and you think $newcompany exemplifies that for specific reasons X, Y, and Z.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:35 AM on November 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
You realized shortly after starting there that $currentcompany was a bad fit for you (don't elaborate, "bad fit" is just an interview-acceptable codephrase for "those people are ASSHOLES") and you thought that the most responsible thing you could do was to find somewhere else before they had come to depend on you too heavily. You think that $newcompany will be a much better fit for specific reasons X, Y, and Z. You're very excited about the prospect of working at $newcompany, etc. etc.
If they ask you to elaborate as to why you think $currentcompany is a bad fit (I doubt they will) keep it brief, concise, and unemotional—and then redirect. For instance, you can say that you want to work somewhere with a culture of positivity and professionalism, and you think $newcompany exemplifies that for specific reasons X, Y, and Z.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:35 AM on November 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
I never say this but please leave immediately.
jbenben has translated the writing on your wall.
You know where they seemed to be “mildly obsessed” with you? And you know how the advice always and wverywhere is: people are too preoccupied with themselves to nitpick you? That *may* be good advice generally - but the exception is when people *hate* you. Then they will be obsessed with every detail about you. They’ll *seem* friendly (or in this case relatively so). Don’t give yourself away.
You are going to find one day soon that every single detail of everything you’ve done and said to them will be twisted around and used against you in one big PowerPoint presentation. Which will be your performance review. Which will go into your reference. Do not put it past them to sabotage your future career just for shits and giggles. There are people who do things like this, and it works because they are good at it, and you just found them.
Please listen to me and get out immediately. Today. Don’t wait.
posted by tel3path at 6:00 AM on November 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
jbenben has translated the writing on your wall.
You know where they seemed to be “mildly obsessed” with you? And you know how the advice always and wverywhere is: people are too preoccupied with themselves to nitpick you? That *may* be good advice generally - but the exception is when people *hate* you. Then they will be obsessed with every detail about you. They’ll *seem* friendly (or in this case relatively so). Don’t give yourself away.
You are going to find one day soon that every single detail of everything you’ve done and said to them will be twisted around and used against you in one big PowerPoint presentation. Which will be your performance review. Which will go into your reference. Do not put it past them to sabotage your future career just for shits and giggles. There are people who do things like this, and it works because they are good at it, and you just found them.
Please listen to me and get out immediately. Today. Don’t wait.
posted by tel3path at 6:00 AM on November 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
"Oh, let's not scare ButtonedUp off on Day 2! We did that to the last girl. She was only here two weeks." *cue group laughter.*
When people tell you who they are, believe them. The people you're working with have let you know what they did to the last person, and what their expectations for social behavior are - calling the boss a bitch and slamming the clients.
Get out as quickly as you can. They'll do this to you without hesitation, and make a joke about it t the next person they lure in.
posted by bile and syntax at 6:10 AM on November 15, 2018 [9 favorites]
When people tell you who they are, believe them. The people you're working with have let you know what they did to the last person, and what their expectations for social behavior are - calling the boss a bitch and slamming the clients.
Get out as quickly as you can. They'll do this to you without hesitation, and make a joke about it t the next person they lure in.
posted by bile and syntax at 6:10 AM on November 15, 2018 [9 favorites]
I'm going to dissent here. This was one meeting. They were unprofessional, sure, but you may find over time that mean gossip (possible about people who sorta deserve it?) is anomalous and that overall, it's a great group to work with. Of course you might NOT, but thinking about quitting immediately after you've made major life changes to take this job seems more like you're anxious and stressed about this huge thing you just did, and you need some time to work through that.
Give it a month. If you have the energy to job-search during that period, go for it, but you might be better off just settling in, going easy on yourself, and collecting a paycheck.
posted by metasarah at 8:41 AM on November 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
Give it a month. If you have the energy to job-search during that period, go for it, but you might be better off just settling in, going easy on yourself, and collecting a paycheck.
posted by metasarah at 8:41 AM on November 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
> I have a 365 day probationary period btw.
Ohhh my gods.
Well, look, when you find a new job, at least this one will be good for some (carefully professionalized) good stories of terrible workplaces.
(I'm on team "don't ragequit now, but yeahhhhhh keep those options open and start looking to see what else is out there.")
posted by desuetude at 9:23 PM on November 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Ohhh my gods.
Well, look, when you find a new job, at least this one will be good for some (carefully professionalized) good stories of terrible workplaces.
(I'm on team "don't ragequit now, but yeahhhhhh keep those options open and start looking to see what else is out there.")
posted by desuetude at 9:23 PM on November 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
bile and syntax beat me to it. But I'm going to say it again anyway, because it's that freaking important.
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
I'm on Team GTFO. If you absolutely, positively have no other option but to stay until you find another job, keep your head down. Be professionally friendly, but not bff friendly. These people are not your friends. At all.
Start shopping your resume around right now. No Go, no $200. Right. Now. As soon as humanly possible, find any other job on earth, and take it.
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 11:20 PM on November 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
I'm on Team GTFO. If you absolutely, positively have no other option but to stay until you find another job, keep your head down. Be professionally friendly, but not bff friendly. These people are not your friends. At all.
Start shopping your resume around right now. No Go, no $200. Right. Now. As soon as humanly possible, find any other job on earth, and take it.
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 11:20 PM on November 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Please follow up. (And please say you GTFO.)
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 3:56 PM on November 20, 2018
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 3:56 PM on November 20, 2018
buttonedup, when you can, an update would be appreciated.
And I'm Nthing this quote; the last three words are IMPORTANT:
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." -- #MayaAngelou
Source: https://twitter.com/drmayaangelou/status/609390085604311040
posted by AthenaErdmann at 6:06 AM on December 31, 2018
And I'm Nthing this quote; the last three words are IMPORTANT:
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." -- #MayaAngelou
Source: https://twitter.com/drmayaangelou/status/609390085604311040
posted by AthenaErdmann at 6:06 AM on December 31, 2018
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